Clutch

by S. M. West

  “Pansy.”

  “What a beautiful name. Like the flower?” Here we go again. Always my name. He steps from behind the desk.

  “Yes.” I return his smile with a faint one of my own. Not wanting to encourage him, but also not wanting to be rude.

  “I’m Brandon.” He offers his hand, and before I can fully extend mine, his large hand wraps around my fingers. His clasp is strong, warm, and a touch clammy.

  “Hi,” I reply. He’s not just flirting; he’s serious.

  There’s an awkward silence while I try to free my hand from his grasp, but he doesn’t get the picture.

  “Go out with me?” He inches closer.

  He’s cute in a nerdy, wannabe-rocker kind of way. His forwardness is creeping me out. Before I can yank my hand from his, needing to put some distance between us, a tsking comes from behind me.

  “Drop her hand, Brandon. Get back to work.”

  It’s Bianca. Her tone is terse and cold. His eyes flit to the gorgeous Latina, and immediately, his grin widens, and his eyes twinkle.

  “Aww, Bianca, don’t be jealous. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. I was just getting to know Pansy.”

  “What you need to know is that Pansy is Silas’s girl.”

  Before Bianca can finish, Brandon drops my hand like he’s been burned and scurries behind the desk.

  “Shit,” he mutters under his breath, glancing at us apologetically. “Pansy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was completely out of line.”

  Bianca doesn’t give me a chance to respond, putting her arm around my shoulder and steering me down a hallway.

  “Bianca, don’t say anything. I didn’t know!” Brandon shouts after us, and Bianca snickers.

  We enter a circular room with dim lighting. It’s like a mini-amphitheater with several rows of bench seating, leading down to a large pit. Everything is black. In the pit, the guys are spread out in various poses, each of them concentrating on something.

  Silas is furiously scribbling on what looks like sheet music. His golden hair is wonderfully disheveled and dark blond, day-old scruff sprinkles his chiseled jaw.

  “Look who I found!” Bianca breaks the silence as we walk down to the center.

  Raising their heads, each of them offers a welcome. Silas’s lips split into a wide smile, and he pushes off the bench to meet me.

  Jared catches my eye, and he too smiles; it’s small but genuine. Since his apology at Silas’s, things have been good between us. He’s been nothing but a gentleman if you can call it that, which is bizarre given he’s rough and raw with his eyeliner, tattoos, and leather.

  “Hey, you.” Silas wraps me in his arms, burrowing his face into my neck and inhaling me. Butterflies flutter in my belly, and my heart does a strange pitter-patter. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to his touch. I hope not.

  “Hi,” I whisper for only him to hear, my fingers digging into his taut shoulders.

  “Okay, you two, let’s get back to work.” Bianca’s no-nonsense tone cuts through the air and Silas releases a low growl, igniting tingles within me.

  She’s standing right beside us with a few papers in her hand. “Sign these, please.”

  I watch as Silas barely glances at the papers put in front of him. His eyes are on me, every chance he gets. His gaze only veers down to the document when Bianca taps her finger at the next place he has to sign.

  “Okay, thanks.” Bianca gathers them up and walks away.

  “We were just about to do a run through of ‘Bloom.’” Silas sits on the piano bench. “Want to hear it?”

  “Is that the song you’ve been working on?” I ask, and he nods. “I’d love to.”

  He pats the space beside him before adjusting the mic and warming up his fingers. It’s strange because my throat is dry and I have difficulty swallowing. I don’t know why. It’s not like we haven’t done this before.

  I’ve sat with him many times while he plays. It’s one of my favorite things to do. But this is different. We’re not alone, despite the hunger in his eyes that makes me feel like it’s just us.

  I sit beside him, thigh-to-thigh, and the heat rolling off him warms me. My cheeks flush, and I clench my thighs together as I imagine his long fingers caressing my flesh the way he does the ivory.

  He glances eagerly at the guys while his fingers glide sensually along the keys as if speaking to them, priming the instrument to become one with him.

  After a few chords, soft and melodic, the tempo increases and Silas begins to sing. His deep, smooth voice caresses each exquisite word before releasing it into the world.

