Ice: Part I

by Penny Hawking

  Joanna blinked as Tyrone stood up.

  “Hey Perkins, got a seat over there!” He nudged her knee as he scooted past her.

  She turned her hazel eyes at him in disbelief. “No, he did not just…..” Her voice trailed off as she watched Tyrone dap a couple of his football friends before sitting next to them.

  Tyrone turned his head back just for brief second, locking eyes with Joanna before facing front and ignoring her for the rest of the assembly.

  “As many of you know bullying will not be tolerated within these walls.”

  “So, did you like the fro-yo yesterday?” Peyton leaned into her.

  Ice smiled and turned to him, their noses almost touching. “Ice-cream is 100 times better.” She whispered.

  “Boo. You’ll never make it in California.” He chastised.

  Ice bit down on her bottom lip to stop herself from giggling.

  Peyton looked her up and down and licked his bottom lip subconsciously. Feeling his eyes on her, Ice turned to him. He smiled back at her innocently. She smiled back and faced front. Shifting slightly in her seat, her arm brushed against his, causing what seemed like sparks of electricity to transfer between them.

  “Hey Ice.” Peyton whispered in her ear.

  “Yeah?”

  “Look, I didn’t ride my bike or drive to school today.” He whispered, staring at the side of her face.

  She turned to catch his steel grey eyes immediately lock with hers. “What’s wrong with your bike?”

  “Nothing.” He shrugged. “Mommy dearest gave me a ride.”

  “Oh.” She nodded and turned her head back to the front.

  “Whenever you feel the urge to bully, think to yourself, what would Polly Polaowsky do?”

  “You think you can maybe give me a ride home?”

  Ice turned back to him and swallowed hard. She nodded.

  Peyton smiled, his eyes roaming her face, settling on her lips before drifting back up to her eyes. “Thanks Ice cream.”

  Ice tugged on her earlobe and grinned.

  “You like that?” Peyton asked grinning along with her.

  “So original.” She responded shaking her head.

  He took a deep breath and exhaled proudly. “I try my best.”

  She covered her mouth.

  Peyton reached out, much to her surprise, grabbed her wrist and brought her hand down to her lap. “Laugh.” He whispered. “I like hearing it.”

  She blinked at him. Her mouth parted in shock. She quickly turned towards the stage without saying another word. Her body felt hot, her face flushed. She was finding it a little hard to breathe.

  **

  “Where were you?”

  Ice closed the front door and turned around. “I’m working on a group project.” She answered.

  She looked away from her mom and calmly made her way up the stairs.

  Melissa crossed her arms and stared up as her daughter disappeared into her bedroom. The door closing gently behind her.

  **

  “Fuck Ice you got an 80?” Maddie held up Ice’s math paper in disbelief. She groaned.

  “I actually studied.” Ice said. “Like legit studied.”

  “So, did I!” Maddie exclaimed. “I can’t fail math my senior year, what the hell?”

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Ice replied brightly as Peyton walked by her locker. He turned to Maddie. “What’s wrong?”

  “I failed and little Miss Genius here got an 80.” Maddie showed him Ice’s paper. “Don’t you have him 4th period? How did you do?”

  Peyton stared at Ice’s paper for a couple seconds before shaking his head. “Not so good.” He admitted. He turned to Ice. “So, you’re good at math huh?”

  “No…I just----“ She put her hand up. “I just studied.”

  “She’s good!” Maddie insisted. “You’ll never see her get below a 78! Fuck why couldn’t we be in the same class?”

  “Maddie’s just…she’s exaggerating.” Ice shook her head.

  Peyton stared at her with interest as he leaned against the nearby locker. “I could use a math tutor.” He shrugged.

  The warning bell rang, and the hallway grew even busier as the kids rushed to their classes.

  “Think about it.” He whispered, saluting her as he walked away.

  Maddie grabbed Ice’s hand as they walked in the opposite direction. “One, he’s totally putting the moves on you, two…I need you to tutor me for real.”

  **

  Ice took big deep breaths as she slammed her locker. Her lips trembled as she turned the dial. Refusing to let the tears at the corner of her eyes spill. Head down she rushed down the hallway, clutching her books to her chest.

  A bad morning. A really bad morning. And she was already half an hour late for school. She swallowed hard. Her body tense, she turned and rammed head first into something.

  “What the fuck man?”

  Or someone.

  “Ice?”

  Ice looked up into light grey eyes. She took a couple deep breaths and wiped her cheek. “I’m sorry.” She mumbled and looked back down at the ground. “I’m late.”

  Peyton put his hand out. “Hey are you okay?” He lowered his head, to try and see her face.

  Ice chuckled and waved away the question. “Yeah, I just----“Her voice broke. “I’m late…. really late and I---“ She clamped her mouth shut and rushed past him.

