Nightmares! the Sleepwalker Tonic

by Jason Segel

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Paige asked. “Does that mean the shop’s open?”

  There was only one way to find out. Charlie gestured for his friends to follow. Then he navigated his way around the Walkers, right up to the store’s front door. Just like before, the door was shut tight, but this time a sliver of light was shining through a crack in the store window’s curtains. Paige locked eyes with Charlie, and when they both rushed to peek in, their cheeks brushed against each other.

  “Sorry,” Charlie said, nervously rubbing his face as he peered into the shop. There behind the counter was the Shopkeeper.

  Paige’s head bumped into Charlie’s again as she craned her neck to see, but she didn’t seem to mind. “He’s in there! How is that possible?” she marveled.

  “No idea.” Charlie was baffled. “Either he got back to town even faster than we did, or…”

  “Or there’s more than one of him,” Paige finished the sentence.

  “I guess that means we can’t break into the store and steal the stuff,” Jack said. “So why don’t we just go in and buy some?”

  “We tried the last time we were here,” Charlie explained. “I don’t know how the Shopkeeper figured out that we don’t belong in Orville Falls, but he did. He locked the door in our faces.”

  “So if we can’t buy the tonic and we can’t steal it, what do you suggest we do?” Dabney asked. He clapped a hand to his mouth to stifle the giggle that followed.

  “I suggest you let me take care of this,” Bruce said. He freed himself from the sling that was strapped to the clown’s chest and hopped down to the sidewalk.

  The person at the front of the line was a woman with a baby carriage. She didn’t even notice as Bruce hoisted himself over the side of the pram and pushed the lady’s dozing baby to one side.

  “I can get in with no fuss, but I doubt I’ll be able to leave without one,” Bruce warned them. “So you all be ready to run for the hills. And don’t forget to take me with you when you do. Got it?” He didn’t even wait for an answer before he pulled the top of the pram down, shielding its precious contents from view.

  Alfie looked reluctant. “Are we sure about this?” he asked. “It feels wrong to let a baby do our dirty work.”

  Charlie shrugged. “You got a better idea?”

  The door of the shop opened. Paige’s aunt Josephine came out. The line took another step forward in unison, and the woman with the pram disappeared into the shop.

  “Aunt Josephine!” Paige cried.

  Charlie was too shocked to try to quiet Paige down. Every inch of Josephine’s skin was covered with paint. She blinked a few times at the sound of her name. Then she cracked open the blue bottle that she held in her hands and chugged the contents right there on the spot. She tossed the bottle into the street and shuffled down the sidewalk.

  Charlie felt a tug on his sleeve. It was Paige. He’d seen the calm, determined look on her face before. She was about to do something courageous.

  “Charlie,” she said. “I have to go with Josephine. I’m going to stay with her till she’s better.”

  “Here? Are you crazy? You can’t!” he cried. The idea of staying in Orville Falls with the Walkers made Charlie’s skin crawl.

  Paige pointed at her aunt, who was so thin that a strong breeze could have carried her away. “Look at her! She hasn’t been eating. Charlie, I’m worried something terrible is going to happen to her. You guys understood when Poppy said she had to stay with her family. Well, now I need to stay with mine.”

  Charlie was thinking of all the terrible things that might happen to Paige, when the sound of shattering glass came from inside the shop, followed by a voice screeching in an unfamiliar language. A bottle of tonic crashed through the glass of one of the store’s front windows and exploded on the street. None of the Walkers budged an inch.

  Charlie could see that big trouble was going to burst out of the shop at any moment. Paige would be safer at Josephine’s house. “Go,” Charlie told her, suddenly eager to send Paige away. “Now,” he added urgently.

  Paige lingered for a moment, as if she were hoping there was something else he would say.

  “I’ll keep you company, Paige!” Jack chimed in. It was clear the kid wasn’t afraid. And from the smile on Paige’s face, that was exactly what she’d been hoping Charlie would say.

  Paige took Jack’s hand, and together they ran after Josephine. Charlie watched them go. He could feel something terrible surging inside him. Something rotten and green. He knew exactly what it was. He was jealous of his little brother.

