Affaire de Coeur

by Stephanie O’Hanlon

  I shook my head, trying to pull my linens off of me. “I’m too hot.”

  Colette shook her head, pushing my shoulders down and stopping me from ripping the linens off. “That is the fever. You must stay covered up.”

  “You said I need to stay as cool as possible—”

  “After the fever has broken.” Her green cat-eyes fixed on me, seemingly compelling me to lay back and let her pull the linens and coverlet up over me, which I surprisingly did. She looked over her shoulder to Brielle. “Could you bring us a fresh pitcher of water?”

  The maid nodded and curtsied before dashing out of the room.

  Colette wrung out the cloth and began dabbing it on my face and neck, again. My hand came up and grabbed hers as I looked at her. “Was it all a dream?”

  Her face smoothed out as a deep look of sorrow or pity crossed her.

  I looked down at the end of the bed where Toulouse was curled up. “I guess not.”

  “I sent word to Rose. She is going to tell him that you are sick.”

  I sat up, shaking my head. “No! Don’t!”

  She pushed my shoulders down. “Madeleine, you need to calm down. You need to stay calm.”

  Tears filled my eyes as I shook my head. “Do not tell him I am sick!”

  “Why?” she asked, her eyes pleading with me.

  “He does not need to feel sympathy for me. He does not want to feel sympathy for me.” I grabbed her hand, again. “Please! Colette, promise me! Please!”

  She hesitated, sighing heavily and nodding. “All right. Not a word to him.”

  I laid back, another wave of nausea overcoming me. “Good.”

  Brielle entered a moment later. She set a pitcher down on a little table that had been brought into the room, beside Colette and in between her and the bedside table. She tipped it, pouring the water into a glass and holding it while Colette helped me sit up.

  “You need to drink this…lots of fluids.” Colette handed me the glass.

  I shook my head. “If I drink that, I am going to vomit everywhere.”

  “So be it. It gets something in you,” she said, pointing to it.

  “Not for long. It will be coming back up, again!” I snapped.

  “Madeleine, drink the God damn glass of water!” she yelled, her face stern. Her green eyes glared at me.

  I reluctantly took a delicate sip. The cool water ran down my throat and into my stomach where it surprising calmed it. I was going to pour the whole glass down my throat, but Colette stopped me before I was able to let the thought become an action.

  “Don’t drink it too fast. Then, you really will be sick. Perhaps a little later we will get you some soup. See if that sits well with you.”

  I sipped at the water, again. My eyes started stinging and filling with tears. Being taken care of was surprisingly comforting…except, I wanted Lucien to be the one taking care of me. “What time is it?”

  She didn’t even both looking at the gold watch on her wrist or to the clock on the mantle. “Around ten. You fainted and have been sleeping ever since—about three hours.”

  I ran my hand over my head. My hair was taken out, the curls torn and a mess.

  “Don’t worry. We do not care how you look.” She smiled lightly, dabbing at my neck with the cloth.

  I looked her gown over—the orange cream frock—and almost wanted to laugh. “What a strange nursing outfit.”

  She looked down at her gown and back to me. “I thought I would look my best for when you vomited all over the floor.”

  I closed my eyes tightly and wiped my face, obviously devoid of rouge and much else, other than sweat and the dampness the cloth left. I could just imagine how terrible my reflection was.

  “You should get some rest.” Colette’s voice broke into my thoughts. “I am sure that you will feel better tomorrow.”

  I looked over at her tiredly, my stomach churning. “Tomorrow?”

  She nodded. “Yes. Here.” She picked up a little glass, filled a quarter way with a clear liquid. “Drink this, and it will help you sleep.”

  “A sleeping draught?” I asked, taking it.

  She nodded again, waiting for me to drink the contents. It tasted medicinal and like alcohol. The effects were quite quick, making my whole body relax and helping me to fall asleep easily. My eyes slowly closed as I felt Toulouse make his way up my body and curl up on my legs.

