How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You

by Tara Eglington

  ‘The thing I will tell you is that when Scott falls for someone, he falls hard, crediting them with incredible quality after incredible quality,’ Hayden replied.

  I grinned. Cassie was fully deserving of such praise.

  ‘Which is why I’m advising him to proceed cautiously,’ Hayden continued. ‘He’s had his heart broken too often.’

  ‘What? You know Cassie would never do anything of the sort!’

  ‘Yes, but slow and steady wins the race. What’s it matter if he takes a while to ask her out?’ Hayden said as we reached the backstage door.

  ‘You’re trying to sabotage this budding romance!’ I cried. ‘I knew it! Just to annoy me.’

  ‘Aurora, not everything’s about you,’ Hayden said with a maddening grin. He opened the door and gestured to me. ‘You first. Beauty before brains.’

  I stormed through the door before I realised what he’d said. My mouth opened in outrage. ‘Wait!’ I yelled. ‘I’m going back out this door and you’re going first.’

  I stepped back outside and pushed at Hayden’s shoulders. He smiled, and blocked the door with his body.

  ‘You sure about that? Isn’t this a real conundrum for you? After all, if I go first, then I’m the beautiful one.’ He swept his free hand through his hair in an arrogant gesture. ‘Even though you were just stressing your good looks. And if you go first, well, then I’m the intelligent one.’ He lifted his hands in a no-win gesture.

  I took the opportunity to elbow him in the ribs. If he was going to play dirty, I was too.

  ‘Ooof!’ he cried, and we both fought for the door. ‘Time’s ticking by. What’s it going to be?’

  ‘Mrrrarrara!’

  I had meant to say, ‘Move out of my way’, but my lips were smushed up against his shirt. This was so undignified.

  I moved my head to the side so I could speak. ‘I’ve had it with your immaturity! We’re both going through the door!’

  I gave him a shove and we stumbled through the door and into the backstage area. We crashed into a rail holding the drama department’s costumes and sent several Russian uniforms from last year’s senior production of Anna Karenina to the floor. Hayden threw an arm up to catch them, and the button of his cuff caught my ponytail.

  ‘Ow!’ I struggled to free myself, and knocked the umbrellas from Singin’ in the Rain from their hooks.

  ‘I guess you have an equally high opinion of my beauty and my brains then?’ Hayden said.

  ‘All I will say is that your looks would be greatly improved if you removed that darn smirk!’

  We’d reached the backstage curtains. I tugged at my ponytail, trying to release it from his cuff. I was determined to make an elegant entrance no matter what. Hayden tried to help free my hair but I pushed his hands away. He’d probably claim that it was all a ruse of mine to get ‘up close and personal’ with him. My push sent him stumbling through the stage curtain and onto the hardwood stage. My hair still caught in his cuff, I was pulled with him. My hair came free, finally, but my fedora fell over my eyes. There went any hope of an elegant entrance. I pushed myself up from the floor into a sitting position, my hat still blocking my sight.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want my help on your love project?’

  Hayden’s voice came from just near my ear. I could feel his hands on my hat’s brim, trying to shift it from its current position of trying to eat my face.

  Strangely, the drama room was silent, except for his voice. Why hadn’t our entrance been met with a chorus of laughs, or a yell of anger about our immaturity from Mr Peterman?

  ‘So you consider yourself an expert then?’ I asked, echoing his earlier taunt.

  ‘I’ll have you know that I’m an authority on love,’ Hayden said.

  His hands brushed mine as I tugged at the brim of my hat. Inexplicably, a tiny shiver ran through me. Was I going crazy? Was this what it was like to be blind — everything all muddled up and your senses going into overdrive?

  ‘In fact, maybe I should be writing He’s So Into You,’ Hayden continued. ‘After all, I’m a guy. I know what they do when they’re in love with someone.’

  His voice was soft and very close to my left ear. Even though I couldn’t see him, I was willing to bet my most expensive perfume that he had a superior smile on his face. He was so trying to steal my Dr Phil cameo.

  ‘Hayden, if you ever loved anyone as much as you love yourself, it would be the world’s greatest romance!’ I yelled.

  ‘Do you mind if I use that sentence for our English assignment?’

