Always

by Sam Crescent

  “I won’t tell Lexie,” Tabitha said.

  “She knows. You’re not keeping any great secret. She knows what I need to do to handle all of this.”

  “I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. I wish there was something I could do.”

  “There is. Treat my boy right. That’s all I’m asking you, Tabitha, and be honest with him, he deserves it.”

  ****

  The days passed, as did the weeks.

  Lexie had good days, bad days, worse ones, hopeful ones. Devil was always there. Christmas came and went by in a blur for everyone. When she was in Piston County, she decorated the house under Lexie’s supervision. She went back home for a couple of days, leaving Simon behind. Being back at home reminded her of how much she missed life there, her parents, Daisy, the guys, the girls. All of them. She missed them even without returning but now, being back on the ground, she knew it was the one place she called home. Determined to help Lexie and Simon, she went back to them.

  Back in Piston County, Lexie got sicker. The chemo took its toll and Tabitha was there when she shaved her head rather than allow any more hair to fall out. Lexie hadn’t been able to cope, and so the decision had been quick. Lexie took the first cut, then Tabitha finished it for her.

  Late at night, in Simon’s arms, she would sometimes sob. The memories coming at her in full force of the time with Darcy. She had never allowed herself to let go, to show too much, but now, with Lexie, she felt it. The woman went from being strong to weak. But, and this was the part that made her feel the most guilt, she cried sometimes because of missing home. She never told Simon the truth about her tears and he never forced the issue.

  Lexie’s illness tore the club apart emotionally. Everyone felt it. Tabitha was there during New Year’s, when they had their clubhouse get-together. All of the club members, their old ladies, kids, family, they were all there and at the table, Tabitha sensed the tension. Lexie was loved by all. She brought everyone together. Being Devil’s old lady, she’d been the voice of reason to so many and helped make decisions as well.

  Late January, Devil called her into his office and she knew why. Her bags were already packed. She’d helped out as much as she could, and even Lexie said it was time for her to go home to be with her family.

  She sat down opposite him.

  “You’re going to be seventeen soon,” he said.

  Simon had already celebrated his birthday. They had a short age gap between them. Just a little over a year.

  “I know. If I ask my dad, could I stay here?” she asked.

  Devil rubbed the back of his head. “Look, Tabitha, having you here hasn’t been a problem. You’ve followed most of the rules of my house.”

  “I followed all of them,” she said, interrupting them.

  “Simon shares your bed every single night. That is not following all of them.”

  “Oh, you knew?”

  “This is my house. You think I don’t know what’s going on in it?”

  She pressed her lips together, wishing the world could open up and allow her to sink right inside. “Of course.”

  “But I believe that you and he have stuck to your promises. I’m going to trust in that.”

  “Good. We didn’t break any other rules.”

  “But I also know that with you guys getting closer to eighteen, you’re going to have to make a choice. Staying here will make that choice easier for you.”

  “And you don’t want me to have it easy?”

  Devil shrugged. “I don’t think you should cut off one part of your life just to make it easier for you. The Skulls is your family. Tiny and Eva are your parents. You have a life back in Fort Wills. The longer you stay here, you’ll have to enroll in school. This wasn’t supposed to be permanent. I’ve talked with Tiny. We’re in agreement. We know you and Simon are together, but there’s a path you both have to choose. We can’t make that decision for you.”

  “So you’re separating us, again?” Tabitha asked.

  He sighed. “It doesn’t matter what I say right now to you. I’ll come across as the bad guy.”

  Tabitha ran her hands down the arms of the chair. “Is Lexie all clear?”

  “We’re waiting for the results but we know we’ve still got a long way to go.”

  Lexie had needed a mastectomy of both breasts. The cancer had spread.

  “I came to help,” she said. “I want you to understand that. I didn’t come here to make my life easier.”

  “I know. You’ve helped me with the kids and with Simon. He’s … grown so much in the last couple of weeks. Thank you,” he said.

