Affaire de Coeur

by Stephanie O’Hanlon

  “What happened?”

  She ran up to me, her hand on my shoulder, comfortingly.

  I put my hands over my face as I turned into her, trying to suppress my tears.

  “Did he hurt you? Was it Cognet?”

  I shook my head, trying to wipe the whole scene from my mind.

  Was this going to be a regular occurrence? Was I going to need Lucien, my chevalier, to be there at my rescue from those who wished to further themselves and get into my bed?

  Chapter Thirty-One

  I awoke alone in my bed.

  I had expected to turn over to see Lucien beside me, his arms open invitingly, but he was not there. That side of the bed was cold. I sat up, my head aching and my eyes feeling heavy—obviously from the emotion I had expelled last evening, Cognet’s actions were still fresh in my mind.

  When I had arrived back at Rose’s apartments, I quickly wrote a note to Lucien, telling him that I needed to speak to him in the morning about something important. I assumed that if I wrote him a note saying I needed to speak to him, he would not let me get away with not speaking about it. I would be forced to tell him of the events, and both of us would face the situation and sort it out, whatever the consequences.

  I felt a hollow space in my chest, and my body shook as I stood up. Yvonne entered the room and helped me to bathe and dress for the day—something I did in a worried daze. I made sure to take the time to write Lucien after I was dressed and before I had breakfast, asking him to visit upon me due to an important conversation that we needed to have.

  I walked out of the room and into the dining room, making my way through the parlor to the salon where Rose sat. The Gazette was in front of her and a cup of coffee in her hand.

  “Did we receive any messages?” I asked as I sat down, noticing that Rose and I matched. She wore a light yellow ensemble with ruffles and lace, and I was wearing my daisy print gown that I had not worn since May.

  She shook her head, looking up at me. “No, we haven’t. Is Lucien not here? I assumed he would have been in your bed with you all night.”

  I shook my head. My fingers went up to my left earring—the earrings he had given me—stroking it lightly. “He said he was going to be there when I woke up this morning, but obviously, he is not.”

  “Do you want something to eat?” She pushed a plate of sliced brioche toward me.

  I shook my head. “I can’t eat. Something is wrong.”

  “Oh, Maddy darling,” she said, putting the paper down. “Don’t be silly. I am sure he just got caught up. Maybe the King wanted an audience with him.”

  I shook my head, brushing a nonexistent hair behind my ear. “No, he would have written me if he was not going to be able to make his promise.”

  She looked me over. “What happened last night? You are upset by something. Did Colette cause a fuss over something?”

  I shook my head, again, “No, I was…Cognet. You remember him, don’t you?”

  She rolled her eyes. “That little snake. Yes, I remember. Was he there?”

  “He chased me around the parlor and kissed me so forcefully, my lips still hurt.” I put my fingers over my lips.

  Her eyes widened. “What?”

  “He said he wanted to be my lover. That if I marry Lucien, I will need a lover.”

  She sat back in the chair, her light pink face in shock. “What did you do?”

  “I slapped him,” I said, grabbing at my earring, again. “What do you think I did?”

  “Are you going to tell Lucien?”

  I nodded. “Of course. I am scared that he will challenge him to a duel and get hurt in the process, but I know that I must tell him. I should have told him about Cognet being rude to me at your little gambling party forever ago—the one where Lucien stayed over.”

  “This has happened before?” she asked, shocked.

  I looked at her. “Not quite. He just made some rude comments. I am still unsure if he said them because he was drinking or if that is his nature.”

  “It is Cognet,” she said. “That is his nature.”

  I put my hands over my face. “I want Lucien. I am a mess. Everything has been a mess since my birthday. I feel as if I am being punished for all the amazing moments I’ve had with him.”

  “Come now, Maddy darling.” She sat forward, leaning closer to me and putting her arm around me. “I am sure things will start to smooth out once your father arrives. Think about you and Lucien going to the l’Opéra, out to parties. Being able to be in public and happy.”