  Hayden gave the hat a big tug and it finally relinquished its grip. The stage lights blinded me momentarily. I blinked and peered around Hayden, who was sitting in front of me, blocking my view of the auditorium. It was strangely dark. The only lights in the whole room were the brilliant beams lighting up the stage Hayden and I sat on. Slowly, my vision cleared and I could make out movement.

  ‘What on earth?’ I whispered, not believing my eyes.

  Hayden, following my gaze, turned around. We both stared out at the auditorium. There was a silence, then the room filled with applause. The main lights flickered on and I saw fifty faces staring at us from below the stage.

  ‘Incredible!’ a voice boomed. Mr Peterman appeared on the right-hand side of the stage with a triumphant smile on his face. ‘Such feeling! Such authenticity! Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve found our Beatrice and Benedick!’

  CHAPTER 9

  Taking the Lead

  I was in shock as Mr Peterman put a wiry arm around each of us and escorted us off the stage and down to the audience.

  ‘Excellent. Excellent!’ he said. ‘Now, let’s see if any of you gentlemen trying out for Claudio can put in as impassioned a performance.’

  Performance? What performance? I opened my mouth to say something but no sound came out. A group of about fifteen guys shuffled up to the stage.

  ‘Mr Peterman,’ I said, finally regaining control of my voice, ‘what do you mean Beatrice and Benedick?’

  Mr Peterman looked at me like I was crazy. ‘The main characters, of course. My dear, your lively audition has won you and Hayden the prime roles.’

  ‘My audition?’ I looked at Hayden, who had a pleased expression on his face. Mr Peterman somehow thought that our antics had been rehearsed! ‘Wait a minute. Mr Peterman, that wasn’t an audition!’

  Mr Peterman turned his attention from sizing up the heights of the potential Claudios. ‘Don’t tell me you weren’t happy with it,’ he said. ‘I can’t afford for you to redo it. I’ve got no end of tryouts to get through today.’

  ‘I don’t want to redo it,’ I said. ‘It wasn’t a real audition in the first place.’

  ‘Mr Peterman.’

  I turned my head to see Benjamin Zane standing behind Mr Peterman with an outraged expression on his face.

  ‘Your decision is completely unfair,’ he said. ‘What about my audition for Benedick? You can’t just announce that these two,’ he glared at Hayden, ‘automatically have the parts without even considering the casting overnight!’

  Yes! Someone else was protesting the decision. Even though it was just Benjamin Zane, wannabe Broadway star.

  ‘Look, Mr Peterman,’ I pushed my shoulders back, hoping to lend myself an air of authority, ‘I’m not the leading-lady type. You’ve got this all wrong.’

  Mr Peterman raised his eyebrows. Uh-oh. Did he think I was questioning his ability as a director/casting agent?

  ‘I definitely want to be involved with the play,’ I added quickly. ‘Just in a minor role.’

  Hayden spoke up. ‘I have to tell you the truth, Mr Peterman. It wasn’t a real audition.’

  I have to admit that Hayden is scrupulously honest. Years of pass-the-parcel at birthday parties had taught me that.

  ‘But I really want the part of Benedick,’ he continued. ‘I’ll re-audition for you, so that it’s fair for everyone else.’

  ‘I knew it!’ Benjamin cried. ‘You see, Mr Pete
rman?’

  I’d forgotten about Hayden and Benjamin’s legendary rivalry in the drama department. A few years ago, during a production of The Three Musketeers, Benjamin took a real swipe at Hayden while they were engaged in a duel onstage because he believed that Hayden had been given a better feather to wear in his hat. In Benjamin’s eyes, the golden feather was proof that Mr Peterman favoured Hayden.

  ‘I am the director here!’ Mr Peterman cried over their raised voices. ‘And I know from all the roles that Hayden has played over the years that he’s fully competent to take on that of Benedick.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Hayden interjected.

  ‘But —’ Benjamin broke in simultaneously.

  Mr Peterman shrugged. ‘If you have a problem with this, Benjamin, I’m sorry. But this play is full of great parts. Why don’t you audition for Claudio?’

  ‘But —’

  ‘For Claudio,’ Mr Peterman repeated.

  Benjamin set his jaw and joined the group of Claudios. They didn’t look happy about Mr Peterman’s suggestion. Benjamin might be obnoxious, but everyone knew he had talent. And ambition. He wouldn’t stop till he had a Tony. Or an Oscar.