  “Bloom” is a ballad and so different from what the band usually produces, more in the vein of “Only,” the song I adore.

  Each note played and each word sung lures me in. I’m mesmerized as he sings about a near miss with a car, cursing happenstance until a kiss under the night sky like a bursting star, colliding lips, crashing souls changed everything. A bright flower in a bed of loss, the bloom to the fading light.

  I’m biased, but the song is beautiful and captivating. It’s not only the lyrics or the haunting melody that’s pulling me in; it’s Silas and our story. The way he’s staring at me as he retells our meeting like it was magical and life-altering.

  The song comes to an end, the guys stop playing, but Silas continues with another round of the chorus. Just him and the piano. My eyes glisten, and if I wasn’t already falling, I fall right then and there.

  “That was amazing. Beautiful,” I say.

  “Fuck! Let’s try that again,” Jared’s voice booms from the other side of the circle. “That sucked, I think we need to change the line about the dark or maybe the tempo.” Jared pulls at his long locks, putting half of it in a ponytail.

  Silas doesn’t say a word. His gaze is intent on me and mine on him.

  “There’s nothing wrong with the line,” Eli says, smirking. “You just keep fucking it up. You gotta go down an octave, and it’ll work.”

  “What’s the matter Jared, you can’t find your balls?” Gray asks.

  The guys chuckle, except Jared. “Fuck you.”

  Clearing his throat and with a wink for me, Silas joins in, “Hey, Jared’s balls may be the problem. Pansy did a number on them.”

  Silas shoots me a sexy grin before joining the other two guys in laughter.

  Jared’s face flushes, and he winks at me, shaking his head. “Yeah, she sure did.”

  Watching the guys create and jam while keeping it light is a glimpse at another side of Silas. They may have their rocky moments, and things won’t always be smooth, but their joking, laughing, and a shared love of the music says so much more about them.

  They’re a family, and Silas isn’t the hothead that I’ve seen on occasion. He’s the goofy one. He gets the guys laughing at their mistakes and takes the edge off when one of them gets frustrated.

  It’s sad that he wants out, to end all this, but it’s not the guys he’s quitting, it’s the lifestyle. I only hope that the end of Trojan isn’t the end of their friendship. Silas needs all the support he can get.

  Now that I’ve met his parents, I realize his anger goes deep, and it’s still raw. He lashes out when stressed and overwhelmed, but the main threat is his parents.

  “Hey, Pansy,” Daisy says as I shut the door behind me.

  Her suitcase is on the kitchen table, and she’s packing. She leaves for Spain in two days and will be gone for a month.

  “Hi, there -- you ready to go to Silas’s? He’s going to be here in about an hour.”

  “Yup. So, Ivy called while you were at yoga.”

  “Uh huh.” I grab my towel and head for the bathroom to take a shower.

  “She called to ask if you were going on the research assignment with Vinny. Of course, I had to tell her that I didn’t know anything about it. When were you going to tell me?”

  With an exasperated sigh, I twirl to face my sister. I haven’t heard from Ivy since she left but figures she would call Da
isy.

  “I didn’t say anything because I’m not going. Nothing to tell. End of story.”

  “Oh really? That’s not what Ivy and Vinny say.”

  “Seriously, since when do you take Ivy’s side? And when did you speak with Vinny?” I throw down my clothes and near Daisy, not at all impressed with her sleuthing abilities.

  “Pansy, he told me about his offer. That you have a chance to come along, but you said no.”

  “Now isn’t a good time.”

  “What are you talking about? It’s the perfect time. You’re not in school.”

  We stare at each other, neither backing down nor saying a word.

  “The baby? Me? Silas? Those aren’t reasons for not going.”

  I had turned Vinny down, and even though he was disappointed, he said he understood.

  “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “No.” Daisy firmly holds my hand when I attempt to turn toward the bathroom. “We’re doing this, now. Pansy, when I said I need you, that’s true, but I can be without you for a few months. Heck, I’ll be away for four weeks.”

  “It’s six months, Daisy. You’ll be close to your due date or may have even had the baby by the time I come back.”