  She couldn’t. Not right now. Not in front of him. Her issues were her issues. Hers and Melissa’s. Only her mother knew how to make her feel lower than shit, on a beautiful Wednesday.

  **

  Ice stood off the side and crossed her arms. “Look I should really go.” She whispered.

  “Come here.” Peyton motioned to her. “Come on…. come….”

  She grudgingly lifted her legs and followed him to the edge of the tower. Any other day she would have marveled at how high it was. How the view was so beautiful. How everything seemed so minuscule from way up here.

  But today she couldn’t.

  Today she just wanted to go home, lock herself in her room and bury herself in her bed, under the covers and die. She felt like she was losing control, or her mind, or both. She was so frustrated, so angry. Melissa was nagging. More on her. Was demeaning. Kept throwing around comments of Kansas, of instability, talked about forever. She said things in ways that constantly put the fear of God in Ice’s heart. Because Ice knew her mother better than anybody else. But also, nobody knew her more than her mother. A twisted, twisted dark cycle. She didn’t want to be a part of it but couldn’t break free. She hated her life.

  Peyton grinned as he leaned over the edge. He grabbed the railing and leaned back.

  “FUCK YOU!”

  Ice jumped back in fright and stared at him, mouth opened, completely dumbfounded.

  He turned to Ice and tilted his head. “Come on do it.”

  “What?”

  Peyton leaned over the railing. “FUCK YOU!” He yelled loudly into the wind.

  Ice shook her head, her eyes narrowed, still staring at him like he’d grown three heads. “What are you doing?”

  “It helps.” He turned to her.

  “Helps with what?”

  “Helps to not make you feel like shit.” He explained. “Come on.”

  “I’m not shouting that out loud into the wind, no matter how high up we are.” Ice shook her head.

  “Trust me, you get some sort of high.” Peyton insisted.

  Ice shook her head.

  “Okay, I’ll do it for you.” He grinned. “What’s got you feeling so shitty these past two days.”

  “Nothing.” Ice shook her head.

  “Nothing?”

  “Nothing, I’m fine.” She took a deep breath.

  “Okay.” Peyton nodded calmly. “Okay.”

  “Can we go-----

  “FUCK YOU NOTHING!”

  “Jesus Peyton!” Ice put her hand over her heart.

  He turned and laughed at her
scared expression. “Seriously Ice, try it. It’s liberating.

  “You’re crazy.” She gasped.

  “PEYTON’S FUCKING CRAZY!” He yelled out as he jumped on the lower railing and threw his hand in the air. He shook his head and his hair released from its hold. “Oh fuck—“He tried to grab his hair tie, but it flew and spiraled downwards.

  He turned to Ice, his hair blowing in his face. He grinned and pushed his hair back.

  She laughed at him and shook her head.

  “Come on Ice, we’re not leaving here until you do it.” He ordered as he put another hair tie in his mouth as he pulled his hair back away from his face. “Just one time. It’ll make you feel better.” He tied his hair up in a careless bun before grabbing her hand.

  “Peyton no.”

  “Come on, trust me.” He tugged her towards the railing. “Hold on to here.”

  “Peyton, I’m not doing this.”

  “All you have to do is yell fuck you.” He said standing next to her. “Research has proven yelling fuck you into nature reduces stress by 98.7%.”

  Ice shook her head and laughed. “You completely made that up!”

  Peyton laughed along with her. “What are you talking about? It’s in all the scientific journals.”

  She smiled and shook her head.

  “Come on, I want to hear you curse.” Peyton nudged her. “Scream just one bad word for me.”

  Ice giggled. “What?

  Peyton leaned over the railing. “FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ICE FEEL LIKE SHIT YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!”

  She stared at him in disbelief. Her heart racing.

  “BITCHASS MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRSSSSS!”

  “Oh my God.” Ice whispered.

  “OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

  She laughed and covered her mouth. She quickly put her hand down remembering how he’d told her 3 days ago, he liked to her laugh.

  “WE’RE GONNA FUCKING STAY UP IN THIS SHITTY ASS TOWER UNTIL ICE CURSES A MOTHERFUCKER!”

  She laughed and touched his arm. “Okay.”

  “O-FUCKING-K!”

  She shook her head. “You’re really enjoying yourself huh?”

  He beamed at her. “You will too. Come on, let me hear it.”

  She stared out at the landscape. Her hands gripping the railing tightly. She felt like a ball had lodged in her throat. She wanted to do it. She wanted to be free as him. To relieve some stress. If only just for a second. She took a couple deep breaths and closed her eyes. “FUCK YOU!” Her eyes shot open in fear at the silence.

  She turned to Peyton watching her intently. He shook his head. “Wow, what filthy language you have Ice.”

