Always Closer

by Amelia Harlow

  ‘How about you two head on down to the station and leave a statement with the police. It’d be good to at least leave a description of this guy with them,’ said the paramedic.

  Hudson nodded.

  We left the paramedics with Nicola, hoping she’d be okay, and we left the cafe.

  ‘Mae, you’re still shaking.’

  In the street, Hudson wrapped me up in his arms and pulled me close against his body. He heard me starting to cry, and dropped his knees a little so he was almost the same height as me.

  ‘Hey, hey, it’s all right,’ he said, with his face almost pressed against mine.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said through a sniffle.

  ‘Don’t be sorry,’ he said, with such gentleness in his voice as he pulled me against him again.

  ‘You did great in there!’ he said, ‘Lets get to the station and then get you home.’

  ‘No, no, I don’t want to go to the station,’ I said.

  The police reminded me of times I wanted to forget. If I stepped inside that station, I feared I would fall further into myself and forget that I had finally escaped all of the torment. It would feel like I was back at the start. I pushed off from him.

  ‘I’m just going to go home now, thanks for tonight,’ I said, as I began walking down the street back toward the restaurant, and my car.

  ‘Mae!’ Hudson only had to take one little hop to catch up to me.

  ‘I’ll take you home. You can’t drive like this,’ he said.

  ‘I’m fine, I’m fine.’ I was already slipping into a messy whirlwind of fear and kept walking, not quite sure of my own feet. I was struggling to see through the tears welling in my eyes.

  ‘I think you’re in shock,’ he said.

  ‘No, this isn’t shock. It’s just bringing everything back, I mean, forget it, it’s nothing. I’m okay, really!’ I smiled and tried to sound cheerful and brush it all off but the tears kept coming.

  ‘Hey, I’m not letting you drive home like this,’ he was firm this time.

  I kept walking, I was in such a daze that I only remembered Hudson was still at my side once I reached my car. I was trying to put the keys into the door with my shaking hands and saw his brown leather boots standing on the ground next to me. A soft warm hand reached onto mine, took the keys from me and wrapped me up against the warm, strong body it belonged to. Hudson held me close and walked me over to his car, opening the passenger door for me and helped me in. I was still sobbing and trying to stop my nose from running with one lousy tissue I had in my hand bag. Hudson handed me some tissues from the middle console and kept his hand on my leg as we drove through the winding streets, glancing over at me often. I told him the street I lived on, and he drove toward it without needing any further instructions.

  ‘It’s about five minutes ahead. It should be the next drive way on the left,’ I said.

  ‘I think I know the place. Unpainted wood cottage, with a dark green door?’ he asked

  ‘Yeah.’

  I didn’t feel like talking. I was so embarrassed and so worked up. All I could think about was Alex, his hands around my throat, his voice screaming into my ears and the redness of his face as it contorted in front of me. The bruises he left on my skin were healed long ago, but I could feel the raised scar on my left bicep as my thumb wandered up and down it and everything still felt too real for me. As I stared out the passenger window, the view of pine trees whirling past in a blur was intermittently interrupted by visions of the life I had run from. I’m not sure how long the car had been idling in the driveway, but when I realised I was home I turned to Hudson. He gave me a little sympathetic smile, squeezed my hand gently, got out of the car and came over to the passenger side. He opened the door for me, took my hand and helped me out. I was still shaking.

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,’ I said, still in a daze.

  ‘Mae…’ He had both his hands on my upper arms as if he were trying to steady me again and snap me out of the daze.

  ‘I’m not quite sure what’s going on here, but you can talk to me-’

  ‘Thanks for the ride,’ I said, as I slipped out of his soft grip and walked toward to the house.

  Breathing deeply with my eyes on the ground I could see Hudson’s large boots walking along beside me. When I reached the front door I dug through my bag to find my keys, I held my phone in one hand, and started piling other objects into that same hand as I continued to dig. Hudson grabbed my phone and the other things from me whilst I kept looking for my keys. Once I had the keys pushed into the front door, he gently placed all the items except for my phone back into my hand bag.

