Back to You

by Lauren Dane

  He’d begged Kelly to visit him on tour. Maddie was still a baby and Kensey was on the way. Restlessness had gripped him during that tour. Each day without her he’d begun to itch, feel weighted down by his family. The spiral of his behavior spun in wider and more erratic circles, more and more destructive until the moment his wife had walked around the corner and caught some random groupie with her hand down the front of his pants and her mouth on his neck.

  And then he’d asked Kelly to join them. He’d never forget the look on her face.

  He breathed out, trying to ignore the pain in his chest. “I did have you. Damn it, Kel, I miss you. I miss your being mine. I’m sorry I had no self-control. I’m sorry I was careless with what we had. I’m sorry I couldn’t see what I had until it was too late and then I was too stupid for years to realize how special it had been. I’m sorry I threw us away. Sorry I hurt you. God, so fucking sorry.”

  Tears glistened against her lashes.

  “You and the girls are the most important things I’ve ever had and I didn’t act like it. I didn’t and I’m standing here telling you I’m sorry.”

  She cleared her throat. “And then what?”

  “I meant it when I said I wanted another chance. I want us to be together. I want to be a real family. You, me, our daughters. I want you to be mine again.”

  “Just like that? No harm no foul, we’re okay again?”

  Defensive words rose to his lips but the pain in her tone stopped them. “I know it’s not going to be that easy.”

  “What exactly are you proposing? We tried marriage. It didn’t work. It took me years to get over you, Vaughan. I can’t do that again.”

  Why he was so surprised by the depth of her pain he wasn’t sure. Shame that he hadn’t really examined it more rode him.

  “I was an asshole. I swear to you on my life that I didn’t... Nothing happened more than what you saw.” He scrubbed hands over his face. “I know it was wrong. But I didn’t cheat on you.”

  “Before that moment, you mean? Because if you think you can sit there and tell me another woman’s hand on your dick isn’t cheating you better wear a cup every day for the rest of your miserable, lying life. If I recall, you punched someone once for telling me I looked pretty. That’s some double standard you have. How’d that work out for you? You’re going to sit there and say with a straight face that it’s cool to get jerked by a rando you tossed aside after you blew all over her hand?”

  “I didn’t! I didn’t come. I stopped everything.”

  “You want a gold star?”

  “I said I was sorry.”

  “Oh, did you?” That she’d nearly yelled it startled them both. She clapped a hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry. Just go, please.”

  “I don’t want to go. I’ll tell you I’m sorry every five minutes forever if you just give me another chance.”

  “You think I want that? Some sort of man-child I have to monitor and parent? I have two kids already. I don’t want to be your conscience. I wanted you to use your own.”

  * * *

  IN THE YEARS since that night, Kelly had thought about that moment, over and over. When she’d looked at him and seen just a glimmer in his gaze. As if he’d wanted her to see it and push her away.

  It had made her deeply sad. Filled her with regret and sorrow. That glimpse was it. The final, last thing. She could not be with someone who’d treat her like that.

  She’d never raged at him. Not like this. Oh, they used to have their stupid fights. They both had artistic temperaments and were independent. Shallow, passionate, stupid arguments that ended with ridiculously amazing sex and lots of laughter.

  No one could make her laugh like he had.

  Which just made her angrier.

  “I was young and stupid and selfish. Destructive. I made mistakes. I hurt you. Broke things. We can’t have back what we were, and maybe that’s for the best. You’ve grown up, way before I did. Let me prove to you I’ve changed. Grown. I can be the man you need me to be. Take me back, Kelly. Be mine. This time as equals. I love you.”

  For a long time, she’d wanted those words. If he’d said them even two years before she’d have already been naked with him.

  But he was right about one thing. She’d grown up. Enough to know that despite the fact that she’d never gotten over him, she couldn’t let him close enough to break her apart. Not until he’d done some major showing and not telling about this whole apology-and-wanting-another-chance business.

  “What’s different for you now? You’re asking not just me to take a risk on you. The girls are old enough to understand it when you leave. I have them to think about, too.” They adored Vaughan. If he disappointed them like that, it would hurt their relationship with him for the rest of their lives.

  He took her hands. “Another reason I love you. I’m thinking of them, too. Hell, this is about them, as well anyway. They visit my house. This is their home. I’ve missed out on a lot. Enough to know how happy I’ve been to do something as mundane as walking Kensey to the bus, or to see the way she looked when I picked her up. I want that. Every day. I want it with you.”

  She shook her head, dubious. “How do you know you want it, though? It’s been a few days. The truth is, you’ve never been a family with me. Even when we were married and had Maddie you weren’t around much.”

  “Being here, with you three, has made me happy in ways I can’t explain. I’ve known for some time I needed to find a way back to you. I’m asking you for a chance to show you I’m ready to be your husband again. Ready to be part of this family with you and our daughters.”

  She swallowed and then licked her lips, nervous. She wanted this. Wanted it so much the depth of it scared her.

  “It’s harder than you think. Being in a family. Being stable. Being reliable. You have to make decisions based on what they need. And a lot of the time it’s not the most fun choice. You need to put your family first.”

