Adventures of Elegy Flynn

by Chambers, V. J.

  “Mr. Tesla,” said Elegy, “I'm sure that all kinds of people have thought your ideas were ludicrous.”

  He raised his eyebrows, but didn't respond.

  “Your lab's burning down,” said Elegy. “Sorry about that. I'm going to drop you off just a little further forward in time so that you don't go in and burn to death. That was supposed to be your fate, but since you've helped Gabriel, it won't be.”

  Tesla shook his head as if this was too much to comprehend.

  Elegy took him to the door of the warehouse and opened it. “Sorry about your lab,” she said as she ushered him back out into the night. “Thanks again!”

  Lizzy stood with her hands on her hips. “You saved him, then. You changed history.”

  Elegy shrugged. “Oh, it’s not that big a deal, Lizzy, seriously. So, he lived. He still ends up being a footnote in history. He gets crazy OCD in his later life, and he dies penniless years and years later. He's mostly written off during his time as a mad scientist and showman, and no one takes him seriously. I really didn't change much of anything.”

  Gabriel stood up. “Really? We saved his life, and it didn't make any difference?”

  “It made a difference,” said Elegy. “To him, I'm sure. It just didn't make as much of a difference as Dr. Rogenze would have liked. Of course, the best thing to come out of it is that now there's a really great Christopher Nolan film called The Prestige. And David Bowie plays Tesla. We've totally got to watch that.” Elegy began humming “China Girl.” She smiled at Gabriel. “And anyway, you're okay, which is a bonus, as far as I'm concerned.”

  “Me too,” I said.

  “What happened to me?” said Gabriel.

  “You crossed your timeline,” said Elegy. “Never do that again.” She continued to hum the David Bowie song.

  “Okay,” said Gabriel, looking confused. “I don't really remember that.”

  “No, you don't,” said Elegy, “because I had to erase your memory so that you'd be okay.” She snapped her fingers and the warehouse turned back into a bar. “Who wants a drink?” She pointed at me. “Cathy? Rum runner? Gabriel? Beer? Lizzy? Wine?”

  Lizzy sighed. “I guess I didn't get my glass of wine, did I?”

  We all trooped over to the bar and sat down as Elegy began working on our drinks.

  “You've got to be careful,” said Lizzy to Elegy. “They're watching you, you know? You keep pulling stunts like this, and things are going to get worse.”

  “Worse than being stuck in this thing for all eternity?” said Elegy. “It doesn't get worse than this.”

  “They could take away the alcohol,” said Lizzy pointedly.

  Elegy shrugged. She set a glass of wine in front of Lizzy.

  “One thing I don't understand,” I said.

  “Cathy, you never understand anything,” said Elegy.

  “That's not true,” I said. “I understand lots of things. Maybe you just suck at explaining things.”

  She gave Gabriel his beer and got started on my rum runner.

  “Well, why is that I can't leave the bar, but Tesla could?” I said. “He's supposed to be dead, too, right? So why wouldn't fate zap him?”

  Elegy sighed. “Because you're the sister of a volur, that's why. Volurs have this tendency to try to save their loved ones, okay? Fate watches people who are related to volurs a lot more closely.”

  “And they're going to start watching the paradoxes you fix more closely if you don't want out,” said Lizzy, pointing at Elegy.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” said Elegy, handing me my rum runner. “I don't know why everybody's so sour today. We did a good thing. We saved a man's life. Since when is that a tragedy, huh?”

  5: Redux

  The door to the bar swung open, and a man with shaggy red hair and a goatee walked in. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite bar,” he said, “and my two favorite ladies.”

  “Hi, Brody,” said Elegy from the behind the bar. She was stacking rocks glasses. Elegy was a Fate. I lived with her in a time-traveling bar fixing time paradoxes.

  The man who’d walked in must be Brody, and he was a volur. He sidled over to where I was sitting, nursing a rum runner. “Hey, sexy,” he said in a gravelly voice, heavy with suggestion. He kissed my temple.

  I drew back, almost knocking over my rum runner. “What did you just call me?”

  Elegy set down the glass she was holding with a clatter. “What did you just call her?”