  “Oh.” Her shoulders slump, and she releases me. Her fingertips now drum on the table top. “It doesn’t matter. You’ll be here once the baby is born. I can do this. Besides, I won’t be alone. I’m sure Callie will help, and there’s Silas and the band.” She names them all like she’s hoping it’s true.

  “Don’t count on Callie. She’s wonderful, but she’s a free spirit.” I chuckle. “She might not be here tomorrow, let alone six months from now. Silas would help for sure, but...” Darting my gaze away from her, I sigh.

  “You don’t want to leave him either, do you?”

  “He needs me.” What I don’t say is that I need him, too. “He’s going through a lot right now with the band, the album, his parents. I don’t want him to think I’m abandoning him, especially now.”

  Daisy shakes her head at me. “You’re wrong. If Silas loves you, he’d want you to follow your dream.”

  “Daisy, he doesn’t know, and you’re not going to tell him.” My tone is as hard as the scowl darkening her face. “Not everyone gets to live their dream. I set out to find mine, and I got lucky because I found way more than that. I discovered something greater and bigger than I ever dared dream.”

  “What?” Daisy’s voice is softer, and she’s no longer glaring at me.

  “I found love; I found Silas. I found that feeling of family that I had with Mom and Dad, and I won’t turn my back on him when he needs me too.”

  Daisy isn’t satisfied with my answer, waving me off with her hand as she takes the dishes to the sink. That’s okay. She’s never been in love, so I don’t expect her to get it.

  Later that evening, Silas picks us up and takes us to his place. Bianca and the band are there, hanging out on the deck overlooking the beach. Daisy doesn’t stay long before calling it a night. She’s tired.

  “Daze, you want anything?” Jared calls from where he’s leaning on the balcony railing.

  “No thanks. I’m good. Night, guys,” Daisy replies and slips through the sliding glass door.

  Bianca snorts and rolls her eyes at him. “Gawd, do you ever stop thinking with your dick?” she asks.

  “Fuck, B, I was only being a friend. She’s pregnant. I was offering to help if she needed it,” Jared says defensively.

  “Easy, guys,” Silas chimes in as I watch all three of them, keenly aware of the thick undercurrent of dark secrets swirling around them. “Drop it, B.”

  “Silas, you know just as well as I do that Jared never does anything out of the goodness of his heart. He doesn’t have one.” She bounds down the stairs to the beach, not stopping for either Eli’s or Silas’s calls.

  “Yeah, go! Good riddance,” Jared yells, knocking back his entire drink.

  “Shit,” Silas mumbles and lightly kisses my neck. “I’ve got to go talk to her.”

  I nod, and Silas leaves, while Jared heads for the bar. He pours a quarter of the vodka bottle into his glass and proceeds to drink it like water.

  I wince at how the alcohol must burn going down in gulps like that. Gray and Eli join Jared, and Gray takes the vodka bottle while Eli steers him to a far corner.

  As they talk in whispered tones, I move farther away, giving them privacy. At the balcony, I see the silhouettes of Silas and Bianca on the beach.

  He’s hugging her, and she’s shaking, maybe crying? I turn my back to the ocean and away from their private moment. Even though Silas and I are together, it feels wrong to watch.

  Boy saunters over to me and rubs her body along my calf. “Hi, beautiful baby. Who’s a good girl?”

  Rubbing her soft, thick fur is soothing, and only when I hear Silas coming up the stairs does unease slide in at the tone in his voice.

  “It wasn’t part of the agreement, Bianca,” Silas says as they reach the landing.

  “I know, but it’s good publicity, and they aren’t really asking. It’ll create some buzz for the album, build to when people find out it’s your last. They’ll go crazy.”

  “This is just a PR stunt, and I made it clear, Otto made it clear, I’m not doing this shit. I agreed to the one concert, and that’s it.”

  Silas runs his fingers through his hair, glowering at her.

  “What’s going on?” Gray asks, and I follow him as he nears them.

  “Would you please talk to him? The record label is having a party for some of their big artists, and they want Trojan there. Silas is refusing to go.”

