Falling From Grace

by SL Naeole

  "Grace?"

  "Hmm?" I murmured, and realized that Robert was actually shaking me. I opened my eyes and took in the gleeful expression on his face.

  "You did it!" Robert cheered, pride beaming from his smile. "That was amazing! At first, all I could see was the fudgesicle in your mind. The flowers appeared next, but then the two started to blend, and things started getting darker; your mind had gone completely blank--as though it had tuned out completely--but I knew that it hadn't, because your face was so intense. And then it looked...well, positively green."

  "Oh, I was thinking about Mr. Branke, and Biology class," my voice croaked, the nausea slowly creeping back into me by the mere mentioning of his name.

  I saw liquid eyes turn solid as he understood the change in my mood. "He makes all of the girls uncomfortable. You're not alone in your opinion of him."

  I gave a shrug. "It's not like that makes it any less creepy. Anyway, can we not talk about Mr. Branke, or school, or anything else right now?" I eyed the waiters coming out to serve dinner under the large tent and my stomach growled. Loudly.

  He laughed and nodded his understanding. "Come, hungry one. Let's feed you before the dancing begins. We can talk more afterwards." He pulled me up and started leading me towards the intoxicating smell of food!

  Thankfully, seating assignments were taken very seriously by angel and electus patronus alike--apparently the whole honesty thing kept anyone from taking someone else's spot--so our seats were still free when we sat down next to Lark and Ameila. I was introduced to several of the individuals on the table with us, amazed at who was and who wasn't an angel. It appeared that the electus patronus were all beautiful as well, their only give away being how they reacted to the heat of their dinner and the chill of their drinks.

  One person in particular whom I had been told was an angel visiting from France was exceptionally beautiful, even for an angel, with silvery hair that had been braided into glistening ropes that were piled high atop of her head, swooping down in elegant arabesques that framed her extraordinary face.

  She had alabaster skin--so perfect and flawless it was almost transparent--and her lips were stained strawberry pink, lush and always lifted up in a smile. What was most striking, however, was the color of her eyes. I had seen the silver of Robert's, and now the gold of Sam's, but for the first time, I took in the glorious sparkle of violet eyes.

  They were filled with amusement as she took in my examination of her, and I felt myself flush in embarrassment at having been caught staring.

  Her hand graced mine lightly, the briefest of touches, before she turned away to speak to the individual on her opposite side. I watched her for a few moments more, mesmerized by her, by everything there was about her. The way her laughter made her head toss back with careless beauty, the way her hands moved in such an animated way as she spoke that they demanded almost as much attention as her lilting voice did. She appeared so young, so youthful and yet she had an air about her that seemed older and wiser than even Ameila, who looked--in human years anyway--several years older.

  "Do angels age?" I asked Robert when I could finally tear my eyes away from the silver-haired goddess.

  Robert reached for my hand under the table and squeezed it, a jolt of energy and feeling turning my stomach inside out and sending my heart into a race to keep up with the wishes I silently made as I waited for him to answer.

  "We can if we want to. I don't have to look like this; I could look much older if I wished, but I've found this age to be much easier to live with--humans are more amenable to youth I've found. Why do you ask?"

  I flicked my eyes at the different faces that surrounded us, angel and human alike, avoiding the one next to me and whispered, "I didn't know...your mother can change forms, so I thought the reason she looked old enough to be your mother was because of that. I took it for granted that the rest of you would look young as well."

  "It's ok. You're not the first person to ask that question, and you definitely won't be the last. Ahh, here comes our server." He smiled and squeezed my hand again, then released it when the food arrived. I groaned when I saw the paltry amount of food on my plate. My stomach was growling for super sized something--anything--and instead it appeared that all I'd be eating for dinner was your basic micro-diet sized morsels.

  I eyed everyone else on the table, all too deeply invested in their own mental conversations to really notice the expanse of bare plates in front of them. Oh, they were eating, but there could have been raw slugs on their plates and they wouldn't have noticed, too engrossed in discussing electus patronus type things most likely--things that I was still woefully ignorant about. Even Robert was heavy occupied in a silent conversation with his family. I could tell simply by how they were leaning in towards each other, their eyes flitting from one to the other like glowing silver fireflies.

  I ate in silence, suddenly feeling far more out of place here than I ever had in school. Sure, I looked like they did, dressed to the nines in an expensive gown, shoes, jewelry. But I was just playing a role after all, while this was their life.

  I was very limited when it came to my knowledge about angels; all I knew was what I had been told, and since the few angels that I knew had made it quite clear that all of my preconceived notions were false, what I did know to be true was pretty sparse, and could never compare to what the electus patronus knew.

  Suddenly curious, I wanted to know what exactly they did know. If there was ever a better time to get as much information about angels from a human perspective, now would be it. And, I knew just who to ask. That was one reason why I had been brought here after all, right? Not feeling the need to excuse myself, since no one seemed to be paying attention anyway, I stood up and started looking for the person who would have answers to my questions.

  It wasn't that difficult to find her. She was the only one there in a wheelchair, her white hair piled beautifully on her head in a bun that resembled a very large, round, iced cinnamon roll.

