Invisible Girls
Page 34
pimp culture and sex trafficking, 238–239
rape as epidemic, 233–234
saving girls from prostitution, 249
sexualization of girls, 47–49
trust in pre-adolescent and adolescent girls, 45–46
vulnerability of girls to abuse, 164–165
curability of pedophilia, 32–34
cutting, 113, 114, 118–119, 182–183, 187, 319–320
Cyrus, Miley, 48
Dark, Gregory, 233
date rape, 23
alcohol and drugs involved in, 205–207, 234, 247–248
blaming the survivor, 6
on college campuses, 201–202, 205, 207, 215–222, 231–232
comparing to stranger rape, 207–209
defining, 24–25, 204–205, 223
emotions evoked by, 199–201
of LGBTQ individuals, 41–42
oral sex as, 23–24
preserving evidence, 40–41
prevention of and protection from, 198, 234–235
self-blame for, 215–221
survivors learning to protect themselves from future abuse, 324
survivors’ lives after abuse, 299
survivors reading other survivors’ stories, 310–311
women blaming women for, 203–204
Davis, Laura, 7, 69
Debbie Smith Law, 206
Denhollander, Rachael, 149
denial, 37–38, 333
depression, 10
after sibling incest, 136
eating disorders, 230–231
father-daughter incest, 114
mentors taking advantage of girls with, 164–165
mothers of raped children, 133–134, 278–280
PTSD in survivors, 36–37
therapy for family members after disclosure, 32
destiny, father-daughter incest as, 95
Dexter, John H., 149
DiFranco, Ani, 292
disclosure
acquaintance abuse, 176–178, 183–185, 194
after long-term abuse, 78–84
to a boyfriend, 192
clergy abuse, 161–162
coach or mentor abuse, 149–151
date rape after gang rape, 231–232
deciding whether to report, 262–266
disruption of families following, 31–32
emotionally unsupportive families, 53–56
false memory syndrome, 28–30
families failing to believe and protect their children, 52–53, 150–151
father-daughter incest, 97–98, 125–126
fear of being believed, 182
fear of rejection, 333–334
finding outlets for feelings prior to, 59–67
getting girls out of prostitution, 249–251
girls relating to other girls’ stories, 338
importance to healing, 14–15, 17, 323–324
incest survivors’ unwillingness to disclose to parents, 23, 286
mandated reporters, 39–40, 263–264, 271–273, 286–287
mothers’ supporting incest survivors, 280–281
path to healing, 261–262
protecting younger siblings from molestation, 38–39
publicizing rape and incest, 7–9
re-mapping your life through, 69–70
repressing memories and stories before disclosure, 9–13
retelling the story to help healing, 315
setting boundaries during, 57–59
sibling incest, 131, 136–137
statistics of reporting sexual abuse, 14
survivors’ groups, 11–13
susceptibility of adolescents to mentor abuse, 165
teacher abuse, 168
underreporting of abuse, 18–19
urgency for, 13–14
dissociation, 74
acquaintance abuse, 172(quote), 180–182, 185–186, 189, 192
becoming a superhero, 85–90
creating secret worlds during molestation, 82–84
defining and describing, 35–36
father-daughter incest, 102–105, 111, 115–116
as healing tactic, 74–77
as healthy response, 307
host fathers abusing students, 320–321
journaling and poetry, 184
multiple personality disorder in incest survivors, 34–35
by prostitutes, 244, 256
topless dancers, 146–147
divorce, 9–10, 132–133
DNA evidence, 210
doctors, abuse by, 149–151, 157–158
“Don’t Touch My Hair” (song), 292–293
dreams as healing mechanisms, 74–75
drug and alcohol use
abduction and rape, 254–255
alcoholic blackouts, 206–207
date rape, 25, 198, 205–206, 216–219, 221–222, 232
as escape from acquaintance abuse, 327
father-daughter incest, 113, 118–119, 121, 280–282
frat house culture, 247–248
prompting sibling abuse, 131
safety pointers for avoiding date rape, 234–235
sex-trafficked women and girls, 238
statistics on date rape and acquaintance rape, 25
survivors turning to, 182–183, 200–201
eating disorders, 228–232, 321
ECPAT (End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography and Trafficking), 238
education and schools
escaping father-daughter incest, 107, 126
impact of father-daughter incest, 119
leaving a life of prostitution, 251–258
mandated reporting by school employees, 39–40, 271–272, 286–287
mentor abuse as “affair,” 166–169
rape awareness programs, 196–197
rape by teachers and principals, 148–149
students’ secret lives of molestation, 79, 81
survivors’ fantasies, 88
survivors’ lives after abuse, 187, 297–299
as therapy, 321, 343–345
See also college campuses
EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprogramming), 30–31
emotional abuse
effect on adult relationships, 214
by siblings, 130, 214–215, 220–221
emotions