  ‘I’m giving you my number. Please call me if you need anything. It doesn’t matter what time it is, okay?’ he said, as he entered his details into my phone before handing it back to me.

  I nodded and walked inside. As I pulled the keys from the front door, I looked at the car key and remembered I needed my car first thing the next morning.

  ‘I need my car tomorrow morning,’ I said out loud to myself.

  ‘Here, give me the keys.’ Hudson took the keys from me, pulled the car key off the chain and gave me back the others.

  ‘It’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll leave the key under the door mat,’ he said.

  ‘Oh that’s too much effort, I’m sorry, don’t do that,’ I said with my hands over my face, trying to think of another solution.

  ‘It’s no trouble. Go get some sleep,’ he said, as he pulled my hands from my face and gave me a soft kiss on my forehead.

  CHAPTER THREE

  HUDSON COOPER

  At the police station, I gave the constable as much information as I could about the scumbag at the cafe and then drove on home. My mind was going crazy thinking about Mae, worrying about her at home, hoping she was all right. I just wanted to drive back and knock on that green door. I wanted to lay down beside her, and stroke her soft blonde hair until I could feel her fall asleep in my arms. There was something going on in her head that I couldn’t understand, and I wanted to know what it was. She really worked herself into a state and I felt so bad for her, thinking maybe she had been in Nicola’s situation before. That thought made me so angry, and so sad for her.

  I hit the waves the next morning with a mate that had come down from the city for the week. It felt good to be out in the water, it always helped to clear my mind. Tom and I walked out on the point as far as we could go, carrying our boards under our arms. The rocks weren’t too sharp under our feet, but they became smoother the further we walked along the point. We threw our boards down below and jumped into the water after them. The coldness of the water on my face woke me up and snapped me into the moment.

  ‘Race ya!’ said Tom, as his arms dug into the water and he started speeding away from me.

  I paddled on after him, splashing him in the face and then tipping him off his board when I passed him. I powered ahead laughing. Tom was a lot smaller than I was so it was pretty easy to tip him off his board with one hand.

  ‘Bastard!’ he shouted, as he clambered back onto his board.

  I beat him of course, and I sat up on my board once I passed the breakers, with both of my arms in the air, victorious.

  ‘I’m beat,’ said Tom, out of breath as he finally reached me.

  ‘Big night?’ I asked.

  ‘You know it! You should have come out with us. Probably would’ve had a better time than looking after that chick,’ he said, taking a deep breath, ‘so, what are you gonna do about her anyway?’

  The sun was coming up over the hills, sending streaks of purple, pink and red through the sky above us.

  ‘I don’t know, just give her space I guess.’

  ‘Yeah, but she’s probably really needy. Like, she’s probably waiting by the phone, gettin’ pissed at you for not calling or something.’

  ‘Nah, I don’t think she’s like that. She seems really independent.’

  Tom sighed. ‘All right. But, you know it sounds like she’s gonna
be another head fuck.’

  ‘Careful mate.’

  ‘Look, you know I’ve loved Jen, she was a top chick, but fuck, she really pulled you down with her. Just be careful is all I’m saying.’

  I didn’t say anything. I was thinking about Mae again.

  ‘Do you really wanna get caught up in someone else’s shit again?’

  ‘Nah, I guess not…But really, what are the chances of that happening?’ I said.

  ‘Well, Jen had everyone fooled. I never would’ve guessed that she was a drug addict. How could anyone have guessed that? You were so close to her and had no idea. I mean she was a top lawyer, she really had her shit together, or so it seemed. You get what I’m saying?’

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘Anything is possible mate, there could be some other drama lurking within this new chick.’

  ‘I guess it took me nearly two years to figure Jen out.’

