Affaire de Coeur

by Stephanie O’Hanlon

  The Marquise stood up and excused herself, saying she had a headache, and went off to bed. It was almost like a signal for all of us to make our way to ballroom, like naughty children awaiting their parents to go to bed before they caused trouble.

  We all made our way to the crescent-shaped ballroom, where all the lights from the back garden and fountain were bouncing off of all the long gilded mirrors and making the room literally sparkle. A small orchestra was set up and waiting, striking up the music as soon as the first guest entered.

  Why didn’t we have music during the meal? I wondered. I would have liked hearing music while eating.

  Some of the guests were in the Petit Galerie des Glaces, getting caught up in there and going the long way around to the ballroom. Colette and I stood in the center of the room. A dark head of hair filled the side of my left eye, and I turning as Armand walked up to us, bowing and looking to Colette.

  “May I have the pleasure of a dance, Mademoiselle?”

  She looked into his eyes and nodded lightly. Her smile vanished and an almost sullen look took its place. She was off, dancing around, anyway. Two other couples danced along with them—one that was bon ton in town.

  I tilted my head to the side, watching as they were obviously talking. Though, Colette’s expression remained unchanged. I did not know what to make of it. I then turned to see Lucien standing beside me, his hand on my back.

  “May we take a moment to sneak away?” he whispered, my eyes coming to his.

  I nodded, and both of us walked as casually as possible to the set of doors leading to the terrace, slipping out them, and running back into the empty salon. We then quickly made our way through the dining room and out into the foyer.

  We looked around. The laughter from the ballroom caught our attention for a moment before I looked to the chapel, pointing to the closed doors. “Here! We can hide in here.”

  We ran over to it. Lucien opened the door and pulled me through it, closing it quickly. He turned to me, grabbed hold of me, and kissed me passionately. My whole body went tense in his arms, holding onto him tightly. I would have thought the dark, cavernous, and dome-shaped room was the worst possible place for such things, but falling into Lucien was so simple! So easy that I barely noticed we were in a place of God. Never mind that the Abbé had only just taken my sins a few days ago as I now committed new ones.

  He pulled away from me, breaking our kiss for only a moment. Looking my face over, he said, “This is a sin. I hope you know.”

  “Are you going to refer to kissing me as sin so often?” I asked, smiling.

  He nodded. “Oh, it has to be a sin. Feeling like this has to be a sin.”

  He kissed me, again. Just as passionately as before. My hands went up to his face and cupped it, pulling away for only a moment as he kissed my cheek and neck.

  “Oh, God. I love you.” I panted, and both of us stopped as soon as we realized what had just escaped my mouth.

  He pulled away from me, looking me in the eye. “You…I’m sorry?”

  I backed away from him, my breath getting caught in my chest as I swallowed hard, and trying to think of words to explain myself. I had said it! Something I had been thinking for how long?

  “I…I…” I felt my whole face go scarlet, right to my ears, and tears filling my eyes. “I…Oh, my God.”

  He walked toward me and grabbed my hands. A faint almost overcame me. “Madeleine, are you all right?”

  I shook my head. My stomach churned as I looked up to him, our eyes meeting.

  He kept my gaze for a moment. His hand went up to my cheek, where it rested. His voice lowered to that coo. “I love you, I…do. I love you.”

  My whole body heaved deliciously, shaking in his arms as I smiled. Leaning toward him, our lips met half way. I burned feverishly as his lips struggled against my own, his body pressing against mine as he pulled me into him. My mind ran over a burning prayer of hot desire as I tried to fight it, but it was idle to struggle against passion.

  “Come to my bedchamber,” I whispered breathlessly.

  “Madeleine—”

  I put my index and middle finger against his mouth, cutting him off. “Take your leave, and dismiss your carriage to the stables. Your valet can take care of anyone who might talk. He is here, is he not?”

  “Yes, he is at the stables.” He nodded, unsure and wanting to still protest.

