The Sacrifices of Life

by Humphreys, K. L.

  Mum sighs. “And you did what? You took his word for it? Come on Katy, that boy, and yes, I’ll call him a boy, he hasn’t grown up at all. He’s had a crush on you since you were sixteen. His pride is hurt because you chose someone else over him. So is he doing this just to hurt you?”

  “I don’t know, that’s why I sent Owen a message. Mum, he’s not texted me back. He knew I’d be texting him. He made me promise to do so when I got home.” I feel betrayed. He slept with me but didn’t have the decency to be open and honest with me. It hurts; it actually kills me to know that he’s not the man I thought he was.

  “Oh, Katy. I don’t know what to say. Maybe he hasn’t seen the message. I think you should have some food and we’ll watch a movie and just put it out of your mind until tomorrow. Tomorrow’s a new day. We’ll see what it’ll bring.” She doesn’t sound very optimistic, and I guess she has no reason to be.

  “Okay, Mum.” I’m resigned to the fact that I may never know the truth. Owen isn’t going to answer me, and that in itself is telling. I guess what Harley said is true, whether all of it or just a portion, I’ll never know.

  Mum releases me, and we all walk into the sitting room. I make a beeline for the sofa. Molly takes the seat beside me and instantly reaches out and takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. “It’s going to be okay Katy.”

  The doorbell chimes, and I look to Mum. Is she expecting someone? Her face flames. “I’m meant to be having dinner with your dad tonight. I’ll tell him not tonight.”

  I sigh. “No Mum, it’s fine, you go out with Dad.”

  She gives me a look full of sadness, and I know that she’s going to tell Dad that she won’t be going out for dinner. I stare at the telly as she goes to the door; Molly’s still holding my hand and I know that she’s not going anywhere tonight, knowing Molly she’ll spend the night in my bed hogging all the covers.

  “Is Katy here?” That deep voice sends shivers down my spine. An hour ago I’d have been smiling from ear to ear upon hearing his voice at my door, but now, I hate that voice, I hate that my body’s betraying me by reacting to it.

  “Who wants to know?” I groan at Mum’s hard voice. She’s mad. She knows exactly who it is at the door, and she’s not happy that he’s here.

  “Mrs Akers, I’m Owen Hughes.” I can hear the smile in his voice, he’s trying to charm my mum. What he doesn’t know is that he can’t. My mum isn’t taken in by it.

  “Yeah?” She mocks him. “What do you want?”

  “Please, can I speak to Katy?” he pleads with her.

  My pulse starts racing. A part of me wants him to turn around and leave, but there’s a bigger part of me that wants Mum to let him in and explain what the hell is going on. Why did he ignore my message, and what is he doing at my front door? I glance at Molly, who’s turned around looking towards the door; her eyes wide as she listens to the conversation play out in front of us.

  “You have five minutes,” Mum tells him, my heart begins to pound when she opens the door and lets him in.

  My mouth goes dry when I look at him. He’s so handsome, and he’s dressed in a black shirt and his jeans. He looks as though he is going out tonight, I’m glad one of us is capable of having fun.

  “Katy…” His voice is gravelly, he looks upset.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Owen?” I snap, I’m mad, he should have messaged me, instead I’ve been going out of my mind with worry.

  “I get that you’re upset but Katy, you have to listen to me.” His eyes plead with me, those beautiful blue eyes begging me to listen.

  “Just answer the question Owen, are you a member of the Blud Cripz?” I demand, my anger coming out. He knows what I want to know, so why is he standing there acting innocent?

  “Katy, it’s not as easy as that. Listen to me. Please?” He’s begging me yet again.

  I jump up from the sofa and walk over to him. “It is that easy, Owen, a simple yes or no. Is it that hard?” I swallow through the guilt that’s bubbling up when I look at him, his eyes are full of sadness. My hands rise to his shirt, going for the buttons. I can feel the thumping of his heart beneath my hands, I pull on the shirt and watch as his eyes widen as the top two buttons fly off exposing his chest.

  I hear gasps coming from both Molly and Mum as we see the black script written across his chest, Blud Cripz.