  "Ellie?" I said softly, not really wanting to disturb her as she sat away from everyone else, watching her granddaughter and new grandson-in-law as they shared a private conversation.

  She turned her head around and smiled when she saw me. "Ah, Grace, come-" she patted a chair that was next to her "-sit down and let's have a chat, shall we?"

  I did as she asked, quite pleased that she seemed as interested in talking as I was.

  "You see my Hannah over there?" she motioned towards the bride. "She's the tenth generation of MacInherney to be an electus patronus. Her grandfather would be so proud."

  I looked at her face intently, watching it grow a little sad, her eyes growing a bit glassy with newly formed tears that begged to fall. She wiped them away as she began to speak. "Lawrence, my husband, well, he was the only one of his siblings who had passed the test, you see, and when we had our only child, Olivia, we were very disappointed when she announced to us that she didn't even want to take the test. She said she didn't believe in the existence of God anymore, and that there was no reason to believe in his servants if there was no God.

  "That nearly killed my Lawrence, it did. He was not the same man after that. We electus patronus are nothing if not faithful, so the loss of faith among us can be very heartbreaking."

  I raised my hand a bit, needing her to answer something. "What test?"

  She laughed at her omission. "Oh dear, you don't know? The test, well, it's pretty straightforward. We're asked what the worst thing that we've done is. Do you see how simple it is? How absolutely simple?"

  I nodded. Of course it was perfect in its simplicity. When one had the ability to run through your entire life in a matter of seconds, view your every deed, good and bad, and then asked you what the worst thing you've ever done was, any answer that was a lie would be denounced on the spot.

  "The mind is an amazing thing, Grace. When we form a memory, the first imprint that burns itself into our mind, the image that is created before we can form an opinion about it
, well...that remains forever; that's the true memory. Over time, we see it as something different because age and perception blurs the lines a bit, even changes it completely, but when the time comes for the test, we have to see things clearly, see things the way that they're supposed to be and not how we want them to be, otherwise we'll give the wrong answer."

  "Do you mind if I ask you what your answer was?" I asked anxiously.

  "Why, of course I don't mind. I might be a little vain, and maybe even a little prideful, but not so much that I cannot admit to doing something very, very wrong and without any real justification whatsoever.

  "Quite frankly, dear, I only wanted to follow in my parents' and my siblings' footsteps because I foolishly wanted to marry an angel. I told them something completely different, of course, because I didn't want them to hound me with talk of duty and obligation, but the truth was there in my head, clear as day.

  "I lied about so many things during those days. Oh, I was terrible back then, a regular little hellion! When it finally came time for the test, I was surprised that my family would be there--that had never happened before--and I knew when I opened my mouth to answer that the worst thing that I had ever done was hurt them with my lies. I broke their hearts, but I also redeemed myself by being honest about it," Ellie sighed, a wistful look in her eyes.

  "That must have burned one heck of a memory into your mind," I quipped and she clapped her hands, laughing loudly with little care to who heard or saw. I envied her that freedom.

  "Oh, Grace. You've got wit. That's good. It's hard to find true wit in your generation. Too many smart mouths, not enough smart minds."

  "Thank you," I said, smiling awkwardly at her compliment. "Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions?" I asked, my voice pleading, not wanting to miss this opportunity now that I knew she was so willing to share.

  Ellie patted my knee and laughed softly. "Dearest Grace, ask me anything. I may not suffer pain like our sweet angels when they lie, but my conscience pricks when I do, so if you have any fears about that, don't worry about it."

  I swallowed that bit of information and quickly ran down my mental list of questions I wanted--no, needed--answers to. There were so many, but the first one came up rather quickly, and I was ashamed at its existence, since it had not even been a thought until Sam had planted its seed during the ceremony.

  "Are you still in love with Robert?" my voice was crisp, the hidden message in my tone was clear.

  Ellie tittered. "Oh dear, I loved him, but I was never in love with Robert. He is lovely, I won't ever deny that, but he and I would have never suited."

  I recalled Sam having said so, but pressed further, "What do you mean, you 'would have never suited'?"

  "Quite simply, my life was moving forward, and his was stuck in the fifth century," she answered. "I wanted to get married, have children, have a home. Robbie couldn't give me those things. He wanted to make me happy, but he simply couldn't give me what I wanted. So, I found my future with someone else, and I haven't regretted it once."

  I studied her smile and saw that it hinted at sadness, despite her claim of having no regret. "Has it been hard, growing old and watching him not age a single day even though he could if he wanted?"

  She nodded, her chin quivering a bit. "I don't want you to think it's because I wish to be with him. Rather, it's because I know that there will be so much that I'll miss. I wouldn't even be here today if not for Robbie. He saved my life."

  I reached for her hand and patted it, knowing exactly how she felt. "He saved mine, too."

  She looked at me, her blue eyes gazing at me with such intensity, I wanted to look away, but I didn't. "Sweet child, I meant that he saved my life for one day. I've got a get out of jail free card, and it's only good for this one night."