  Tears filled her eyes. “I … I love my club,” she said. “I know that Simon wants all of this. I can see why. I know you guys are amazing.”

  There was a sad smile on Devil’s face. “But we’re not The Skulls.”

  “You’re not.”

  “And you miss them.”

  She nodded her head. “So much.” She swiped at her eyes.

  “Tabitha, if you stay here and you force this, one day, you’re going to wake up, and I don’t know, you’re going to miss Daisy giving birth, or an event that they didn’t think to invite you too because you’re Chaos now. That will awaken a resentment so big you won’t even begin to understand where it came from.”

  She sniffled. “So what you’re saying is to get it out of my system?”

  “We both know this choice isn’t going to be easy for you or for Simon. It could tear you apart. I’m not going to deny that. You’re not a Chaos girl. You never will be, not while you remain a Skull.”

  Tabitha got to her feet. “Does Simon know?”

  “He’s outside with Tiny.”

  “Oh,” Tabitha said.

  “We decided that it would be best if he comes and picks you up.”

  “It must be good to dictate how a person should live,” Tabitha said.

  Devil opened his hands before drawing the tips of his fingers together. He looked so calm. She knew the monster just beneath the surface. Why wouldn’t he come out so she could scream and shout at him?

  “Tiny and I knew this road you and Simon were determined to make together would become fraught.”

  “There is no reason for it to be. You guys work together all the time.”

  “Working together is different, Tabitha. Don’t be an idiot or a fool. We’re different clubs. You know that. There will never be any joining of our clubs. No matrimony or sharing of leadership. It’s simple. The Skulls or Chaos Bleeds. One or the other. Never both. We’re not mixing. We’re not joining.”

  Tabitha nodded. She’d heard enough.

  After leaving Devil’s office, she grabbed her bags and headed out to the car. Sure enough, Tiny was there waiting for her. He held his arms open. She wanted to punish him for making this even harder for her, but the truth was, she had been missing The Skulls. Piston County and Chaos Bleeds were fun. It was nice, but it wasn’t home. There was no Quad, no gang. She missed them so much.

  Simon went to her. “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey.” She glanced over his shoulder at her dad who held up one finger letting her know she only had a short amount of time. “It seems we’re always doing this.”

  “One day we won’t have to.”

  “One day. This is happening so fast. I thought…”

  “Tabby, I want you to stay. You know that, but I think for your sanity, you’ve got to go. You’ve got to go and do what you need to.”

  “You’re being very understanding about this.”

  “I don’t want to lose you,” Simon said.

  “You never will.”

  Tiny beeped the car. She rolled her eyes. “This is what I’m going home to.”

  “I’m going to miss all of those eye rolls.”

  Tabitha laughed. “They’re not going to be directed at you.”

  “We’ll talk every single night.”

  “You can count on it.” She went up onto her toes, kissed his lips, and pulled away.
>
  She didn’t say anything as she climbed into the car, or as Tiny drove off, heading back home.

  It was a long drive ahead, and they’d have no choice but to pit stop at a motel.

  “Are you going to ignore me the entire drive home?”

  “I’m not ignoring you.”

  “Do you hate me right now? More than an average teenager would?”

  She chuckled. “No, I don’t hate you, Dad.”

  “But?”

  “No buts. I get it. I do.”

  “Devil believed you were missing home.”

  “He’s right. I was.”

  “Honey, talk to me.”

  “I honestly don’t know what to say. Do you want me to say you’re right, that you’ve been right from the start? You have. You know you have.”

  “I want you to be happy and to know that you can talk to me about anything, even stuff you don’t think I can handle.”

  Tabitha licked her lips. “I thought…”

  “What?”

  “I thought I could do this. That it would be easy.”

  “Leaving home? Going to Piston County?”

  “Both.”

  “And it wasn’t?”