  “A yes would have been sufficient,” I bite out, tears in my eyes. I am so fucking stupid. “Were you in prison?”

  He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he stands there staring at me as though I’m the one in the wrong, as though I’m the bad guy here.

  “For Christ sake, Owen, will you just answer me?” I shout, so frustrated that he’s not answering me. He owes me that much at least.

  “Yes, I was in prison,” he confesses quietly.

  I charge at him, my hands slapping against his chest. “You killed him,” I scream. My tears fall thick and fast as pain erupts within me. “He’s dead because of you.” I continue to pummel him with my fists. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.” My shrill screams fill the room. I can’t seem to stop. Right now I don’t even know my own name.

  “Katy…” Through my fog of rage, I can hear Mum calling my name, but I don’t listen as I keep hitting his chest. “Please, Katy, stop,” she begs.

  Owen clamps his hands around my wrists, stopping me from hitting him. “Katy! Christ will you stop?” he growls at me.

  I push away from him and just stare at him, how can someone so sweet be involved with such evil? “Was it all a joke to you? Was I some kind of bet?”

  “What are you talking about?” He looks so confused, but it only pisses me off further.

  I bare my teeth and snarl at him, not bothering to contain my fury.

  “Katy, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Was it a bet, see if you could shag the sister of the boy you killed?”

  “Killed? I haven’t killed anyone,” he fires back, looking as angry as I feel.

  “Then what? It’s some sort of coincidence that you ended up fucking me?” I scream, my tears falling even heavier.

  “Katy, please don’t be so vulgar,” Mum begs me.

  Owen stalks towards me. “Don’t talk like that; I didn’t fuck you.”

  I turn to Mum “He’s gone.” My legs buckle beneath me and I fall to the floor.

  “Oh baby… I’m sorry. He’s gone.” She says walking over to Owen, “It’s time for you to leave.”

  Molly puts her arms around me, “It’s okay, Katy, it’s going to be okay.” Her voice is just above a whisper.

  I suck in a sharp breath as sobs wrack my body. “It’s not; he’s gone and I’m never going to see him again,” I wail as I lay my head onto her chest.

  I feel hands on my back rubbing me. “Katy, talk to me, come on, Cher.”

  I jump away from his hands. “He’s dead because of you and that stupid fucking gang. Talk to you? Go fuck yourself,” I scream at him, not wanting him to touch me.

  “Cher, please.” His voice sounds weird, but I don’t pay too much attention as I’m rushing to the toilet.

  My knees hit the floor as I throw up.

  “Sssh,” Molly says holding my hair back. “Get it all up.”

  I throw up until there’s nothing left in me; all that is coming up is bile. I’m still crying, my sobs making it harder to breathe through the nausea. “I slept with him, Mol. How fucking stupid am I? His stupid gang is responsible for Mickey’s death.” Just remembering the wails from Mum as she lay over Mickey’s body makes me heave, I heave so much that I begin to gag, before throwing up yet again. My throat is burning as the bile rises. God, will this ever stop?

  “Molly, get her to drink some water,” Mum say as she comes into the bathroom. I hope this means Owen’s gone.

  I can’t believe he was in prison; I never thought I’d be so stupid, never thought I’d be one of those girls to drop their knickers because someone’s interested in them.

&nb
sp; “Will do, I’m going to bring her to bed.” Molly says as she helps me get to my feet, “Come on Katy, we’ll go for a lie down,” She helps me out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I feel so weak; I honestly don’t know how I have the energy to cry anymore.

  I lie on the bed, and Molly climbs in beside me, her arm going around me. “I’m sorry, Katy.”

  I look at up at her, and she too is crying. “It hurts so much Mol, please make it stop.”

  “Oh Katy, I really wish I could. It’ll go soon, I promise.” She pulls me closer to her. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “What just happened?” I hear Owen’s deep voice ask.

  No, I moan. I thought he’d gone.

  “That was my daughter breaking.” Mum’s angry voice echoes through the flat. “Don’t you think it’s time for you to go?”