  ‘And then when you did, look how she treated you. You went above and beyond to help her, and she threw it all back in your face. It’s just a waste of time. If it’s weird and hard early on, I don’t think things will change. Move on to the next one.’

  ‘We’ll see,’ I said. I didn’t know what Mae was dealing with. Maybe she was just shaken up by the thought of a creep running around town.

  ‘Huddy! We’ll see? Fuck… she must be a ten.’

  ‘Come on.’ I tried to deflect the conversation.

  ‘But really, she must be pretty hot?’ Tom tried to lighten the conversation.

  ‘Yeah, she is. She’s really hot,’ I said, before I started to paddle in on a wave.

  I looked over my shoulder and saw the wall of water building behind me. I paddled hard, digging into the water and propelling myself forward, then the wave pulled me back into it, and as I was carried up the face I jumped to my feet. I turned the board to the left, riding across the face of the wave with the lip curling over me. I was surrounded by blue rushing water until I shot out the other side.

  ‘Wooooo!’ I shouted.

  I rode the board up over the lip and jumped off into the air then dove into the dark water.

  ‘Yeaaaaah!’ I heard Tom call as I emerged from below.

  ‘She’s pumping!’ I shouted back.

  Tom paddled in on the next wave and ate shit. The nose of the board drove itself straight down into the water. He washed up next to me and was treading water as he pulled at the leg rope and dragged his board back toward him.

  ‘Nice wave,’ I joked.

  ‘Ride of the day I reckon,’ he said.

  We paddled back out together, and I couldn’t help but think maybe Tom was right.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  There was a knock on my bedroom door. I sat up in the bed and tried to open my eyes, they were sore and dry from crying most of the night.

  ‘You awake love?’ I heard my dad’s voice through the door.

  I was always up before him, so I looked straight to the clock and realised I had overslept.

  ‘Yep! Give me two minutes! Sorry!’ I called through the door.

  ‘You’re all right,’ he said, as he walked down away from my door, his footsteps creaking the old floorboards below.

  I threw on my blue jeans and a grey t-shirt, pulling my boots onto my feet as I hurried out the door.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ I asked, as I sat down in the car next to him and turned the keys in the ignition.

  ‘Not bad,’ he said, looking down as he twisted the wedding band on his finger.

  I could tell he was nervous, though he tried to act tough. He turned on the radio and sung along to an old blues song I didn’t know the words to as he drummed the beat on his legs with his hands. The sun shot through the windscreen and we both pulled down our sun visors. The meadow to the left was lush and green, with the dew still sitting on top of the blades of grass, shining in the morning sun.

  At the hospital, I parked the car and unbuckled my seatbelt.

  ‘I want you to go home,’ said my dad.

  ‘No you don’t,’ I said, as I opened my door.

  My dad grabbed my arm. ‘What if Gerry is in there, huh?’ he asked.

  ‘Don’t worry about that,’ I insisted, ‘he’s not the brightest guy, and my hair’s blonde now, so I’m pretty sure I’ll have him fooled even if we do cross paths,’ I said jovially.

  I hadn’t told my dad much about Gerry, only that he was an acquaintance of Alex. I’m not sure what business him and Alex had, but I knew that it wasn’t the kind that was above board. He usually came to Alex, begging for money, pleading for more jobs. I got the feeling he was Alex’s muscle, his job being to keep people in line for him. I was surprised when I saw him at the hospital, and even more surprised to see he was working there as an orderly. I had been working at the hospital for a while without any problems, and then one day I bumped into him in the cafeteria.

  ‘Well, well, well, look what we have here!’ Gerry said excitedly.

  I was in shock and didn’t respond. My heart was pounding, my palms were becoming sweaty and the coffee I had in my hand was shaking and spilling over the lip of the cup. He leant in close and stared right into my eyes.

  ‘Oh girl, Alex has been looking all over for you.’

  ‘Don’t tell him I’m here, please.’ I looked around, hoping no one in the cafeteria was hearing this conversation.

