Adventures of Elegy Flynn

by Chambers, V. J.

  “But, is there some kind of linear thread moving through time? Like, how can he be someplace right now, when that’s the past or the future?”

  “He just is,” said Elegy.

  “Doesn’t that mean there is more than one Kellen? I thought Lizzy said that was bad. I don’t understand—”

  “I know you don’t understand,” said Elegy. “But I understand. That’s why you’re the sidekick.”

  I hated it when she called me that. I sulked into my rum runner. The ice was melting at the bottom of it, and it wasn’t nearly as strong as it had been earlier. That was okay. I liked it that way. I sucked up the fruity yumminess through my straw.

  “I want a drink,” said Kellen again.

  Elegy stomped behind the bar, got a glass, filled it full of tap water, and slammed it on the bar in front of Kellen. “Sober up. I need your help. The paradox is spreading, and we have work to do.”

  Kellen picked up the glass of water, took a sip, and then set it back down, sloshing water all over the bar. “This is water.”

  “Yes,” said Elegy. “Yes, it is.”

  Kellen was quiet for a few minutes. Then he picked up the glass of water and started taking gulps from it. “I’m sorry I’m so drunk. I was nursing my wounds when you found me. It takes a guy a little while to get over somebody like you, you know.”

  Elegy rested her elbows on the bar. “You don’t have to get over me, Kellen. Things can keep on going exactly the way they were going. Forever, if you want. I thought we were having fun.”

  Kellen drained the water glass. “I want to be more than fun to you.”

  Elegy filled his glass back up with water and gave it back to him. “That’s all anyone can be to me, Kellen. I’m not human. You realize that, right? All this falling for each other and being devoted stuff that you mortals do—I don’t do that.”

  Kellen took another gulp of water. “That’s just a fancy way of saying, ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ you know?”

  “Well, it is me,” said Elegy. “You’re a very nice guy. You’re very good at your job. You’re fucking gorgeous. You’re fantastic in the sack. I like you. What else do you want?”

  Kellen contemplated his water. “Is it true that you’re sleeping with other volurs?”

  “Occasionally, I suppose.”

  Kellen nodded, looking defeated.

  “So you want us to be exclusive, is that it?” Elegy asked.

  “I want...” Kellen sat up straighter on his barstool, a strange look coming over his face. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

  Elegy rolled her eyes and pointed towards the men’s room.

  Kellen toppled off his stool and half-staggered, half-ran to the bathroom.

  My rum runner was empty. I slurped at the remaining ice cubes. Sometimes being in this bar was better than having cable. I got to watch people argue all the time.

  “This is a disaster,” said Elegy, holding out her hand for my glass.

  I handed it to her.

  Elegy dumped some ice into it and began making me another rum runner. “We’ve got to wait for him to get sober to do anything. I can’t believe this.”

  “Does anything bad happen if the paradox goes on for too long?”

  “The paradox itself is bad enough. And Kellen is being an absolute baby about this.”

  I kind of thought he was just being human, but I didn’t share that with Elegy. “Would you be exclusive with Kellen?”

  “Hell no,” she said. “I was going to tell him I would be, though, if it would make him feel better. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

  Great. That was completely bitchy of her. “How many other volurs are you sleeping with anyway?”

  She handed me my drink. “Only two. It’s not like there are trillions of volurs out there anyway. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to him. I’m not doing it in front of him. And he can’t really expect me not to have sex just because he’s not around.”

  I sipped some rum runner. “I think that’s exactly what most people expect from a relationship.”

  “Well, that’s stupid,” said Elegy.

  “It can be nice,” I said. “Sex shouldn’t be something you do just because it feels good. It should be about the bond you have with another person. It’s a way that you express love and togetherness.”

  Elegy raised her eyebrows. “That how you felt about your last relationship?”

  “Richard clearly took the whole thing way too far,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean the entire idea of being in a committed relationship is stupid.”