  I tried to smile, shaking my head. “Why hasn’t he sent word?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know, I am sure he has just been busy, Comte’s tend to be.”

  I nodded, trying to assure myself, but there was no use. Whenever I had a feeling about something, it was often proved right. Was it a type of witchcraft? I didn’t know. All I did know was that I wanted to sob my eyes out, knowing that something was off.

  For the rest of the day, I sat in the parlor and stared off, imagining Lucien walking through the door and into my arms. I was sadly disappointed. I hadn’t received a note back or even a hint of acknowledgment of such letters being sent, including another two I had sent in the afternoon.

  I paced in the salon while Rose had her feet up, reading a book with a glass of red wine in her hand.

  “Oh, Maddy darling. Please!” She slapped the book down on her lap. “If you continue pacing like that, you are going to wear right through the floor.”

  I shook my head. “It is the only thing that stops me from going into hysterics.”

  I stopped as a valet walked in with a silver tray. He came up to me with what looked like a large letter. My heart sped up, knowing it had to be from Lucien, but I stopped, seeing that the one large letter was actually all my letters that I had sent to him.

  My heart dropped as Rose walked up behind me. “Oh my…”

  I picked up the letters, holding them out in front of me, looking them over. “There was no word from him otherwise?”

  The valet shook his head. “No, Mademoiselle.”

  I looked down at the letters, each one perfectly intact. The seal was unbroken, as if he just looked at them and sent them away. Tears welled up in my eyes as I dropped them, stepping back and covering my mouth to stop a worried and angered sob.

  Rose waved her hand to the servant. “Go, go. That is all.” She bent down, picking up all the letters. “These haven’t even been opened.”

  My tears spilled over, streaking down my face as I fought a sob in my throat. A painful whimper escaped me as I turned from her, running toward my bedchamber and shutting the door as I ran inside.

  “Maddy! Madeleine!” Rose shouted, obviously following me. She knocked frantically on the door. “Please! I am sure this is all a terrible misunderstanding. Please, open the door!”

  I shook my head, though she could not see it. I went into hysterics as I paced around the room, holding onto my bodice as I fought to stop myself from crying. How could it be a misunderstanding? He sent them back! He sent my letters back, seal unbroken!

  I collapsed onto my bed in a veil of tears, my whole body shaking. Rose found the skeleton key for the apartments around the time that Colette arrived. Rose had sent a courier to fetch her.

  “Maddy?”

  I turned my head as soon as Colette rushed inside, her cloak still on as she knelt down beside my bed.

  “Are you all right?”

  I shook my head, tears coming to my eyes once again as I buried my head in my pillow.

  Colette turned to Rose. “I am taking her home with me. If he comes by here, tell him that is where we are.”

  I was in an exhausted daze as Colette helped me ready my things, packing everything up and helping me into her carriage. All of my things were brought along with us. Toulouse was in Colette’s arms.

  When we arrived back at the Du Lorme estate, my stomach churned. A horrid nausea overcame me and did not subside until Colette finished dressing me fo
r bed and put me in it, sitting down on the edge of it.

  “You know,” she whispered, “this is all just a misunderstanding. I am sure he is just having a moment or is too busy to reply to your letters. You are going to feel terribly silly when he comes and straightens all this out…all with the simplest of explanations.”

  I looked at her tiredly, shaking my head. “We both know that is not true.”

  She frowned as she placed my earrings down on the bedside table, leaning down to me and kissing me on the forehead. “You wait and see.”

  I awoke feeling sick, extremely ill, and having a horrid shock as I saw my face in the looking glass. I was extremely pale and drawn out with large, dark circles under my eyes. Even my lips didn’t have a hint of color to them. I reluctantly dressed for the day, not even taking note of what I was wearing. I walked around in a daze as Brielle led me around the room and downstairs for breakfast. I didn’t eat. Colette tried to force me, but I simply turned away from her, shaking my head.

  There still had been no word from Lucien. What was worse, I could smell his cologne on my very clothes.