  “Then let me in. Let me show you.”

  Kelly had been thinking of little else. Wondering if she was a fool for even considering giving him another chance. Loving him so damned much the hope of it, of having him back in their life, edged out the fear. Just barely.

  She blew out a breath. “If we go down this road I have rules. Conditions.”

  “What are they?”

  “They’re what you need to agree to if you want to pursue this.”

  “Whatever you want.”

  She chewed her lip a moment. “I’m not convinced you know what it really is you’re saying you want. Love is necessary. And I can admit I never stopped loving you. But it’s not enough. What you’re asking for, the only thing I can see working, is to make yourself a space in the family the girls and I have. You say you want me back and you want to be the man I deserve and that comes with you being a present, engaged father. A co-parent.”

  He nodded.

  “You need to be here. Every day. Up early to get the girls ready and out the door for school. Then in the afternoons to pick them up, help with homework, dinner, bedtime. I want you to deal with tantrums and slammed doors. I want you to know they’re going to be mad at you for saying no but you say it anyway because that’s your job.

  “What we had before? It’s nothing like my life now. I’m not...that girl.” She had stretch marks and cellulite, dark circles under her eyes and two kids.

  A smile touched his mouth. “Neither of us is. I want to know you. The Kelly of now. I want waking up early and tantrums.”

  She laughed, unable to help herself. “You’re so full of shit, Vaughan. You have no idea.”

  “Okay, so I probably don’t. I want to learn. What are the other rules?”

  “Why are you being so amenable?”

  He frowned. “I’m being too nice?”


  Kelly crossed her arms across her chest. “It’s been eight years. You tell me why I shouldn’t be suspicious.”

  He put his hands up. “I told you, I know this isn’t going to be easy.”

  “My rules are as follows. Total honesty. Lies are bad for a marriage. Not the small ones like who ate the last piece of pizza, but did strange women touch your junk. I need to know that when I ask you a question, or when we’re talking that you’re being totally truthful. If I find out you’re lying, it’s over. I can maybe get past something hurtful you think or have done, but lying about it is an automatic ticket to your stuff on the lawn.”

  “Honesty and being here for real for you and the girls. I agree. What else?”

  “You will stand between me and your mother. I’m done paying for your sins with that woman. If you’re here, and that’s another one of my rules, this experiment takes place here, not at the ranch. I will not live there.”

  There’d been a time when she’d wanted Sharon Hurley to welcome her into the family. To be the kind of mother figure Kelly’d never had. Vaughan’s mother had hated her from the start. During the divorce there’d been some intense and harsh words between them.

  That’s when it had become clear to Kelly that Vaughan hadn’t told his mother the whole story about why they’d split.

  “I know she’s been less than pleasant at times. I thought it was getting better. She’s...”

  Kelly held up a hand. She didn’t want to hear any excuses. “I don’t care what she is, or isn’t. Back when we broke up I was different. I’m not that woman. I will not tolerate any of that bullshit from her again.”

  He nodded quickly. “I understand. I agree that here is best for a host of reasons. This is where Kensey and Maddie need to be. Their school and Kensey’s dance classes are here. And it’s got some distance between you and my mom. I need to talk to her, to come clean and own what I did. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you before. I should have.”

  Kelly wasn’t holding her breath but she was done letting Sharon Hurley hurt her, and if he wasn’t willing to shield her, it was best to know early on, before she allowed herself to get too close. She had no desire to be with a man and his mother. Sharon needed to back the hell off and learn her place. Which was not in the middle of Kelly’s family.

  “Essentially, if you want us back, you need to put us first and protect us. That’s really the bottom line.”

  He nodded. “Okay. That’s fair.” Vaughan’s lopsided smile did her in. There was nothing else but to smile back. “So, we’re good? I mean, on the way to good?”

  “There’s one more thing.” She blew out a breath. “I need you to give me some time and space with the um, sexytimes stuff.”

  He guffawed and then quieted down. “Sexytimes?”

  “Look here, buster. What’s between us, what’s always been there between us, that’s so good that it sometimes makes me forget the other stuff because all I want to think about is the sex. Or be doing it, or figuring out how to do it. I want us to have some, oh, I don’t know what to call it.”

  “Wooing? Courting?”

  “Yes, but those seem sort of innocent words for what you do to my wits when sex is in the mix.”

  “Damn, you’re really going to get some fantastic presents for your birthday for this.”

  She liked that he teased her. That he was also clearly listening and willing to work things through pleased her even more.

  “I wasn’t stupid enough to think we’d end up in bed tonight—though I do live in hope. We have some getting-to-know-you catch-up stuff to do. I agree it’s good to wait. Like a few days, right? Not a year or anything?”

  He looked so adorably panicked all she could do was laugh. “Not a year or anything.”

  “Okay. I’ll try to keep the smolder down to a reasonable level. A tough job, you know.”

  She snorted. “Okay, then. I’ll do my best to resist. So, we have an understanding. That’s a step on the way to good,” Kelly said.