  “I think sex is about fun,” said Elegy. “End of story.” She poured herself a shot of whiskey and knocked it back. Grimacing, she said, “What the hell is Kellen doing in there, anyway? How long could it take to throw up whatever’s in his stomach?”

  She walked out from behind the bar and over the door to the men’s room. She knocked. “Kellen?”

  He didn’t answer.

  Elegy tried the knob. The door opened. She peered inside and then shut the door. “Perfect,” she said.

  “What?” I said.

  “He passed out in front of the toilet,” she told me. “This is great. Just great.”

  It didn’t seem particularly good. “So, what do we do?”

  She nodded at my drink. “Drink up. The only thing we can do.”

  * * *

  Two rum runners later, Kellen was still not awake, even though Elegy had dumped cold water over his head. Apparently, he’d woken up for a second, said something about polar bears, and started snoring. I mentioned to her that we should make sure he was lying on his side, so that if he vomited, he wouldn’t choke on it and die. Elegy said he was on his stomach. I guessed that was just as good.

  Suddenly, one of the televisions over the bar switched on. “Elegy!” said a voice from the television screen.

  I didn’t get a chance to see who was on it, though, because Elegy shoved me behind the bar, putting her finger in front of her lips.

  She stepped back out in front of the television. “Um, hi,” she said.

  “Is there someone in there with you?” asked the voice. It was female and old sounding.

  “Yeah,” said Elegy. “Kellen the passed-out volur, who’s no good to anyone at the moment.”

  There was a loud sigh from the television. “We advised you against having alcohol in your praxidikai, didn’t we?”

  “Hey.” Elegy put her hands on her hips. “I didn’t get him drunk. I would never let a volur get that drunk. I’m responsible.”

  “Forgive me, Elegy, but you are anything but responsible.”

  Elegy swore underneath her breath.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing,” said Elegy mock-sweetly.

  “As I’m sure you’re aware, there’s a raging time paradox going on right now,” said the television. “It’s getting in the way of all our volurs doing their work. No one can set right anything until you set this right.”

  “It’s not my fault,” said Elegy. “I sent out Achava, and she got knocked out by this guy. I tried to lure him into the bar and he—”

  “You made contact with the outside world? You know that’s strictly against the rules. That’s why we have volurs in the first place.”

  Elegy groaned. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. As soon as my volur wakes up from his alcohol-induced coma, I will have him out on the streets grabbing this guy. I promise.”

  “Not good enough,” said the voice. “This event is spiraling out of control at an alarming rate. You’ll need to use someone else.”

  “There isn’t anyone else,” said Elegy. “All of the volurs are out working.”

  “Waiting is more like it. They can’t work in a paradox. The affected area is spreading so fast that we don’t want to send out any volurs into it. But there’s one person you could go pick up to help.”

  “No, there’s not.”

  “Yes, there is.”

  “You don’t mean...?” Elegy trai
led off. When she spoke again, her voice had a very different sound to it. She sounded harsher and angrier than I’d ever heard her. “You told me I could never see him again.”

  “Under normal circumstances, it would of course be wise to keep you apart. But desperate times and all that. He’s in the seventeenth century—”

  “I know where he is,” Elegy muttered. “I can always sense him.”

  “Good. Then you’ll do it.”

  “I can’t believe you’re ordering me to go get him. You told me that if I ever laid eyes on him again, you’d have me destroyed.”

  “Just keep it business, Elegy. Certainly you’re able to do that.”

  Elegy snatched up a remote control from the bar and switched the TV off.

  It switched back on. “Are we clear?”

  “We’re fucking clear,” said Elegy. “I’ll have the paradox fixed before you know it. Now go away.”

  Elegy appeared behind the bar. I was still cowering behind it.

  “You can get up,” she told me, sounding annoyed.

  “Who was that?” I asked, standing up.

  “That was Fate Central,” she said.

  “For real? There’s a Fate Central?”

