Heartsong (Garden Falls, TN Book 3)

by Allie Kay

  “Husband she’s separated from,” the officer we’d been talking to said.

  “Hmm.” He twisted the brick just enough for me to be able to read the words on it.

  Whore. You’ll regret this. Ricky.

  “I’d say he’s pretty upset about you moving on then.” The cop shook his head. “Some men don’t handle rejection well. The worst ones we usually get a call or two about.”

  “Can she get a restraining order with this?” I shifted my weight. “Something to help protect her from this guy?”

  “Probably so. ‘Specially if he left a print on this.” He nodded toward the kitchen. “I’m done in there. So, you can clean up, board up the window. Whatever you need to do.”

  The cops left soon after.

  Joy still stood staring out the window. She seemed to have shut down entirely and the lack of emotion scared me. When I couldn’t find a broom, I went to my half of the house and brought back my own. Even with me leaving the house and returning, Joy never changed position.

  I busied myself cleaning up the glass fragments and splintered wood from where the brick had shattered the glass panel and ripped away a small chunk of the wood frame. Once I had all the debris cleaned up, I walked back into the living room.

  Joy’s eyes remained focused on the glass. She flinched when I placed a hand on the small of her back, but otherwise made no acknowledgement of me being there.

  “I’m going to the shed. I have a sheet of plywood out there. Hopefully it’s not too big. I don’t think the neighbors would much like for me to rev up the saw this time of night.”

  Nothing.

  She barely even blinked.

  I sighed and went out to the shed. I found a couple pieces of already cut plywood. Rather than take the time to measure, I grabbed them both and carried them inside. I walked past Joy and lay the cut boards on the counter. I held one up to the gaping hole in the door, but it was too small. Leaning it against the wall, I grabbed the next one. I tilted it slightly and that one covered the gap left by the brick.

  Propping it against the door, I went back to my unit and grabbed my toolbox. I came back and Joy still stood in front of the window. I tried to talk to her, but she didn’t seem to hear me.

  Shaking my head, I went back to work in the kitchen. I dug out some nails and grabbed a hammer. There’s no quiet way to pound nails into wood, but I couldn’t let them sleep with a wide-open door, so I tapped in the first nail. I grabbed the second one and just as I pulled the hammer back for the first swing at it, Joy’s sobs reached my ears.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Her feet hadn’t moved, but she’d stopped staring out the window. She stared at me, tears running down her face.

  I pounded in the last two nails quickly. The hammer I tossed in the toolbox as I walked past. I strode over to Joy and scooped her up into my arms.

  She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck as I carried her into the bedroom. Easing us both down on the bed, I let her cry. The fear and anger triggered by the brick needed an outlet and if tears were what her body had chosen for that release, I wouldn’t try to stop them. Holding her close, I rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head.

  It took some time for the heart-wrenching sobs to stop. Then the hiccups began. She didn’t speak, and neither did I. I figured she’d talk when she was ready. Soon, the hiccups stopped. Her breathing evened out and I realized she’d dozed off.

  Shifting slightly, I kicked my boots off, wincing at the thud they made hitting the hardwood. But she didn’t flinch. She released a soft, sleepy sigh and snuggled closer.

  I, however, couldn’t fall asleep. Every time my eyes closed, they’d jerk back open and my ears would strain to capture the imaginary noise I’d thought I’d heard. My eye would jump to the window with every branch that creaked in the wind. When the wind changed directions, it whistled slightly around the plywood patch I’d thrown up on the door and I thought it was creaking open.

  No wonder Joy had looked so exhausted. She’d lived like this for years, unable to sleep for fear of what might happen. Kids are afraid of the dark because they think there are monsters in the closet or under the bed that come out when the light flicks off. Joy was afraid of the dark because of the monster she married who lurked there.

  It made me doubly determined to help her get through this. I wouldn’t let Ricky win.

  18

  Joy

  “Hey, Mama. Mama…” Mateo’s sweet voice pricked at my consciousness, pulling me away from the most delicious dream about Jack.

