The Pain in Loving You

by Steiner, Kandi

“Give me all your pain, Natalie,” he whispered, his skin hot against my center. Chills raced from the contact in all directions, blanketing me completely. “Let me take it as my own.”

  He dropped his mouth to my clit, surrounding it with wet, hot ecstasy. I moaned, gripping the edge of the couch and fighting the urge to grind my hips into him. He was sucking, licking, kissing, driving me wild.

  Rhodes slipped a finger inside me and my hands found his hair, holding on tight for the orgasm I felt building with each flick of his tongue.

  “Don’t hold back,” he growled, sliding another finger inside. It glided in effortlessly and I bucked my hips. “Take control.”

  Using my hands in his hair, I guided his mouth, tugging his hair when he found the sweet spot. When he sucked my clit hard between his teeth, I cried out, grinding my pelvis into him. He gripped my behind in his large hand and pulled me even closer, nipping and sucking me closer and closer to the edge.

  “I’m so close,” I panted, my hands flying to the couch again. I kept trying to grip the sharp pleasure I felt floating in space between us. I was right there, but I couldn’t quite grasp it.

  He was so hot against my sensitive skin, anytime he pulled back the sharp contrast of the cool air of his apartment sent a jolt through me. When I felt myself nearing the edge again, I squeezed my eyes tight, moving my hips in time with his tongue and fingers.

  Rhodes’ free hand found my nipple and he rolled it between his fingers, adding a new jolt of pleasure. Gripping his hair again, I wriggled my hips and he slid his fingers in deeper, feeding my need. Then, he looked up at me, dragging his tongue up my slit before sucking my clit hard as he thrust even deeper.

  That’s all it took.

  I tumbled over the cliff, falling forever into nothing. Blackness invaded my vision and heat spread from his mouth to every end of my body. I felt the blood rush all the way down to my toes.

  As I came down from my high, Rhodes crawled up my body and kissed me every inch of the way until he reached my mouth. I tasted myself on his lips. I felt my soul in his eyes.

  He hadn’t just taken my pain. He’d taken all of me.

  And I only wanted all of him in return.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  RELUCTANTLY, I SLIPPED OUT of Rhodes’ bed and drove home just before dawn. Though I barely slept that night, I stayed in bed until just after noon, dragging myself downstairs with just enough time to eat something light and digest before my training session. I was exhausted, but ready to work. Now that I knew my body had the capability to change, I wanted to push harder — see how far I could go. Still, my hip flexors were deliciously sore from my night with Rhodes and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to multiplying that tenfold.

  When I rounded the corner into the kitchen, Mom was leaning back against the counter, sipping from a large white mug that read But First, Coffee. From the looks of it, she hadn’t been up long, either.

  “Morning,” she said cheerily, smiling over the steam. The dark circles beneath her eyes were a subtle reminder of the night before.

  “Hey, Mom. How are you feeling?”

  “Oh I’m great, sweetie. Everything is fine.”

  I frowned. “Mom. Stop lying to me.”

  She took another sip, staring blankly across the kitchen and out the sliding glass door to our pool area. Sighing, I stepped in front of her and grabbed her wrists in my hands.

  “Momma, if Dale hurt you, or if you’re unhappy with him, we can leave. Just say the word.”

  She laughed, though her face twisted in a way that I thought she might cry again. “I’m not lying, sweetie. Everything is fine. Dale and I are just like any other couple. We have our issues. But at the end of the day, we love each other. In fact,” she added, taking a last sip of her coffee before pouring the rest down the drain. “He was gone early this morning. How much do you want to bet he bounds through that door with flowers any second now?”

  “Do flowers fix what happened last night?”

  She shrugged. “They’re a start.”

  My stomach knotted. I knew there was more that she wasn’t telling me, but I couldn’t force it out of her. Mom and I had never talked about her and Dale’s relationship. I knew that they started dating shortly after my father took off and Dale had whisked Mom away in a whirlwind romance. All my life, I’d watched Dale love her like I wanted a man to love me one day. Now, I felt like I had been standing in a thick blanket of fog that was suddenly being fought off by the sun.