  Gray shrugs. “He’s right. It isn’t in the contract. We don’t have to go. I don’t care either way.”

  “Thank you,” Bianca says, thinking he’s on her side.

  “Bianca, if Silas is in, so am I. And if he’s not, neither am I,” Gray finishes.

  “Seriously, Gray?”

  “Me too,” Eli adds.

  “Fuck, make that three. I’m sick and tired of those things,” Jared says, his hands on either side of his head like he is holding it together. He doesn’t look so good.

  “You guys are killing me! It’s one lousy party. C’mon,” Bianca begs.

  “Will it be good for the band?” I ask.

  “Yes,” Bianca answers. “It’ll be good for all the guys.”

  “Can I go?”

  “Pansy.” Silas slides his hand around my waist, tucking me into his side like he usually does. “I don’t want to go.”

  “Yes, of course, you can go,” Bianca says.

  “Let’s do it, then,” I say. “I’ve never been to a record label party; it could be fun. Besides, I have a few fancy dresses that Daisy gave me that I’ll never wear otherwise.”

  “Are you sure you want to go?” Silas asks.

  Nodding at him, Bianca crosses both her fingers and smiles at me as Silas looks to each of the guys. They each shrug like it doesn’t matter to them either way.

  “Fine, we’ll go,” Silas says, and Bianca jumps while clapping her hands.

  “Thank you, Pansy!” She squeezes my arms and heads back down the stairs to make a call.

  Silas ushers me toward the house, telling the guys to let themselves out.

  “Night,” I holler to the guys as Silas closes the glass door behind us. “That was rude. Are you going to be rude to me?” I quip, letting him pull me further into the room.

  “You bet. Rude and downright filthy.”

  He stops to bring my back against his chest. His hard erection digs into the crease of my ass.

  “I see.”

  “You’re going to be more than seeing. You’ll be feeling pretty soon, too.” His mouth lands on my shoulder as he nips at my flesh and kisses. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I ask while he shuts his bedroom door.

  “For the whole party thing. Bianca knows what the deal is, yet she does their dirty work all the time.” Now, he stands right
before me and leans in for another kiss.

  “Everything okay with Bianca?”

  “Yeah.” His mouth brushes the corner of my mouth. “It’s all good. Jared and B have this love-hate relationship. The fighting never lasts long. Let’s not talk about them. Where were we?”

  His sexy grin comes out to play, and he winks with a light squeeze to my hips. Rolling my eyes with an unattractive snort, I laugh. “Yes. Let me just change.”

  With a light peck on his cheek, I turn to grab some clothes, and he exhales a “thank fuck” that has me turning around to face him.

  “Is that all you care about? Getting laid.”

  “No. Getting laid by you.”

  “Silas Palmer, you have a one-track mind.”

  “And you love it.” He swats my ass as I walk by with a tank and sleep shorts.

  “Nah, I like my men complex. Awesome in bed is definitely important, but there’s also got to be depth behind the pretty face and gorgeous body.”

  “Are you saying all I’ve got going on are my looks?”

  Quirking an eyebrow, I stop at the threshold to the bathroom to face him. “Well, if the shoe fits.”

  “Smartass,” he says, striding toward me.

  Wild anticipation courses through my veins as he leads me to the bed, sitting me on the edge of the mattress with him standing in front of me.

  Bending over, he kisses me, long and hard, and my fingers smooth over the solid expanse of his stomach. Once we break our kiss, I continue my meal, my mouth tasting every line and curve of his abs. Salty, earthy, and masculine. Silas.

  My lips trail kisses over every line and dip, while my fingers undo his button and zipper, pulling out his semi-hard cock. He hisses and tugs at my hair, the sharp pull-like a command, and my core clenches.

  “Let’s put that mouth of yours to good use.” He guides the back of my head toward his growing erection.

  I jerk back, my eyes and mouth wide, while his hand stills and confusion clouds his expression.

  “You did not just say that, did you?”

  A sexy grin blooms across his face, his eyes shimmer, not a care in his features. “Pansy, I was kidding.”

  “Really?” I let him go and stand.

  He groans in regret. “It was a joke! Obviously, a bad one, come back!”