Clutch

by S. M. West

  “I’m here.” My voice is breathy with what he’s doing to me.

  The rest of the band gather around us, Jared stepping in to take me into a quick, sweaty hug. Silas growls as Eli and Gray do the same, but he doesn’t stop them. They’re my friends too.

  “Thank fuck you’re here. This guy has been insufferable,” Jared says. “Tell me you’re staying a while, please.” He makes a pleading face and holds his hands in front of him in prayer.

  I laugh and nod. “Yes, I’m here for a while. For the rest of the tour, actually.” Jared’s eyebrows lift as do Eli and Gray’s, whereas Silas furrows his, and mashes his lips into a thin line. “If you’ll have me.”

  “Great to see you, Pansy,” Eli says, patting my shoulder. And Gray echoes the sentiment before the guys leave us.

  “Pansy, I’m fucking ecstatic that you’re here, but what are you doing?”

  “Can we go somewhere private?” I glance around at the crew and other people milling around. None of them are looking at us or listening, but I want privacy.

  Silas nods and takes my hand. “Let me grab my things, and we’ll go back to the hotel. Where are you staying?”

  “With you. Bianca arranged it all. My things are already in the room.”

  “Bianca? I should’ve known.” He shakes his head, but I’m not sure if it’s in joy or disappointment.

  Grabbing his Gibson and bag, he forgoes a shower, eager to get me alone. Security leads the way, and our exit proves to be an ordeal.

  The few instances in L.A. with paparazzi or fans were child’s play compared to the pandemonium outside. Fortunately, the security guys know what they’re dealing with and have a planned exit route.

  Surprisingly, steps from the car, we’re spotted, and a swarm of fans charge toward us. The four burly guys flanking all sides remain calm but order us to pick up the pace, and somehow, we make it to the car before being swallowed by the mob.

  Dozens of women and girls bang on the SUV, chanting “Silas,” and some even say my name. I’m shocked they know who I am.

  I’m a little jittery on the way to the hotel. I’ll never be comfortable with that kind of scene, and Silas keeps me in his lap, refusing to loosen his grip. “Start talking,” he says.

  “Not everyone gets to realize their dream or even to have the chance to dream.” I start big picture, knowing I’ve got to lay the groundwork for him. He’s coming at this from the position of making sure I get back to Uruguay. “I’m fortunate that I not only found my dream career, but I discovered something greater and bigger than I ever dare dream. A family. A man to love that loves me.”

  He smiles and squeezes me tight.

  “The trip was good, but it wasn’t for me. Marine biology is still what I want to do, but not research, or as little of it as I can get away with.”

  He smirks, but nods. “I can only imagine.”

  “Yeah, Vinny loves that. Making the same daily observations and somehow making sense of all the data or finding the anomaly that could lead to a breakthrough. It’s interesting in theory, but for me, it’s tedious. And I didn’t want to spend six months doing that.

  “I didn’t jump to this decision. At first, I worried that I was doing the same old thing, taking the easy way out, but instead, I learned something completely unexpected. I know what I don’t want to do.

  “Vinny was great about me leaving and understanding. I was torn up about failing him, but he said he was proud of me for making that discovery. For being honest with him and myself. I knew I had to come on the tour, be with you. I missed you like crazy.”

  “I missed you too.”

  “Life isn’t always simple, and you can have a plan, but it’s okay to take a detour, or make a pit stop. Life isn’t linear. Seizing the opportunity is just as important as having a plan. This tour, doing this with you, is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’ve never traveled outside of the U.S. before, and this is your last tour. I want to travel the world with you. I want to be with you.”

  He kisses me, first my lips with tongue, long and slow, then my neck and by the time we reach the room, he’s down to the skin beneath my blouse.

  That night, we make up for the month apart. Cherishing and loving each other and reveling in the upcoming months ahead of jet-setting around the globe together.

  ***

  The Odyssey tour is as memorable as I thought it would be. There are moments where I miss my bed or Boy, or Daisy, or the rest of our family back in California, but I regret nothing.

