Sari Caste

by Catherine Kirby

  Mona said nothing about her missing money and she had no news to give Supriya and I of Lavali and Kajal. The more we pressed her, the more disinterest she showed. Eventually, we behaved as though we had grown tired of the subject remembering she would only speak about it, if and when, she decided.

  "The two of you are soft and weak like peasants. The other two are having a good time while you work. Actresses are sharp and strong. If you are jealous of them, remember, work harder. Rewards are for those who deserve them, but if you try to take them without deserving you will be severely punished instead."

  "We will always work hard, Mona." I let my lips sneak into a small deferential smile. I had long given up expecting Mona to speak like a normal human being. What had she meant? Perhaps she insinuated her discovery of the stolen money and attempted to make the taker, it was not justifiable to say thief, nervous enough to betray herself. My act so far had been pleasing to me. Obviously, she didn't know who was responsible yet, nor how, or from where, the money was originally taken. I would have to be much more careful. She had trusted me with money and she would be keeping a surreptitious eye on me. Having delivered her message she left.

  Supriya turned to me. "I wish Mona was one of those images of Durga. After all she seems to think she is god of all, at least in this house. What a wonderful thing it would be to push her into the sea when all the celebrating and feasting of Durga puja was over. We could watch her fill with water and fall apart. All her painted colours would melt away and she'd shrink to nothing. Then she'd know what being soft was really like!" We sat giggling into each others shoulders. I liked Supriya; she knew how to share. She was warm and round, and easygoing but she would never take Kajal's place. Would my little sister be changed if or when she returned?

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  I worked hard, as Mona required. More to stop myself from thinking about Kajal and our future, than to impress Mona, but not entirely without that ulterior motive. If she thought I was trying to please her she would either be appeased or become more suspicious. Either way, she was not as subtle about her feelings as she thought she was. She always betrayed herself by the involuntary movement of muscles around her eyes and mouth. Except for Lipika I went to the market alone now. Only rarely, did I speak to Dinesh in the market, to avoid rumours about us but at least he was near. There was less food needed but with only myself to carry it, I made more trips than before. More trips meant more money to filch. It gave me pleasure to know that I was still able to baffle Mona. She had taken my sister and Ch'en from me but she would not have the last word. Dull, avaricious, grasping Mona. I turned my attention to what Bharati was saying.

  "What is the news of Kajal?"

  "I have not heard anything about her for a long time. I wonder what she is doing now?"

  "She'll be with all those film stars. Won't she? "

  Having been forbidden to tell anyone why she had gone I was startled to find Bharati knew so much. "Who told you that nonsense, Bharati? You know she has gone home to visit her sick mother."

  Bharati looked at me with questioning contempt. "You should trust me, Manasa. You are from the brothel. That is your trade and this is mine." Her face softened as she raised a mischievous eyebrow. "Sometimes I would swap, vegetables can be very boring."

  "You are a witch, Bharati. Very naughty." She laughed at my affectionate scolding. I took a few rupees from my purse, placed them in her hand, and closed my own over it. "Please don't talk about this to anyone else yet. I have not been told where Kajal is or when she is coming back."

  "They are in the desert for a few weeks." The money and her pride that she knew so much had loosened her tongue.

  "Mona told you?"

  Her face crinkled up with the pleasure of fresh gossip to share. "Yes. Now and then she comes just to chat. She's always saying how much she likes to look after you all. She is kind and thoughtful and you are lucky to have her when you have no family."

  "I didn't know you were such fast friends, Bharati."

  "I'm getting to know her now that she comes to the market occasionally."

  "But what does she come for? I buy all the food and anything else we need."

  "She sometimes buys flowers or goes to chat with Dinesh."

  "Dinesh? The cripple?" I could see the pleasure in her face at my shocked response to her titbit of news.

  "Yes they are good friends."

  Stunned and confused I mumbled, "It would be better not to tell Mona we were talking about her, Bharati. She might think I was spying on her. It would be a pity to spoil your friendship."

  I hurried away. Mona had been the one keeping an eye on me not the other way round. What had Bharati meant about Dinesh? He was not as smooth and charming as Patap but I had thought I had discovered, in him, a gentleness that was not possessive. It had made me feel safe to enjoy his visits and I had begun to trust him. How stupid to allow myself to risk being hurt again. He was, it seemed, Mona's friend therefore he could not be mine. I had held onto a vague wish that he might return to me with some kind of plan for us to leave with him. It was a troubled hope. Persuading Kajal it was the best thing for us to do would have taken a lot of care but I had been determined to succeed. I felt my spirit sink. Another loss. It hurt even more with Kajal gone. As always Lipika became fretful as she sensed my anxiety. I sat down in a patch of dappled shade to comfort feed her. She fed in fits and starts until her little body splayed itself over my lap in exhausted sleep. I stroked her curls. She was a beautiful child. She would spend her childhood reminding me of Patap, the Patap who had once been innocent too.