  “No,” she said. “That’s just what I call them. They’re sort of my bosses. And sort of my jailers. They’re the ones who put me in this bar and sentenced me to go gallivanting around in time.” She was seething. I could see the anger all over her. I’d never seen Elegy so angry, not even when she’d scrambled Shakespeare’s brains for being a jerk to Lizzy Peters.

  “So, I’m going to go back to the front of the bar,” I said.

  “Good,” she said. “We’re off to pick up another volur.”

  “Someone you know?” Even though it was obvious from the conversation that it was someone she knew.

  “Someone we both know.” Her lips were set in a firm line.

  “But how could we both—”

  The door swung open.

  And my brother Reese walked in.

  I hadn’t seen Reese in over eight months before Elegy had picked me up in the bar. He’d disappeared without leaving a note or a forwarding address. I’d spent half the year looking for him, hoping he’d turn up, but Richard had made that hard. I realized now it was because he was probably glad I didn’t have any family anymore. That way no one could realize he was beating me up.

  I took off at a run for him, my arms wide. “Reese!”

  His eyes got wide when he saw me. His jaw dropped.

  I tackled him in a bear hug. “Oh my God! It all makes sense now. You disappeared because you’re a volur. You must have witnessed a time paradox, and they took you away. I was so worried about you.”

  Belatedly, he hugged me back. “Cathy,” he said, sounding stunned. “You’re alive.”

  I heard Elegy’s voice behind the bar. “You’re welcome.”

  I pulled out of Reese’s arms slowly and turned to face Elegy. “Wait a second. Is that why you saved me?”

  Elegy had a bottle of Jim Beam in her hand. She didn’t answer me. “Whiskey sour?” she asked Reese.

  He swallowed. “Elegy.”

  “Reese,” she said, no emotion in her voice. She started to tip the bottle into the glass she was holding.

  “I’ll skip the drink,” said Reese.

  Elegy shrugged. “Your choice.” She put the bottle of Jim Beam away. “We’ve got some business to take care of, and then you’ll be out of here, away from me. It can’t last long, because there’s a time paradox.”

  “I noticed,” said Reese.

  “Hold on,” I said. “How do you two know each other?”

  Reese suddenly hugged me again. Hard. “How are you here?” he said into my hair.

  “I was having a fight with Richard,” I said, “and I got a phone call from Elegy. She told me to come into the bar. And then I found out I couldn’t leave, because I was supposed to be dead.”

  Reese held me tighter. “I’m so glad to see you.” Over my head, he addressed Elegy. “If they found out what you did—”

  “They won’t.” Elegy was still sounding clipped. She must not like my brother. But then why did she save me? And how did she know him? I guessed if Reese was a volur, then they must have worked together before. But she’d complained to the person on TV that she wasn’t ever supposed to see him again. Was that because they hated each other?

  Reese released me and went over to the bar. “You look good, El.”

  Elegy busied herself with cleaning some glassware. She wouldn’t meet Reese’s eyes.

  “Thank you for doing this for Cathy,” he said. “For me.”

  Her head snapped up. “Who said I did it for you? Maybe I did it for me. Cathy’s my sidekick, right?”

  “Uh... actually, I really hate it when you call me that,” I said to her.

  Reese laughed.

  “It’s not funny,” I said.

  “You like it here, right?” Reese said.

  I shrugged. “There’s lots of free booze. Oh, and I got to meet Shakespeare. But he was kind of a jerk. It’s better than being dead.”

  Reese bit his lip. “God, Cathy, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

  “Reese,” said Elegy, “there’s a time paradox.”

  Reese rolled his eyes. “There’s always a time paradox.”

  “You know if we take our time, they’ll get suspicious,” said Elegy. “As bad as things are, they could always make them worse.”

  Reese opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. “Okay, fine. So, what do I need to do?”

  “I’ve already moved the bar in time,” said Elegy. “You need to find the time traveler and get him in here. Achava says he’s violent, so use force if you have to. Knock him out and wrangle him back into the bar. That’s it.”

  He nodded. “And when I get back, I’ll have to leave again right away, won’t I? I won’t have a chance to catch up with my sister, and I’ll probably never see her again, will I?”

