“My reality has been tilted this week. If you had asked me last week what I would be doing this week, I’d have told you eating Ramen and peddling coffee. Never in my life would I have thought I’d be doing what I’m doing.”
“Are you okay?” There was concern in his voice, and I was touched he cared.
“Yep, my first encounter was positive. What about you? Are you okay?” I wondered if he was going through the same emotions. Did he feel dirty? Did he enjoy the experience? I wouldn’t ask, not until we knew each other better.
“Yep, I think I’ll survive. Do you want to have lunch tomorrow?” The question took me by surprise. It was like he plucked it from the ether. He could have said, Hi, River, that’s a lovely dress. What do you think about meatballs? One had nothing to do with the other.
I quickly considered the benefits and downfalls of befriending Luca. In the end, I agreed to lunch because I could use an ally, one who was in the same arrangement as I. We agreed to meet at a little cafe in my neighborhood at noon.
* * *
When the morning greeted me, I walked to the bathroom and stared at the dark circles under my eyes. A restless night and abnormal amount of anxiety made sleep nearly impossible. In spite of placing my first experience solidly under my belt, this “date” tonight felt different. I wasn’t filled with anticipation, but something akin to dread.
The lunch I enjoyed with Paul in Rockefeller Center was pleasant but unremarkable. Positive qualities had to be present, or I wouldn’t have said yes to a follow-on. His blue eyes and talk of movies and music were all I could recall. Knowing Jonathan couldn’t be my one and only, I vowed to focus on the positives. Jonathan had made it clear he wasn’t interested in a relationship, so an exclusive agreement wasn’t an option.
Still, the thought of another man’s hands on my body niggled at me. Could I back out now? I could convince myself that being with Jonathan was a lapse in judgment, a one-night thing, like many I’d had before. But once I met with Paul, there was no doubt what I was.
How many times are you going to justify this? I asked myself. You are what you are, a commodities broker specializing in private funds. Jade would be proud.
Dressed in slacks and a silk blouse, I put on my new Kate Spade loafers and walked to the cafe a few blocks away. The sun sat on my shoulders, and the wind blew through my hair. This was the normal I needed. I needed friends like Luca and Jade. I needed to cut myself a break.
Waiting at a front table was the delectable Luca Gregorio. Sitting in the seat across from him was our waitress. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Luca was doing the top-earning women in business. The woman he was sitting across from and flirting with could barely afford to pay for his coffee.
Luca rose when he saw me. His perfectly cut suit hugged his lean body. I wondered who his personal shopper was. He approached me, leaving the waitress alone at our table. With a kiss on my cheek, he said, “You made it. Valerie was just going to get us both some iced tea, unless you prefer something else.” What a clever way to dismiss her. Direct and to the point, but not mean.
“Iced tea is perfect,” I said with all the sweetness I could muster. One look at Valerie, and I could see she wanted to gut me with a dull paring knife. Luca ignored her and pulled out my chair. That training would go a long way with his mentors.
“You look tired. Didn’t you sleep well?”
“No, I tossed and turned all night.”
“Thinking about our date?” He showed me a party smile, his white teeth like Tom Sawyer’s perfectly spaced pickets. I could see why women swooned; he had a movie star quality, but a boy-next-door demeanor. He was the untouchable you wanted to touch.
“Don’t flatter yourself. This is not a date, and I wouldn’t lose sleep over you.” Not completely accurate. I could see myself losing sleep over Luca, particularly if he were the star in one of my nocturnal dreams.
“Wounded.” He swayed in his chair as if I’d slain him.
“I’m ignoring you.” I turned my head just as he gave me a firm nudge with his foot under the table.
“If I wanted to be ignored, I could have…actually, I’ve never been ignored. Is this what it feels like? I’m not sure I’m a fan.”
As if scripted, Valerie approached from stage left with two iced teas and eyes only for Luca. She barely glanced at me as she took my order. I’d be surprised if anything was delivered.
“Oh, my poor baby, it must have been rough to have a gaggle of girls at your beck and call.”