  I didn't understand what she meant by that, and told her so. She removed her hand from beneath mine, only to place hers on top. "Grace, by this time tomorrow, I shall be with my Lord, and I'll have gone knowing that I was able to see my granddaughter marry her prince charming. That was all that I had ever asked for in life, and it was Robbie that made sure it would happen. He's a miracle. A walking miracle, that boy is."

  "I still don't understand, Ellie. What did Robert do?"

  "He postponed my death, Grace. I don't know how he did it, and I thought I knew why-" she motioned to her granddaughter, who was now in the middle of what seemed like a shrimp eating contest with several bridesmaids and her new husband "-but seeing you, seeing how Robbie looks at you, I see that I was wrong. He's very taken with you, you know."

  I blushed at that. It was definitely something that I could see myself being comfortable with. "So he's told me."

  "Cherish that, Grace. When an angel looks at a human that way, it's forever. Angels look perfect, but they're incomplete."

  My confusion at what she said must have amused her because she gave me a knowing smile which made her eyes twinkle with mischief.

  "Now then, those can't be the only questions you have to ask. Please. Ask me anything. It's the least I can do to repay Robbie for allowing me this one night," she said sweetly, her smile no longer tinged with sadness.

  I inhaled deeply, and asked her the first of what would compile the longest list of questions in the history of the world. Or at least, that's how I looked at it. "What exactly are the angels' secrets that need guarding?"

  Ellie looked at me and smiled. "You mean other than the fact that not only do they exist, but that they live amongst us like normal people?"

  If I hadn't known she was a human, I would have sworn she was an angelic mind reader she was so spot-on with that reply.

  "Well, I'm sure you've already figured out one major one; the angels aren't perfect. Imagine the uproar in the church if it were to be found out that not only were angels singing in rock bands, or were standing up in front of congress, but they were also somewhat promiscuous?" she winked.

  "Why? Why are they like that?" I leaned towards her, not wanting to miss a single word of her answer. I felt like a starving child, snatching at the bread crumbs that Ellie was handing out.

  She held out her hands, examining them for a moment, then reached out and held mine. "Because of this. Did anyone explain to you about the differences between a juvenile angel and those that have ascended?"

  I racked my mind through all of the things that I had been told, by Robert, by Ameila, by Lark...two things stood out. "I want to say that the juveniles don't have wings...and haven't received the call."

  "Yes. But it is also because they cannot feel anything...physical," and she could tell by my reaction that I was aware of that, too. She continued, "Juvenile angels are such extraordinary creatures, with unbelievable strength and ability, but their one weakness is that they cannot feel joy and pleasure the way the ascended can, the way we can, and it deprives them of that emotion. So, they proceed to induce that feeling by giving it to someone else-"

  I nodded my head, remembering what Robert had told me about feeling his touch through my mind, as opposed to through his own skin. The thought was still unsettling.

  "-And that feeling can be very addictive. It can be like a drug to some juveniles, male and female alike. They crave it, how it makes their bodies feel, how it makes their minds suddenly free of thought. The ascended, they have a purpose. The juveniles, well...they don't, other than to wait for the call."

  I didn't know my jaw had been open until she had released one of my hands and pushed my chin up, effectively closing my mouth. Was Robert one of those...addicts? My eyes, which I was fairly certain were at max capacity with regards to how wide they could be, suddenly found an extra millimeter or two to open at the thought. Surely he'd never tell me, because I had never asked, but was he?

  "Oh Grace, I know what you're thinking, and while Robert may have appreciated being with women and appreciated their thoughts about him, he certainly never became like some of the others," Ellie said, patting my hand, trying to comfort me.

  "How can you be
so sure?" I asked, not feeling comforted at all.

  She stopped the patting, and removed her hands from me, her smile gone, "Because he told me." She was offended.

  Of course she would be. Angels couldn't lie. If he had told her, it was the truth, and irrefutable. "I'm sorry. I should have remembered."

  She sighed, "I understand why you are so doubtful, Grace. You grew up in a world where things like angels didn't exist, and truth and honesty are dead virtues that belong to no one. But, I do hope that you now see that neither is true.

  "I don't envy you, having to be pulled into this world without knowing anything about it, and having so much of this burden of truth be placed on your head. But, I guarantee you that it will be worth it. Robbie is special. Even among his kind," she said, smiling while looking past me.

  I felt the gentle hand upon my shoulder and looked up into his eyes. Of course they were his eyes. It could only be him standing next to me, and I knew Ellie was right. It will be worth it.

  "How are you two beautiful ladies doing?" he asked, but only looking at me.

  "Haven't you been needling around in our heads, Robbie?" Ellie laughed, "Did you come to make sure that I didn't chase young Grace here off, or did you come here to ask one of us to dance?"

  He laughed, his eyes twinkling. "Ellie, if you don't mind, I'd like to take Grace for a spin around the floor first."

  She waved her hand as if to dismiss us. "Go on, have fun! I'm no good at these new dances anyway. Too much oomph, not enough cha cha."

  Robert's laugh grew louder, his perfect teeth shining bright white, his whole body shaking with his amusement. "There'll never be enough cha cha for you, Ellie." He bent down and kissed the hand that she offered to him. "I shall return for a dance with the second most beautiful woman here, so please save one for me."