He swallowed hard. “That’s my sister. Will I be allowed to see him?”
She studied the computer monitor and then shook her head. “It looks like he checked out yesterday.”
Yesterday. He’d just missed him. “Did he complete the program? That wasn’t thirty days.”
“It doesn’t look like it,” she said, with a sympathetic smile. “A lot of people struggle to make it through the first time. It’s very intense.”
He nodded. His father had dropped out. What happened to wanting to come back to them a better man? Anger rose in his chest, replacing the empty hurt he’d walked away from Erika with.
So close to seeing the man after all this time and he was too late.
Not that he would have gotten the chance to see him anyway, according to the center’s rules, but just knowing he was there, getting help, taking the necessary steps to get his life on track again would have been almost enough.
Obviously his father still couldn’t put their family first.
He cleared his throat. “Did he leave an address or phone number?”
She shook her head. “We couldn’t give it out even if he had,” she said. “I’m sorry.”
He hit the ledge with his fist, then backed away as her eyes widened. “Sorry... I’m sorry,” he mumbled, hurrying out of the clinic and back into his truck. His heart pounded in his ears and his mind was a mess.
Coming to Anchorage had been a huge mistake. There was obviously nothing here for him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“FORTY-NINE... FIFTY,” Tank said, taking the weight bar from Reed and setting it back in the holder. “Great job, man. Maybe one day you’ll be lifting as much as me.”
Reed was hardly in a joking mood. When his buddy had suggested the early morning workout session, he’d thought it might be just what he needed to blow off steam and ease some of the pent-up anxiety from the last few days. First, the argument with his sister, then the breakup with Erika—he was having the shittiest week of his life. He still hadn’t been able to wrap his mind around the situation with his father, and despite Cassie’s attempts to talk, he wasn’t ready yet.
He was a mess.
Unfortunately, the workout was making him even more annoyed. Or rather his workout partner was.
As pissed as he was at Cassie, he was starting to get her frustration with Tank. He knew Tank’s situation was complicated, being a single dad and all, but why was he keeping Cassie at bay, stringing her along and using her as a babysitter but never giving her what she needed. After his own experience with Erika, being in love and getting completely crushed, he understood how his sister must be feeling all the time.
It sucked, and it was time to call his friend out on it.
Tank leaned back on the bench and Reed handed him the weight.
He pumped out his reps fast and hard, but when he was finished, Reed didn’t take the bar.
“Hey. Wake up,” he said.
“I’m wide-awake,” Reed said.
“Well, take the bar.” Tank’s crazy big biceps started to wobble under the two hundred pounds. “Reed, what the fuck, man?”
Reed took it and set it back. He didn’t want to crush his friend, just get through to his big skull.
Sitting up, Tank shot him a look as he wiped his face with a towel. “You pissed at me now?”
He was pissed at everything and everyone lately. Keeping his mouth shut was what he wanted to do, but he couldn’t. “Why do you think it’s okay to string Cass along like this?”
His voice echoed off the concrete walls, and several people running on treadmills glanced their way.
“Cass and I are friends,” Tank said. His tone clearly revealed that he thought this was none of Reed’s business.
Maybe it wasn’t. But right now he needed to try to make sense of this whole love bullshit. If people cared about one another, they should be together. No excuses, no running away.
He couldn’t get Erika to see that and it was too late for his father to realize it, but maybe his friend and sister had a chance.
“You know she wants more than that,” he said, quieter this time. Everyone knew everyone in Wild River and Cassie would kick his ass if she knew he was interfering.
“She knows I’m not able to give more. Reed, I’ve never mislead your sister.” Tank guzzled some water from his bottle, then added more weight to the bench. “I’ve always been straightforward and honest with her.”
“But you care about her?”
“Of course.”
“So, don’t you think she deserves to hear the truth—that you’re just not into her that way? Let her move on?”
“It’s not as simple as that.” Tank removed the weights and put them back. “I’m done.”
With the conversation, too, apparently. But Reed wasn’t. “It’s not fair to her.”
“Life isn’t exactly fair to any of us. Look, man, just because people can’t commit the way you want them to, doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. And just because you’re feeling something real for the first time and shit’s not working out for you, don’t take it out on the rest of us who have been struggling with the same complicated shit for a long time.”
Reed swallowed hard. His buddy was right. His relationship with Cassie was none of his business. “I just don’t want to see Cassie get hurt.”
“Hurting her is the last thing I want to do. I’m dealing with things the only way I can.”
The way Erika was dealing with things the only way she knew how. Why was life so messed up? Why couldn’t things work out for someone, just once? He sighed. “Whatever you and Cassie are doing is none of my business. I shouldn’t have called you out like that.”
“You’re protecting your sister, I get it. That’s what families do—they look out for one another.” Tank tapped his shoulder as he headed for the showers.
Families look out for one another.