“Oh, come on. You’re a stunning woman. You can’t tell me that you don’t have your own throng of men drooling at your feet. I bet they kneel before you as footstools.” He sure had an active imagination. Maybe he missed his calling. I could see him on stage with the bright lights beating down on his tawny skin.
“Oh, please. If my nights weren’t reserved, I’d be sitting home alone most of the time. Are you free tonight, or are you…?” I tilted my eyes and gave him a don’t make me say it look.
“Are you interested? I can give you a discounted rate.” He wormed his brows like a silent movie star. He didn’t see the ice cube coming his way. Bull’s-eye. It hit his chest and fell down his shirt. Watching him squirm was going to make my day.
“Oh, I’ll get you back. It’ll be when you least expect it, and it’ll be ten times worse.” Valerie managed to save the day for me. Not only did she interrupt his diatribe on revenge, she actually got my order right. The girl had earned her tip.
Leaning to the center of the table, I positioned myself for secrets. “I’m serious, Luca, what does your schedule look like? I’m drowning here.”
In the center of the table, he held my hands and told me what his week looked like. “I work tonight, and Saturday, too. Sunday is a twofer. Monday, I’m off. Tuesday is currently free, but I have a lunch meeting on Wednesday. Thursday I’m off, but you and I are meeting for coffee at the student union, and I would be devastated if you didn’t show. You can bring Blondie if you want.”
Valerie pressed us apart with her pitcher of tea. Luca leaned back in his chair, cool as could be. No one would think we were talking about his stud services. I wondered if I would feel more comfortable if I had a penis. I’d been told an erection had no conscience.
“What about you?” It was only fair for him to ask.
“Booked tonight and Saturday night. I have a new meeting tomorrow morning, as well as lunches on Monday and Wednesday. I have dinner plans Monday night, but I’m off Thursday.”
“Do you ever wonder what you were thinking when you said yes?”
“Every day, and I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking I needed to be able to eat and get through school. I needed books I couldn’t afford. I needed a place to call home. I didn’t have much choice.”
“You’ve had your first experience, and that’s supposed to be the hardest. Why are you so stressed? The worst is behind you.”
“My first was wonderful. I liked him, probably more than I should. We have incredible chemistry, so he’s set the bar high. What about your first?” Did I really want to know? Yes, I was curious. “Jade—the girl you call Blondie—and I exchange bits of info using nicknames. She calls my first Mr. Broom because I asked her what I should do if he had a tiny womb broom.”
Luca chuckled. “Does he, have a tiny…?” He dug into his salad. It was my turn to laugh.
“No.” Embarrassed that we were talking about Jonathan’s parts, I looked away. I stabbed at the chicken in my salad. I knew I had to eat, but the food sat uncomfortably in my tummy. “What about you? Isn’t it hard to perform on demand? With women, we have open-all-night equipment. You…well, that’s another story.” Several bites later, he set his fork down and leaned to the secret bubble in the center of the table.
“I’ve had two experiences. These aren’t young, stunning women. They are women who put off dating to break through the glass ceiling. One of them looked like she went headfirst. In all honesty, I thought it woul
d be fine. I have a penis, and it’s never been picky. I was wrong. Thankfully, most of the women aren’t only interested in my junk. Women love the tongue, and I’m good at it. One of the women just wanted to cuddle.”
My eyes must have bugged out by his candor. He volleyed with his own get to know you questions. “Don’t you get sore?”
“I imagine I will, but with my clientele of one, I’m doing okay.” We continued to toss questions back and forth.
“What about oral…do you actually go skin to mouth?” I whispered in the center of the table. To the average person, I imagined we looked like lovers sharing an intimate moment.
“No, I use really thin dental dams or plastic wrap. If they become a regular, I would consider flesh to flesh. What about you?” I stalled for the moment. I sucked Jonathan’s while bare, but I was changing my policy tonight. No glove, no love.
“Same as you.” I hoped Jonathan became a regular so I wouldn’t have to feel like I’d fibbed.