  “So,” Mom said, clearing her throat and tidying a stack of paper on the counter. “I heard Mason asked you out at Willow’s party.”

  I scoffed. “First of all, how in the world are you hearing stories from a high school party? And secondly, no, he didn’t.” I shifted. “He may have said something along the lines of wanting me back, but he did not ask me on a date.”

  “Natalie,” my mom said, crossing her arms over her chest. She was still dressed in her pajamas. That’s how I knew she’d had a rough night. Jillian Poxton did not lounge around in pajama pants and a t-shirt. She must have stolen them from my dresser. “That is essentially the same thing. And why are you telling me this story like you didn’t take him up on his offer?”

  I shrugged, pouring myself a glass of water. “Because I didn’t.”

  Mom’s mouth popped open.

  “I don’t want to be with Mason anymore,” I explained, sipping from the glass. “I didn’t see it when it happened, but I think him breaking up with me was one of the best things that could have happened.”

  “I don’t understand.” Mom shook her head, her blonde locks falling from the loose ponytail she’d tied. “Mason is from a good family, Natalie. He could make you happy. And you’d be comfortable.”

  “I don’t want to be just comfortable, Mom. I want a love that makes me everything but comfortable. If it doesn’t drive me mad, if it doesn’t break my heart at the thought of losing it, if it doesn’t push me to new places and force me to grow — what kind of love is it, really?”

  Mom appraised me for a moment, chewing the inside of her cheek. “You talk about it like you might have already found it.”

  I dropped my gaze to my water, tracing the lid of the glass with my pointer finger.

  She sighed. “Honey, as a woman, sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Sometimes you have to make choices about what you need in life and how to get it.”

  “Did you have to make sacrifices with Dale?” I lifted my eyes to hers again.

  She swallowed. “Yes. And with your father, too. But every choice I made was to better my life. And yours.” She cleared her throat, fingering the sweatpants she was wearing as if she just realized she was in them. “They weren’t always the easiest choices, but women don’t exactly have it easy when it comes to the battle of life versus love.”

  Shrugging, I finished the last of my water and dropped the glass in the sink. “I don’t think the two have to be on opposite sides of the war line.”

  Mom eyed me again, opening her mouth to say more before quickly closing it and standing up straighter. “I suppose it’s something you’ll have to learn on your own, sweetie.” She snapped her fingers. “Oh! That reminds me. I need to start a grocery list for Christina. You have any requests?”

  I chuckled, watching Mom snap right back into business mode. “Life, love, and battle reminded you of groceries?”

  She stuck her tongue out and I giggled again, but when my eyes focused on the notepad she was writing on, the laugh caught in my throat.

  “Oh my God,” I whispered.

  “You okay, sweetie?” Mom had stopped writing, but my eyes were still glued to the page.

  Snapping out of my haze, I grabbed the keys to the Rover and jogged toward the door, grabbing my gym bag off the couch as I passed.

  “Sweetie?”

  “Fine, Mom!” I yelled over my shoulder as I blew through the front door. “Just late for training. See you later!”

  Slamming the door behind me a littl
e harder than I meant, I sprinted for the car and threw it in drive, tearing out of the driveway. My foot was hard on the gas pedal all the way to the gym and I parked across two parking spots before leaving my bag behind and running straight back to the training room.

  Rhodes was spotting one of his clients as she benched just the bar. I was tempted to roll my eyes at the way she was drooling as she gazed up at him, but I had more important emotions rolling through me.

  “I know where the note came from,” I blurted out. Rhodes’ brows turned in and he eyed me curiously. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was an hour early to training or what I had just said or both.

  “What?”

  “Just,” I stopped his question with my hand, motioning to the woman on the bench. “Wrap this up and come back to the office.”

  “I’m in the middle of a session, Natalie,” he warned. Even though he had his new job at the restaurant, he still needed his training job and I knew that. But this couldn’t wait.