  Brody looked back and forth between the two of us and took a step backwards. “You guys seem different than the last time I saw you.”

  By this time, I was used to volurs wandering into the bar who already knew me. Their timelines were different, and so they could have already met me, even if I hadn’t met them. “Probably different timelines,” I said. “I’ve never met you before.”

  He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You don’t know me?”

  I shook my head.

  “Huh,” said Brody. He looked at Elegy. “But you know me.”

  She nodded. “I know you pretty well, Brody.”

  “Yeah, um, what was the last thing we did together?” he asked her.

  “The Titanic,” she said. “We made sure it sank.”

  Brody’s mouth made a small round “O.” He laughed nervously and sat down on a bar stool. “Wow. The Titanic.” He looked back and forth between us again. “This is probably the most awkward moment of my entire life.”

  Elegy and I both gave him a questioning look.

  He laughed again. “Can I, um, have a shot?”

  Elegy folded her arms over her chest. “Let’s go back a second, shall we, Brody? You walked into the bar, came over to Catherine, remember? Repeat what you said to her.”

  “Look,” said Brody, “Elegy, you’re the person who told me that it’s better all around if we don’t know too much about our futures. I’m basically coming from your future, so I probably shouldn’t say much.”

  My future? Brody knew me in my future. And he called me “sexy”? That must mean... I cocked my head to get a better look at him. He was an attractive guy. Trim. Tall. Broad shoulders. Big hands with little red hairs on his knuckles. He seemed to have freckles all over him. What was going on between Brody and me in my future?

  Elegy glared at him. “See, the last time I remember that word you used coming out of your mouth, I was straddling you.”

  “You were what?” I said. It was my turn to glare at Elegy. “You’re already sleeping with him?”

  “I sleep with the volurs,” said Elegy. “At least the men, anyway. You already know this.”

  Now that I thought about it, I did remember Elegy saying she was sleeping with two guys. One was Kellen, and I’d already met him, but I’d never met the other one. It must be Brody. But Brody was my... Well, I didn’t actually know him yet, did I?

  Brody’s face had turned bright red. He turned to me. “Hey, it was before I met you, okay? And it was only a couple times.”

  “Try ten,” said Elegy. “And why are you explaining yourself to her? She’s known you for all of two minutes.”

  “Right,” said Brody, pointing at me. “You don’t know me.” He turned back to Elegy. “So, you seem kind of pissed off. And if I remember correctly, you were very no-strings about the whole thing. I’m a little confused.”

  “I don’t want you to be faithful to me or something,” said Elegy. “I couldn’t care less about that. But Cathy? How could you want Cathy?”

  “Hey,” I said. “There is nothing wrong with me.”

  “I’m a goddess,” said Elegy. “You’re not.”

  Brody scratched his goatee. “Maybe we should talk about the paradox I’m supposed to fix?”

  “Why should I get your leftovers?” I asked Elegy. I eyed Brody. “Maybe I don’t even want him if he’s already been tainted by your touch.”

  Brody took a deep breath, addressing me again. “See, I was pretty sure you already knew about Elegy and me... and I’m realizing that you did, be
cause you found out right now, and this is a terrible way to find out, and I’m really sorry.”

  “Are we like dating?” I asked him.

  “Please, Cathy,” said Elegy. “It’s really not a good idea to know about your future. You could mess things up.”

  “Yeah, I think I’m messing things up,” said Brody. “Maybe I should just fix the paradox and be on my way, huh?”

  “Are you fucking her?” asked Elegy. “Because I’m not going to let you do that in my bar. I will never let you do that.”

  Now I was blushing, because I was thinking about having sex with Brody on the couch next to the pool table and wondering if his penis had freckles on it too.

  Brody swallowed. “Can I die now?” He ran a hand over his face. “The paradox, Elegy. Why am I here?”

  Elegy sighed. “Oh, someone’s trying to kill Hitler again.”

  “Again?” I said. “We just saved Hitler.”

  “We save Hitler a lot,” said Elegy.

  “I’ve saved him three times already myself,” said Brody, seeming pleased with the subject change. “Can I please have a drink, Elegy?”