Throughout lunch, we laughed and shared far more than I thought we would. In some ways, it was comforting. He was just as new to this as me, and I was surprised he wasn’t as confident as I’d thought. That helped my insecurities a little. As we left and promised to meet at school, I felt lighter somehow. I had a friend, one who was as honest as Jade. Someone…real.
I arrived home in time to shower, shampoo, shave, and shine. Dressed in a little black number that hit mid-thigh, I was confident I could rock any cocktail party. Instead of wearing silk stockings and garters, I put on black lace underwear and a matching bra. Slipping on my black Jimmy Choos, I was ready.
A bead of sweat dripped from my forehead. I swiped it off and took a final glance in the mirror. My face looked pale. I pinched my cheeks, trying to pinken them up. My stomach lurched, and I raced to the toilet, where I relieved myself of lunch. Why was I so nervous? This was my new life. I needed to pull myself together.
To get through this night, I would need wine and courage.
Chapter 13
Ping. My private phone signaled an incoming message. Jade’s face showed up on my screen.
Good luck tonight. Keep your eye on the ball.
J
Thanks, coach.
R
If you want some motivation, look at your bank account. It’s payday! I gotta run. Text me when you get home so I know you’re okay.
J
Oh my God, I totally forgot today was payday. I opened my banking app and blinked twice. I logged out and back in. Yep, still the same. Sitting in my account was nearly six thousand dollars. There was no doubt I could pay my rent and cover my student loan. It finally dawned on me that puking my guts out and feeling a little skanky would be infinitely better than being homeless and hungry. Jade’s encouragement had come at just the right moment. She was right. It was the incentive I’d needed.
* * *
Rolling up in front of the Waldorf, I settled my bill with the taxi driver. I was definitely going to have to set up a car service. Taking taxis would quickly eat into my profits.
The valet opened the door and helped me exit. I was feeling much better now that I had a solid reason to continue. Nearly six thousand solid reasons. I reminded myself that the money, although the end result, wasn’t what drove me. Debt-free with a foot in the door did.
I found Paul Yoder sitting at The Oak Bar. Tucked off to the side, I watched him sip at the amber liquid in his glass. He appeared calm and confident. He laughed at something the bartender said, then turned toward the door as if looking for me. I stepped out of the shadows the minute he turned back around.
“Hi.”
I tried to make my voice sound calm, but I could hear the slight warble. I wondered if he detected it. In spite of my pep talks and reminders to focus on the prize, I was nervous. No, I was scared shitless. Jade would have been happy with me at this point. This was how she told me it should be.
“Hey, glad you could make it. You look stunning.”
He pressed a kiss to my cheek and pulled out the stool next to him. I slid through the cloud of cologne and into my seat, carefully positioning my body so he was the focus of my attention. I learned that from my dad. Men of the cloth are as savvy as politicians. They pretended you were their sole focus, but they barely gave you a second thought once you were gone. In all fairness, so many people wanted a piece of him, and there simply wasn’t enough to go around.
Our knees touched when he seated himself beside me. The sparks I felt for Jonathan didn’t exist with Paul—no tingle, no spark, no damp desire. Paul was just a guy at the bar.
“What would you like to drink?” The bartender stood in front of me and waited for my order.
I’d intended to have a glass of wine, but tonight I was going to need something stronger. “Vodka martini, with a twist.” The man behind the bar left to fill my order.
“Liquid courage?” Paul asked as his manicured hand covered mine.
In a small, tremulous voice I asked, “Does it show?”
“Your anxiety? Yes, but I like it.” He turned my hand over and rubbed the soft pad below my thumb.
Great, the man liked me scared. What did that say about him? The arrival of my drink broke the tension. I lifted my glass and proposed a toast.
“To liquid courage,” I said as I tapped the edge of his tumbler.
He raised his glass and said, “To everything else.”