  ‘Great,’ I said, bringing Mr Peterman back to the issue at hand. ‘So Hayden’s got the role.’

  I’m not one to sabotage another’s happiness, even if it is Hayden Paris. Plus, if he was playing a main role, it meant that he’d have no time to persecute me.

  ‘But you’ve realised that I’m not suitable for Beatrice, right?’ I added, looking hopefully at Mr Peterman.

  ‘Wrong,’ he replied. ‘Aurora, I’ve been trying to get you to audition for years. It’s always been obvious to me that you have a talent for artistic expression.’

  ‘Well, thank you, but —’

  ‘No buts. Even if that wasn’t an audition, it still showed me that you have stage presence and a real chemistry with Hayden.’

  I could tell that Hayden was hiding a smile. I glared at him.

  ‘No protests, Aurora. You’re Beatrice.’ Mr Peterman gave a satisfied sigh. ‘Now, everyone auditioning for Claudio please line up at the left-hand side of the stage.’

  ‘But, Mr Peterman,’ I cried as the Claudios nearly trampled each other to be first in line. Benjamin took a confident sip of his Evian water.

  ‘Please sit down, Aurora,’ Mr Peterman said. ‘I do want to get home tonight.’

  Hayden tugged at my sleeve gently. ‘Come on. Believe me: once Mr Peterman gets an idea in his head, you’ve got no chance.’

  I followed him numbly into the audience. This couldn’t be happening. I had no Broadway ambitions. I spotted Cassie waving at me from the crowd and broke away from Hayden and headed towards her.

  ‘Congratulations!’ She leapt up and gave me a hug.

  ‘Hey, great job, Aurora!’ Scott beamed at me from the seat next to her. ‘Hayden’s had his heart set on playing Benedick. It was ingenious of you to audition together — it showed what a talented team you make.’

  I was sure that my face was turning purple from suppressed frustration. A team? Hayden and I were arch enemies. Rival gladiators pitting our wits against one another.

  ‘A team?’ I choked loudly.

  Everyone around me turned to see what was going on, including Jelena and Alex, who were sitting directly in front of Cass and Scott.

  ‘Shh!’ Cassie pulled me gently down to the seat on her left.

  ‘Cassie, why is everyone convinced that the ridiculous argument between Hayden and me was an audition?’ I whispered as the first Claudio took his place onstage and began reciting lines in a monotonous voice. Mr Peterman looked pained. Before he was a drama teacher, he used to act in a daytime soap. I couldn’t even contemplate the turmoil he must feel about the comedown in status.

  ‘Well, it all seemed so dramatic,’ Cassie explained. ‘Mr Peterman had just finished auditioning the other Beatrices and Benedicks —’

  ‘And let me say that there was a painful lack of talent,’ Jelena cut in, turning around to face us.

  ‘Next!’ Mr Peterman gestured for the monotonous Claudio to get off the stage.

  ‘Then we heard this ruckus going on backstage,’ Cassie continued. ‘Insults flying like mad —’

  ‘Hayden was being completely immature,’ I broke in.

  ‘By the time you two stumbled onstage, everyone was transfixed,’ Cassie finished.

  ‘Then the scene went to a totally different place emotionally,’ Jelena whispered, presumably so that Alex and Scott couldn’t hear. I looked at her warily.

  ‘Hayden had his head bent near yours and —’

  ‘Stop right there!’ I put my hand over her mouth. ‘I can’t believe this! Not only did Hayden drag me into the most embarrassing casting experience in the history of Jefferson High, but now he’s got everyone convinced that there’s something going on between us! I bet this was a set-up of his,’ I hissed.

  Jelena prised my hand off her mouth. Scott and Alex were looking at us with curious expressions.

  ‘I was just a pawn in his game,’ I continued. ‘After all, it was his fault that we were late. Then he stages this scene by getting me worked up, and wins the role of Benedick! Diabolical!’

  ‘Aurora, no-one says the word “diabolical” any more.’ Jelena took out her nail buffer.

  I turned to Cassie desperately. ‘And now I’m being forced into playing Beatrice. Cass, you know I’m not one to chase the spotlight!’

  Benjamin Zane took his place on the stage, his dark hair shining under the lights. Now, here was someone who loved the spotlight. Any chatter in the audience stopped immediately.