  “Then, take your leave. Meet me in my bedchamber. Go around to the servant’s entrance. Make your way to the staircase and up to me. I will retire and be waiting for you.” I almost didn’t know what I was asking. What I was going on about? “It is the first bedchamber to your right.”

  He nodded reluctantly, turning and leaving the chapel first. My whole body throbbed with anticipation. My legs felt weak with what I did, what I had set in motion!

  I ran back to the ballroom, watching as Lucien told the Marquis he was taking his leave. The Marquis nodded, bowed to him, and watched him dash out.

  I found Colette, who was batting her lashes prettily at Armand while he smiled at her. I interrupted them as I approached.

  “Where have you been off to?” she asked.

  “Oh, I have a bit of a headache. I really think the heat is getting to me. I went for some air, but I am going to go off to bed.”

  She nodded. “Oh. Well, yes. You should. I think I will be up dancing until dawn. Armand was going to turn me around the floor again, I think.” She smiled to him seductively as he took her hand. “Night, Maddy.”

  I turned from her, starting to make my way out of the room and into the salon. “Good night.”

  As soon as I was out of sight from people, I took off my slippers, lifted my skirt up, and ran up the staircase. I skittered across the floor before my bedchamber, where I ran inside and closed the door. I stood with my slippers in my hands, looked down at them, and threw them on the floor. A knock came to the door, startling me as I turned. I opened it for Lucien, who ran inside, and I looking around quickly.

  “Your maid is on her way. I must hide!”

  He looked around, trying to find some place to hide himself.

  I pushed him toward the door to the boudoir, opening it and shoving him inside. I closed the door just as Brielle walked inside the room, curtseying to me. “I heard you were not well, Mademoiselle. Would you like your bath and then to make your couchér?”

  I shook my head lightly. “No, I think actually that I may just sit up for a while. I will call you back if need be.”

  She looked me over, her face twisting in confusion. Nonetheless, she curtsied and nodded before turned and taking her leave.

  I sighed heavily and turned toward the door to the boudoir, opening it slowly and calmly. Lucien had his arm casually resting against the frame of it.

  “Do you want to tell me why I am crazy enough to be up here right now?” he asked.

  I shook my head, looking at my hands. “I don’t know.”

  He sighed, looking toward the frame and away from me. “I suppose a man stakes his all for a kiss.” He looked back at me, walked into the room, and looked around it.

  “You don’t have to be here, Lucien. Not if you don’t want to,” I said, keeping my eyes to my hands awkwardly.

  He turned to me, grabbed my hands, and lifted my chin up to look into my eyes. “No one said I didn’t want to be here. This is just…this is complicating things even more, Madeleine. Someone could walk in here, someone…do you not wish to be married before giving yourself to someone?”

  I scoffed. “What does marriage have to do with being in love and giving yourself to someone? Marriage just says you are obligated to give yourself, not that you truly want to. Lucien…”

  He put his hands on either side of my face. “You have to believe I love you more than anything, Madeleine. There really are no words for it. Do you know how many times I stopped myself from writing that in my letters, saying it aloud? For fear of scaring you.”

  I shook my head. “I was thinking the s
ame thing. I just—it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are here, and we can make of it what we want…what you want.”

  He pulled me into him, holding me close for a long moment before nodding. He stepped away from me, took off his justaucorps, and tossed it on the end of the bed. He then loosened his solitaire and unclasped the stock. The loose collar from his blouse flopped down to his shoulders. His waistcoat was next, thrown on the bed.

  He then stood before me, holding up his hand and motioning me to turn around, which I did. Bending down and putting his hands under the overskirt of my gown and lifting it up, he found the ties underneath and loosened them. He then turned me around and unpinned the front of the bodice, pushing it over my shoulders and off me, tossing it on the pink velvet chair in front of my vanity. He then unpinned my stomacher, throwing it on the chair as well.

  Next, he helped me to take my petticoat and panniers off, tossing them much the same, by my vanity, and not saying a word as he did so. He got me down to my chemise and stays, which he also unfastened at the back, helping it off of me.

