How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You

by Tara Eglington

  ‘Amazing Adonis, more like it,’ Jelena said, smoothing her hair as Alex strutted back up the aisle to us.

  ‘Well, it’s AA, whatever it stands for,’ Cassie diplomatically replied.

  Scott gave her shoelace a playful tug to get her attention. Another sign for my book! If a guy likes you, he’ll find any excuse to touch you. I sent Hayden a triumphant look. So much for Scott taking it slow. He and Cassie would be the school couple by next month!

  ‘It’s in the bag, baby,’ Alex said to Jelena as he took his seat.

  ‘So who’s going to explain what this play’s all about?’ Scott asked.

  ‘Why doesn’t Aurora tell us all about it?’ Hayden suggested. ‘As she insisted before, she’s the beauty and the brains of this relationship.’

  Now everyone had ‘What happened before?’ written across their faces. I was never going to hear the end of this. I frowned at Hayden, but I wasn’t going to refuse a challenge.

  ‘Okay. The play begins at Signior Leonato’s house, where we hear that the war is over. Leonato has one daughter, the beautiful and obedient Hero. His niece, Beatrice, also lives with him. Beatrice is lively, witty and totally against marriage. At the very beginning of the play we hear that the prince, Don Pedro, and two of his trustiest soldiers, Benedick and Claudio, are coming to visit Leonato. Claudio is young and enthusiastic, and Benedick is clever and wary of marriage.’

  ‘Like Beatrice,’ Cassie broke in.

  ‘Right,’ I said. ‘When these VIP visitors arrive, Beatrice and Benedick get into a fight, but Claudio takes one look at Hero and falls in love.’

  Scott smiled. ‘Love at first sight.’

  Was he a believer? I sure hoped so.

  ‘We also see that the prince’s bastard brother, Don John, has arrived with the group,’ I continued.

  Mr Peterman’s voice resounded through the theatre. ‘To interrupt the auditions for a moment, I would like to see those who want to work backstage.’

  ‘Ooh! Let’s go!’ Cassie leapt up from her seat and into the aisle.

  Scott, Jelena and I followed her, and joined Sara and Lindsay and the large group of volunteers by the stage.

  ‘Excuse me, Mr Peterman?’ Jelena raised a slim arm to grab his attention. He looked over at her. ‘You didn’t say anything about stage manager.’

  ‘Stage manager?’ Mr Peterman looked surprised. ‘My dear, I have always looked after that department.’

  ‘But don’t you find it stressful trying to direct and manage?’ Before Mr Peterman could reply, Jelena continued, ‘Exactly! You need someone who can devote their entire attention to the stage management, thus relieving you of that heavy responsibility.’

  ‘Jelena,’ Mr Peterman protested.

  ‘Mr Peterman, I am the girl for the job. I have excellent organisational skills and a flair for communicating with others.’ She sounded like she was reading off a résumé.

  ‘Jelena,’ Mr Peterman tried again.

  ‘Does set design involve the use of spray cans?’ Matt, the school’s resident graffitist, chipped in, looking excited.

  ‘Mr Peterman, I really think that you can tell me now if I’m playing Claudio,’ Benjamin Zane said. ‘What’s the point in waiting till tomorrow? I have a lot of acting obligations at the moment and I need to know how this will impact on them.’

  Benjamin Zane’s casting agency has already got him two carpet commercials and a crowd scene. Supposedly, the talent scouts are impressed.

  Mr Peterman looked around at everyone, not sure who to answer first. His eyes drifted onto me.

  ‘Aurora! Get out of this line!’

  ‘But, Mr Peterman,’ I protested. ‘You can’t deny me the chance to work backstage! That was my original reason for coming here today!’

  ‘I can! You have the female lead —’

  ‘I don’t want the female lead!’

  ‘And you’ll have no time for anything but learning your lines and rehearsing with the other actors,’ Mr Peterman finished firmly.

  ‘Couldn’t I assist with costume ideas?’

  ‘No,’ he replied, turning to answer an impatient Jelena.

  ‘Mix paints for the set painters?’ I tried. ‘Type up programs?’

  ‘No!’ Mr Peterman folded his arms against his chest. ‘You are Beatrice. Just Beatrice. No costume design, no painting, no programs.’

  An argument started between two wannabe lighting operators.

  ‘Backstage hostilities negotiator?’ I asked.