  I was suddenly outside, the rain pelting down. I was wearing a ball gown—the same gown that I had worn for my birthday celebration. My thoughts were fixed on how the dress was getting ruined, how such a beautiful thing should be preserved, but I knew my thoughts should have been elsewhere.

  I was in the garden of the Du Lorme home, by the fountain. The rain tapped on the still water in the base of it, nothing but a roar filling my ears. Where was I supposed to be going? I was supposed to be doing something. My thoughts needed to be elsewhere.

  Then, I remembered! The carriage! I needed to find the carriage. I needed to run around to the front of the house. I was looking for someone! At this revelation, I tried my best to run around the fountain, which felt like an impossible feat. It was so large. I felt like I was running out of time. I needed to get to the front of the house!

  When I was finally able to get around the vast fountain, my father stood before me. His kind, soft green eyes, and mustached face stared into me. His tall, slim figure before me.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I have to get to the front of the house, to the carriage.” Could he sense the agitation in my voice, as he could in my letters, just from my pen stroke?

  “You cannot go there.”

  I looked to him, surprised. The rain soaked me to the bone, and a chill came over me. Would I ever get warm? “I have to.”

  He shook his head.

  I ran as fast as I could. Colette suddenly took my hand and turned me toward her.

  “Maddy.”

  “I have to get to the carriage!”

  “It is already gone.”

  I stopped. My eyes fixed on her, and my body shook. “What?”

  “It’s gone. You are too late.”

  I shook my head frantically. I wasn’t too late! I couldn’t be! I had to get there. I was close, so close! I was only a few feet away from turning the corner of the large palace and making my way toward the front fountain, where the sparkling carriage would be waiting.

  I pushed her out of my way, but she barely budged. I didn’t have the strength. The chill that came over me was starting to affect me. I could barely see through the rain, and the harsh cold from it made me want to scream in pain. I tried to ignore it, running as fast as I could, though that wasn’t very fast. It felt like hours before I was able to run around to the front of the house where the carriage sat. The gleaming, gilded carriage! That is where I was going. That is what I needed.

  I ran toward it. The black-clad driver sounded the whip, and the carriage pulled away. It turned around the fountain and started toward the path. It was impossibly slow but faster than I could go.

  I screamed for it to stop. It had to stop, but they wouldn’t listen! I ran toward it, finally catching up to it. I tripped and fell within inches of the back wheels, bracing my fall as best as I could.

  I hurt all over; the fall shook me to my very bones. I looked at my hands where a tattered letter, completely soaked, was clutched within my fingertips.

  I had lost! I didn’t make it. They wouldn’t stop!

  I wept, a cry shaking me. A sudden, harsh pain came over me as my eyes burst open, finding myself sitting in my tub. Water was being poured over me from a pitcher—water that felt so cold, I thought it was going to tear my skin off! I sat, shivering in my nightgown, which clung to me. Leopold, Colette’s cousin, sat next to the tub, holding me up as Colette frantically told Brielle to rush and find the physician.

  I closed my eyes, opening them to being wrapped in a sheet, half of my hair soaked and my throat dry. A physician stood at the bottom of my
bed, holding my foot over something as I felt a sharp pain.

  I called out. Colette raced to my side and held my hand. “It’s all right, Maddy. It is going to be fine. The doctor is going to make you better.”

  What is he doing?

  “It is a normal procedure. Don’t worry about it.”

  He is bleeding me, isn’t he?

  The whole room spun as I fell out of consciousness.

  I awoke to Colette sitting in the chair next to the bed, her head against the back of it with her eyes closed.

  My foot throbbed as I shifted under the linens and sat up slightly. Her head turned to me, and her eyes opened. They widened as she sat up straight, she hopped off the chair and rushed to me.

  “How do you feel? Don’t sit up. Just stay as you are.” She put her hands out, stopping me.

  “My foot.” I sighed heavily, my hand coming to my forehead. My mouth was dry, and my lips as well, pulled tight and uncomfortable.