  I stood before him in nothing but my chemise, looking up at him as he looked in my eyes. He took a deep breath before he nodded once again, walking toward me and lifting me up in his arms and carrying me over to the bed. He set me down gently as he climbed on top of me, his blouse loose around him.

  My breathing picked up. An event that I thought was being postponed due to the technicalities of undressing was suddenly upon us. His eyes never left mine as my body shook with fright, but that all melted away as soon as he kissed me. That slow, unending kiss. Lucien tried to breathe me in as his lips pressed softly against my own.

  I felt his hand move my chemise up as his hand caressed my leg. My whole body tensed as I wrapped my arms around his neck, our kiss not breaking for even a moment.

  He broke away from me as he lifted the back of his blouse up, over his head, and tossed it on the floor. His bow and bag was now askew as he leaned down to me. Long, silky strands of his hair fell on my shoulder.

  I was suddenly very aware of his hips pressing into mine, his passion obviously quickening and pressing against me. This only excited me further, my legs coming up and gripping hold of him tightly.

  I was a fool, again! Why would I postpone such moments with a man I so obviously loved? I adored him! Of course, that didn’t stop my face from blushing as he removed my chemise. I now lay naked before him, though he didn’t look at my body. He focused on my eyes, leaning back down to me to kiss me, again.

  His right hand moved from my hip up my body, caressing my stomach and side until he reached my breast, only grazing it with his thumb as his hand moved more to my back. I nearly let out a scream in delight in the process.

  Then came the moment of truth. He took off his breeches, tossing them aside just as carelessly as his clothing previous. His sudden, naked form was in front of me.

  I saw every line on him, every muscle, all the smooth contours from his hips up to his stomach, his hard chest and broad shoulders, strong arms, and hands. Not a hair on him, other than between his legs—a place I could not look to for long, as my face blushed so scarlet, I started to sweat. Whether it was the heat or the passion of the moment, I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t really think to ask myself.

  He lowered himself slowly on top of me, taking a moment to kiss me before he pushed into me, something that was a bit of a struggle and quite painful. Making love with Lucien was quite the same as his kisses: slow, agonizing, and deliciously amazing. Though, the real agony was in the beginning.

  I had to stop myself from crying out in pain, from almost screaming out to him to stop. Instead, I did as Colette had said when speaking of her first time making love with Vachel. She never told him to stop. She held her breath and waited. The pain slowly lulled away into pleasure, which in my case, it did rather quickly.

  I bit my lip, smothering my face into Lucien’s shoulder. I tried to keep quiet as best I could, though it was extremely difficult. Lucien kept his composure quite well. Most of his pleasure played on his face, which I looked up to often, because I liked the shock it sent through me when our eyes met.

  I put my hands on his back as he buried his face in the pillow behind me. His thrusts slowed until he finally stopped, withdrawing quickly and letting out a moan that was stifled from the pillow. He lay down on me, his whole body relaxing.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sitting up in bed with my legs crossed under my nightgown and my hands folded in my lap, I watched as his chest rose and fell rhythmically. Lucien’s silky hair fell into his face as he slept.

  How long have I been watching him sleep?

  I looked over to the clock, my hair loose and swaying around me. The time was just past one. Colette didn’t come running up to me. I assumed she thought I had already gone to sleep.

  I looked back down to Lucien, my Lucien. His beautiful face relaxed as he slept. His dark brown hair was loose around him. The linens did not cover his broad shoulders and half of his smooth chest. I looked up to his face. His sensuous lips and his shaven, silky face glistened from the dying candlelight around the room. I noticed even in sleep with his face relaxed, his lips pursed together lightly, though the corners of his mouth weren’t turned up in a smirk.

  I slowly put my hand on his chest over his heart, feeling it beat against me. His left hand came up and took mine gently, startling me, though his eyes remained closed. He didn’t let go of it. He held my hand close to his chest, even as I leaned down and rested my head on his shoulder, cuddling up into him. I closed my eyes and drifted off, back to sleep.