  ‘It seems like you’re worth quite the fortune,’ he said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘He’s put a nice little target on your head. I could turn you in right now, and walk away with a big chunk of cash.’

  There was no way Alex would pay money to find out where I was. He wasn’t a man of his word.

  ‘If you know Alex as well as I do, he won’t be giving you a cent.’

  I could see Gerry processing this. Alex was powerful enough to never have to keep his word and we both knew it.

  ‘I’ve never liked that guy. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t turn you in,’ he threatened.

  ‘Please. Please don’t. I’m begging you. I don’t want any trouble, with him or with you.’

  ‘Fine, but you’re going to have to find a way to keep me quiet then,’ he said.

  I could see the ideas turning over in his head.

  ‘You’re going to get me whatever drugs I want from the supply room, whenever I want it.’

  ‘That’s crazy! You know I can’t do that. It won’t last long, they’ll find out it was me and this will all be over really quick.’

  ‘I guess you better not get caught then if you want your little secret to be safe with me. Figure it out, you’re a smart girl,’ he said, then walked away.

  Not only was he asking me to do something highly illegal, he was asking me to find a way to make a really difficult thing work for a prolonged period of time.

  I didn’t know whether or not to trust him, but I didn’t have much of a choice. My dad had just started chemotherapy for his lung cancer and I wasn’t going to abandon him. I thought about quitting at the hospital, but I was making a decent wage there which was enough to support my dad and I. Jobs were hard to come by in this town, and I kept thinking about my dad, who needed my help.

  It didn’t take me too long to come up with a plan to steal the drugs for Gerry. I didn’t want to do it, I felt sick about it, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I began by administering medication to patients from larger vials than usual, which would leave me with left over medication or, waste. The waste would have to be disposed of and witnessed by a registered nurse when being disposed. Because the nurses were always so busy, with twenty different places to be in at once, they never, or very rarely watched me dispose of it. I collected the vials daily and gave them to Gerry at the end of his shift. A collection of Morphine and Hydromorphone would leave the hospital every day and no doubt end up in Gerry’s blood stream. This routine went on for a month. Alex hadn’t shown up at the hospital, and I began to feel a little more in control of the situation. Gerry however, kept pressuring
me for more, and the only way I could do this was by stealing from patients, cutting them short on their dosages.

  One night, I stayed back late at the hospital, to give myself more time to accumulate more drugs. I thought about stealing drugs directly from patients drips, but this was something I couldn’t bring myself to do. I had the syringe in my hand, ready to stick it into the tube and withdraw the liquid, but I couldn’t do it. There was already so much guilt building up inside of me for what I was doing, I started to feel sick. I felt weak and hot all over, I rushed to the bathroom then fell in a heap over the toilet bowl and vomited. I couldn’t go on like this, I thought about moving my dad and I to another town, but he was so weak, it would be a lot of stress on him. He had already begun his treatment here, and it was better for him to stay.

  When I walked out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see Gerry turning into a room down the hall. He had already left for the day, I had given him the vials that afternoon and he shouldn’t have been back until the next day. The hospital was quiet, and I crept down the hall toward the room, wondering what he was doing. I thought maybe he had come back to try and steal drugs himself, and thought maybe it would be a good chance to catch him in the act, and use it against him somehow. I took my phone out of the front pocket of my trousers, set it to video and hit record.

  When I moved my left eye over the door frame, I almost dropped my phone in fright. Gerry had a pillow pushed over a patients face, smothering him. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I slid my phone into my pocket and ran into the room.

  ‘What are you doing!’ I shouted, as I tried to pull him off the patient.

  ‘Stay out of this,’ he said very calmly, ignoring my attempts to intervene.

  I reached for the emergency call button, but Gerry threw a punch at me and knocked me to the floor. I was disorientated, but managed to reach up and hit it anyway before collapsing again.

  ‘Fuck!’ Gerry threw the pillow down on the empty neighbouring bed, then grabbed me around the throat with one hand.