Always Closer

by Amelia Harlow

  Hudson’s hand was still holding mine when I noticed the time on his watch and pulled it towards me to shift the glare from the sun and get a good look at it.

  ‘I didn’t realise the time, I’m going to have to get going! Would you mind if we headed back now?’ I asked.

  My dad’s chemotherapy appointment was in half an hour.

  ‘Sure, no worries.’ He removed his hand from mine and sat up. Looking back over his shoulder he smiled at me and looked at me in a way that said he liked what he was seeing. He looked so good and I wished I didn’t have anywhere to be, so I could stay on the beach with him and run my hands over his body all day.

  We gathered up our things, and this time I carried my own bag. Hudson still carried both the boards under those big beautiful arms. When we got back to the carpark, he rinsed the boards under the shower then stood them against the wooden fence behind it. I put my bag down, ready to rinse myself off in the fresh water where Hudson was already standing with his head tilted back under the stream of water. His body arched back a little and my eyes were drawn to the way he moved, each twist and turn highlighting a new bulging muscle. I tried to look out at the ocean, but my eyes kept wandering back to him.

  He stepped out from under the shower towards me, reached out his hand and pulled me in with him. We were standing so close that my breasts were brushing against him. The water ran down between us as he slid his fingertips down my arms. I looked up at him, then he leant in closer with his hand sliding against my neck and behind my head, directing me towards his mouth. Our open mouths and wet lips began sliding across each others with an urgency for more. The feeling of his tongue pushing against mine sent a wave of pleasure across my body, hardening my nipples and urging me to take more of him in. I sucked on his lip as he grabbed my butt with both his hands and pulled me against his body where the large bulge in his shorts was. Our mouths took in as much they could, sliding into, pushing against and sucking each others. I could feel him hardening against me and I wanted to feel more, so I gently I rubbed my body against him. A deep moan vibrated from his throat, then he withdrew from my lips and let his warm breath fall over my neck as he kissed his way back up towards my mouth.

  ‘I could do this all day,’ he whispered in my ear.

  His voice gave me the warmest feeling. I titled my head back as he kissed further up my neck.

  ‘I could easily let you.’

  I felt so light, like I was floating. My body urged me to keep going as it pulsed hard in every sensitive area. I wanted to wrap my legs around him again and feel our bodies press together even tighter. I could still feel him hardening against me and it made me want to reach down into his shorts and make him moan again.

  Hudson was still kissing my neck when I remembered I still had to get my dad to the hospital. I pushed him gently away.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said with a deep breath out, ‘but I really have to get home.’

  ‘Let’s go,’ he said with a smile, before moving towards the boards and tucking both of them back under his arms.

  Hudson put the boards in the back of the utility and threw his bag onto the back seat of the cab. I watched him from inside the car as he turned away, appearing to readjust himself in his shorts. I thought about what he might look like, how he would taste and how he might feel. My thoughts were running wild.

  He jumped into the drivers seat and looked over at me, smiling. He looked even bigger and more muscular in such a confined space.

  ‘You don’t get motion sick do you?’ he asked

  I wasn’t sure why he was asking. ‘No, not normally.’

  ‘Good, because we’re going to take a shortcut.’

  I looked at him curiously.

  ‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine! Just a little bit of off road fun!’ he said, as he stretched his arm out behind my seat, turned his head over his shoulder and began to reverse. The car swung around and we drove straight towards a narrow dirt track between the trees. Before we could reach it, Hudson stopped the car. He reached over and tugged at my seatbelt, checking it was secure. The belt remained locked into the buckle.

  ‘Really? I’ll be fine right?’ I teased.

  ‘Minor safety precaution!’ he said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ve only rolled my car a handful of times.’ His face was dead straight before breaking into a cheeky smile.

  I smiled back a him, shaking my head, and reached for the hand grip above my door. As the wheels moved onto the gravel track, the vibrations shook through the car. I was still aroused and the feeling from the vibrations sent some satisfaction between my legs, but it was a small amount of relief compared to what I needed, what I was craving.