I really needed to figure out a way to ask about details. What did everything else mean? I had no idea what the plan was. I might be more relaxed if I knew what the night had in store for me. At this point, my brain was coming up with a hundred scenarios. The realist in me said that only a few of those could actually happen, but the alarmist in me was playing every one like a detailed movie in my head. How did the average escort do this? I felt relieved to know Concierge Services checked out these men. Someone knew where I was and whom I was with so I shouldn’t ever come up missing. My agency calendar listed my encounters. All the safeguards had been put in place.
I sipped at the martini, letting the burn of the alcohol warm me inside. “I would feel less anxious if I knew what the plan was for the evening. You have me at a disadvantage here. I’m new to this…lifestyle. Maybe you could mentor me.” My choice of the word mentor was genius. He perked right up and stepped into his leadership role.
“I’m sorry, River, I forgot you’re green. I should have been more considerate.”
The words spilled from his mouth easily, but they didn’t seem sincere. He was just going through the motions to get from point A to point B. Quite honestly, I would rather he took me upstairs so I could get it over with and get home.
“Thank you for your consideration.”
With each sip, my vag seemed to dry up and shrivel—no chemistry, no connection. That could only mean no climax. Not only was I going to have to pull out the lube, I was also going to have to dig deep into my inner thespian and put on an award-winning performance.
“We will have a drink, two if you need it. We have a room upstairs.” His words were direct and to the point.
No dinner, nothing. A cocktail followed by one without the tail. I tossed back the rest of my drink, grabbed my purse, and stood. “I’m ready, let’s go.” My words were succinct and commanding. Gone was the girl who sat there scared and uncertain. She was drowned in a Stoli Gold martini. I owned this, or at least I’d fake it until I did.
I’m not sure if his wide eyes were a sign of shock or excitement. He seemed to like that I took charge. Power exchange. This was what turned Jade on. When someone took your options away, there was a mysterious unknown, and it was what got people excited. The perception was, you lost control. The reality was, you had it the whole time. You had to decide if you wanted to yield your power or not.
I made it out the door ten paces before him. He ran to keep up with me. “Are you in a hurry, River?”
“No, we had our drink, now we’ll have our fun. What room are we in?”
His shaking han
d pulled the card from his pocket. It wasn’t a suite, just a standard room, but at the Waldorf, nothing was really standard. I had never stayed here, but I had been intrigued by the history of the hotel since I found out one of its original founders was John Jacob Astor IV, the very same Astor who died when the Titanic sunk. At that moment, I almost felt as if I were drowning. How interesting.
Paul pressed the tenth-floor button with his trembling finger. What happened to the confident man at the bar? I’d knocked him off-kilter, and it gave me joy. I felt powerful in that moment. I’d been afraid, and he had gained something from my fear. Now he appeared afraid, and I understood what he’d gained. It was easier to gain confidence in the face of weakness.
Sandra had said to be me. Was this the real me? Did I enjoy the rush of power in relationships? Sexual relationships, anyway. With Jonathan, I had desired his lead, but perhaps with other men, I had to be in control to do my job. I would have to ponder this later. It was showtime.
We entered room 1017. It was a pretty room done in beige, gold, and touches of red. I glanced around the space. No champagne. Nothing special. This was a man who would take for himself.
“Do you want to take a shower, Paul? I hear it’s a good way to start.” I tossed my purse on the bed and approached him. Inside, I was trembling like a mouse cornered by a cat. On the outside, I was the cat.
“Um, yes, that’s a great way to start. Listen, I need to tell you a few things. Um…” He stared at me, perplexed. “Um…” His face turned red. I had no idea what he was holding back. “Um…I have a really small penis.”
Oh, thank the Lord. Of all the things he could have told me, lacking the goods wasn’t what I expected. I was relieved he was packing a filet, as opposed to a porterhouse. That meant I wouldn’t be sore tomorrow night. My evening just got a whole lot brighter.
“That’s perfect, Paul, because guess what? I’m small, too.” Hell, I have no idea how mine compared to others, but it seemed to adjust to size. If it could accommodate Jonathan’s stretch limo, then I imagined it would adjust to Paul’s Mini Cooper. Building his confidence was the most important thing right now.
The Dean’s List Page 12