  Not only had it been sensual and everything being with Ricky had not been, there had been this sense of security that had been as sexy as could be. When he’d wrapped me in his arms, pulling me into a cocoon of security that allowed me to fully relax, it had intensified every touch, made every kiss spark a thousand times hotter than before.

  “Yeah?” I asked. More details seeped slowly into my awareness. A strong arm wrapped around my back, a firm chest my pillow. Warm breath tickled my hair line.

  Maybe it wasn’t all a dream?

  “Mama,” Mateo said again.

  I opened my eyes and looked over Jack’s deliciously bare chest. Mateo stood next to the bed with a confused look on his face. Crap.

  “Mateo, honey, I can explain…” I began, fumbling in the haze of just awakening after a big cry. “I… We… Um… That is…” Hiding the fact that Jack spent the night in my bed wouldn’t work, but I couldn’t come up with a plausible reason beyond the honest truth. But telling him that would terrify him.

  It terrified me.

  He rolled his eyes. “Mama, it’s okay that Mr. Jack stayed the night with you. But what happen to the door’s window? It’s gots a big board across it now. And I know that wasn’t there when I went asleep.”

  “No, it wasn’t there when you went to sleep. You are right.” Bile rose in my throat as I thought about how to tell him that his father had found us already. That the new home, and the new friend, we were both quickly becoming attached to may have to disappear in the rear-view. I eased away from Jack’s embrace and sat up. “Baby, I have to tell you something. And it’s not going to be easy to hear.”

  “Your father broke the window.” Jack’s sleep-filled voice said the words I’d been dreading to utter. And even coming from Jack, they had the exact effect on Mateo I’d feared. Pure panic filled his eyes.

  “Father found us?” Mateo scrambled up into the bed and wedged himself in between us. “I hoped he would never ever find us. I don’t want to go back with him.” His lip quivered and pulled the quilt up to hide his face.

  I lay next to him and pulled the quilt over my head as well. “I don’t either.”

  Jack joined us under the quilt. “Neither of you are going back with him. I’ll take some time off work until he accepts that as fact.” His hand sought out mine in the darkness. “I’ll get the window fixed properly today too.”

  I pulled Mateo close and looked over at Jack. Barely any light came under the heavy quilt and that kept me from seeing his face, but I had to handle this myself. I couldn’t rely on a man we just recently met, even if being in his arms lifted my spirits in a way nothing had in years.

  “Jack, thank you, really. But I can’t ask you to take off work. You barely know us and I need to take care of this myself. Mateo and I will be leaving town.”

  “No!” Mateo and Jack chorused.

  “Mama, I wanna stay in Gawden Falls with Mr. Jack. You said I got to pick on the map. I picked here. You said…” He inched away from me, burrowing into Jack’s chest.

  My own words flung back at me by my sweet child cut deep. He’d trusted me. And now I had let him down. Unintentionally, of course, but the details didn’t matter to his four-year-old heart.

  I sighed. “I’m just trying to keep us safe. I never expected him to find us this fast.”

  Jack reached over Mateo and found my hand again. “Buddy, I don’t think your mom meant to go back on what she said. She’s just trying to do w
hat she thinks is best for you.”

  Finally, he was getting me! He understood why I had to pack up and go. That leaving Garden Falls, this beautiful place, and him, had to be done. “So, you get why I have to leave then?” I asked aloud, so Mateo could hear Jack’s confirmation. That would surely help get Mateo on board with leaving. Then I could get up, we could pack, and be on the road by noon.

  “Hell no.”

  “See, Mateo, Jack agrees—wait, what did you say?”

  “You heard me. I said no. I get that you think it’s the right choice. But I don’t agree. And I’m not just saying that because I don’t want to lose you—either of you. You can’t run from your past forever, Joy. What will you do when your money runs out? When Mateo has to start school? Will you uproot him two, three, four, times in a single school year because Ricky tracked you down again?” Jack flipped the quilt off our heads. He brushed the shaggy hair out of Mateo’s eyes and smiled at him. Then looked up at me. “Sooner or later, you’ll have to make a stand. Why not do it when you have someone on your side that Ricky can’t intimidate?”