  We bounced over the dirt and the car felt as if it were lifting off the ground with each jump. It was loud inside the car as various things were rattling around inside it. A big jump came, it was the kind that you can feel in your stomach. At the same time we both let out a similar sound, not a word, but a sound that sat somewhere between surprise, excitement and fear. I could hear Hudson’s deep laugh over the sound of the engine and vibrations, I’m not sure he could hear me laughing, but he glanced over at me and saw my body convulsing a little. I had to use a lot of my strength to steady myself in my seat so I wouldn’t hit my head into the car door. Hudson had a firm grip on the steering wheel, his muscles tight and shaking when we drove over a very rough part of the track. He kept glancing over at me.

  ‘Eye’s on the dirt mister!’ I shouted, as the car slid about on the sand.

  ‘I’m just making sure you haven’t lost consciousness!’

  The car began to slow and up ahead I could see a steep hill, a wall of almost vertical dirt.

  ‘Do you think we’ll make it?’ he asked

  ‘Haven’t you done this before?’

  He didn’t answer my question but smiled at me as he put his foot down on the accelerator and headed towards the hill. As our speed grew so did the height of our bodies bouncing in the seats. Hudson ducked his head and kept lower to avoid hitting his head into the roof. He was so tall that even this big car didn’t seem so big with him in it. We began to climb up the dirt wall, holding tight onto whatever we could. The ocean and the sky were at an angle outside my window as we both let out that same yell and powered up the hill. The engine was grunting as we climbed higher. Eventually the front of the car levelled out and came to a stop, and I finally loosened my grip from the handle.

  ‘Made it!’ said Hudson.

  ‘That was intense! You know, your seats look softer than they are.’ I laughed, as I readjusted myself.

  ‘Agreed, they’re not the best! It’s possible to break your arse right?’ said Hudson, as he rubbed his.

  ‘I’ve seen a few good coccyx breaks, that’s definitely possible, one of my patients had come in…’ I trailed off, realising what I had just said.

  Hudson looked at me, intrigued, ‘One of your patients?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘You used to work in medicine?’ he asked, with excitement.

  ‘Yeah.’ I was thinking of how this could all turn on me, and leave me with a lot to explain.

  ‘So you can fix my broken arse?’ he said.

  A nervous laugh echoed from my chest. ‘I’ve never fixed an arse before.’

  ‘What sort of things have you fixed?’

  ‘Not much really, I was just a nurse, not a doctor or anything serious like that.’

  ‘Just a nurse? Nursing is serious business!’ he said, as his fist bumped my arm, ‘You nurses do a lot.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I said, as I smiled and looked down at my feet, ‘it can be pretty demanding.’

  ‘For sure! I know I couldn’t do it, hats off to you,’ he said.

  ‘Well, I quit, so ….’

  He turned his body in his seat more to face me.

  ‘So nothing, you were still a nurse, and you should be proud of it. Not everyone can do it.’

  I shrugged with a shy smile and raised up my palms. ‘But I can’t fix your arse.’<
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  He laughed, ‘Maybe you can’t fix my arse, but you did do really well with that girl at the cafe. You had that under control.’

  ‘I hope she was okay.’

  ‘Yeah me too,’ he said, ‘do you mind if I ask why you quit nursing?’

  ‘I’d love to keep working as a nurse, it was just that I was having a few problems with one of the staff.’

  ‘Oh, right, they must have been pretty serious problems for you to leave?’

  ‘Everything got really messy and it was just better if I got out of his way.’

  The thought of Gerry still holding my future in his hands made me nervous again.

  ‘Can we get going? Sorry, I should probably be back by now,’ I said.

  ‘Oh yeah, of course.’ Hudson took his foot off the break and we began to move forward with the blue water behind us as it glistened in the sun.

  ‘Well, I hope the trouble has stopped for you now that you’ve left,’ he said, as he steered the car over the small rocks and gravel.