  “No, I don’t. Katy means something to me. Hell, I think I love her. I’ve never seen someone so broken before. What happened? Who does she think I killed?” He sounds so baffled.

  “Ugh, he’s that ignorant?” Molly says as she rolls her eyes. I ignore her and listen to see what Mum says to him.

  “Mr Hughes, my sixteen-year-old son was murdered outside of this flat not even five months ago. We all know it was that gang of yours that did it. My daughter has spent the past five months making sure that I’m okay, that we don’t lose this flat and that every bit of debt has been paid off or is being paid. And because of that, she’s not given herself time to grieve.” Mum’s voice is hard. I’ve never seen or heard her mad like this before.

  “Mrs Akers, I’m sorry for your loss, but I can assure you that I’m not a part of that gang.” He sounds so sure of himself, but I saw the tattoo, why is he lying?

  “Do you think we’re blind Mr Hughes? We all saw that thing on your chest. Why are you trying to deny it?” Mum fires back at him. She’s really standing up to him, and she’s not taking any crap from him.

  Molly’s face breaks out in a smile. “Your mum’s on fire.”

  “Mrs Akers, yes I used to be a member of the Blud Cripz, but I no longer am.” He must really think we’re stupid.

  “Mr Hughes, since when did gangs allow their members to leave whenever they felt like it? You’re forgetting something. My son was a member of the NDZ Crew, I know that you can’t walk away. Once you’re a part of the gang, you’re in for life.”

  “I paid my dues to them. I went to prison for them. I never told on them and in doing so I was allowed to leave the gang.”

  I hear Mum scoff. “What exactly were you in prison for?”

  “Supplying a class A drug. I was caught dealing. I was sentenced to seven years. They knew I was a member of a gang and they’ve started clamping down hard on members.” He sounds so nonchalant about it, as though it’s a normal thing to do. I can’t believe what I’m hearing, it’s as though he has no remorse at all. People die from drugs. God, did he sell to kids?

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Tell me, Mr Hughes, why did you join the gang?” Mum asks, and I wish she hadn’t. I want him to leave. I’m too tired, and listening to him is making me feel worse.

  “I’m the eldest of four. I left school because if I didn’t none of us would have been able to eat, we wouldn’t have been able to have a roof over our head. The four of us would have been put into care,” he begins.

  In spite of myself, I find myself listening intently, waiting to find out what happens next. And Molly’s attention is just as focused.

  “I couldn’t find a job,” he continued quietly. “Who would want to employ a fifteen-year-old with no qualifications? I needed money, and I needed it fast. The only thing I could do was join the Bluds and deal drugs. I know it was stupid, but for me and my family, it was the only thing I could do to keep us together. So, I dealt drugs and I made sure my family was looked after. I kept what I did a secret for four years. You’d think dealing drugs would make you rich… it doesn’t. It managed to keep us afloat until I got caught.” His voice is steady, almost as if he’s practiced what to say a million times before.

  I can’t even imagine having to bear all that responsibility at such a young age. It must have been hard keeping it from everyone.

  “So, you went to prison and you came out and you’re now free from the Bluds?” Mum raises an eyebrow, her voice carries a sceptic tone. “Not to call you a liar, but it doesn’t sound feasible. As I said Owen, my son was a member of a gang.”

  “I know, not everyone is able to get out, but the thing is, I took the blame for Mills’s brother too. I made sure that no one knew he was there, that he was dealing too, so Mills owed me. I collected.”

  “You sacrificed a lot for your family. Do you regret it?” Mum asks, and I hold my breath waiting for his answer.

  “Yes and no. I wish I had found another way to get money but at the same time, my family was safe, they were secure and that is the main thing. Surely you understand that?” he replies frankly and honestly. I do get it, I just don’t get why he never told me.

  “If you had asked me five months ago, I wouldn’t have understood. But I do, much more than I should. You and Katy have so much in common. My daughter has sacrificed her future to make sure this flat isn’t taken off us. My daughter has sacrificed her dignity to pay off her brother’s funeral. That hurts Owen, knowing that my daughter takes her clothes off to pay for things because I’m not strong enough.” Tears begin to fall as I listen to Mum pour her heart out to Owen.