An hour later, Reed arrived at Snow Trek Tours, a bell chiming above the door as he entered. Cassie sat at her desk, her head bent over a financial statement. Her blond hair was held back with reindeer antlers and the Christmas tree in the corner of the office was decorated with camping gear, skis and snowshoes. She looked up as he approached. “Hi, how can I... Oh hey.”
“How are you?”
“I’d be better if my older brother would stop ignoring me,” she said with a small smile.
“Yeah. I’m done being a dickhead.” Ever since they were kids, they never let arguments last longer than a few days. They were too close to let disagreements—however big—get in the way of their friendship. He cleared his throat. “I, uh...went to see Dad when I was in Anchorage.”
She took a deep breath. “And?”
He shook his head. “He wasn’t there.”
Her shoulders sagged. “Sorry, Reed. I know you were hoping...”
She didn’t have to finish the sentence.
“So, anyway, I was wondering if you have plans tomorrow night.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels.
“Christmas Eve?”
“I hear there’s a ‘drown your holiday sorrows by getting shit-faced at The Drunk Tank’ party if you’re interested.”
She laughed, relief appearing on her face at his attempt at putting the argument behind them. He still had no idea what to do about his newfound knowledge, but he’d get through one thing at a time. They’d get through it as a family.
“Brother, I’ve been attending that party for years. Am I to assume you’re joining me this year?”
“I’ll be there with bells on.” If he was going to drown in holiday heartache this year, at least he’d be in good company.
* * *
IT HAD TO be the quietest Christmas Eve on record for the hospital. Even the emergency room was quiet...except for the usual suspects—seve
ral older patients who claimed to be having heart attacks. Fortunately, it was only the stress of family visiting causing their mild, nonthreatening chest pains. Erika was certain that for some, they just wanted an excuse to leave the house for a while. The only patient she’d treated so far was an eight-year-old who’d stuck his tongue to a frozen pole on a dare and was being treated for frostbite.
Big, thick snowflakes fell outside her office window, creating the perfect Christmas Eve weather. She drew the blinds. Her office might be the only place completely void of any sights and sounds of the holiday. No artificial tree, no decorations, no snow from a can on her windows. A perfect refuge.
Sitting at her desk, she opened her inbox and was relieved to see several emails marked urgent from her father. They should help keep her mind off the place she longed to be. The person she longed to reach out to. She hadn’t heard from Reed since the day in the elevator, but his disappointed expression had haunted her. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him walking away.
Work. Focus on work.
She opened the first email from her father, but a new one arriving in her inbox caught her eye.
From Tom Marshal—the man she’d performed the tracheotomy on weeks before.
Subject line—Merry Christmas.
Ignore it and focus on work.
It was Christmas Eve. One holiday e-card wouldn’t kill her. She opened it and an animated scene started on the screen. She watched, alternating between laughter and tears as the JibJab video reenacted the man’s camping trip in the Wild River mountains.
The avalanche, the rescue... He’d even found her medical school graduation photo online and superimposed her into the video, arriving in a doctor’s lab coat to save his life on the side of the mountain.
The video ended with him safe and sound in the hospital room, surrounded by his family. The photo of him they’d used was one of him hooked to machines after his surgery.
Obviously, the family appreciated his second chance at life and were dealing with the accident the best way they knew how—with humor.
Then the caption appeared on the screen.
I wouldn’t be here this Christmas without you being there that day. Merry Christmas, Dr. Erika. You’re our superhero. —The Marshal Family
The lump in her throat constricted her airways, and it was a relief to know the emergency room wasn’t busy, in case these overwhelming feelings decided to kill her.
She’d received thank-you emails, cards and even flowers from families in the past, but something about this one felt different. It touched her.
She typed a reply to the family wishing them a Merry Christmas and then sat staring at time ticking away slowly on the bottom of her computer screen.
This night was dragging on.
Ignoring the other emails, she opened Facebook. It was a mistake, but she did it anyway.
Having fifty-six friends, it didn’t take her long to scroll through the new posts. Stopping on Cassie’s, she felt a wave of remorse so strong she struggled to breathe. She’d promised her friend things would be different this time... She’d promised Reed.
And if she could only find that work/life balance everyone talked about, maybe things would be different. She’d be able to keep that promise.
So far, she’d been unsuccessful. The next day, no matter how busy she was, she was taking time to call her friend to say Merry Christmas.
Maybe she should do her own JibJab video...
Lord knows, she had time.
Scrolling through her friend’s recent posts, she scanned the photos of Cassie and Arlene decorating her artificial pink Christmas tree, Diva passed out on the homemade, quilted tree skirt with all four paws in the air. The red-and-green boots on the puppy’s feet and matching sweater made Erika smile and tear up all over again.
Damn, she even missed the dog.
Next were pictures taken at the Christmas parade the week before. Cassie, Tank and Kaia looked like they belonged on a Christmas card. Their smiling, happy faces with the holiday backdrop made it impossible to know that the three of them were dealing with their own issues.