  ‘So far, so good!’

  Hudson looked over at me and nodded.

  ‘I hope this part of the track is a little softer!’ I said, over the sound of the vibrations.

  ‘I doubt it!’ He grabbed my hand and placed it on the grip bar that stuck out off the dash. ‘Better hold on tight!’ he said.

  His touch was warm against my cool skin and I wanted him to touch me again, but his hands were now locked on the steering wheel as we rumbled down the hill. I could hear the small rocks and pebbles hitting into the metal of the car and could see the dust and dirt flying out behind us in a grey cloud from my side mirror. The back of the car slid out a little and I let out a little scream. Hudson looked over and laughed, then the car slid out again and I suspect he did it on purpose. I screamed again, and he laughed harder. I loved the way he smiled when he laughed, with his eyes scrunched up and eyebrows pushing upwards at the middle of his face, it made it impossible to be mad at him for trying to scare me. I was gripping hard onto the bar in front of me and the handle above my door as we shook in our seats all the way down to the bottom of the hill.

  ‘You can let go now.’ Hudson looked at my hands and I loosened my grip, watching the white of my knuckles returning to colour.

  ‘I must be the bravest person you know,’ I said sarcastically.

  ‘So brave!’

  The car rolled over the soft grass towards the road.

  ‘But in all seriousness, something tells me you’re a pretty brave person.’

  I could tell that he was trying to get me to talk about the scars on my back without directly asking, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to forget about the past and be happy again, I didn’t want any more dark revelations to emerge so I continued to joke with him.

  ‘You’re right, I don’t even sleep with a night light on anymore. And I’ve stopped checking for monsters under my bed! Sure, it was only last week but it totally counts.’

  ‘See, I told you I knew it!’

  Luckily he wasn’t going to push the subject. There was one last rumble of the car as we left the field and set down on the smooth road.

  ‘You’re probably braver than I am. I still check for monsters,’ he said, with a straight face followed by a cheeky smile, ‘I did cry like a baby when this happened to me though.’ He pulled up the leg of his shorts to reveal a very large purple scar on his thigh. It was about fifteen centimetres long and a few centimetres thick.

  ‘Wow, how did you do that?’

  ‘We had a big shed on the property when I was a kid-’

  I cut him off. ‘A kid? Well of course you cried!’

  ‘Yeah, I guess so,’ he laughed, then continued, ‘so, anyway, we had this big shed and I’d always play in there, me and my friends would run around all over the place. My dad always told us off, said there was plenty of other places to play and that it was too dangerous in there, but young boys aren’t going to listen! So, we were jumping off the loft area onto the ground below, and on one jump I got too close to the end of a workbench and slid right onto a piece of metal that was wound into the vice. It was overhanging a little bit and I didn’t see it, but I definitely felt it!’

  ‘Ouch! How many stitches did you need?’

  ‘I think about fourteen, it was pretty messy. The shed looked like something out of a horror film!’

  ‘I bet.’

  There was a slight pause.

  ‘So, what did you do to get yours’ he asked, ‘the ones on your back?’

  ‘Oh, nothing,’ I said, and looked out the passenger window.

  ‘Nothing?’ he asked, confused, ‘You would have had to have done something to get those.’ Implying they were as large and hideous as I thought they were.

  ‘Look. I don’t want to talk about it okay?’ I snapped and turned to face him.

  He looked shocked at my sudden change of mood.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,’ he said, as he fixed his eyes on the road and didn’t ask any more questions for the rest of the drive.

  The thought of what Alex did to me still made me sick. It made me sick every time I saw, felt or thought about the scars, and this was the first time I had been asked to talk about them. It made me very uncomfortable. I had turned away from Hudson and was looking out the window. The silence in the car was overwhelming as I kept my eyes on the passing fields. Hudson must have been too nervous to speak to me again, and I felt bad for snapping at him, but I didn’t want to bring up those memories and relive the event. It was rude of him to push me to talk about it. I thought maybe it was best if I just didn’t see him again.