  “I don’t know.” Elegy looked up at him, into his eyes. “Maybe if we do a really good job of it this time, they’ll let us work together sometimes.” There was hope in her voice.

  So, she didn’t hate him. What the heck?

  “Okay,” said Reese. “I’ll go then. I’ll be as quick as I can.” He strode out of the bar, not saying goodbye to either of us.

  I sat down on a barstool opposite Elegy. “You have some explaining to do. How do you know my brother? Why did you save me? What’s going on here?”

  Elegy shot me a sour glance. “I’m not talking about it.”

  “Why aren’t you and my brother allowed to work together?”

  “Cathy, for once please stop it with your incessant questions.” Elegy swept out from behind the bar and disappeared into the back room. She had a bed back there, but near as I could tell, she only used it for having sex. I’d never seen her sleep. Anyway, it was totally rude of her to just walk out on me when I was in dire need of understanding what the heck was going on here.

  “Not fair!” I yelled. “You never gave me a choice in any of this. I think I deserve to know why I’m here in the first place.”

  Elegy’s voice was muffled. “Shut up.”

  Oh, that was nice. She was telling me to shut up? Seriously? I listened to her prattle on about all kinds of stupid stuff, from what her favorite eighties movies were to why she couldn’t have relationships with volurs. Now that I wanted to know something important about my life and my family, she was hiding from me? Elegy was really freaking frustrating sometimes.

  I sucked on my drink angrily. “What if I need another drink?”

  “Make it yourself.”

  Make it myself? What? I’d never seen Elegy let anyone else behind the bar to make drinks. In fact, once she’d kicked Kellen out when he was trying to make me a drink. Something was up with her. It had something to do with my brother. “Do you hate Reese or something?”

  She didn’t say anything.


  “Elegy?”

  Nothing.

  Great. So she was giving me the silent treatment, was she? Well, that was fine. I could amuse myself. I didn’t need her around to talk to all the time. I had plenty of things I could do. For instance, there were magazines. Or I could play a rousing game of nine ball with myself. Or I could make myself drinks. This was fine. Completely and totally fine.

  I sucked on my drink again. I looked around the bar. It seemed dreadfully quiet. “Come on, Elegy, talk to me.”

  But Elegy still didn’t respond.

  The door to the bar opened and Reese came back in, grunting. He had the body of a man slung over his shoulder. I jumped off the bar stool and went over to help. Reese staggered inside, knelt down, and rolled the guy onto the floor.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Reese.

  “Fine,” he said, rolling his shoulders. “That guy is freaking heavy.”

  The guy was completely unconscious. I nudged him to see if he’d wake up. He didn’t even move.

  “Where’s Elegy?” asked Reese.

  “She’s hiding in the back room,” I said. “I think she’s mad at me for asking questions.”

  “You guys get along okay?”

  “I guess so. She’s a freaking Goddess of Fate, so she’s not always pleasant, if you know what I mean.”

  “She’s a good person,” said Reese.

  I nudged the passed-out guy again. “What did you do to this guy?”

  “I clubbed him over the head,” said Reese. “Achava was right. He tried to fight me. I couldn’t reason with him at all. Anyway, now that he’s in the bar, the paradox should clear up. I can stay here in his time period until someone else picks me up. But I’d kind of like to say goodbye to Elegy. Can you show me where the back room is?”

  “Say goodbye?” I said. “I was starting to get the impression you guys hated each other.”

  Reese laughed. “Not exactly, no.”

  “So, you’ll say goodbye, and then you’ll leave?”

  “I think I have to,” said Reese.

  “But I just found you again. Why can’t you stay awhile?”

  “It’s complicated, Cathy,” said Reese. “I wish I had time to explain, but the Fates who run everything won’t let me have that time. And they can’t ever know you exist. They’d kill you.”

  “Yeah, Elegy explained that to me,” I said. “It’s not fair, Reese. None of this is fair.”