after survivors’ disclosure of incest, 288–289
breaking down after leaving the situation, 84
date rape evoking, 199–201
deep wounds from father-daughter incest, 94–95
disclosure and, 69–70
finding outlets for, 59–67
response to sibling incest, 135–136
sex after abuse, 67–69
trust in pre-adolescent and adolescent girls, 45–46
See also specific emotions
EROC (End Rape on Campus), 249
European Parliament: prostitution laws, 243
evidence
proving rape in court of law, 53
rape kit, 41, 209–212, 233
reporting a rape and pressing charges, 40–41, 265
exercise as outlet for anger, 59–60
false memory syndrome, 28–30
family
assault by uncles, 20–21, 85–90, 94, 137, 284–285
“breaking up with” abusive family members, 10
clergymen’s abuse of children, 159–163
as co-conspirators in father-daughter rape, 106–111, 113, 117–123
cousin incest, 141–147
“curing” the abuser, 32–34
disruption after disclosure, 31–32
failing to protect and support abused children, 50–56, 78–82, 99–100, 103, 150–151, 316–317
finding your support posse, 291–292, 294–295
generational perpetuation of abuse, 15–16, 27–28
marital rape, 205
men’s justification for incest, 3(quote)
mentors’ grooming children, 155
; pressuring girls not to press charges, 263
protecting younger siblings from molestation, 38–39
reporting abuse and pressing charges, 264
sex-trafficking of girls and women, 244
similarities of prostitution to incest, 245–247
support and protection of abused girls, 275–276, 283
survivors building families, 297–299
survivors’ unwillingness to disclose to parents, 23
See also father-daughter incest; incest; mothers; parents; siblings
family friends, assault by, 94, 150, 152
fantasy
becoming a superhero, 85–90
creating secret worlds during molestation, 82–84
dissociation as healing process, 74–77
girls as objects of men’s fantasies, 145–146
multiple personality disorder and, 34–35
rape as, 7
as survival skill, 90
violent sexual fantasies after abuse, 68
Farley, Melissa, 241
father-daughter incest, 318
blaming the survivor, 98–99
bondage, 116–117
clergy abusing their children, 161
compliant behavior during, 117–118
concerns over siblings, 112–113
cousins’ awareness of, 37–38
“curing” the abuser, 32–34
the daughter’s lack of choice in, 111
defining incest, 94–95
escaping the situation, 124–127
families’ failure to protect their children, 50–51
family disruption following disclosure, 31–32
fathers’ continuing power over daughters, 108–109
fathers’ sexualization of daughters, 101–102
fathers “teaching” daughters about men, 115–116
forgiving the abuser, 270
life after incest, 124
men’s justification for, 3(quote)
mothers as co-conspirators, 106–111, 117–119
mothers’ refusal to acknowledge, 120–123
a mother’s support and protection, 280–282
myths and truths about, 95–97
as patriarchal control, 96–97
pregnancy resulting from, 304–305
prosecution of the perpetrator, 319–320
prostitution and, 242–243, 245–247
psychological manipulation of daughters, 104–106
reporting abuse and pressing charges, 263–265
supportive mothers, 335–338
survivors’ dissociation during, 104–105
survivors getting past abuse to embrace life, 341–346
trust, fear, and shame, 114–116
of younger sisters, 112–113, 120–123
fear
acquaintance rape, 190, 226–229
father-daughter incest, 122
fear of the dark, 319–320
guilt over and fear of incest survivors, 285
overcoming, 63–64
passing passivity and fear to children, 53
by prostitutes towards pimps, 244
stranger rape and date rape, 208–209
survivor traits, 37–38
feminist movement and culture
attitudes towards prostitution, 237
changing rape laws, 53
defining rape culture, 195–196
development of the rape kit, 209
“empowerment” of women through sex trafficking, 240–241
power and trust in adolescent girls, 46–47
raising and educating boys, 234
fighting back, 81, 87, 102–103, 108, 315, 328
Filipino culture: family response to incest disclosure, 284–290
forgiving the abuser, 268–270, 274
forgiving yourself, 320–321, 329–330
foster care, 129, 256
Francis George (Cardinal), 153–154
frat house culture, 247–248
Fraternity Gang Rape (Sanday), 247–248
Freud, Sigmund, 6–7, 27
Freyd, Jennifer, 29
Freyd, Pamela, 29
Freyd, Peter, 29
futility, survivors’ feelings of, 4–5
gang rape, 222–232, 247–248, 254–255, 299
GEMS (Girls Educational & Mentoring Services), 239, 242, 248–251, 257
Generation 5 organization, 15–16
generational perpetuation of abuse
father-daughter rape of younger sisters, 120, 123
mothers as emotionally abused daughters, 109–110
mothers failing to protect their children from incest, 52–53
organizations challenging, 15–16