  We plan a hiatus of sorts when Daisy nears her due date, and make it for the birth of my nephew. For the prissy diva that Daisy was most of her life, she is nothing short of amazing during labor. I’m with Daisy for the delivery, and she’s instantly a mother in every sense of the word. I’ve never seen her so warm, caring, and loving. A true mother. And I love her more than ever for it.

  Henry Callum Dobson steals my heart the second I lay eyes on him. Eight pounds, six ounces of wailing baby. Daisy names him for our father and tears spring to my eyes, clogging my throat, at how apt a tribute.

  My father was always larger than life, and such a caring and loving man. While holding the little man, my heart hurts as I long for something that simply is not possible. I wish my parents were here to meet their grandson. They would have spoiled Henry something stupid.

  When we head back on tour, I miss Daisy and Henry. A lot. It’s hard to be away from the baby, but I remind myself that he’s too young to miss me and Daisy has plenty of help. She isn’t alone.

  While I will miss some of his milestones like the first time he lifts his head, his first smile, and his first crawl, I’ll be there for the even bigger ones.

  And being with Silas, seeing the world with him, is where I’m meant to be. We make countless memorable moments, building to the foundation of our love. Moments that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Moments that only make me giddy and anxious for our future. Like our time in Paris at the Eiffel tower after Trojan’s final show in the city of light.

  Silas arranged for just the two of us to come up after hours. Being up there is breathtaking and magical. The city is beautiful, the wind brisk, and the company, the man I love with all my heart, is out of this world.

  Standing at what feels like to top of the world, I know no matter what life throws at us, even if we have to be apart again, he’ll never let me go. He’ll always hold on, and I’ll do the same for him.

  Several Years Later

  “What do you think? Isn’t it beautiful?” I stare at the sparkling sea with the sandbar ahead.

  “It sure is.” His voice is husky, his gaze lingering suggestively on my backside.

  Rolling my eyes, I lightly hit him in the arm. “Silas, I’m serious.”

  “So am I. Land, air, or sea, you’re the best view there is.”

  Belting out a laugh, I say between giggles, “Oh my, that’s total cheeseball.”

  “It may be, but it’s true.” Capturing me around the waist, he pulls me into his bare chest.

  Our lips collide, his kiss searing. No matter how many times he kisses me, in all the countless and memorable ways, it never gets old. As we break apart, he spins me so that my back is to his front, with his hands splayed over my stomach. “And this is the most beautiful sight there is,” he murmurs hotly into my ear before his teeth nip at my earlobe.

  I shiver despite the sweltering sun beating down on the deck and the warm sea breeze. “You can’t see anything yet,” I state the obvious as his hand caresses my belly. There isn’t even a bump.

  “I don’t need to see, just knowing my child is in there is enough for me.”

  We’re expecting. I’d been feeling icky, exhausted, and nauseated for weeks. At first, I’d chalked it up to nerves for my first time being the lead on an upcoming research project, but the more it continued, I knew what it meant.

  The two pink lines confirmed it this morning. I’m pregnant, and we’re ecstatic, although it drastically changes our plans.

>   Life is always throwing us for a loop, and it doesn’t matter. I’m still in school and haven’t quite figured out what area of marine biology I want to focus on, but I’m covering my bases. I’ll get there, and the best part is I have an amazing family, the love of the best man, and our family is growing. We’re having a baby. Our second.

  “Daddy, why you awways kissing Mommy?” Our daughter waddles over to where we stand on deck, with Crystal right behind her.

  “Sorry, I tried to keep her busy, but she had to come over,” Crystal says, her cheeks flushed at interrupting our intimate moment.

  “Hey, Posey, come to Daddy,” Silas says, releasing me to pick up our nearly two-year-old daughter.

  She giggles, her chubby hands clutching onto her daddy while she tilts her head back. Her strawberry blonde curls shimmer in the sunlight as Silas twirls her around.

  “Faster, Daddy, faster,” she demands.

  Her melodic laugh paints a bright smile on my face and warms my heart. Eli and Daisy join us with Henry in my sister’s arms. My nephew’s bouncing on her hip, arms outstretched and begging for Silas to do the same to him.