  “Cool. And just to be extra clear, I’m very glad you broke the engagement with Ross. But I should be thankful that he proposed. It was like a stone in my shoe that finally made me act. I kinda feel bad for him.”

  “Why?”

  “He had you for a brief period of time and now he doesn’t. I’ve been there. It sucks. He seems okay and I came in here wanting you back. He handled himself pretty well. I probably would have in his place.”

  There was no reason to tell Vaughan the things Ross had said in the heat of an argument. It didn’t matter anyway so there was no use in spreading negativity.

  “So, would it be okay with you if I changed into sleep pants while we talked more? I wanted to chat with you about your business.”

  If she meant to really give this a chance, she had to truly be open to it. That, and she wanted to spend some time with him.

  “Sure. I’m going to change, too.”

  He grinned and she enjoyed the view as he left the room.

  CHAPTER NINE

  KELLY MET STACEY at her office for an early lunch.

  The boutique firm Stacey started with three friends three years before lay between Kelly’s store, Chameleon, and her home in the nearby suburb of Gresham, so if Stacey wasn’t in court, they had lunch like this at least once a week.

  It had been several days since she and Vaughan had the talk about him wanting a second chance and moving in for a while. She’d only been able to have brief text exchanges about it with her friend, and Kelly had so much she wanted to share.

  They settled in at the table in the comfortable kitchen area.

  “How’s Miss Madness?” Stacey asked as she unwrapped her sandwich.

  “You know we had a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday and she’s doing great. Healing well. Enough to be more and more impatient with not being at school. Thank goodness she heads back on Monday.”

  “I’ve been here at work until ten at night pretty much all week long. I’m sorry I haven’t been over to see her in a few days.”

  Stacey and Kelly’s girls had loved one another from the start. It had been lovely to have that sort of support for her kids, and from a friend, that love meant even more.

  Kelly waved a hand, purposely not allowing herself to think about how many calories and carbs she was putting into her body. She’d allowed herself to think about calories only when she was making a choice on what to eat and even then, only for five minutes or less.

  “They know you’re busy.”

  “Still. I have to go out of town to deal with my grandmother but I’ll be back late Monday. Then I’ll come over so we can have a girls’ day. But right now you need to tell me about Vaughan. I’m dying to know what’s been going on.”

  “Well, I told you about his promise to work to get us back. He gets up early and wakes Kensey. She’s so, so happy to have him in the house. I’m watching him so closely, though. I’m...I don’t know, nervous maybe? Like he thinks this full-time parenting and family thing is great but it’s hard. He’s capable of hard work. He lives on a ranch as well as being in a supersuccessful band. His problem isn’t laziness. Not really. But I keep wondering if he’s going to realize how hard it is and panic.”

  “Has he shown any signs of that?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. He’s been their dad all this time. Even when they aren’t in school, when they’re with him, he makes sure they’re fed and sleep and are told they’re loved. I know what you’re afraid of. But he’s not your fucked-up mother.”

  “Every night he and I hang out for a few hours in my room, just chilling with a glass of wine or a beer. We talk. Nothing important. Just normal stuff.” Which was why it was integral because they were rebuilding trust.

  “Have you nailed him yet?”

  “I’d tell you if I had
! Jeez. Not yet. I told him I needed some space and time and he’s been giving it to me. But holy hell, the man can flirt me right out of my panties. I’m weak against his powers. And let me assure you, his powers are mighty. It’s just a matter of time. Unless he does something stupid first.”

  “Any visits from Hurleys?”

  “They’ve called to talk with Maddie and Kensey but none have shown up. I think he’s asked them to give us space. I hope he has anyway. I like some of his family well enough, but I don’t trust them all when it comes to my relationship with Vaughan. Not yet.”

  “Fair enough. Paddy was a dick after the divorce for a while if I recall.”

  “Ezra has always been friendly. Good to the girls. He knew what Vaughan was up to. I think Paddy does but maybe didn’t for a while. There’s weird money stuff, you know that.”

  “I do know it, but I also think it’s total shit. Utterly stupid.”

  “The issue is that they never took the time to know me. They saw a young, pretty woman who they didn’t even meet until after she’d not only married their son but also did it pregnant. Sharon always thought I was fluffy and weak just because I didn’t strap a baby to my back to rub sticks together to make fire. And then when we divorced and he gave me our apartment in New York and insisted on paying for my tuition when I finished my degree so I could be home with the girls. I have my own money! I don’t need his. He’s the one who put it in the settlement. I didn’t ask for any of that. You know I didn’t.”

  “It’s none of their business if you did. You had a house. You had a successful career. In Manhattan. And you left that behind to live in Gresham for Vaughan. So he could see his kids more often. What anyone but you and Vaughan think about it isn’t relevant.”

  “I just get wary about them. He’s so close to them. I don’t want to take him away from that. It’s good for my kids to have his entire family so nearby.”

  “It’s all right, you know, not to want his whole family in your business. Or to at the very least be suspicious of their motives until you know them better. You’ve changed. Vaughan has changed. I’m going to hope they’ve all changed, too.”