  The shop door flew open, and a tiny creature bolted out, clutching two bottles of Tranquility Tonic in its hands. “I’ve got the goods!” Bruce shouted. “Let’s hit the road.”

  Charlie didn’t need to be told twice. He started off after Bruce. Then one of Dabney’s terrible giggles brought Charlie to a halt. He turned to see Alfie standing motionless in front of the shop, staring at a man with a beaked nose and hunched back. As the man panted, he reached up with his long fingers and fixed the toupee that had slid to one side of his perfectly bald head.

  “I think I’ve seen you somewhere before,” Charlie heard Alfie say just as Dabney scooped the boy up and tossed him over his shoulder.

  The man in the doorway smiled, revealing a mouthful of pointy black teeth.

  He raised his hand and pointed an oddly long finger right at Charlie and his friends. Then he yelled, “Get them!”

  The hundreds of Walkers waiting in line perked up at the sound of his voice. Their heads swiveled in Charlie’s direction. They started to shuffle toward him. Then they picked up speed. And then they started to run.

  Charlie and Alfie spent most of the afternoon hidden in a Dumpster behind a Piggly Wiggly supermarket. Charlie knew how lucky they were that the weather was good. They would never have made it through one of Orville Falls’s bitter winter nights. And had it been August, they might have fried in the heat. But even though Charlie and his friend weren’t in danger of frostbite or heatstroke, that didn’t mean they were safe. If they were ever going to make it home, the boys would have to find a way past the Walkers outside.

  Charlie could still hear the unruly mob. They grunted and shuffled around the supermarket parking lot, banging on car windows, searching for the children and Nightmare creatures that had given them the slip. Charlie had never expected the droolers to turn dangerous. Even after they’d begun to chase after him, Charlie hadn’t really been scared. Then he’d watched three of the Walkers tackle a plastic trash can, thinking one of the kids might be hiding inside. They’d ripped apart the heavy plastic so easily that you’d have thought it was a paper cup.

  Charlie and Alfie held their breath a few times while the Walkers tried their best to pry open the Dumpster. Fortunately, it was chained shut, and only Dabney had the keys to the lock. The clown had hidden the boys when it had looked as though they might be captured by a group of speedy teenage Walkers in tracksuits. Once the boys were safe, Dabney and Bruce had made a run for it. Dabney was fast, and Bruce was small enough to carry.

  “We’ll be back,” the clown had promised. And if there was one creature Charlie trusted, it was Dabney. The Nightmare had saved his behind before. But according to the clock on Alfie’s cell phone, it had been more than six hours since they’d climbed into the Dumpster. The boys had passed the first hour whispering about the Shopkeeper. Alfie swore that they’d all met the man before, but he couldn’t remember where. Charlie agreed the guy looked familiar, but he couldn’t quite place the face either.

  The conversation came to a halt when they heard crickets chirping. It was Alfie’s cell phone ring. He silenced the ringer and stared at the phone’s lit-up screen, his thumb hovering over the Answer button.

  “It’s your mom,” Charlie said.

  “Yeah,” Alfie replied. He and Charlie had known all along that rescue was just a phone call away. But none of them wanted their loved ones anywhere near the danger in Orville Falls.


  Alfie hit Ignore. A few minutes later, the phone lit up again. After the third call, he turned his phone off.

  With nothing else to do in the dark, the boys decided to take turns catching some sleep. Charlie drew the first watch. Crouched between his slumbering friend and a moldy ham, he thought of Jack and Paige and hoped with every ounce of his being that his best friend and his brother were safe.

  Charlie had always admired Paige’s courage. She was the sort of kid who always did the right thing, no matter how hard it might be. Staying in Walker territory to help her aunt was just Paige’s style. It was Jack who had taken Charlie by surprise. His brother had volunteered to keep Paige company without a second thought. Charlie was the one who had hesitated. He’d wasted time worrying, when he should have been the one to grab Paige’s hand. If only he’d been as brave as his brother, he could have been at Josephine’s house right now, smelling Paige’s strawberry shampoo—instead of rotten meat and garbage. But Paige was with Jack, and Charlie couldn’t stand it.

