Always

by Sam Crescent

  Tabitha quickly looked around. “You’re kidding. Where?”

  “Not kidding. I heard Dad call them, asking if they could keep an eye, asking if they’d make sure we turned up.”

  “That is so rude.”

  “The whole grandpa thing. I feel your pain.”

  “It’s not pain. I’m pissed. Why can’t they trust us?” she asked.

  “We’re kids.”

  She shook her head. “That excuse is getting old.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Tabitha took his other hand. “I’m going to love you forever, you know that?”

  “I do.”

  Staring across the table, she looked into his dark eyes and knew their life wasn’t going to be easy, but she would make it work. For the both of them.

  Chapter Eleven

  After flicking through the book, Tabitha closed it and slid it back on the shelf. She went to the next one that was on her list that Daisy had sent her last night. Her best friend was helping her through some of the science she was struggling with. She was still being sent work from her old high school. She worked in one of the offices at reception, but right now, she was in the Piston County library as the main school one didn’t have what she was looking for, trying to find everything she needed to get her work done.

  There would come a point when they’d demand she enroll in a new school but until then, she was determined to have a connection to her old school. So long as she did the work, and didn’t mess them around, she’d be good. She knew that. What she didn’t want to do was enroll in Simon’s school. It would be like her life at Fort Wills was officially over. The agreement, Lash and Devil made with both schools was temporary, which was why she worked in the office, rather than attend any classes. At least she didn’t have to deal with Amber as she wasn’t at school because Tabitha did break her nose. Rumors were running rife, but no one messed with her.

  With the other book, she opened it up to the page Daisy suggested had a better description of reproduction and glanced through it.

  She was scanning through the words as someone put their hands over her eyes. She dropped the book, grabbed the hand, and slammed them up against the wall. Her fist raised, she looked into Simon’s smiling face.

  “Simon, what the fuck?” She dropped her fist as someone threw a shush her way. She let him go, bending down to pick up her cell phone and book. The screen hadn’t cracked, but she was pissed.

  “What? Dad told me he dropped you off at the library again. Why don’t you use the school library?”

  “Besides the fact I don’t have a card there, they didn’t have what I needed. I want to do some extra studying this week.” She pulled the text messages on her cell phone to check the other titles.

  “You could just enroll.”

  “I can’t. I’ve got my old high school, Simon, you understand that. Devil and Lash worked hard for this.”

  “I do, but I also know time is ticking. The longer you’re here, you’re going to have to enroll.”

  She looked up from her cell phone and glared at him. “Stop meddling. I will deal with that when the time comes.” She rounded the bookshelf and Simon followed her. “Why are you here? Are you looking for a book?”

  “Nope. I came to hang out with you but it seems your only focus is on work. I have to say I’m disappointed.”

  “Don’t be like that. You know this is important to me. Normally, if I don’t get anything, Daisy and I have a sleepover. We enjoy pizza, study, and finish with a movie, but she always makes sure I understand it. Even makes me have a test to make sure I understand it. Don’t worry about it.” She missed home, that wasn’t a surprise.

  Talking to her parents was hard. She listened to tales of her brother and other siblings, and it made her ache to be back in Fort Wills. She missed the salon and Lacey’s experiments with hair color and nails. Her sleepovers with Daisy. Even Anthony’s silent asshole ways. Even Miles, her twin, and his complete lack of respecting personal space. Michael, the irritating bastard, he could be with an attitude a mile long. All of it was hard, and now as she looked at Simon, the guilt hit her again, hard.

  He loved her and she loved him so much. The thought of being without him was like a physical blow, but this wasn’t home.

  “I worry about you, Tabby, always.”

  “I know.” She went to him, putting a hand on his chest. “It will be fine. I know it will. Let me get this book and head on out.”

  She didn’t give Simon a chance to argue with her. The first thing she’d done when she arrived at Piston County was get a library card. After scanning the books, she shoved them into her backpack and turned to Simon. He flicked the keys in his finger.

  “Dad let me have the car. You want to go for a drive?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  It wasn’t a bike, which was what she felt she needed, but it was better than nothing. She threw her bag into the backseat, jumped in the front, and rolled the windows down. There was some light rain, but she didn’t care.

  Simon started the car and reeved the engine.

  Driving out of the main town center, he went in the opposite direction. As soon as they were on the open road, he pressed his foot to the floor, and off they went.

  Closing her eyes, she stuck her head out the window, feeling her hair in the wind. It was the next best thing. Sticking her hands out, she let out a whoop and heard Simon’s chuckle.

  After minutes passed and she felt more like herself, she opened her eyes and watched the passing world. This was her life. When she thought about leaving The Skulls, she wanted to hit the road, travel, and just be free.

  Simon came to a stop, pulling up in the middle of nowhere. No one was around.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “No one is around. Come on.” He turned the radio on and some heavy metal song came through. He turned it up then climbed out of the car.

  She didn’t follow him, and he rounded to her side, opening it up. “Come on.”

  “Simon?”