  I bit my lip in thought. As I stared into Jack’s dark, sincere eyes, I made my choice. My stomach roiled, making me glad I hadn’t eaten yet. But for better or worse, I would stay in Garden Falls.

  Jack was right. I couldn’t run forever. At best, I had enough cash remaining for two weeks out on the road. With no real plan for how I’d continue once my cash ran out, I really had no choice but to stay.

  Mateo rolled over between us, facing me with big, hopeful eyes. “Please, Mama, can’t we stay? I love it here. I’m not scared of Father if Mr. Jack’s around!”

  Jack grinned at Mateo’s words. My heart twittered within my chest at his grin. And maybe I melted just a little bit more. Jack made Mateo feel safe, just like he did me.

  “Okay, fine. We will stay.” I swallowed down the nerves and worries this decision filled me with. I had to be positive. I pasted a smile on my face and asked, “So, what sounds good for breakfast?”

  “Yay! Can we have those frinkle doughnuts again? I’m sooooo hungry I could eat one million bazillion of them!” Mateo hopped up and bounced on the foot of the bed.

  I leaned over and brushed my lips against Jack’s. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He cupped my cheek and passed his lips over mine. “I have bacon, egg, and some frozen biscuits over at my place. Anyone interested?”

  “Me. Me. Me!” Mateo bounced again. “I love bacon almost as much as I love frinkles.”

  I smiled, this time it came close to being a real smile. Mateo had rebounded from the fear and upset, and his happiness was contagious. I stretched, running my hand down Jack’s chest in the process.

  He grunted. “So, yes to bacon?”

  “Sounds good to me. Let me get a quick shower.” After all the crying and sniffling I’d done, I needed a nice long shower to clear the lingering fog from my brain and the remnants of tears from my cheeks.

  “I’ll take Mateo on over if it’s okay, get things started.” Jack sat up and tickled Mateo. “We better feed this boy before he implodes.”

  I took my time in the shower. I slowly lathered up my hair, deep cleaning every strand. Showers of late had been quick, perfunctory affairs solely for the purpose of hygiene. I hadn’t taken a long shower in so long. I leaned against the tiled wall and let the hot soapy water sluice down my body. Tenseness eased out of my muscles.

  While I’d normally worry about leaving Mateo with someone I’d only known a few days, Jack had already shown how much he cared for my son. Somehow—maybe it was mother’s intuition, maybe just a gut feeling—I knew Jack could be trusted. He’d been so kind to Mateo, generous with his time and attention.

  He’d be a great dad one day.

  I pictured him holding a little girl with dark curls and my own blue eyes. Warmth spread through me as I imagined carrying his child, feeling our baby kick inside me. Then I pinched myself for allowing such a wishful daydream to even enter my mind. Despite always wanting a big family, I couldn’t be thinking about having another child.

  I sighed. One of Ricky’s punches must have rattled something loose in my brain. Even if I hadn’t just met Jack, I was still married to Ricky.

  Flipping the water to off, I grabbed the towel I’d laid out. There could be no future, no more babies, until I’d laid my past to rest. Monday, I’d go file divorce papers. Ricky already knew where I was so hiding wasn’t necessary any longer. No reason not to file, now. I dried off and dressed quickly.

  Then I walked around the house to Jack’s still rubbing at my wet hair with the thin towel. I missed big plush luxurious towels, but with my budget, those weren’t in the realm of possible just yet.

  Knocking lightly on the door, I turned the unlocked knob. “Hello?” I called out.

  “Through here,” Jack’s voice carried through the house from the left.

  I walked through the doorway to the most adorable sight. Mateo sat up on the counter next to Jack. He had a large red bowl beside him and was attempting to crack eggs into it.

  Attempting.

  Because by the number of shell bits on the paper towel next to the bowl, he was hardly succeeding. I stifled a laugh.

  “Hope you like your scrambled eggs a little crunchy,” Jack joked. “Frozen biscuits are in the oven already. Bout to start some bacon. Your boy is gonna need a bit more practice on cracking eggs though.”

  “I can see that.” I laughed. “Maybe we ought to help him?”