  Hudson steered the car down the long driveway to the front of the house as we sat in that continuing silence. We reached the house, he put the car in park and jumped out to get my bag. By the time he came around to my side of the car I had already got out and was waiting for him.

  ‘Thanks for today,’ I said, as I took the bag from him and turned towards the house.

  ‘You’re welcome,’ he said, unsure of his words.

  I heard the wheels move on the gravel and the sound of the engine disappear up the driveway.

  My dad was sitting on the couch, dressed and ready in his tan coloured pants and button down short sleeve shirt. He would always dress nice for events that most people wouldn’t find the need to. Wearing pants and a button down shirt on an airplane and to his chemotherapy sessions at the hospital felt natural to him. I was still wearing my bikini with my towel wrapped around the lower half of my body when I walked through the door.

  ‘Morning, love,’ he said

  ‘Hey.’

  ‘Early morning dip?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said as I shuffled my flip flops from my feet, ‘sorry, I think I’m bit late, let me just throw on some clothes and we’ll get going.’

  ‘No rush, we’ll get there when we get there.’

  In my room I changed into my light blue jeans and a white tank top. I didn’t feel the same need to dress up for the hospital as my dad did so I slipped my flip flops back on as we shuffled out the front door. The leather seats of the car were warm from the morning sun, and it felt nice against my back where my hair was still damp and cool against my skin.

  ‘I don’t want to worry you, but I had a missed call from Alex this morning,’ said my dad.

  ‘What?’ My heart was racing as countless thoughts began racing through my head.

  I had told my dad almost everything about Alex and why I had to leave him, but focused more on his controlling nature and not so much the violence. It would hurt my dad to know the things Alex had done to me.

  ‘Don’t worry, he hasn’t called again, it was just the one,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t understand why he’d even think to call you. As far as he knows I’m not speaking to you,’ I said, trying to work through the possibilities out loud.

  ‘He must be getting desperate to find you,’ he said.

  ‘That scares me.’

  ‘Don’
t worry love, we’ll make sure he doesn’t.’

  ‘You don’t know what he’s like though. If he’s getting this desperate, he will make sure he finds me.’

  ‘And what’s the worst he could do if he does?’ he said, thinking that thought was reassuring.

  ‘Honestly, I don’t even want to think about that.’

  Alex could hire someone to hurt me and I know he’d never get caught. The way he managed to twist situations and manipulate people made me think he could easily get away with murder.

  ‘Worst case scenario, you go to the police and get a restraining order,’ he said.

  ‘He’s too clever, he’ll never do enough to warrant me getting one. He’ll just show up and it’ll be too late.’

  ‘Let’s not think about that, hey? He doesn’t know you’re here, no one knows you’re here. It’ll be okay.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess so,’ I said, thinking about Gerry. Gerry knew I was here, and there was only one thing stopping him from speaking to Alex.

  ‘There you go, love. Nothing to worry about. I won’t ever answer the calls from numbers I don’t know, I barely use the thing anyway.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said.

  We drove onwards, and I couldn’t help but try and find an answer as to why he’d call my dad. It scared me to think that he was actively looking for me. I was worried for my safety when I was with him, and I was still worried for my safety after I had left. I wondered if I would ever be free of him.

  We pulled up at the hospital, and I parked the car at the entrance making sure I took a good look around before getting out as I didn’t want to accidentally see Gerry. I walked over to the passenger side of the car and went to help my dad out, but he was managing fine on his own.

  ‘You should go home and enjoy yourself for a few hours, just pick me up when I’m done,’ he said.

  ‘Dad, I want to be here for you.’

  ‘You’re here for me every day. Go on, take some time for yourself. Between work and running around after me, you haven’t got much time left in your day you know?’ he said. ‘I’ve got this great book to read anyway.’ He held up a thick novel in his hand.

  ‘Are you sure?’ I wasn’t in the best head space to be good company anyway, so I considered leaving him to read.