  He took her hand, and she didn’t argue, unbuckling her belt as he got her out of the car.

  “You need to stop thinking,” he said, tugging her close. Their hands rested at his chest. “I can see you’re struggling and I get it. This isn’t home and I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you.”

  “Simon, it’s not you.”

  “I know. I haven’t been in Fort Wills for a long time without my parents. I don’t know what you’re going through.”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “It is something and when it comes to you, I always want to make it right. Let me help you.”

  “I just miss home, Simon. It’s nothing you can do.” She ran her hands down his arms. “Nothing at all. Just being here helps.”

  He pulled her close and she rested her head on his chest. If she was like this after a few weeks, what would it be like after months, what about years? What about never being able to go home again because of some argument? The Skulls and Chaos Bleeds worked together, but there were times they had fall-outs. She and Simon were able to work their way around the last one, but what if something happened when they were older? If she was his wife, and Anthony took over from the club. She’d never be allowed back. That alone terrified her.

  Daisy and home were there.

  Don’t think. Stop thinking.

  She held him tightly, not wanting to let him go.

  “I will always be here for you, Tabby. You need to know that.”

  “I do.”

  For several songs, they danced, and she loved it, feeling him around her. When another upbeat song came on, Tabitha pulled away, holding his hands, and she started to sway her hips. There was no way she was going to let either of them be pulled down into the darkness. All of that could come back later. They only had now and each other. She was going to work with that.

  Tabitha slammed her foot down to the notes of the song, following the beat of a drum. Closing her eye
s, she let the words fill her senses, and swinging her hips, she lifted her hands up. Simon put his hands on her waist, following her. He helped her dip back, and there was no doubt he’d catch her.

  She could be herself with him. He’d catch her no matter what.

  Spinning in his arms, she put her ass against him and he groaned, but she took his hands, locking their fingers together. She wasn’t trying to tease him, just be close. Pulling his arms around her, she held on to him, not wanting to let go. This was everything to her.

  Simon’s lips caressed her neck, his tongue sliding across her pulse. She released a gasp.

  “Promise me, Tabby.”

  “What?”

  “That whenever you’re missing home, you’ll come to me.”

  She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. “I will.” It was a lie and with the soft smile he offered her, she knew he knew. As she cupped his cheek, the moment was broken. She stopped dancing. “I think it’s time we headed back.”

  ****

  “What do you think?” Dean asked.

  Simon stared out of his friend’s apartment window.

  “Earth to Simon.”

  He frowned and looked up. Dean stood right in front of him. “Sorry, what?”

  Dean laughed. “You came to check out my place and it’s like you’re not even here.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, man. Don’t worry about it. Tell me what’s going on with you.” Dean folded his arms.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing. I know you. Come on, let me have it.”

  Simon rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s Tabby.”

  “What about her?”

  He didn’t want to talk about it. “So when will the furniture arrive?” Simon asked, stepping away from the window. There were a couple of old fruit crates, and through one of the doors, he spotted a mattress on the floor.

  “Dude, don’t do this.”

  “It’s nothing. Believe me.”

  “I’m your friend. If you can’t tell me, who can you tell?”

  “It’s club stuff.”

  Dean snorted. “Right and even though I have every intention of becoming a prospect, you can’t talk to me about it.”

  “It’s between Tabby and me.”

  “You think she doesn’t talk to her own friends?”

  “I don’t know what she does.” He looked around the apartment. “She’s missing home.”

  “And?”

  “And if she’s missing home, it means any chance of us being together, it starts to change our entire future.”

  “How does it?” Dean asked.

  “It just does. We’re club kids, okay? We know the deal. We know what we have to do. You wouldn’t understand.” He didn’t want to fight with his friend.

  Dean laughed. “I wouldn’t understand. Simon, look around you. You think right now I don’t miss home? Sure, I’ve got to do as I’m told with them, but it would beat sleeping on a used mattress on the floor. I’m sitting on fruit crates and I know Devil’s leaving me food packages to help me get by. I’ve got rent to pay and bills are mounting up, but I know in the long term, this is better for me than home. Do I still miss it? Hell, yeah. Will I go back there? No. I don’t know what the deal is between you and Tabby but I do know you love each other.”

  “I thought like that for a long time.”

  “What changed?”

  “Reality? I don’t know. I figured this was a done deal. I’m going to take over from my dad. It’s all I ever wanted to do and now, I don’t know, I can’t become a Skull.”

  “But you want her to become a Chaos.”

  “I thought it was what she wanted.” He scoffed. “Can you hear me?”

  “I can and I do know that if you and Tabby want it to work, and you see all this trouble in front of you, one day you’re going to work it out, and then it will be pretty damn awesome.”

  “Thanks, man. It’s a great place.”

  “It’s a shithole.”

  “My dad keeps leaving you packages?”

  “Yep. Food stuff. I even have a microwave. I’ve got to save up for a stove. Takeout is too damn expensive.” Dean dropped down onto a crate.

  “And this is better than home?”