  “Vodka tonic?” she asked.

  “Um, I’m actually I’m partial to rum runners these days,” said Brody.

  Elegy gave him a withering look. “You’re kidding me.”

  “Well, I tasted one of Cathy’s once, and it was really good, and—”

  “You’re getting a vodka tonic,” said Elegy.

  “Which I’m completely fine with,” said Brody.

  Elegy began mixing Brody’s drink. “I’m moving the bar right now. The paradox happened in 1920, so I’ll drop you off there in just a minute or two.” She set the drink in front of Brody. “Drink up.”

  Brody gulped at the vodka tonic, downing half of it. “So, I’m thinking maybe there should be a code word or something? Like, the next time I see you guys, I could ask you a question, and if you didn’t know the answer, then I’d know that we hadn’t lived this particular experience yet.”

  I sipped on my rum runner. “Well, okay, I guess.”

  “Yeah,” said Brody, drinking the rest of his drink, “because then I could avoid embarrassing myself.”

  “What further damage could you possibly cause at this point?” Elegy said.

  “Well, I could...” Brody trailed off. He looked at me. “I guess I already kind of screwed it up, didn’t I?”

  Elegy nodded. “You said it, not me.” She looked up as if something had happened. “We’re here.” She waved a hand dismissively at Brody. “Off with you.”

  Brody trundled out of the bar, hanging his head and muttering to himself.

  Elegy and I stared after him for several minutes. Then I went back to my rum runner. Who was this guy? What was going on with him and me?

  “Well,” said Elegy, “this means I get Gabriel.”

  “How does it mean that?” I said. “Gabriel said he was glad I didn’t die. He totally flirted with me. Maybe all those volurs were only sleeping with you because there was no competition. Maybe I’m going to have the volur harem now.”

  Elegy rolled her eyes. “You couldn’t handle not being monogamous, Cathy. Don’t be ridiculous.”

  She was probably right. And the whole thing was weird anyway. “Well, I don’t know. I think Gabriel was more attractive than Brody. Of course, Brody does have all those intriguing freckles.”

  Elegy smiled. “Yeah, they’re all over him.”

  Which made me realize that Elegy already knew how all over those freckles actually were, and that made me want to punch her. I sucked the rest of my rum runner through my straw. “But don’t I get a choice here? I mean, some guy shows up and calls me sexy, and I have to be with him? By default? I don’t know anything about him.”

  “I think you should take what you can get, frankly,” said Elegy. “Clearly, Brody’s lost his mind if he’s attracted to you instead of me, and I’d take advantage of it while you can.”

  “You’re so rude,” I said.

  Elegy picked up my glass, shrugging. “Another rum runner?”

  “Please,” I said.

  “You could be more grateful to me, you know,” said Elegy. “I saved your life, and I make you drinks all the time. And how do you repay me? By stealing Brody Lincoln from me.”

  “I didn’t steal him,” I said. “I don’t even know him.”

  “You haven’t stolen him yet,” said Elegy, “but you will. You backstabbing little hussy.”

  “Hussy?”

  Elegy scooped ice into my glass. “You could at least apologize.”

  “I haven’t done anything,” I said. “And besides, it’s not like you don’t have enough men to screw whenever you want.”

  “I have exactly one now,” said Elegy, pouring rum over the ice cubes.

  “Which is enough for most people.”

  “I’m not a person,” said Elegy. “I’m a Fate.”

  “Right,” I said, “and I bet before you were in this bar, you didn’t have sex with anyone at all.”

  “Just your brother,” she said, grinning nastily.

  “Which got you sentenced to spend your life in the bar, anyway,” I said. “It’s against your nature to even have relationships with humans.”

  “I don’t have relationships,” said Elegy. “I have orgasms. Get your priorities straight, Catherine.” She handed me my drink.

  I took a sip. It was very good. “I’m sorry I stole Brody from you.”

  She sighed. “Oh, don’t be silly, Catherine. As long as you’re both happy, I don’t really care. Besides, I’m sure you didn’t steal him. I’m sure I let you have him.”

  And that was as close to nice as Elegy was going to get. I knew that by now. I grinned at her.