Or maybe they weren’t anymore. Had at least one of them gotten their happy ending in time for Christmas? Just in case, Erika made a Christmas wish that her friend would get what she really wanted under her tree that year—a six-foot-two hunk of solid muscle who was also a single dad.
Pictures posted just an hour before made her heart skip... Christmas Eve at The Drunk Tank. Pictures of Cassie, Tank, Wade, Tyler, Tiffany and a redhead she was immediately envious of with her arm around Reed. The picture had her longing for a Christmas Eve that she hadn’t had since her mother’s death. One surrounded by family and friends... People she loved. A man she loved.
She stared at Reed’s smiling face, committing the image to memory to replace his look of sadness and disappointment on the day they ended things. Watching him walk away had been hard...but the reality that things were over between them hadn’t hit until now, when she was alone and the silence of her downtime only screamed how lonely she really was.
What she’d give to be there with them.
Damn, that trip to Wild River had been such a huge mistake. She’d been okay with her life until she’d experienced an alternative. She hadn’t been able to miss what she hadn’t known existed.
She hit Like on the photo and forced herself to shut down the app.
Checking her watch, she hesitated before calling downstairs to her father’s office.
“Dr. Sheraton’s office.” His assistant, Kam, sounded as though she were counting the final seconds until she could go home to be with her family. It was almost eight o’clock. Her father should have let the woman go at noon... But he’d never put emphasis on the holidays. Not since her mother died. Neither of them did. There were no decorations in his home, no Christmas CDs in his car. He didn’t send out greeting cards and his assistant bought her own gift. The holidays were just two days they had to get through—nothing special.
Unfortunately, they did mean something to her this year.
“Hi, Kam...is my dad still here?”
“Yes, he is. Can I place you through?”
She suddenly wasn’t exactly sure why she was calling. “Um...no... I’ll come by.” She needed the elevator ride to figure out what to say.
Not that it had helped her before.
In fact, she wasn’t eager to enter the space where Reed’s scent seemed to linger, haunting her, so she took the stairs instead.
Five minutes later, she made up her mind that she would invite her father to go somewhere, anywhere, for Christmas Eve dinner. At this point, she’d settle for Chinese takeout. It may not be traditional...but they had no traditions anyway. She just wanted to be with family.
When her mother was alive, things had been so different. Every year they’d gone out the week before Christmas to cut down their own tree. They’d decorated in traditional holiday colors, the old handmade ornaments stirring warm and comforting memories... And they’d watch Christmas movies together every night, taking turns selecting the titles. Her mother always loved the overly sentimental made-for-TV ones and her dad used to tease her about it, then they’d catch him tearing up at the end, as well. Of course, he’d blame his watery eyes on the scented candles...
Could they ever get that family connection back?
Kam wasn’t at her desk when Erika reached her father’s office.
Good. Maybe her dad had finally sent the woman home to her family.
Knocking on his door once, she turned the knob and entered.
She came up short seeing several doctors on the clinical trial team sitting around her father’s desk, studying the latest reports.
Had she missed a meeting memo? She didn’t remember seeing one scheduled on her calendar. Damn, had she messed up again?
“Was there a meeting t
oday?”
Her father met her gaze squarely. “We’re going over the first week trial results.”
Without her? “Did you buzz my office? I was in there.”
“No, I didn’t.”
The other team members avoided her eyes.
What the hell was going on? “Can I talk to you? In the hallway?” she asked her dad.
He checked his watch. “We’re in the middle of something here, Erika. It’s Christmas Eve—these folks would like to get home soon. Can it wait?”
Was he kidding? Her spine stiffened. “We could talk in here if you’d like,” she said tightly.
He stared at her.
She didn’t dare flinch.
“I’ll be right back,” he told the group. The fact that he didn’t immediately admit it was an oversight and invite her to join the meeting spoke volumes.
“Why wasn’t I invited to this?” she asked the minute they were in the hallway.
Kam reappeared at her desk and glanced their way with a sympathetic look. Erika’s stomach twisted. She had been purposely excluded.
And why the hell hadn’t her father let Kam go home to her kids yet? Christmas Eve might mean nothing to him, family might mean nothing to him, but it did to most people.
She forced her pulse steady as she waited for an explanation.
“You have a lot on your plate right now,” her father said.
She gestured to the nearly empty waiting room down the hall. “Not really.”
“Well, you wouldn’t know by your lack of attention to detail lately.”
Her mouth gaped and she slammed her lips shut. True, she’d been a little distracted when she’d first returned, but it hadn’t taken her long to get back to her old self—her old workaholic self...
She wasn’t sure that was a good thing, but it was certainly what her father wanted.
Yet, it obviously wasn’t enough. “The vacation threw me off a little...but that’s over now.” She swallowed hard, an image of Reed burned into her mind.
The redhead in the picture was there, too. Who was she? A date? Had he moved on already? She felt sick.
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