  “It is, to me it is. I don’t have to worry about an upcoming wedding or any of that shit. Taking over the family business.” Dean offered up a can of soda. “It’s not cold. I don’t have a fridge.”

  Simon shook his head. “I could get my dad to adopt you.”

  “Not happening. I want to make this work and I’m not afraid of hard work.”

  Opening the soda, he took a large sip. He sat down on the opposite crate. “Have you had to deal with your parents?”

  “Yep. They don’t like any of this. As if that’s a surprise to me. They don’t like any part of my life.” Dean shook his head. “To them, money makes the world go around.”

  “You’re an idiot if you don’t think it too. Money’s not everything, but it makes life a hell of a lot easier.”

  “True. If I had money, I’d have cold sodas. I’m going to make this work. I know I can.” Dean smiled. “You don’t know what it was like, growing up with them. With their expectations.”

  “I have expectations back home, Dean. It’s just different.”

  “True. So are you going to let Tabitha go, or are you going to fight for her?” he asked.

  “I will always fight for her. No doubt about it. She’s the love of my life.”

  “You know, Eddie and I, we teased the shit out of you, but one day, I hope I get a fraction of that kind of love with someone. What you’ve got with Tabs, dude, hang on to it.”

  “I will.”

  ****

  Today was a bad day.

  Lexie had chemo and the moment she got home, the vomiting happened. She got a little dizzy on her feet. Devil was there, and Tabitha tried to keep the kids settled. Josh and Elizabeth helped, but seeing their mom so ill was taking its toll.

  When the sounds of her spewing up could be heard throughout the house, Tabitha took them all out into the yard. It had been snowing. She wrapped them all up in jackets, scarves, and hats, and watched each one as they built snowmen and had fights.

  Within no time at all, she had them laughing. After Simon arrived home from school, he did the same and helped out.

  After a couple of hours, she left them with Simon as she went inside to go and make some dinner, coming to a stop when she saw Devil.

  All her life, this man had been scary as fuck. Always in control. Never letting his guard down. She couldn’t recall seeing him sad. Angry, sure. Pissed off, a given. She paused at the doorway of the kitchen, and he was crying.

  They weren’t giant sobs. If she hadn’t stopped and looked at him, it could even be mistaken for him just sitting there, contemplating life.

  “You can come in,” he said. His voice hoarse as if he’d been screaming at something.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  She pressed her lips together. A smart comment was on the tip of her tongue, but she refused to spill it, not yet.

  She stepped into the kitchen and looked into the fridge. There wasn’t a lot to cook with.

  “I didn’t get a chance to go to the grocery store.”

  “I can go,” she said. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I’ll drive you,” Devil said. “I need to … I need to.”

  “I’ll let Simon know.” She made her escape. She’d rather Simon drive her to the supermarket but she had a feeling Devil needed to get out of the house.

  Simon kissed her, and she left the main house, finding Devil already in the car.

  Climbing into the passenger side, she waited.

  Silence was often a comfort. With Devil in the car, it made her uncomfortable.

  Devil drove past the supermarket and she looked back. “We kind of need to go there.”

  She tensed up as
he pressed his foot on the gas. He wouldn’t try to kill her, would he? It wasn’t her fault he was in pain.

  Her heart raced. She felt sick to her stomach.

  They cleared the town and the moment they got across the line, the worst sound she had ever heard came out of Devil’s mouth. He screamed. His hand hit the steering wheel. The dashboard. Anything he could hurt was there in front of him. He didn’t stop screaming or yelling.

  They came to a stop near a beat-up-looking diner. Her lips were pressed together and she kept perfectly still.

  Devil stilled. All the violence from a moment ago, gone, as if it never happened. She didn’t dare look at him.

  Waiting.

  He took a deep breath, followed by another. Then another.

  “Time to go back,” he said.

  Tabitha remained silent as he drove back, at the correct speed limit.

  The music came on and Devil laughed. “Fuck, this hurts.”

  She vaguely recognized the tune.

  “You know, in the first few weeks of me knowing Lexie, I pissed her off. I was so angry and I said some shit. She’d been working as a stripper to help … with stuff, and, er, I said something mean, and she started dancing to this tune. Took her clothes off in front of the guys. I was so angry, but fuck, she was so full of life. So determined to show me how pissed off she was.”

  He coughed, clearing his throat. “I married her because I loved her. Because I couldn’t live without her and I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else knowing that fire. With all the shit I caused in my past, I thought I’d be the one to die first. I deserve it. Not her. Yet, here I am. She’s the one with cancer.”

  “She’s not dead,” Tabitha said. “She’s fighting.”

  Devil breathed out. “I know.”

  “Is this how you deal?” Tabitha asked. “You drive off and scream like that?”

  “Yeah. Sometimes I’m on my bike,” he said.

  “And it helps?”

  “It does.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Simon’s going to piss you off. When you become a Chaos, you won’t always be able to go home to daddy. You’re going to need to learn to have an outlet. This is one of mine.”