  I could see Sharmila coming my way. She waved to me to wait. It was good to see her face filling out from the sharp boned features of the haunted spirit she had been. Sharmila had always seemed to me, to be too honest to survive this world.

  "Manasa! It's good to see you. Have you bought your vegetables today? I asked Bharati to keep you some of the very good, fresh ones we unloaded this morning."

  "Oh, you know Bharati. Unless you are there yourself, Sharmila, she never remembers."

  "Then you must come back for them."

  Bharati was amused. She laughed delightedly remarking on Sharmila's shrewdness, as the vegetables I had bought, which were not really too bad, were exchanged for the fresher ones Sharmila had hidden in the shade for me.

  "Your employer will enjoy those, Manasa. She will see how you care very well for her, as I do for Bharati, my good employer and friend." Sharmila smiled at Bharati, a genuine smile of gratitude and pleasure. "Both my boys eat well now." Tears welled in her eyes. She brushed them away with the back of her hand. She then folded and refolded her sari at her temple in an attempt to distract from her unspoken pain.

  If only Kalidas and Hiren had been able to enjoy this luxury of eating daily. If only, if only. Tears came to my eyes too echoing many regrets in my own life. I touched my friend's arm gently; "Life can be so unfair. You and your boys are doing well here, dear Sharmila. It makes me glad to see that." She nodded and as she blinked, her tears escaped. She lowered her head and took my hand a moment. Then moved away.

  I finished my shopping which I dragged along with me. Lipika lay asleep against me attached to my back by a thin shawl. It was hot now and I was thirsty. I sat down to rest and eat a ripe mango. It was little cooler under the spindly sapling I had resigned myself to.

  "Good morning, Manasa." Dinesh dropped his voice to add "I shall at last spend time with you this evening."

  "Good morning" I replied ignoring his last comment.

  "Come sit in the shade of my stall. I'll take your bundle for you."

  Even if this had been at a time before our vows to each other, I would have backed away. Then it would have been with fear of bringing him disrepute, now it was for my own pride.

  "You must think of your little one." He reproved bending to take my shopping. Let him struggle with it. Did the despicable, two-faced cripple think I should be grateful? I decided to make any use of him I could, as I
did with Mona. His stall was in a quieter area of the market. I sat in a corner where a sulky breeze wove itself in and out. There were always plenty of people for him to serve; yet he remained completely unhurried.

  I became angry as I watched and listened to him. It was not my fault I had been so deceived, he appeared genuinely interested in everyone. He had a natural charm, another Patap. Pataps were everywhere. That sweet lingering smile and respectful warm gaze, there just for the beholder. What utter rubbish! I had allowed myself to become deceived again but this time I would be more cautious. There would be no next time. I would not be tempted to trust another man. I began to despise his gentleness and hate his smiles and friendly banter. I began hoping something both horrible and terminal would happen to him. Perhaps he would be too slow dodging the traffic with his useless legs and go down under a lorry. Part of his good leg would be cut off to free him from the accident. He would not have money to pay for proper medical care. Slowly, slowly the rest of his leg would turn gangrenous. It would fester green and repulsive and he would smell like the gutters and sewers. His friends would stop visiting him. Then he would die painfully clinging to his useless life and calling for me. I would stop by on my way to the market to smile at him as he now smiled at me. After he died, he would come back as an ant. It is very easy to step on ants.

  Dinesh glanced at me quizzically and I found I was grinning. Suddenly remembering where I was I said icily, "I must go now."

  "Wait, I'll get you a rickshaw." He turned away to call a small boy to find one for us.

  "You're not happy at this moment, but tonight we'll talk." Dinesh coaxed. I didn't respond. I really didn't care enough to even pretend to be polite, at that point. Almost at once, a scrawny man pulling a decaying rickshaw arrived. He helped me into the seat. Shamefully and silently, I gloated at his wheezing and coughing as he pulled Lipika and me back to Mona. All I could see then was another useless man making use of me, for money.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Mona was in a good mood after I had served her favourite dish of crayfish. "It's quieter without Ch'en and the other children." I said, gingerly feeling my way into some kind of exchange with her. "The filming must be going well." She eyed me slyly. The praise, which would never be received by those who earned it, could, when she chose, be used to provoke jealousy among us and keep us all from ganging up on her. I smiled searching carefully for words that would not irritate her into closing the subject. "You have made a wise choice of who to send, Mona. Perhaps you would make a good actress also."

  She sucked in her cheeks and thought a moment. "No, I prefer to be here. The children get on my nerves if I see too much of them."

  "You may not have children around you, except as servants."

  She could not conceal a satisfied smile at that idea. "I could do it. A good actress needs special consideration. Then it's easy."