  “Ankle Si, me too. Ankle Si!” the five-year-old pleads.

  While Henry is super smart, scarily so for his age, he’s still working on the pronunciation of some words. I think it’s endearing and keeps him somewhat of a baby in my mind.

  “Great, look what you’ve started,” Daisy groans, putting down her son, who scurries to Silas as soon as his feet hit the deck.

  Eli and I laugh, while Daisy heads for a lounge chair. Eli pulls Crystal into his side, and she beams, resting her head on her Dad’s chest.

  “I’m getting too old for this,” Silas puffs and sucks in some air while placing Posey back on the deck.

  Our little munchkin wobbles and plunks onto her bum, glancing at her daddy with pure love. She thinks the world of her father -- as she should, the man spoils her rotten.

  “Henry, turn. Henry, turn,” Posey orders her father, and he chuckles.

  “Yes, ma’am. Come here, Hank,” he calls.

  “Hey, his name is Henry!” Daisy calls, and Silas winks at me before picking up his nephew.

  Daisy and Silas are tight, but both still love to get at each other.

  “Children, cut it out,” Gray says, handing Daisy a bottle of water. “Henry’s his name, Silas.”

  “’Yeah, yeah.” Silas waves them off before picking up my sweet Henry. “You don’t mind Hank, do you?” Silas asks.

  “I like Hank,” he says, grinning from ear to ear. He’s no fool, he wants a twirl and would agree to just about anything Silas says at the moment.

  “Honey, you better get in shape if this is wiping you out. You’re gonna need it with two,” I say.

  All eyes drop to my belly.

  “What did you just say?” Jared asks as he surfaces from below deck.

  “Darn, sorry! Not a great way to tell you all, but we’re having another baby!” I say.

  Laughter and congratulations erupt from them as they swarm around Silas and me with hugs and kisses. Tears of joy spring to my eyes and Daisy wipes at them with her finger.

  “I’m so happy for you,” she says. “Little Pose will have a sibling, and Henry’ll have another cousin. This is awesome.”

  “Thanks, Daze. We’re happy, too.”

  “We’re more than happy,” Silas interjects, slinging his arm around my waist and hauling me against him. “We’re just getting started.”

  “What?” Daisy and I say in unison.

  “How many brothers and sisters do you want, Posey girl?” he asks.

  Posey’s busy trying to rip her diaper off and stops pulling at the tab to lift her head toward us. Blue eyes sparkling, she smiles. “Ten.”

  I choke, Daisy sputters, and Silas lets out a bark of laughter. “Ten! I say that’s a good even number.”

  “Uh-uh, not happening.” I point my finger from Silas to Posey. “Maybe one more, we’ll see how this goes. But we’re stopping at three. End of discussion.”

  Posey comes to us, mimicking me with hands on her hips. “Mommy, four a better number.”

  “She does have a point,” Jared adds. “Nice and even.”

  I stab him with a shut it glare, and he chuckles. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of many lengthy discussions. And while I’m outnumbered, I never go down without a fight, and I always play for keeps.

  Want a sneak peek of the next Love in Color novel? Green is a standalone: Coop and Anna’s story.

  Green (Love in Color #3) by S.M. West

  Copyright © 2017 by S.M. West

  *Subject to Change*

  Anna

  I will die alone. Like my mother. Banished with my first breath, I’ve lived most of my twenty-four years in confinement. Death by loneliness, or worse, is inevitable. Even so, it hurts. An ache, deep and wide, within me. My last breath will not matter. My death will come and go like my birth without acknowledgment.

  My poor mother suffered a similar fate. In her last minutes of life, there wasn’t a soul to help her. No one to whisper words of love, tell her they would miss her, or that they hope to see her again in another life.

  An isolated and tragic death from which came my life. Yes, tragic, indeed.

  “Hey, Anna, wait up.” Nancy Carmichael, covered in ink and piercings, strolls toward me.

  “Hi, Nancy. You’re looking for notes from last class?” This has become our thing. The leather strap of my tote slides down my shoulder, and I fish the loose papers out. “Here you go.”