  Sometimes it seemed like his nine-year-old brother had never known any fear. Jack took solo trips to the Netherworld for fun. He hung around with Nightmares and helped ogres remember how to be scary. There was something special about Jack—something Charlie didn’t have. Even when Charlie wasn’t scared, he was usually a bit on edge. It was like he expected to encounter danger around every corner. Charlie hated to admit it, but he could never have set off on his own through the Shopkeeper’s castle the way his little brother had. He simply didn’t have Jack’s courage.

  Alfie’s watch beeped, and Charlie shook his friend awake. “It’s your turn to be lookout,” he said.

  “What am I supposed to look at? It’s pitch-black in here,” he heard Alfie gripe, but Charlie was already drifting off.

  —

  After the horrifying events of the day, Charlie expected to find himself in the Netherworld. Instead, he opened his eyes to a hazy white light. He knew it was probably the Dream Realm, but there was nothing around him to see. Charlie recalled the thick fogs that often settled over the mountains outside Cypress Creek in the morning. Once, during a camping trip with his dad, he’d woken up in a fog. Unzipping the tent, he’d discovered the world had been swallowed by white. When he’d stuck his arm out in front of him, he’d watched in terror as everything up to his elbow had disappeared in the mist.

  But this was worse. It wasn’t fog. It was Nothing. It seemed to press against him and fill his ears and mouth. Charlie felt panic beginning to build inside him.

  “Hello?” he called. But the Nothingness absorbed his voice like a cotton ball sucking up a drop of water. He started to walk blindly, his arms stretched out in front of him. There was nothing there. He could wander forever, Charlie realized, with no hope of escape.

  All of a sudden, a long forked tongue shot out of the fog and slid up the side of Charlie’s face. He let loose a shrill screech that he instantly regretted.

  “Found him!” someone called out.

  “Are you certain it’s him?” replied a smooth, deep voice. “That sounded more like the squeal of a wounded piglet than the cry of a twelve-year-old boy.”

  “Yeah. No doubt about it. It’sss him,” the first voice confirmed. Its owner spoke with a nasally New York accent. “Kid alwaysss tastesss just like chicken. Rotten chicken.”

  “Larry?” Charlie asked in astonishment. “Is that you?”

  A brown snake’s head poked through the Nothingness and appeared right in front of Charlie’s eyes. “Long time, no sssee,” he said. “Though I think I coulda gone a little bit longer.”

  If Larry was there, he couldn’t be alone. “Meduso?” Charlie called out, relief rushing through his body with such force that he felt weak in the knees. “You’re really here?”

  “Of course I am! Who else would wade through something like this just to save someone like you?” A hand reached through the mist and grabbed hold of Charlie’s shirt. It tugged him along for several minutes until they broke through into the Dream Realm sunshine.

  The last time Charlie had seen Basil Meduso was the day the gorgon had retired from the Netherworld by turning himself to stone. Before that, Meduso had worn nothing but well-tailored suits. Now, as a retired Nightmare in the Dream Realm, he appeared to favor tacky Hawaiian shirts, board shorts, and flip-flops. But Charlie was pleased to see that Meduso hadn’t gotten rid of his old fedora. Three snakes emerged from beneath the brim. Like his famous mother, Medusa, Meduso was a gorgon with snakes for hair. But while his mother’s snakes numbered in the dozens, Meduso had only three—Larry, Barry, and Fernando. Barry was a biter. Larry was a talker. And the Spanish snake named Fernando was Charlie’s good friend.

  “Sssso good to ssssee you,” said Fernando, brushing against Charlie’s shoulder. “It’ssss been far too long.”

  “Yeah, you’d think he’d have paid usss a visssit after everything we did for him,” Larry complained.

  The lovely emerald-green snake named Barry slithered down, stroked the side of Charlie’s cheek, and then bared his fangs and disappeared back under the hat.

  “Well, aren’t you going to thank usss?” Larry demanded sourly. He never seemed to be in a good mood.

  “Thank you, Larry,” Charlie said sincerely. “And I’m glad to see you too, Fernando. Where was I just now?” He looked back at what appeared to be a solid white wall. “What is that?”

  Meduso frowned. “That, my boy, is all that is left of the Dream Realm’s Orville Falls,” he told him.