  I gave him a pointed look to emphasize the urgency and he blew out a breath through his nose, motioning with a nod of his head for me to go back to the office. I heard him tell his client to take a water break and hit cardio. She whined, literally whined, and I ground my teeth. Before I acted on my annoyance, I closed the glass office door behind me and paced around the desk.

  Rhodes opened the door moments later and I started rambling before he had the chance to close it again. “It’s from the marina. The note. It’s Dale’s stationery. I knew I had seen this mark before.” I unfolded the note and smoothed it out on the desk, pointing to the small orange markings where the tear line was. The note was torn at the bottom edge, like someone had tried to tear off the logo, but even with just the top of it there — I recognized it.

  “I don’t understand.” Rhodes shook his head, brows furrowed.

  “This is the top of Dale’s stationery logo. But see how it’s an ugly orange color?” Rhodes nodded. “It’s supposed to be red. Sometimes, the notepads like the one this paper came from get printed incorrectly. It drives my mom absolutely insane because she’s a perfectionist. But, she hates being wasteful, too. She won’t let Dale use them for anything customer-facing, so she takes all the misprints down to the Poxton Beach Dry Boat Storage Marina. They’re always writing notes and putting them on the boats so the employees know where to put them and what customer and such. Since it’s just them that see it, Mom figures it’s a way to get use out of the stationery without hurting Dale’s ‘brand’ or whatever.”

  Rhodes lifted a brow. “Your mom is strange.”

  “Rhodes, did you hear what I said?” I asked, ignoring his attempt at humor. “The note came from the marina. It was in your sister’s handwriting.” I swallowed. “We may be able to find some answers. We may be able to find her.”

  Rhodes frowned, leaning back against the edge of the desk. He raked his hands over his stubble before crossing his arms hard across his chest. “How?”

  “I know where Dale keeps his keys,” I whispered. “All of his keys.” Rhodes’ eyes widened at my implication. “Are you up for a little recon mission?”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND the concept of this place,” Rhodes whispered as I unlocked the large gate guarding the boat barn. I used to find it funny when Mom called it that, but that’s exactly what it was really — a big metal barn full of boats.

  “It’s just a different way to store your boat. It’s actually better for a lot of the ones around here. Keeps them from sitting in salt water and stuff.”

  Rhodes didn’t comment further as we slipped through the gate. I locked it again behind us and we made our way toward the large building.

  The night air was warm and wet against my skin and the small tendrils of hair hanging from my bun onto my neck were already soaked. Rhodes didn’t seem nervous or tense as we approached the entrance to the building.

  I was both.

  We gazed up at the columns and rows of boats once we walked inside the barn. I clicked on the flashlight I’d taken from Dale’s garage to illuminate them better and scanned the length of the barn. They were stacked ten high and hundreds across, all facing us stern side.

  “What are we even looking for?”

  “I don’t know, Rhodes. Anything that might connect that note and your sister.” His brows were furrowed, his jaw set. “Why do I get the feeling that you don’t want to be here?”

  He sighed. “Sorry. I’m just not sure how to feel about all of this.” It was then that I noticed the worry hidden behind his strong eyes. I knew what he was feeling. He didn’t want to get his hopes up only to be let down. Or maybe he was afraid of what he’d find. Either way, it was apparent that he may not have been nervous or tense, but he was clearly uncomfortable.

  “Try not to think too much about it. If we find something, great. If not, then we move forward and figure something else out. Okay?”

  Rhodes took a moment to process before gently nodding. “Okay.”

  Grabbing his hand, I pointed the flashlight forward and we dove deeper into the barn.

  We walked slowly down the main hall, shining the light between each row of boats and up through the various columns. Neither of us spoke, and neither of us found anything to speak of. The longer we were there, the more I worried if I’d made a stupid decision. What exactly did I expect to find?

  “Hey wait a second,” Rhodes whispered, his eyes trained on the row of boats to our right. “What is that?”

  I pointed the flashlight to follow his gaze, illuminating something shiny and small near the back wall. Rhodes glanced back at me questioningly before taking a step toward it.