  He stood by the vanity when I turned over in the linens, his cream taffeta breeches gleamed in the candlelight as he buttoned his golden brocade waistcoat. He had his dark hair gathered back in his large black ribbon and bag, and the buckles on his shoes caught my eye. He looked to me and smiled. His solitaire fixed in place in a perfect bow.

  “You are leaving?” I asked, sitting up. I pushed my mass of torn, powdered curls off my shoulder, running my hand through them gently. I looked to the window. The sun only just started to rise, and a warm glow filled the room.

  “Yes.” He walked over to me, standing at the foot of the bed as he adjusted the lacy cuffs on his blouse. “I must make away to my own bed, though I would much rather stay in yours.”

  I crawled over to him, kneeling on the bed in front of him as I looked down to my hands. “Stay…please?”

  He gave a little laugh as he raised my chin with his finger. “I will be back. What makes you think I could stay away from you?”

  I smiled faintly as he turned from me, grabbing his justaucorps off the little armchair by my bedside. I got out of bed, finding my peignoir and putting it on as we tiptoed to the door. I looked up into his beautiful, blue eyes, letting my hands rest on his shoulders. A staggering pine released deep within me. “Please, don’t go.”

  “I will not be gone long. Only for a few hours. They cannot find me here. You know of the rumors that would rip through the city. We agreed that discretion is the best way to go.”

  “They would be true rumors. I invited you into my bed, you spent the night with me, and we were intimate with one another. It is all true, Lucien.”

  “Yes, but that is frowned upon for a lady such as yourself. I do not wish you to have a reputation similar to your dear friend, Colette. You deserve so much more than that. I will not let that happen to you. Never mind my own reputation.”

  “Do they really speak of her as such?” I asked. I never heard anything about Colette. I must not have been as invisible as I thought. Surely, they didn’t speak of her while I was around, because I was her friend.

  He nodded as he ran his fingers through my hair, pushing it off my shoulder once again. “The women of Paris often gossip. Colette is usually one of the subjects of that gossip.”

  I looked down at my feet. “What do they say of me?”

  He smiled. “They don’t. At least, I have not heard.”


  I sighed. “Invisible as always.”

  “Just the way I like it. Invisible to everyone but me, so I have you all to myself. I can see you. I can see you right now, right here in front of me. Every radiant, blonde lock of hair and those wonderfully amazing, Paris-sunset, violet eyes. Whatever makes you think me saying a sweet farewell to you right now is easy? Even if it is only for a few hours.”

  “Then stay. I will hide you here.” I smiled lightly, almost hearing Colette’s laughter at the scandal of me hiding a man in my room…hiding Lucien in my room.

  He smiled at me, leaned down, and gently brushed his lips against my own. “This is not goodbye. It is good night. I shall return in the daylight hours, just for you. Just as I always do.”

  I pouted lightly, frowning.

  He raised my chin up and looked me in the eyes. “Always good night. Never goodbye.”

  I nodded. Tears tried to break through as he leaned into me, brushing his lips against mine.

  He was about to turn to the door before he stopped and turned back to me. “Do I still have your permission to write?”

  I smiled, nodding. “Of course.”

  He smirked, leaning down to me once more and kissing me sweetly before he dashed out. No doubt he ran down the steps and to the servant’s entrance.

  I turned toward the bed, crossing my arms and rubbing them, feeling a little chill in the room. I pulled back the linens and coverlet, ready to get back into bed when I saw the stains on the linens—not only from Lucien, but myself. Blood inked the off-white sheets.

  I groaned. I will have to figure out how to fib my way out of this one…

  I looked about the room, knowing that I could most certainly fib my way out of the bloodstain. My cycle was already quite irregular. The other, Brielle would notice. She was the one who did my linens, tended to me.

  What will she say? Will she tell the Marquis?

  The little table by the door out of the room had a basin, a pitcher of water, and a linen towel on the edge of it. Ready for me to wash my hands and face in the morning.