  “The physician had to bleed you. It was the only thing that would break the fever.” She sat down beside me, taking a glass filled with water and holding it in front of me.

  Thankfully, my stomach wasn’t as sick as it was before. I took the water and drank it slowly, draining the cup.

  She sat forward and pulled the rope, ringing for Brielle. She came up with a pitcher of fresh water and poured me another glass.

  “You gave us quite a scare,” Colette said, her voice low, seemingly to save me from loud noises.

  “What happened?” I asked, taking the glass again and sipping at it.

  “You were whimpering and calling out. I had only left for a moment. When I came back, you were pulling your clothes off and nearly screaming about how much it hurt. I didn’t know what to do.” Her eyes filled with tears, recalling the horrifying sight. “The maids started to fill the tub and Leopold put you inside, but it was not working. So, we called the physician. It was not until he bled you that we were able to get the fever to break.”

  I felt the sting in my foot, thinking about the pain I had felt. I looked toward the window, a dull light in the room. It was obviously daytime, but the sun was stifled by storm clouds.

  “Was it raining?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “No, why would it? It only clouded over this morning.”

  “What time is it?” I looked over to the clock, reading it, but my mind was unable to understand it. I was still tired.

  “Just after one.” She took my glass from me and filled it, again. She hadn’t dressed for the day. She was still in her orange cream gown. Little waves and loose curls escaped from her hair, and the dark purple strands fell into her face.

  Her eyes looked tired, and her face was a little pale, as if it had lost that golden, sun kissed color. Her shoulders also slumping slightly. Even her stays couldn’t keep her tired body fully at attention.

  I looked to the glass as she handed it back to me, taking it and sipping at it once again. I looked up at her and cleared my throat, which was still a little sore. “You didn’t…you didn’t send word to him…Did you?”

  She shook her head. “No. I cannot speak for Rose, though I did send word to her that you are sick. She wanted to be updated as much as possible. She is going to be by later this afternoon. She will watch over you until later on this evening. Then, I will take over, again.”

  “Isn’t that what the servants are for?” I asked, looking to my glass tiredly.

  She looked at me, taking a moment before inhaling a delicate breath and shaking her head. “This is something I would not trust them with. Besides, I would be up worrying the whole time, and they would run to me and inform me, anyway. So, there is no point in me being anywhere but here.”

  I nodded, my forehead suddenly icy cold. I felt terrible.

  What is wrong with me?

  “You look a little better,” she said, pushing my hair off my forehead and brushing it behind my ear.

  “Compared to what?” I scoffed, sipping at my water.

  “I didn’t think it was possible for you to look paler. Though, you certainly did in the middle of the night, when you had your little fit. Your cheeks were bright red, and the rest of you, right down to your fingertips, were white as a ghost.”

  “Must have been an attractive look,” I frowned.

  She smiled, taking my hand and drawing my attention back to her. “Do you want some soup? Just a little broth or something.”

  I nodded, agreeing to it. If I don’t eat, then what? Will I waste away?

  She stood up, turning to Brielle, who was already making her way out of the room. She turned back to me. “If you need to use the chamber pot, you will need to have Brielle or myself help you. I don’t think your legs, or your foot for that matter, will be able to take it.”

  I thought of such an embarrassing thing—using a piss pot in front of my friend, in front of Brielle. Did I have much of a choice?

  “What if I wish to leave the bed?” I asked.

  She looked to me, confused. “Why?”

  “I dislike being confined to the bed. I believe you will remember my escapes while I had my cycle,” I said, swallowing hard, almost strained.

  She nodded, sighing heavily. “I suppose that is true. I am going to change before Rose gets here. We shall all speak of it then, all right?”

  I nodded as she left the room, closing the door behind her. I looked around the room, my eyes coming back to the bed. Toward the end of it was where Toulouse sat spread out, his body looking long and flat.