  My heart hammered in my ears as we inched between the boats. When Rhodes and I rounded the front of the boat, he bent slowly, retrieving the object on the ground.

  “What is it?” I asked, voice just above a whisper. Rhodes was staring at whatever was in his hands so intently I wondered if he even heard me.

  “Oh my God.”

  “What?” I leaned up to look closer. “What is it?”

  He shook his head, forehead wrinkled between his eyebrows. “It’s hers.” He held the object out to me — a bracelet. It dangled over his pointer finger as his eyes found mine. “It’s Lana’s. She wore this every day.” He swallowed. “It was a gift from me when we turned sixteen.”

  My heart stopped.

  It was a small, dainty bracelet — a thin chain with one solo pearl charm. Their birthstone. Carefully, I reached out to touch the cool silver and rolled the pearl between my fingers, bringing away a film of dust with them. “It doesn’t seem like it’s been worn in a while.”

  “What the hell?” He shook his head and I was at a loss for words, too. Nothing was making sense. “Do you think it’s the person who took her? Did it happen here?”

  “Maybe,” I said, my stomach knotting at the thought. The soft click of the shutter sounded as I pulled out my camera and took a photo of the bracelet still hanging from his fingers. Every hair on my body was standing at attention, my fight or flight instincts kicking in. I hadn’t been scared before, but I was now. “It wouldn’t be weird for it to be left alone back here. These are the vacationer boats. The employees are lucky if they get sent down here more than once a year to pull one of these boats out.”

  “And you’re positive that the note had to have come from here?”

  I glanced around, trying to find one of the stationery pages stuck in the window of one of the boats around us. Scanning the windshields, I finally found a sheet four rows down. Peeling it from its careful placement, I held it up for Rhodes to inspect.

  “See the bottom logo?” I asked. He nodded, and I pulled the note he’d found on his bike from my pocket. When I held them up next to each other, there was no refuting it. There was just a tiny little piece of the logo on the bottom of the note from Rhodes’ sister, but it was there. I snapped another photo.

  Rhodes pinched the bridge of his nose. I knew his head was
spinning, too. “What the fuck is going on?”

  “My thoughts exactly,” a rough voice responded. Rhodes and I turned quickly and were met with a blinding white light. Instinctively, Rhodes threw himself between the offender and myself, serving as a human shield.

  The light dropped, and my stomach fell right along with it when I realized who was holding it.

  A cop.

  “Shit,” Rhodes muttered.

  The cop was young, maybe in his thirties, with caramel skin and a dark buzz cut. His eyes were shaded, but soft, as if he didn’t like busting us any more than we liked getting busted. My eyes adjusted to the light difference and I noticed his name badge read MARTINO.

  “Do you two realize you’re trespassing right now?”

  “I’m sorry sir,” I tried, maneuvering my way around Rhodes. “It’s my fault. I just wanted to—”

  “And do you realize that because you climbed over that fence to get into a clearly marked no-trespassing property, you could face a first-degree trespassing charge?” He shook his head, almost like he was our parent, before calling out some sort of code into his radio along with our location. “Couldn’t even be smart about it. Flashlights? Really? I saw them from the road.”

  “And do you realize you’re being a class A fuck boy right now?”

  “Rhodes!” I warned, shocked at his disrespect. I was trying to talk us out of the situation, Rhodes was ready to make it worse.

  “Wait,” Officer Martino interrupted. “Rhodes? As in William Rhodes?”

  Rhodes didn’t answer. His jaw ticked and he kept his hard eyes trained on the cop, who was now looking at Rhodes in a completely different way. It was as if he recognized him, or as if he was seeing a ghost of his past rise right out of the ground. I knew Rhodes was in and out of juvie when we were younger, but had that reputation really stuck for this long?

  “Copy. Calling the property owner now,” a woman’s voice called over the radio fastened to the officer’s hip, breaking the awkward silence stretching between us. It was my turn to add another twist to the night.