  She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t easy. I missed home a lot. All this time, I figured you and Devil were just being giant pains in the ass. Keeping us apart because of some dick-measuring contest, but it’s not.” She sighed. “You were right.”

  “I didn’t want to be.”

  “Dad, I know there’s a choice I’m going to have to make. Give up Simon or the club. It’s one or the other. I can’t have both.”

  Tiny didn’t say anything.

  “What would you have done?” Tabitha asked.

  “I didn’t have to make that choice. I’ve got my woman and the club.”

  “If you had to. If Mom made you choose between her and the club, what would you do?”

  Tiny sighed. “I’d pick your mother, sweetheart, but I’m not a leader anymore. If you want a true answer, talk to Lash. He’d give you an honest one.”

  She sat back. That wouldn’t be helpful at all.

  Chapter Twelve

  A couple of days later

  “Fancy meeting you here,” Daisy said.

  Tabitha held her hand up in a wave at her friend. She was out near the forest, sitting on a patch of earth she’d once snuggled up against Simon with. That seemed so far away right now. Of course, the moment had been lost when Luke and Ryan arrived, assholes.

  Daisy dropped down onto her knees beside her. Her best friend wore a pair of jeans and a white shirt. Her brown hair was tied back in a ponytail. “I thought you’d be here.”

  “Yeah, I needed to think. I would have called you last night.”

  “It’s fine. A lot’s going on in your head right now, right?”

  Tabitha nodded. “I guess.” She tore out some grass, holding it within her grasp.

  “So you spend all of this time with Simon and you’re officially more miserable than ever. Want to tell me about that?” Daisy slid her legs out from beneath her and crossed them.

  “I don’t know if I can do it, Daisy,” she said.

  “Do what?”

  “Be his old lady. Be what he needs me to be.” Rubbing at her temple, she groaned. “Forget it.”

  “You mean leave Fort Wills indefinitely and go and live life as his old lady.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I mean. You know, I’m so stupid.”

  “You’re not stupid.”

  “Yeah, I am. All this time, I thought our parents were just being jerks about this whole thing, and look what’s happening.”

  “So you’ve had a bit of a reality check. That’s not a bad thing.”

  “It is a bad thing.” She looked away. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Hey.” Daisy put a hand over Tabitha’s clenched fist. “I get that you’ve been away for some time, but don’t shut me out. That’s not fair. I don’t do it to you, so don’t do it to me.”

  “Oh, yeah, what about your dad?”

  “We’re not talking about that. Stop with being a bitch to me, okay? I get it. You’ve got to make this big tough decision but no one is forcing you to do that.”

  “Devil, my dad!”

  “They’re not telling you to make it now. They’re making you aware of the decision you’ve got to make. They are trying to help you.”

  Tabitha pressed her face into her hands.

  “You’re making this a lot harder than it needs to be,” Daisy said.

  “Oh, that’s easy for you to say. The love of your life is like a ten-minute walk away.”

  “First, I haven’t even asked Anthony out, and don’t think I’ve forgotten our little agreement there either. I haven’t. If he turns me down, bikini dancing is in your future. Second, I don’t even know if he feels that way about me. I know you keep on saying it but it doesn’t mean it’s actually true, does it?”

  “Oh, please, I know what I’m talking about.”

  Tabitha screamed as Daisy suddenly launched herself at her, wrapping her arms around her.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Tabitha asked.

  Daisy held her even tighter. “I’m holding on to you so you stay grounded. Remember, it’s what you told me to do? If you ever feel like you can’t cope, I can just hold on to you, and then all the bad stuff is going to go away.”

  Tabitha wanted to fight her. To let all of her anger and pain out, but Daisy wasn’t the person she was angry at. No, she was mad at herself for thinking this would all be an easy choice for her. It wasn’t. She was fighting everything and everyone.

  Letting go, she cried and Daisy held her. Lying in the grass, she didn’t let her friend go, not wanting to.