  "Maybe they will want you when the others return. I expect that will be soon if they are doing well but what will we do without you? Will you prepare us in plenty of time, Mona?" I tried to sound truly concerned about her. She was right it was easy to act, special consideration or not.

  "There's plenty of time to decide about that. Take the green silk. You will look after Dinesh. As he is a friend of the Arab uncle give him extra time today and tell him his favourites will be back in a month or two"

  Something heavy sunk inside me. How could Dinesh make a friend of such a cruel man? Kajal and Lavali were Dinesh's favourites? I would have felt jealous, maybe even disbelief to hear those words a week ago but not now. There was no time even to be glad to know my sister was definitely returning. Angry and anxious, wrapped in the filmy green chiffon, Mona liked to call silk, I went to meet Dinesh.

  He was warm and friendly, as always. I had very little to say to him but I was ready to please him. He was eager to satisfy himself with me and he did more than once before we spoke. Although I knew it was a lie I convinced myself I had not enjoyed it but that my consolation waited in the extra money I could extort from him.

  I yawned as I replaced my flimsy green covering. Then disdainfully commented, "I have heard your favourites will be returning in a month or two."

  He scanned my face with a searching frown. "My favourites? Who are they? Where have they gone?"

  "Kajal and Lavali." He had not argued with my statement and I was not fooled by his pretence at ignorance. "They are making films for your friend, the Arab uncle."

  "I have met him and his nephew in the market but they aren't my friends. Why haven't you gone with them? You must surely be more beautiful than both of them and you can act, I have seen that."

  How dare he ridicule me? I looked through him and remained silent.

  "Come here." He slid the green chiffon from my shoulders and it fluttered away from me. "Tell me what's wrong with you tonight, so stiff and distant? Also at the market when I gave you shade and drink, and found you a rickshaw. What's happened to you?"

  I stood naked before him staring down at his knees. I was not a criminal. Why was he spying on me with Mona behind my back? I had earned my money. I was not going to let myself trust him, and he could not make me tell him anything.

  "There is nothing to tell. I was grateful to you and very polite."

  "Very coldly polite."

  I didn't bother to reply.

  After a little silence he asked. "You are jealous of your friends, then?"

  "There is no need to be jealous of friends." I replied indignantly. "You want some food from the kitchen before you leave?"

  Ignoring my dismissal he reproved, "I'm glad you aren't jealous but now that we're married you've become proud of your new status, which you laud over your friends, and now they've left you."

  I glared at him unable to believe what he had said.

  "How could they be my favourites?" His laugh made me blush but I said nothing. He continued to tease me "Just a little jealous?" The smirk that slunk around his lips infuriated me. "Jealous, angry, exciting." He reached out to take my face in both his hands. His smile melted into indulgence. It reminded me of mummy who often did that when I was young. Then laugher and hugs had usually followed. I could feel myself melting. "Mona tried to persuade me to visit one of the other ladies but I refused to return until she agreed to let me have you. Have you thought about how we shall leave here and live together as a family as we agreed?"

  My fears and relief turned to a confused fury. "I don't know. It is a crazy, impossible idea."

  "You are angry with me and perhaps I deserve it." He said it sensitively making room for me to sit beside him. "But I don't understand how I have angered you so much, my sweet wife." His voice shifted to a warm lilt that was too gentle and coaxing to offend me. All by itself, a smile, spread across my face. He smiled back and asked, "Have you missed me as I've missed you? Your body said you did but what about your heart?" He paused. "I thought of visiting you many times. It's very hard for a bridegroom to be forced to stay away."

  I believed that truth could not harm me whether or not I trusted him. "I don't understand many things. Mona says you are a friend of the Arab uncle but he is a very cruel man."

  "You must be sharper than Mona if you want to beat her. She's learnt to undermine you in every way. I have spoken to the man and his nephew only once or twice and saw him when I was passing one day hoping to see you. But, sweetest Manasa, did you long for me to be with you?"

  My independent smile returned. I lowered my head but peeped at him still. "Yes. I thought of you."

  He smiled too and took both my hands. "I have been working hard and long. I've begun to save for us. We have a large family to think of you, Lipika, your sister, Ch'en. If we are all to leave Calcutta we must have money to travel and to eat."

  "Leave Calcutta!"

  "It's a surprise to you, isn't it? But think, Manasa, Mona has her protectors. You are her most lucrative worker. Everyone but you knows that. When you leave there will be many disgruntled customers. Another reason it's not easy for
me to come here to you," he added.

  His expression was unreadable but there was a shrewd look in his eye now. "I don't want Mona to suspect how much I feel for you. It's best I keep away. We have to be very careful and very clever. Then we will escape and we can begin our life as a new family. We all need each other. It wasn't until I met you that I understood how lonely I was. How I longed for a wife and family."

  "When you stopped coming to see me and I heard that Mona visited you in the market I thought you had turned away from me."