  She smiled back.

  The door to the bar banged open, and Brody came back inside. “Well, that was easy.”

  Elegy surveyed him. “You’re done?”

  “Yeah, bunch of stupid teenagers from the twenty-sixth century,” he said.

  “It’s always teenagers,” said Elegy, making a face.

  “Anyway, I scared them off and stuck them back into the time portal, and I think everything’s cool now.” Brody smiled. He was really very adorable when he smiled. And he had green eyes.

  Elegy shook her head. “See? That’s what I’m talking about. Efficiency. It’s what we’re clearly lacking these days.” She turned to me. “Have any of the other volurs we’ve worked with recently been able to go out and get the job done this quickly and easily?”

  I considered. Actually, usually it was a lot harder than this. “That was pretty impressive, Brody.”

  “He’s good at what he does,” said Elegy. She winked at him.

  I glowered at her. She didn’t get to wink at him anymore. He was my... well, I had no idea what he was to me, but I was feeling pretty possessive of him suddenly.

  “You want another drink?” Elegy asked.

  Brody sat down at the bar. “Love one.”

  Elegy got out another glass and put some ice in it. “You know, Brody, whatever disgusting things you’re doing with Catherine in our future, you aren’t doing them now. We could have a last little fling here, you know?”

  “No, you couldn’t!” I exclaimed.

  Brody cleared his throat. “Elegy, you broke it off with me.” He looked at me. “Which I’m realizing is probably because you knew that I was going to be with Cathy, and...”

  And what? “So, can you be more vague?” I asked him. “Do we have a fling? A kiss? Are we married?”

  Brody opened his mouth to answer.

  “Don’t say anything,” said Elegy. “We don’t want to know.”

  “I want to know,” I said.

  “No, you don’t,” said Elegy. “If you know, things might not work out properly.”

  “So?” I said. “You don’t want them to work out, do you? You want Brody all to yourself.”

  “I am not nearly that desperate,” said Elegy, setting a glass in fro
nt of Brody. It was another vodka tonic. “But I might be a little vindictive.”

  Brody took a drink. “Vindictive?”

  “I think I’m going to move the bar to feudal Germany and leave you there, since you’re refusing my charms.” She chuckled.

  “Hey,” said Brody. “Are you overreacting much?” He looked at me. “So, since, you know, you don’t know really know me yet, would you mind if I—”

  “What?” I said.

  “You’ve never been to feudal Germany,” he said. “And it’s not like I haven’t had sex with her before.”

  “Is there some reason I find you attractive in the future?” I said, feeling disgusted. “Because I have to admit, I’m not sure I’m seeing it right now.”

  “You like my freckles,” said Brody, sipping at his vodka tonic.

  I blushed.

  “Yep,” said Elegy, “moving the bar right now. We’re already in Germany, so I only have to move back in time, not in space. Couple of seconds—”

  Elegy choked, bending over.

  Around us, the trappings of the bar suddenly began to flicker, like everything was just a television station getting bad reception. I looked to my left to see a staticky image of Kellen appear briefly and then fade out as if it had never been there.

  Brody vaulted over the bar, supporting Elegy. “What’s going on?”

  Elegy’s eyes bulged. “Doubled through myself,” she gasped.

  “Elegy?” I said. I leaned over the bar, unsure of what to do. I’d never seen Elegy get hurt or anything.

  Elegy wretched, like she was going to vomit. She clutched Brody’s arm to keep herself upright. “I can feel Meurtia Bliss. Get... get to her. She can—” Elegy broke off, coughing.

  “Elegy!” I said.

  “Meurtia?” said Brody. “I’ve worked with her. Where is she?”

  “Close,” Elegy rasped. “She’s close. But—don’t let her see Catherine.” And she went limp in Brody’s arms.

  The bar was absolutely silent.

  He looked up at me, terror in his green eyes. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Is Elegy...?” I didn’t want to ask if she was dead, but she wasn’t moving.

  Abruptly, Elegy pushed herself away from Brody, standing up ramrod straight. She surveyed the bar, and gazed at each of us. “Where am I?” she said.