sibling incest, 137, 139
survivors’ fear of, 27–28
genetic predisposition for pedophilia, 28
Geoghan, John, 153–154
Gilmore Girls (television show), 169
Girlthrive (website), 8, 16, 249–250, 317, 323, 344
grooming by abusers
mentor abuse, 155
sibling incest, 139–140
teachers, 168–169
guilt
acquaintance abuse, 183
disruption of families following disclosure, 31–32
dissociation as survival tactic, 75–76
incest survivors’ feelings of, 285
mentor abuse, 164–165
overcoming, 64–66
parents’ guilt over children’s rape, 278–280
sibling incest, 130–131, 138
stranger rape and date rape, 199–200, 208
survivors forgiving themselves for father-daughter incest, 107
gymnastics team, abuse of members of, 8, 149–151
Hanna, Kathleen, 57
Hazanavicius, Michel, 293
healing process
abused children with supportive parents, 278–280
after repeated assaults, 79–84, 329–331
boyfriends supporting, 192–193, 331–333
confronting the abuser, 266–268
disclosure as part of, 14–15, 17, 261–262
dissociation, 74–77
false memory syndrome, 29–30
father-daughter incest, 107–108, 111–112, 120–122, 124–127
finding outlets for feelings, 59–67
finding the right therapist, 340
finding your support posse, 291–292, 294–295
forgiving the abuser, 268–270
forgiving yourself, 320–321, 329–330
girls relating to other girls’ stories, 338–340
healing the parents of survivors, 275–276
life after abuse, 296–300
parents’ protection of children, 151
prostitutes leaving the life, 257–258
reflecting on other survivors’ experiences, 301–302
reporting a crime and pressing charges, 262–266
resources for, 16–17
setting boundaries during disclosure, 57–59
sex after abuse, 67–69
sibling incest, 137–138
supportive family members’ role in, 289–290
survivors reading other survivors’ stories, 305–308
women’s guilt over an abusive husband and father, 280–281
See also survivors’ groups; therapy
healthy relationships, 23
Herman, Judith Lewis, 7, 75–76
HIPAA forms, 274
homosexuality, pedophilia and, 21, 155–156. See also LGBTQ individuals
hotlines, 38, 195–197, 206, 271, 292–293
hypnosis
false memory syndrome, 29
as therapeutic technique, 30–31
I Never Called It Rape (Warshaw), 205
Iceland: prostitute-protection laws, 243
illness
as aftermath of abuse, 11
clergy abuse and, 159–160
father-daughter incest survivors, 98
&nbs
p; illness and death of abused children’s parents, 278–279
nausea and vomiting after oral sex, 23–25, 174, 190
sibling incest and, 135–136
incest
confronting the abuser, 267
“curing” the abuser, 32–34
defining and characterizing, 19, 22–23, 94
defining pedophilia, 20–22
diversity among survivors, 3–4
emotional response and survival skills, 15
fear associated with stranger rape, 208–209
finding a therapist, 273
finding your support posse, 291–292, 294–295
forgiving the abuser, 270
Freud’s efforts to publicize, 6–7
generational perpetuation, 15–16, 27–28, 52–53, 109–110, 120, 123, 137, 139
girls protecting sisters from abusive relatives, 285–288
mentor abuse and, 154
multiple personality disorder in survivors, 34–35
myths and truths about, 95–97
overcoming shame, 66–67
parents’ unconditional support of molested daughters, 284–289
prostitution and, 242–243, 245–247, 249, 256, 312–313
reporting abuse and pressing charges, 264–265
repressing memories and stories before disclosure, 9–13
sex after abuse, 67–69
survival strategy during long-term abuse, 77–84
survivors’ lives after abuse, 297–298
therapy for family members after disclosure, 32
triggers for reliving abuse experiences, 61–62
See also brother-sister incest; family; father-daughter incest
initiation, father-daughter rape as, 103
intimacy, fear of
after father-daughter rape, 111–112
confronting, 10–11
learning to overcome, 84–85
sex after abuse, 67–69
survivor traits, 37–38
survivors reading other survivors’ stories, 310–311
touch as a trigger, 192
“It’s on Us” awareness campaign, 196, 222
“I’ve Never Been to Barbados” (song), 197
Jackson, Kay, 33–34
Johns Hopkins University, 29
journaling, 60, 184, 266
Justice for All Act, 206
Kiss Daddy Goodnight (Armstrong), 7
Le Tigre (band), 57
legal issues
abuse by teachers, 168
abused children refusing to press charges, 279–280
confronting the abuser, 266–267
evolution of rape laws, 195–196
exemption of clergy from, 156
false memory syndrome lawsuits, 28–30
inadequate enforcement of rape laws, 233
Justice for All Act, 206
leaving home before majority, 262
mandated reporters, 39–40, 263–264, 271–273, 286–287
mentor abuse, 170–171
pressing charges for gang rape, 231
protecting abusers and survivors, 265–266
sexting, 47