  Charlie shivered. “It’s horrible.”

  “It’s utter emptiness,” Meduso replied. “And I spent half the afternoon inside it, looking for you. You can thank my snakes, by the way. I was as blind as a bat in there. It was their sense of smell that led the way.”

  Charlie smiled up at Larry, Barry, and Fernando. “But how did you guys know where to look for me in the first place?” he asked.

  “Your stepmother, of course,” Meduso said with a snort. “Charlotte showed up this afternoon while I was surfing the most divine wave. She said you went to Orville Falls this morning, and she was worried you might get stuck. She asked me to help you if you visited the Dream Realm. I’m not sure why I keep doing her favors….”

  “Maybe because you like her?” Charlie said.

  “Yes, well,” Meduso admitted with a theatrical sigh. “I suppose everyone has a weakness.”

  For some reason, Meduso’s words made Charlie think of Jack, and the thought left a sour taste in his mouth. If his brother had a weakness, Charlie sure hadn’t found it yet.

  “So,” Meduso said, dragging Charlie back to the conversation. “I imagine you’re eager to get started as soon as possible. My snakes and I won’t take up any more of your time.”

  “Get started on what?” Charlie asked, confused.

  “Fixing this little problem.” Meduso gestured to the white wall. It stretched from the ground up to as far as Charlie could see, and it seemed to loom over them.

  “I’m not sure I’m the one who can fix it,” Charlie told him. The only way to stop the creeping Nothingness and fix the hole in the Netherworld was to find an antidote for the tonic. And there wasn’t much Charlie could do while his body was locked in a Dumpster that was sitting in a parking lot filled with Walkers.

  “I don’t think you have much of a choice,” Meduso replied solemnly. “Come with me.”

  “Where are we going?” Charlie asked.

  Meduso sighed again. “I see you still ask stupid questions,” he answered. “If you haven’t figured out where we’re going, why don’t you wait a moment and see for yourself?”

  Charlie followed the gorgon through a thicket of trees. On the other side lay a narrow street. Charlie recognized it at once. The road marked the western edge of Cypress Creek, and the Nothingness was no more than a few yards away. It had already reached the town limits.

  “By the way, how’s my dear mother?” Charlie heard Meduso ask. “Have you seen much of her lately?”
r />   “Who?” Charlie had to force himself to look away from the Nothingness and focus on his companion.

  “My mother—Medusa? I imagine she must have her hands full right now. Is the Netherworld suffering as badly as we are?”

  “A giant hole swallowed a big part of it,” Charlie reported. “I’d say your mom’s pretty busy.”

  Meduso stopped in his tracks and spun around to face Charlie. “A giant hole?”

  Charlie didn’t have time for the whole story. “Yeah. There’s a tonic that stops dreams and nightmares. We think it’s being smuggled into the Waking World by these two weird people who live in a lighthouse and call themselves—”

  “ICK and INK,” Meduso finished.

  Charlie studied the gorgon’s face. Basil Meduso looked spooked. “Charlotte told you about ICK and INK?” Charlie asked.

  “Years ago,” Meduso said. “At the time, she and your mother were receiving strange notes. They asked me to go to the lighthouse and have a word with whoever—or whatever—had written them.”

  “And?” Charlie asked after a pause that felt like it went on forever. “What happened?”

  Meduso crossed his arms and started walking again. “I’d rather not talk about it,” he said.

  “Yeah, bessst not sssay any more,” Larry urged.

  “It’ssss too ssssad.” Even Fernando agreed, his head drooping as if a terrible memory were weighing it down.

  Charlie hurried to catch up with the gorgon. “You have to tell me what happened! Whoever is inside that lighthouse could be responsible for the tonic that’s destroying the Dream Realm and the Netherworld.”

  Meduso whirled around and grabbed Charlie by both shoulders.

  “Have you been to the lighthouse?” he demanded.

  “Yes,” Charlie said. Meduso’s fingers were pressing into his flesh, and Charlie squirmed. “You’re hurting me.”

  Meduso relaxed his grip. “Whatever you do, don’t go inside! Promise me, Charlie! Promise me right now!”