  She laughed and lowered her head.

  “Do it again.” He encouraged gently.

  She looked back at the beautiful landscape and took a deep breath. “FUCK YOU!”

  “Again.”

  “FUCK YOU!”

  “Again.”

  Ice took a deep breath. “F-Fuck----“She inhaled deeply, tears at the corner of her eyes. “Fuck you.” She wiped her face to stop the tears from falling but failed as her hands came up wet. Her shoulders shook as she turned her back to him. She heaved and buried her face in her hands.

  Peyton grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face him.

  “I’m sorry---I’m----“

  “Don’t ever apologize for feeling.” He whispered taking her hand away from her face. “Don’t apologize for anything.”

  Ice looked down, unable to look up at him as she tried to control herself.

  “Who did this to you?” He whispered. His hand lifted slowly. His thumb wiped the tears off her cheeks. He brought up his other hand and did the same thing. Closing the gap between them as he wiped her tears.

  Ice sniffled and looked up at him, her bottom lip trembling.

  He smiled sadly. “Feel better right?”

  She nodded, blinking away tears that he wiped away.

  “Ice.” Peyton whispered. He cupped her face. “Ice, I’m going to kiss you.”

  Her eyes widened.

  “I don’t care about your boyfriend.” He lowered his head. “I’m going to kiss you.” He finished his sentence against her lips.

  He kissed her hungrily. Tilting her head for a better angle. His eyes closed, Peyton moaned as he deepened the kiss. Ice grabbed on to his shirt. Her own eyes long closed as she followed his lead. Opening her mouth to allow the intrusion of his tongue. Clinging on to him desperately.

  So, this is what it felt like. To kiss and be kissed with abandon.

  Whore

  (Ice)

  Ice took a deep breath as she waited outside the classroom door. What was she doing? She didn’t know. What was she going to say? She had no idea either. All she knew was that as soon as the bell rung, her feet dragged her here. Down the hallway in front of classroom 33C.

  Was she a stalker for knowing where Peyton’s last class on Thursday was? Maybe. Maybe not. But she knew where it was. She wanted to walk outside with him. Ice balanced on the tip of her toes nervously. Hadn’t they done that almost every day for that past 2 and a half weeks?

  Maddie was getting that math tutoring she so desperately needed from this kid Ryan in her science class. Jo had cheerleading and Brooke was in the yearbook club. Brooke had tried relentlessly to get Ice to sign up for the club, but she didn’t want to participate in any school events. Maybe in middle school she had, until she realized that her mother always made her feel less than dirt in any extracurricular activity she partook in. she quickly detached herself from school. Her routine for a couple years had always been school, home, maybe a friend’s house once a week, the library and maybe, just maybe a random person’s house.

  But this year, her senior year seemed to be her time to shine. Her time to act like an actual teen. 3 weeks ago, she’d been petrified out of her mind that Melissa would find out. But to her surprise she hadn’t. She’d come home, say she was at the library, had a group project, or was at Maddie or Jo’s house and her mother would accept it. She would take it. No questions asked. She didn’t know whether to be scared of happy at this weird freedom.

  The freedom to go where she wanted, talk to whom she wanted without Melissa breathing down her back. Melissa didn’t even stay home as much as Ice did. If Ice had truly known how to be rebellious she could have tasted freedom earlier than this past month.

  She stretched her neck to look into the window on the door. Peyton was still inside with Mrs. Worty. Whatever was being said, he didn’t seem to be receiving it well. He stood across from her, arms crossed, body rigid as the teacher’s arm flared ridiculously. Her face bright red. Ice turned back around to look at the emptying hallway. Peyton Stone wasn’t a good student. He was, academically but he seemed to get in trouble with any and all authority figure. She’d overheard teachers call him stubborn, headstrong, a menace. One teacher had called him disrespectful, entitled and arrogant.

  That wasn’t the Peyton she knew…. or knew so far. Did she really know him?

  The door opened and Peyton slammed it behind him. “Fucking bitch.” He muttered rolling his eyes. He exhaled deeply and held his backpack strap and walked the opposite direction of where Ice stood.

  “Peyton?”

  He turned around in surprise. A small smile of relief lifted the corners of his mouth. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

  “I was waiting for you.” Ice replied nervously. “Did you need a ride home today?”

  He stared at her and blinked rapidly to hide his surprise. “Oh…” He chuckled. “I was having a shitty day and you just completely turned that around.”

  She smiled and stared at him from where she was, not sure whether to move or not. “I’m sorry, what happened?”

  He shook his head, his grey eyes turning to the door of 33c. “I hate this fucking school, and these fucking teachers.” He huffed loudly. “I just wanna leave. Can’t wait to graduate.”

  Ice nodded. “Well hang in there, it’s only a couple months.” She
offered gently.