  I smiled as I looked beside me at the empty spot on the bed where Lucien would normally be found. I felt a large pain in my chest, and my whole body received a shock through it. I saw Lucien’s face before my eyes, which quickly filled with tears.

  I silently wept, and my shoulders shook. The large pain struck again, and my tears suddenly pooled and streaked down my face until I felt my stomach heave, almost vomiting. My hand quickly went to my mouth, covering it. As I shook my head, my whole body shook. I slowed my breathing, taking large breaths and calming myself before I wiped my tears away. Though they were no doubt red and glassy, anyone would be able to tell I was crying, unless they attributed it to my illness.

  How I longed to have Lucien there, have him comfort and hold me. I wished I had awoken in his arms, not some strangers while being placed into a tub with freezing water poured on top of me. It wasn’t freezing water, was it? Even I knew that tepid water was the best for such fevers. Why was I convinced it was so painfully cold?

  Rose walked into the room, and Brielle followed her with a bowl of soup on a tray in her hands.

  “There you are.” Rose walked over, leaned over me, and kissed my forehead. “What is all this about? Trying to scare the living daylights out of us?”

  I smiled weakly as she sat down. Brielle placing the tray on my lap. The smell of the broth made its way up to my nose, making my stomach ache. I was unsure if I was hungry.

  The rain started to lightly fall, tapping on my window. Brielle ran over to it and pulled the crank, closing it.

  “Are you all right?”

  I turned to Rose, who looked worried and pale, much the same as Colette. Though, her eyes were not as tired. Her dark orange gown shone in the light, and I couldn’t help thinking it was more of a gown one would wear in the evening, for an event of some kind.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. I feel awful. Though, I might as well. I wonder if he’s happy knowing how ill I am. I suppose it would be payback for my alleged infidelity.”

  She frowned. “Don’t say that. There was no infidelity. You know that. Even he knows it. He is just angry, probably ashamed of himself. Give it a little time, darling. He will come around, again.”

  My eyes filled with tears as I shook my head. “No.”

  She looked down at my bowl, pointing to it. “Eat your soup.”

  “I am sorry if I have kept you from events,” I said, a tear escaping. I quickly wiped away, discarding her order of eating what was befor
e me.

  “I had no plans this evening. Do not be going on like that. Do you know what will make me happy?” she asked, her brown eyes warm and slightly comforting.

  I shook my head.

  “If you eat that soup,” she said, smiling lightly.

  I smiled back at her, nodding as I dipped my spoon into the brownish, clear broth. I brought it to my lips and sipped it slowly.

  Colette walked in moments later, in a golden robe à l’Anglaise with bright, yellow ruffles everywhere, including the open robe, a yellow ribbon lining the neckline, and a little bow in the center.

  Brielle quickly brought her another chair, setting it beside Rose’s.

  “Thank you,” she said as she sat down, looking to me. “I see you have gotten her to eat.”

  Rose nodded. “I am a miracle worker.”

  “A real medicine woman,” Colette quipped back, folding her hands in her lap.

  “Are you both going to watch me while I eat?” I asked, dipping my spoon in, again.

  They both nodded, Colette squirming in her seat. “It is a riveting study.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course it is.”

  I had only taken about three spoonfuls, yet I was full. I was certain if I ingested any more of it, I would just heave it back up, again. I pushed it away from me. Even the smell started to get to me.

  “That’s it?” Colette asked, Brielle coming up behind her to take the bowl. She put her hand out, stopping the maid. “You need to eat more than that.”

  I shook my head vigorously. “No, I can’t. I will be sick if I do. Even the smell is agitating me. Please, take it away.”

  Brielle quickly swooped in before Colette could object, turning and heading out of the room with the bowl.

  “Well,” Rose said, looking around my room. “What shall we do?”

  Colette smirked as she looked at me. “Cards?”

  Rose’s face went alight. “Oh, yes! Piquet?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think I have the capacity to remember the rules and understand such a thing.”

  Rose smiled largely. “Even better. It gives us a chance to win!”