  “I lost my boy, my sixteen-year-old boy, the light of this family. My daughter lost not only her baby brother, she lost one of her best friends, she lost the light in her life and you know what else she lost…” Mum pauses. “She lost her family, my daughter lost so much more than I did, and I hate that she saw me at the absolute lowest. That I wasn’t able to be there for her when her brother di…” Mum begins to cry, and I get up off the bed, not wanting her to get upset. “I wasn’t there for her when she needed me and that kills me.”

  As I get to the bedroom door, Owen’s words stop me dead. “It’s one of the things I love about your daughter, she’s selfless. She puts everyone before herself and if you were to ask her, she’d tell you that she loves you and that all that matters is that you’re okay now. Your daughter has a heart of gold and I’m lucky that I had her in my life, and I’m not letting her go. I love her.”

  He loves me? I turn to look at Molly, who has a massive smile on her face. “Go get him, you need to talk to him. But you really do suit each other. Go on and get your man, Katy.”

  With a smile for her, I walk into the sitting room. I instantly spot Owen; he’s sitting on the sofa. He looks so comfortable sitting here with my mum, but he must feel me looking at him because his gaze drifts towards me before he stands and walks over, his stride full of purpose. He doesn’t spare so much as a glance at my mum even though they were just talking.

  “I fucked up, Cher, I really did. I should have told you about my past. This thing between us has been like a whirlwind, and honestly I didn’t want you to think any different of me.” His hand goes to my face and he cups my cheek, “You’re so fucking beautiful, it honestly hurt my fucking heart watching you break.”

  I lean into his hand. “You really should have told me. Hearing it from someone else… God, Owen.” I shake my head as I remember the look in Harley’s eyes as he told me, the glee he took in divulging the details.

  “Secrets have a way of destroying people. I’ve seen what it can do to people first hand. Secrets destroyed Jess’s relationship with Emme’s dad. Thankfully they’ve managed to sort everything out. But Katy, you never told me about your brother. I even asked if you knew the boy who died, and you brushed it off.”

  Guilt hits me hard as I realise that he’s right, I should have told him about Mickey.

  “I know, I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.” Looking at this man, knowing that he loves me and I love him. Happiness should be in abundance, but it’s not. Shouldn’t I fe
el some kind of pleasure? Why am I so consumed with worrying about not trusting him?

  “Katy, I did what I did so that my brothers and sisters wouldn’t be put into care. I did what I honestly believed was the only thing I could do. I’d do it again if I needed to.” He’s trying to get me to understand, to see why he’s done what he has.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t get over that you never said anything. Don’t you think knowing that you were in prison and used to be a gang member should have been something you told me before you asked me out on a date?”

  “It is and that’s how I fucked up. I’ll never be able to apologise for not telling you. I’m a human and we all make mistakes, albeit, not as bad as mine. Forgive me.” He implores, those eyes of his, they’re my undoing, they’re so beautiful, it’s almost as if they can see into my soul. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips, “Please, Cher, forgive me.”

  My eyes glance towards Mum and Molly both of then staring at Owen and me. Both have matching smiles, and looking at Mum, she gives me a nod encouraging me to give him another chance. I glance at Molly who’s beaming at me.

  “Okay, one more chance, but no more lies and no more secrets,” I whisper as I turn my head and kiss his hand that is cupping my cheek. “I can’t take anymore. I don’t think I’m strong enough.”

  He leans down so we’re face to face. “Cher, you’re the strongest person I know, but I can promise you, no more lies and no more secrets.”

  I smile. “Okay.”

  His eyes twinkle. “Thank Christ.”

  My face flames as what happened finally hits me. “I’m so sorry for losing it. I shouldn’t have hit you. Did I hurt you?”

  His hand reaches around the back of my neck. “No baby, you didn’t. Are you okay?” He presses a soft kiss to the corner of my lips.

  “I don’t think so, I hurt so much. All I want to do is crawl back into bed and cry.” Mum and Molly were right, I hadn’t fully come to terms with Mickey dying, and tonight and this shit storm really made it hit home. “I miss him so much.”