  Mr Peterman’s jaw tensed. ‘Hayden?’

  ‘Already on my way,’ Hayden answered as he reached my side.

  ‘Please take Aurora home,’ Mr Peterman said.

  ‘What?’

  Why did I need to go home? And if I did, I so didn’t need Hayden to take me there.

  ‘There’s no reason for you to be here,’ Mr Peterman told me. ‘You should be devoting yourself to learning your lines and getting into character.’ He gestured towards the door.

  ‘Come on, Princess,’ Hayden said, grabbing my hand.

  I pulled it away and tried one last time. ‘Couldn’t I be a line prompt?’ I said in my sweetest voice.

  ‘Home!’ Mr Peterman cried.

  Hayden placed a hand on my back and guided me out the door.

  ‘But —’

  Next thing I knew, the stage door was shut firmly behind us.

  CHAPTER 10

  Crossing Paths

  The next morning I awoke from a nightmare in which Mr Peterman cast me in every role in Much Ado About Nothing, creating a one-woman show. I’d had to frantically change my costume for each character while the huge audience booed as they waited. I shook my head to clear it of the horrible images, and crossed the room to my window seat like a zombie. The sun was just a faint streak of lemon yellow in the distance. I drew my pyjama-covered knees up to my chest and gazed down at our courtyard. And saw the NAD sprawled face-down on the ground.

  I let out a shriek and ran for the stairs.

  Maybe the stress of heading up an advertising agency had finally got to the NAD and he’d had a heart attack while getting the morning newspaper. And I’d slept right through his cries for help. I grabbed the cordless phone and dialled the emergency number as I threw the front door open and dashed towards the NAD’s fallen form.

  ‘Pick up! Pick up!’ I cried into the phone as the courtyard pebbles crunched under my pink bunny slippers. Miraculously, the NAD’s head lifted from the ground.

  ‘Morning, honey,’ he said in a perfectly normal voice, as if lying face-down in the frontyard wasn’t anything to get worked up about.

  ‘Dad! You’re alive!’ I threw my arms around him. It was then that I noticed he was lying on a yoga mat.

  ‘Hello, Emergency. What is your location?’

  Oh my god! I’d called Emergency because the NAD was practising yoga!

  ‘No emergency! Sorry to have bothered you!’ I pushed the hang-up button. ‘Dad! What are you doing?’

  He smiled at me. ‘My yoga teacher suggested that we reconnect with the earth’s vibrations.’

  ‘And that involves lying in the frontyard?’

  The NAD moved into a Salute to the Sun position. ‘Yeah. By the way, honey, how did your audition go yesterday?’

  My dad works late hours, so often the only time we can catch up is mornings.

  I kicked a pebble in frustration. ‘I’m playing Beatrice.’

  ‘Beatrice!’ Dad turned to look at me with a big smile and nearly lost his balance in the process. ‘Congratulations, honey! This calls for celebration hot chocolate!’

  ‘Dad!’ I trailed after him into the kitchen. ‘This is not a good thing. It’s going to be a disaster.’

  Dad poured milk and cocoa into our special hot-chocolate pot. ‘Aurora, you’ve got to have more confidence in yourself.’

  ‘Confidence isn’t the problem,’ I said, adding the sugar. ‘I just don’t think I have the skill to bring the genius of Shakespeare’s words to life.�
�� I sighed. ‘Shakespeare’s like my hero. I know he’s going to be rolling in his grave at this miscasting.’

  I pictured Shakespeare’s neck ruff twisting up as he tossed and turned in horror.

  Dad stirred the hot chocolate thoughtfully. ‘Aurora, if Mr Peterman’s cast you as the female lead —’

  I groaned.

  ‘— then he obviously thinks you have talent. Just try to connect with the words of Shakespeare and you’ll be on the right track.’

  ‘Hmm,’ I replied, as he poured the chocolate into oversized mugs. ‘I guess.’

  Later, Dad drove me to school. We passed Hayden Paris a few blocks from the entrance. He was wearing a black and white striped shirt and his usual superior smile. I felt like sticking my tongue out at him. Hayden seems to bring out the five-year-old in me.

  ‘Hey, there’s Hayden.’ Dad slowed down. ‘Let’s give him a ride.’

  ‘Dad! We are not giving him a ride. We’re nearly there.’