  She laughs, amused at my handwritten notes, scrawled neatly on the lined paper. I wasn’t allowed to use the computer growing up. You know, access to the Internet and all the evil ideas I might get. My notetaking is old school with paper and pen, despite the laptop in my bag, or my age.

  “Thanks. I owe you.”

  We’re not friends. I wouldn’t even say acquaintances. Just two women in the same class. Loners. Except where her appearance screams ‘look at me,’ mine makes me invisible, as forgettable as the beige school walls.

  She surprised me when she asked months ago to borrow my notes. I foolishly thought that was the beginning of a friendship. Nope. She asks enough questions to appear friendly, but her only interest is my notes.

  I don’t have friends. Never have, save for Julian and even at that, he isn’t really my friend. Circumstances forced us to talk to each other.

  “I’m not sure if I’ll ever collect.” I don’t miss class. Part-time at NYU is the most exciting thing in my life. Sad but true.

  “Well, know that you can ask anytime, and if I’ve got the notes, they’re yours.” She crumples the crisp sheets of paper and stuffs them into her backpack. “See ya around, Anna.”

  “Bye, Nancy.”

  Turning toward the exit, I wrap the silver-grey Alpaca scarf, a Christmas gift from Ma, around my neck. Siobhan Wolfe isn’t my mother, but everyone calls her Ma because she’s the motherly type.

  I push the doors open, and the cold February air is a harsh slap in the face. With my head down, I tighten the scarf and secure my gloves in preparation for the walk to Evan’s, my brother.

  More times than not, I have company on these walks. Evan usually has one of his men follow me, making sure I get home safely. Lucky for me, I’m on my own today.

  “Anna!” A deep male voice calls.

  In that moment, I regret not having a shadow. I’m not good with strangers. My stomach churns like grasshoppers have gone wild within me. Reluctantly, I peer over my shoulder in the direction of the voice.

  Julian Cavallo swings the door of his Ferrari Spider shut. Rossa Corsa; roughly meaning red race. The car is an unforgettable shade of red, that’s for sure. And he’s hard to miss, too, and headed my way.

  Several people stop to gawk at the spectacular car, while others, all women, do the same with the tall, lean man in his charcoal Canali suit. Sleek. Attractive.

  “Ciao, Anna.” He steps onto the curb beside
me.

  “Julian.”

  He leans in, kissing both my cheeks, not once or twice, but three times. His warm lips mark my frosty skin, and his gloved hands grip my wrists, gently squeezing as he pulls away.

  “Wow, you’re more beautiful than the last time I saw you. Why did I stay away so long?” His leather-clad fingers brush my cheek, and heat rises in the path of his touch. I’m not used to compliments and have no clue what to do with them.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “That’s how you greet me?” He chuckles, pulling me into his side. He’s several inches taller than me. My head just reaches his shoulder. “Come let’s get in the car.”

  “Julian.” I push on his chest, and he stops, looking down at me. “What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to see you. It’s been too long. Let me drive you home.” This time he’s more conciliatory.

  I nod despite the unease curling around my insides. We last saw each other at Zia’s funeral more than six months ago. Since then, he’s texted a few times to say hi, but that’s it. No calls and certainly no visits. Not that I expect any.

  We’ve known each other since we were kids, and at times, I wished we were friends but knew better. He only talked to me because he felt sorry for me. I was the girl locked away from the world.

  He is the eldest son of Bruno Cavallo, the Don of the largest mafia family in New York. And if the rumors are true, Julian’s next in line to be the boss, and definitely carries himself like a man coming into power. He doesn’t have time for someone like me. So why is he here?

  He opens the car door for me, and in a few quick strides, he’s in the driver’s seat, cranking the heat.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  “Nothing. I’m just surprised to see you.”

  His fingers rake through his short, brown curly hair, and he smiles at me. “I’ve missed you. With your Zia gone, you don’t come around anymore. I wanted to see how you were.”

  His answer doesn’t alarm me so much as his almost intimate tone. He’s different than the other times we’ve been in each other’s company. There’s nothing between us, and he knows why I haven’t been around. My situation is well-known within La Cosa Nostra. I’m my grandfather’s dirty little secret.