  “Nah. He’s got it.” Jack winked at me and then turned his attention back to fishing out more egg shell from the bowl. His brow wrinkled, and the next word he muttered was barely audible. “Mostly…”

  “What can I do?”

  Jack nodded at the cabinet to the right of Mateo. “Plates are in there. Silverware in the drawer next to the dishwasher. Wanna set the table?”

  “Sure.” I set the table quickly and then found butter and a couple kinds of jelly in the fridge and set them out as well. “Anything else?”

  “Nah. We got this.” Jack nudged Mateo. “Don’t we?”

  “Yeah, Mama, we got this.” Mateo beamed at me. “You relax and let us men make your breakfast.”

  My little boy was thriving under the positive male attention Jack was showing him. If only I didn’t have to put an end to it all today. After almost sleeping with Jack last night, I needed to put the brakes on. Needed to get him to understand where my mind was right now.

  I pasted a smile on my face. Now wasn’t the time for me to bring up last night with Jack. Not in front of Mateo…

  Maybe after we ate I could get a moment or two alone with Jack.

  As Jack and Mateo sat down with me to eat, I watched the two interact. Jack patiently answered all of Mateo’s questions, even prompted him a time or two to chew with his mouth closed.

  They joked and teased each other like old friends. False insults, sad little knock knock jokes, and zingy one-liners dominated the conversation. Their laughter and comradery filled the small kitchen and my silence didn’t seem to disturb their bonding.

  When it hit me that I would be effectively ending the first real friendship Mateo had ever had, since Ricky hadn’t liked for either of us to socialize, I lost my appetite.

  19

  Jack

  Joy was trying to hide something at breakfast. I let her keep her little secret for now and entertained Mateo.

  Well, we entertained each other, really. That kid was something else. I didn’t know little kids could be sarcastic. I thought sarcasm came later, like teen age, but Mateo proved me wrong. He’d pop off with a comeback as fast as a lot of adults. Freaking loved it!

  After breakfast, Joy shooed us out to the backyard and told me to get Mateo to run off some of that energy while she cleaned up. When I tried to steal a kiss, she sidestepped me and wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  I sighed. Back to cold. Fuck.

  “Come on, Mateo. You ever played soccer?”

  �
�Nope.”

  “Well, I have a soccer ball. Wanna go kick it around in the yard?” I dug in the front closet for the ball. Finally caught sight of it up under the extra blinds I’d bought to hang upstairs and hadn’t got around to. Crap. I’d forgotten all about those. Oops. “Here it is.”

  “Yay. Will you teach me how to soccer, Mr. Jack?” Mateo hopped excitedly beside me, knocking the ball out of my loose grasp. It bounced up onto the table and knocked the lamp off. “Oh no!” he cried, taking a few steps back.

  “It’s okay, kid. Really.” I picked the lamp up and set it back on the table. “Look, it’s just fine. No harm, no foul. Just be more careful with the ball in the house.”

  “Okay,” he whispered, still keeping his distance.

  I picked up the ball and opened the door. I let him follow me without saying another word. These were his demons to work through, not mine. All I could do was encourage and support him as best as I could, and in turn, hope that one day he’d fully trust me.

  I opened the gate to the backyard. He ran in and I latched it behind us. Dropping the ball into the grass at my feet, I kicked it out just in front of us.

  “Go get it and see if you can kick it back to me.”

  “Okay!” Mateo ran toward the ball, a huge grin brightening up his face. He tripped over the ball trying to kick it, but popped back up without any fuss and tried again.

  “Good effort.” I showed him which part of the foot to kick with and soon had him dribbling the ball around the edge of the fence. “Nice. I might make a soccer player out of you yet.”

  Mateo came to a sudden stop. He looked over at me in total horror. “No. I can’t be a soccer player.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Father says soccer is a girl’s sport and only pussies play soccer. Pussy is another word for girls.”

  I walked over to the steps and sank down. The prejudices that man had given this child were unreal.

  “Can I keep kicking the ball? I don’t want to turn into a girl though.” Mateo worried his lower lip with his tiny little teeth.