  My foot instinctively pressed down on an imaginary accelerator. Hayden obviously heard my yell through my open window because his head turned and he gave us a wave. I scowled.

  Dad waved back. ‘Aurora, don’t tell me you’re still holding on to that old prejudice against Hayden. You two used to be such good friends — you were always over at his house when you were younger.’

  My dad has such a positive attitude towards everyone. It must be because of the ‘think good thoughts’ dogma at yoga.

  ‘Yeah, well, that’s because —’

  I was going to say, ‘because Mum wanted me out of the way’, but didn’t finish. I didn’t want to see Dad’s eyes darken like they always do when I mention Mum. The NAD’s good thoughts don’t extend to his ex-wife.

  ‘Yes, adult relationships can be complicated,’ Dad said.

  What was he talking about? Hayden and I did not have a relationship. We had the opposite of a relationship — whatever that was.

  ‘But very rewarding,’ the NAD finished with a faraway smile on his face.

  What was that about? I looked more closely at him.

  ‘Dad, is there something you’re not telling me?’

  ‘Hey! Here we are: Jefferson High! Go get ’em, honey!’

  ‘Dad, are you avoiding an answer?’ I asked, getting out of the car.

  ‘Bye, honey!’ the NAD cried, and our four-wheel drive tore out of the car park.

  I watched the dust settle. Dad was acting very strangely. I was definitely going to tackle him on it later.

  I headed up the school’s front steps and nearly crashed into a surging crowd in the hallway. What was going on? I spotted Cassie, Jelena, Lindsay and Sara amongst the swell and fought my way over to them.

  ‘Why are you staking out the hallway?’

  ‘We’re not only staking it out, we’re in the most advantageous spot,’ Jelena replied. She smoothed down her aqua mini.

  I looked at the agitated crowd. ‘Is there some kind of student takeover going on?’

  ‘Did you have a nice walk home with Hayden?’ Sara asked, pursing her shiny lip-glossed lips in a kissy gesture.

  ‘Yes,’ I said sarcastically. ‘It was incredibly romantic.’

  ‘What’s incredibly romantic?’ Scott asked, joining us. Cassie quickly stood up straighter.

  ‘Why, me, of course,’ Hayden replied.

  I groaned. Where had he come from?

  ‘Hayden, you and the word “romantic” are completely incompatible,’ I said.

  ‘Are you saying you know how I behave when I’m in love?’ Hayden put his hands in his dark denim jeans pockets and tilted his head.

  ‘Fortunately, no.’

  ‘Ooh. Harsh.’ Alex’s smooth voice came from just behind Jelena. ‘Cast list up yet?’

  ‘Nope,’ Scott replied.

  ‘I can’t wait any longer,’ Sara said, tapping a foot. ‘Doesn’t Mr Peterman realise the stress I’m going through? If I don’t win the role of Don John, supreme villain, then my talents are all for nothing —’

  Thankfully her attention was diverted by a shout. ‘Cast list is up!’

  The next minute I was being pushed forward by the crowd. Jelena manoeuvred her way to the front.

  ‘Yes! Everyone, you are looking at the new stage manager.’ She took a bow.

  She had obviously worked her magic on Mr Peterman.

  Alex pushed in front of her. ‘What part did I get? Knew it! I’m princely, baby!’

  He picked Jelena up and swung her round. She let out a squeal and he gave a grin as the guys around us looked at him with jealous expressions.

  ‘Excuse me. Excuse me,’ Benjamin Zane called.

  The crowd moved aside for him. Charisma: it can part seas. Benjamin gave the cast list an assured look, then walked away with a smile. Obviously he had the part of Claudio.

  ‘Sara, you’re playing Don John,’ Cassie called out.

  Sara let out a dramatic sigh of relief.

  Jeffrey Clark, standing behind Cassie, punched the air victoriously. ‘Woo! Dogberry!’

  ‘Lindsay, you’re working as a costume designer,’ Cassie continued. ‘And Scott, you and I are painting sets.’

  I shot a triumphant look at Hayden. Cassie and Scott were working together and there was nothing he could do about it!

  I suddenly realised that I should check the cast list too. Maybe I’d antagonised Mr Peterman enough yesterday to make him recast Beatrice! I raced over. There was my name, right beside the word ‘Beatrice’.

  ‘No,’ I moaned.

  Hayden was standing next to me. ‘Sorry, Princess, you can’t fight fate.’