  ‘My lord …’ Benjamin began in a deep voice.

  As I listened to his monologue, I was reminded of why he and Hayden were always in competition for the lead roles. Benjamin had a magnetic presence onstage. He even threw in some gestures, something that had been too ambitious for the previous Claudios.

  ‘Weren’t there any other good auditions for Beatrice?’ I asked Cassie.

  ‘Well …’ Her brow creased as she considered my question.

  ‘Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars,’ Benjamin finished with a flourish.

  ‘Great job,’ Mr Peterman said.

  Benjamin looked at him expectantly.

  ‘Like you said, Benjamin, I’ll need to consider the casting overnight.’

  ‘But —’

  ‘I’m now auditioning Heros,’ Mr Peterman announced.

  ‘That’s it!’ I said, and leapt up from my seat.

  Before Jelena or Cass could question me, I’d joined the line-up of Heros. I ducked behind Diana, a tall redhead who provided excellent camouflage. I tapped my foot nervously as the girls in front of me ran through their auditions, most of which were pretty uninspiring. Diana finished her piece and I stepped up. Just as I opened my mouth, Mr Peterman gave a yell.

  ‘My dear! What are you doing? Beatrice and Hero have scenes together. There’s no way you can play both roles!’

  ‘Talk about ambition!’ the girl behind me whispered to her friend.

  ‘Both roles?’ I looked at him in confusion. ‘Mr Peterman, I’m just trying to show you that I’m far more suited to the role of Hero than Beatrice.’

  ‘Aurora, get off that stage,’ Mr Peterman ordered. ‘I don’t care if you’re more suited to the part of Dogberry.’

  ‘Don’t you go pinching my role, Aurora!’ Jeffrey yelled from the audience.

  ‘Mr Peterman, I don’t think I’m ready to play a man yet,’ I said. Why did he have such confidence in my theatrical talent?

  Mr Peterman got a pained look on his face. ‘Aurora, are you going to be this much trouble the whole way through the production?’

  ‘Possibly,’ I answered brightly. Maybe the impression that I was a troublemaker would convince Mr Peterman to uncast me.

  ‘No, she won’t,’ Hayden said, leaping up onstage. ‘She’s just got a good sense of humour, right?’

  ‘Wron—’

  ‘And
that will be really useful for playing Beatrice,’ Hayden butted in, pulling me down from the stage.

  Jessica Harris used the opportunity to charge into her monologue.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked him.

  ‘Stopping Mr Peterman from having a heart attack.’ Hayden led me back to my seat. ‘I’m telling you, protesting his decision is useless.’ We reached Cassie and the others. Scott gave Hayden a grin and gestured to the seat on his right. Hayden sat down. ‘You’re only going to make him cranky. And a cranky director is no fun,’ he finished.

  I slumped into my own seat. Was this what the next four weeks were going to be like? Hayden hanging with our group 24/7?

  Thinking of our group, I realised two members were missing.

  ‘Where are Sara and Lindsay?’ I asked Cassie, a panicky tone rising up in my throat. ‘Don’t tell me they backed out! Maybe I can still reach them by phone and convince them to come.’ I rifled through my purse, trying to find my mobile before it was too late.

  ‘Aurora, relax.’ Cassie pointed out Sara and Lindsay sitting several rows to the left. Lindsay gave me a wave. Sara gestured at Hayden and mouthed ‘Hot!’, then gave me a thumbs up. I sighed.

  Alex and Jelena had their heads together over a copy of the play. Jelena pointed towards the part of Don John, the villain. Alex shook his head.

  ‘Okay, those trying out for Don Pedro, aka Prince of Aragon, please make your way onto the stage,’ Mr Peterman called out in a weary voice.

  ‘A prince,’ Alex said, sending Jelena a blinding smile. ‘Bingo.’ He strode up to Mr Peterman.

  ‘So what’s our codename for Alex?’ I whispered to Cassie and Jelena.

  ‘Shh!’ Jelena said as Alex took his place on the stage.

  I looked at all the athletic brand labels on his clothes. ‘He looks more like a Nike advertisement than a prince.’

  ‘Shh!’ repeated Jelena as Alex read the part confidently.

  ‘I’ve got it!’ I said. ‘Codename: AA.’

  ‘AA?’ Cassie looked confused.

  ‘Athletically Attired,’ I explained.