  Colette tried to have me walk around the grounds, the summer heat not unbearable, but it was something I barely noticed. My eyes stung from the harsh sunlight, and my head ached from the loud sounds of the birds playing about.

  I was sitting in the salon alone, feeling uncomfortable as I thought about Cognet. My lip curled in disgust.

  That little man is going to get it.

  I shook my head, looking down to my lap. I smiled lightly as I thought about slapping him, again.

  “Monsieur le Comte Lucien de Laurent.”

  My heart stopped as I leapt up, looking to Lucien standing in the doorway. His face was stern and almost blank. It was not his usual smile or pursed expression.

  “Lucien.”

  “You are shocked to see me,” he said plainly, almost uninterested. The gold embellishments on his light blue justaucorps caught the afternoon light.

  I nodded lightly. “Yes, you sent my letters back to me. You made it plain that you did not want to see me.”

  “Well, I figured you were busy with the Comte Cognet. You two were quite cozy the last time I checked upon you.”

  “What?” My face contorted in confusion.

  “Sunday evening, I was able to escape early. I was going to surprise you here and take you to my manor. I was fortunate to witness Cognet making himself quite at home in your arms while in the parlor.” He crossed his arms tightly, and his head cocked slightly to the side. I had only ever seen Lucien angered less than a handful of times—at Colette and Constanze, but never at me.

  “Is that what you think happened? Lucien, he was trying—”

  “Trying? It looked like he had succeeded to me.”

  I felt my eyes filling with tears, my whole body shaking from agitation. “Lucien, no! Will you not even listen to me? Let me explain what happened!”

  “Explain? An explanation is not needed, Madeleine. I am not blind. I know what I saw!” He pointed as if the sight was before him at that moment.

  “What was that? A man pulling me into him and kissing me while I fought to push him away? An uninvited, unforeseeable instance? Did you bother to be present to watch him chase me around the room, for me to slap him? For me to ask him to leave the room, leave my sight completely? Obviously not!” My tears were somehow kept at bay, most likely from my anger. My hands shook with it.

  “You expect me to believe that? How do I know you have not simply taken some lessons from your dear friend Colette, that you are not just lying your way out of this? You had no idea I knew of this. Not even Colette saw me. Brielle is the one who told me where you were! You had no intention of telling me of it. It could be a quick lie.”

  “How would you know? I sent you letters that you did not even bother opening! Sending them back to me, stabbing me in the heart each time, the seals unbroken!” I sobbed, one breaking through as I thought about the bundle of letters he had sent back.

  “What do you think seeing you in the arms of another man did to me?”

  “I was not in his arms willingly, Lucien. Why won’t you listen to me?” I stepped forward, nearly falling to my knees and pleading. “I have never lied to you. Not once. Why would I do it, now?”

  “There are a lot of things, Madeleine, that are unclear to me. That fact is one of them,” he said blatantly, looking away from me.

  I stomped my foot hard, turning away from him. I was so angry he didn’t believe me. “I am telling you the truth. I would not lie to you!” I turned back to him, walking over to him quickly. I grabbed his hand, which he tore away. “What? Are you now sickened to touch me? Why won’t you believe me, Lucien?”

  He looked into my eyes for a moment before he shook his head. “Because you are just like them. I am sure my money is all that concerns you—a nice, fat status that will get you invited to the largest soirees with the most terrible people. Had me fooled. It is where you belong, I suppose.”

  I felt my heart stop beating as pain made its way from my stomach up to my throat. My lip trembled as I slapped him across the face hard, tears ripping down my face. “How dare you.”

  I could see the pain on his face as he stared at the floor, shame reeking off of him.

  I swallowed hard as more tears spilled down my face. “You mean more to me than any fancy party, all the gowns, the food, the music in this world. You honestly think that I would hurt you like them, for anything?” I quickly took the earrings he had given me off my ears, pulled his arm up, and put them in his hand. “I believe these belong to you.”