  ‘Fate?’ I said sarcastically.

  ‘Yeah.’ He grinned even harder. ‘We were meant to get up close and personal.’

  ‘Aurora!’ My mother strode up to me outside the city’s top beauty salon. There was more enthusiasm in her voice than I’d ever heard before.

  ‘Let’s go inside and get settled before I tell you anything,’ I said. She couldn’t hit the roof in the serene confines of a beauty parlour, could she?

  My mother gave a perfect smile as she settled into the beautician’s chair. ‘This is the perfect setting for you to relay your fantastic news.’

  I gave a wavering smile and sank down into a matching creamy leather chair.

  ‘So, Aurora, I thought we’d book you in for a facial each Friday, so your skin’s glowing by the time of the performance,’ my mother said.

  ‘Look, Mum, I —’

  ‘And I’ve been studying up on Hero’s role.’ Her voice was enthusiastic. ‘I’ve known since you were small that you’d be a performer.’

  What was going on? My mother hadn’t paid this much attention to me since I was a child and she was dedicated to ensuring that my hair ribbons matched the exact shade of my dress.

  ‘Mum, I have something to tell you,’ I blurted out. ‘I didn’t get the role of Hero. I’m playing Beatrice.’

  There was silence from my mother’s chair. As she was wearing cucumber slices over her eyes, I couldn’t read her expression, but her jaw was tensed. That could have been the tightening effect of the anti-ageing mask though.

  ‘Beatrice,’ she said.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Congratulations!’ my beautician, Amy, crowed as she painted my nails. ‘Beatrice is like the star of that whole play, isn’t she?’

  My mother’s jaw relaxed and I silently thanked Amy.

  ‘Well, congratulations. It’s not Hero, but it’s still a good effort.’ Mum gave a smile. ‘And I have even better news. Remember how Bill took your portfolio shots a few weeks ago?’

  ‘Mum, I told you that I wanted you to call the agency and tell them I’m not interested!’ I said.

  Last month, she’d forced me to have a series of photos taken by Jefferson’s most reputable fashion photographer, and had sent them to a casting and model agency — JJ’s Models. I thought she’d got the picture that I wasn’t keen on modelling or TV or film work.

  ‘Well, th
ere’s a huge job coming up for a vitamin water commercial, and so far they’ve cut it down to five models including you.’

  My mother beamed, and her beautician had to push her face back into a normal expression to spread the intensive moisturiser over it evenly.

  ‘You let them send my photos off for a job?’ I said, horrified.

  ‘It’s a big opportunity, darling. They called me and wanted you to go in for a casting call. I knew you wouldn’t like the idea of that, so I told them you were away on a shoot.’

  A shoot? The only photo shoot I’d been part of lately was when Cassie, Jelena and I decided to do crazy makeovers at a sleepover and took Polaroids of each other.

  ‘So I had them send the audition tape you made for the agency,’ my mother went on. ‘The vitamin water people really like your look.’

  ‘But I don’t want to be on TV!’

  Amy and the other beautician stared at me with shocked expressions.

  ‘I want to be a writer,’ I said. ‘I want to inspire people with my own words, not recite someone else’s lines about kiwi-flavoured hydration.’

  ‘Aurora, any other girl would jump at the chance.’

  ‘I’m not doing it, Mother.’ Now that my nails were dry, I got up and gathered my things. ‘I’m in Much Ado About Nothing, just like you wanted me to be. That’s enough of an acting challenge.’

  ‘Aurora,’ my mother said in a warning tone, ‘this is an amazing opportunity.’

  ‘Yes, it is. But it’s not the one that I want.’ I gave my mother a smile. ‘Thank you for the facial and the manicure.’

  ‘Aurora, I thought we’d do coffee and discuss this further. Just wait another twenty minutes. I’ve got to have my forehead Botoxed again.’

  No way was I going to stick around and observe my mother being injected with a muscle-paralysing toxin.

  ‘Sorry, Mum, I have a rehearsal,’ I lied.

  ‘Now?’

  ‘Yes!’ I sprinted out the door.

  Why was no-one listening to my wishes? My mother was determined to make me the next supermodel; Mr Peterman wanted me front and centre of his production; and my friends were intent on casting Hayden as my future hubby! It felt like I had no control over any part of my life any more.

  I headed for the one place guaranteed to restore my inner peace. A bookstore.