  “I love you,” Tabitha said.

  “I love you too,” Daisy said. “But I’ve got to know, how much did you want to hit me?”

  “A lot. A whole lot.” Tabitha laughed. “I don’t hate you though.”

  “Come on, you can’t hate me. I’m awesome.”

  “You really are. I’m sorry for being a bitch.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’ve covered the whole bitchy season myself. I may have been mean a time or two.”

  “Make it three or four,” Tabitha said.

  “Rude, totally rude.” Daisy patted her arm. “It’s good to have you back. I know you’ve got to make the ‘big decision.’” She lifted her fingers up to make quotation marks. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

  “I am too.”

  “Is that why you’re so angry,” Daisy asked. “You figured you would want to leave home and be with Simon?”

  “You got it.” Tabitha blew out a long breath. “I thought I would hate this place so much that it would just be me getting up, waving goodbye, and getting on with my life. Now, ugh, this is my home.”

  Daisy chuckled. “Try to say it without looking like you’ve given yourself a death sentence.”

  “I haven’t. I missed you so much.” Tabitha hugged her friend close and they got to their feet. “Come on, it’s getting way too cold out here.”

  “Angel’s at the clubhouse. She’s got a lot of leftovers she’s making a pie with.”

  “Are you still going without meat?”

  “Yep, so is my mom. You should see my dad. He keeps trying to tempt her.” Daisy laughed.

  “And if Anthony is there, you have to ask him on a date.”

  “I was thinking we’d save it ’til summer,” Daisy said.

  “Why summer?”

  “You and a bikini. I don’t expect you to wait around for me to forget. You are dancing.” Daisy pointed a finger at her chest.

  “I will dance and I’m so confident he’ll say yes, I will dance in the cold.”

  “And get grounded your first couple of days back.”

  Tabitha opened her arms wide and took a little bow. “I’m that confident you will be eating your words.”

  “You know what, I’m just going to go ahead and do it. To h
ell with all of this waiting around.”

  Tabitha winked at her. They headed back to the clubhouse. For some reason, she felt like someone was watching her, and she turned back to see Luke coming out of the clearing. He’d been there all this time? She didn’t let Daisy know. Turning away, she focused on going home to the clubhouse.

  Linking her arms with Daisy, they walked through the town. A couple of people welcomed her back, which made her so happy. This was the life she loved. Back in Piston County, no one knew her. She’d been a stranger, and rather than love the freedom, she’d only been made aware of where she didn’t belong.

  Arriving at the clubhouse, she saw Lash out front, working on his bike. Nash, his brother, was there. Much to Tabitha’s surprise, so was Anthony. He wore a short-sleeved black shirt over his jeans. His arms were folded.

  “He’s right there,” Tabitha said.

  “How about we do it tomorrow?” Daisy asked.

  “I’m not going to wait around. Yo, Anthony, Daisy wants to talk to you.” Her friend hit her in the chest. “Ouch.”

  “That serves you right.”

  Anthony approached.

  “I hate you right now.”

  “You love me, Daisy.”

  He stopped.

  “Hi,” Daisy said, her voice high-pitched.

  Tabitha tried to contain her laughter.

  “You’re back,” he said.

  “Yep, in the flesh. I am real.” She offered him a wave.

  Anthony’s gaze turned back to Daisy. Her friend’s hands shook.

  “So, I wanted to talk to you. Right. Of course. Er, do you like food?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good, I like food obviously, and when two people like food, they eat it.”

  A snort came out. Pressing a hand to her lips, Tabitha quickly apologized.

  “This is stupid,” Daisy said. She took a deep breath. “Would you like to go out with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “See,” Daisy said, looking victorious, and then she frowned. “Wait, what?”

  “Yes, I’ll go out with you. Tomorrow night, I’ll take you to the diner. I know you like their garden burgers.”

  “Oh, er, oh, yes, of course.”

  Anthony nodded and walked off.