  I quickly walked past him, trying to restrain my tears as I made my way out of the room. I made sure he couldn’t hear me when I decided to break out into a run, heading up the staircase.

  I ran into the parlor, slamming the door shut. Covering my mouth, I ran across the room, found my way to the center balcony, stepped out, and closed the door quickly behind me. As soon as I had my small contentment of privacy, I broke down, throwing my face into my hands as I sobbed heavily, uncontrollably. I sobbed loudly. Snapping myself out of it when I noticed the volume of my cries, I stifled them as best I could, wiping my hands across my face to clear it of tears and letting my one hand rest on my neck.

  “Wait! Lucien, wait!”

  I turned and looked over the balcony, seeing Colette running after Lucien. Her orange cream robe à la Française flapped wildly as she held it up off of the ground while Lucien made his way to his carriage. He didn’t turn to her. He just continued to angrily walk. “I beg your pardon, Mademoiselle, but I must be leaving. My appointments need to be kept in time.”

  “Please!” she shouted.

  I kept myself toward the wall, remaining covered as I peered down to them. Lucien stopped and turned toward her. The sunset soaked into his dark hair.

  “Why should I?” he snapped.

  “Because she loves you!” She walked toward him. “You don’t think she would risk looking like a fool and letting you walk away if she didn’t care? She has done nothing but try to please you.”

  “Please me?” He ran his fingers through his hair angrily.

  “Yes! Do not blame her! It was my fault. I was caught up in my own…in my own games. I was not as attentive as I should have been. If I had known, Cognet would not have set foot in this house. She loves you. You cannot blame her for trying as she has. The Comte was out of line! She tried to push him away, and she ordered him out!”

  She was turned away from me, but I could tell Colette had that look on her face—that familiar look of pleading. I could hear it in her voice.

  “Trying—trying to what? To drive me mad with jealousy, so that she can—”

  “No! She—” Colette stopped, taking a deep breath. She had his attention, and he wasn’t going anywhere. “She wrote to you! She sent you a letter, several in fact. She had every intention of telling you of the Comte’s actions, how he said that ladies in her situation, of our station, had certain
rules to follow. She refused, and he lashed out! How is that her fault?”

  “Do you know why I wanted Madeleine, Colette?” he asked, completely disregarding everything she had said. “She is not like you or those of your station. Seems I was proven wrong. Now, excuse me. I must be going.”

  With that, he turned from her and jumped into his carriage, which quickly pulled away. It circled around the large, stone fountain in front of the house and took off down the path, disappearing through the sets of trees.

  Colette stood for a moment, her hand on her forehead. She stomped her foot. “Shit!” She turned. Looking up to the balcony and catching sight of me, her face filled with pain as she walked back into the house.

  I turned back into the room, making sure I closed the doors behind me. Toulouse ran into the room and up to me, standing on his hind legs with his two front paws resting on my leg, looking up at me expectantly.

  I shook my head, tears falling down my face. “Now is not the time.”

  Colette ran into the room and stood in the doorway, out of breath. I looked at her, and my whole body suddenly felt void of any strength. The whole room spun around me, turning to black.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I awoke late in the evening. All the candles were alight in the room, and Colette sat beside me on the bed, dabbing my forehead with a cool cloth. My head fell to the side as my eyes opened, looking to her. Her expression did not show surprise that I was awake as she dabbed the cloth on my right cheek.

  “How do you feel?” she asked softly.

  “Like I may be sick,” I said, trying to wave the nausea off.

  She again dabbed the cloth on my forehead, which was somewhat soothing. “You have a fever. We had the physician come by. He says it is just exhaustion and a mix of the heat. It should dispel within a few days. Until then you need to get as much rest and stay as cool as possible.”

  My whole face felt heavy. My eyes were swollen, and my body felt uncomfortably hot.

  “Do you want a glass of water? How about some soup?”

  She put the cloth down in a bowl of water. Brielle stood in the corner of the room, at the ready for anything I wished.