The Renegade

by P. M. Johnson

  “Thank you for not denying it,” said Beth, cutting into Logan’s thoughts. “Whatever happened to you on Tarsik, it made you different, secretive. You haven’t really slept through the night since then. And you think, wrongly, that recovering the Apollo Stone back will make everything better.”

  Logan’s mind flashed back to his final communion with Suvial. He recalled how the entity in the Stone had assumed the horrific image of a giant beast. That was the true Suvial, he thought. Logan now realized that he had been confused and easily influenced when he first dealt with the ancient entity. Not anymore. He knew him now, and the spirits within Logan knew him too. When he next communed, Suvial would be their puppet, their plaything and the power of the Stone would be theirs to wield. He and the Alamani spirits would use it to break the Sahiradin military machine. Together, they would destroy their khâls and throw the pale warriors back under the Sacred Mountain for good.

  Suppressing his thoughts of power and revenge, Logan said, “I don’t think having the Stone will make everything better. But you have to admit that it’s the key to defeating the Sahiradin. If I had it in my hands, this war would be over.”

  “It could tip the scales in our favor,” admitted Beth. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. You long for it, Logan. You desire it on a personal level. It’s like you’re incomplete without it.” She pressed her index finger hard into Logan’s chest. “Whatever that thing is, whatever Suvial is, he’s got his hooks into you. Have you been taking your anti-seizure medication?”

  “Yes, I have,” he replied, truthfully, though he was only taking one-fifth of the prescribed dose because it interfered with his ability both to meditate and to commune with the Apollo Stone, if ever the chance presented itself. He smiled and took her hand. “Look, Beth, nobody has their hooks in me but you.”

  She looked at him from out of the corner of her eye. She wasn’t buying it. He had to give her something to think about, but not the truth, not the whole story.

  He gently brushed the back of his index finger against her cheek. “I saw something on Tarsik,” he said softly. “Some kind of visions, memories of the Alamani, and I won’t be rid of these visions that were burned into my mind until I recover the Stone and the Sahiradin are destroyed. If I can do that, I think the memories and images will fade. I’ll find peace.”

  “Now you’re lying to me,” she said bluntly. “They’re more than memories, Logan. Something has fundamentally changed you. I don’t always see it. In fact, it’s usually hidden, but every once in a while you’ll say or do something, or even just give a certain look that tells me there’s something serious going on.”

  “The visions felt real to me,” admitted Logan, trying to say enough to end the interrogation without revealing anything that might open a new line of inquiry. “The memory of them is powerful. Even today, they seem so real that they make my heart pound like a sledgehammer. I break out in a sweat.”

  “What do you see?”

  Logan swallowed involuntarily. His eyes seemed to focus on a distant place.

  “Blood-soaked Sahiradin warriors killing Alamani without hesitation,” he said. “They swing their blades left and right, cutting down everyone in their path. In other images I see terrified Alamani running for their lives. They’re so much smaller than the Sahiradin, Beth, so frail. They didn’t stand a chance.” He paused for a moment then kissed her hand. “But you’re taking all of this too seriously, my love. Let me get you some more wine.”

  He stood up, two empty wine glasses in his hand, and walked toward the small kitchen. “I can feel your eyes on me,” he said playfully over his shoulder.

  “You’re trying to distract me,” said Beth with a smile. “I’ll take the wine, but don’t think this conversation is over.”

  No, the conversation was not over. Logan knew better than to think he could evade her entirely. He resolved to tell her a little more, but not everything that had happened. The thought of a complete confession evoked fear among the spirits within him; they expressed their disapproval by stirring in his subconscious, flashing images of death and betrayal across his mind. He responded with the promise not to reveal all. That would come another day. He understood their fear, their desperate desire to remain undetected within him. He was their lone means of survival, their entire universe. Without him they would cease to exist. If he died, they would die with him.

  He set down the glasses and poured the wine. Then he walked back to his awaiting beloved, a glass of swirling red liquid in each hand.

  Chapter 16

  Distant sky glows red as I on my deathbed lay.

  Here I contemplate decisions made and my chosen way.

  Gathered treasure to measure fate’s approving sign

  Of true virtue, cunning, and superior mind.

  Yet half made am I at road’s end, cocooned in my self-spun web

  Of deception cords. Ah, my strength, how it does ebb!

  Lamenting chances never taken and the words “I love you” left unsaid.

  - Anonymous. “Words Unsaid.”

  A broad-shouldered man with thick black hair and a closely trimmed beard leaned forward to examine the red and yellow ribbon attached to the chest of Cap’s hospital gown. He then stepped back and nodded approvingly.

  “You are the first hero of the Earth Defense Force, Commander Caparelli,” said the man in a heavy Slavic accent. He grinned broadly as he straightened the dark blue coat of his EDF fleet uniform.

  “Thank you, Captain Sobieskov,” replied Cap, “but I don’t feel like a hero, especially not cooped up in this hospital.”

  “Orders, Commander,” replied Sobieskov as he pointed his index finger into the air. “The life support systems on your Falcon were barely functioning when you were found. You were very nearly the former Commander Michael Caparelli, posthumous hero of the Battle of Ceres.”

  “Is that what they’re calling it? We weren’t even close to Ceres.”

  “We could call it the Battle of Asteroid 101955, but it lacks charm.”

  “I see your point. Did the Lycians get there in time?”

  “They arrived, but were too late to join the fight. It was magnificent, Commander! A harrowing, running battle spanning a quarter parsec that lasted over two hours. We hounded the bastards with fighters and Bulldog torpedo ships until her shields finally failed. A few well-placed missiles in her port-side docking bay sealed her fate.” He placed his hands together then opened them wide to mimic an explosion. “Kaploom!”

  Cap chuckled. “Sounds like I left the party too soon.”

  “You missed a great deal of excitement,” agreed Sobieskov, “but it was the distress beacons you attached to Black Dagger’s hull that made it all possible. If not for your clever trick of attaching them amid a barrage of missile fire, the enemy might have detected and removed them. As it was, every time she used her stealth technology to disappear from our scopes, we found her again by tracking your signal.”

  “Glad it worked. How’s my Falcon?”

  “I’m afraid it will be some time before she flies her next mission. And of course, Colonel Berzinš is furious that you disobeyed his direct orders to return to Delta Station, so there is no guarantee you will get a new fighter any time soon. In fact, that is why he placed you on extended medical leave and shipped you back to Earth for recovery.”

  “We never would have gotten that frigate if I’d followed orders.”

  “Which is why you are wearing a ribbon on your chest and will not be required to…what is your old navy expression?”

  “Go before the mast?” offered Cap helpfully.

  “Exactly! Go before the mast.”

  Cap was about to enlighten Sobieskov regarding his opinion about Colonel Berzinš when his attention was drawn to the person who had just appeared in the doorway behind the captain.

  “Are you allowed to be in here?” asked Cap.

  Lena leaned against the doorframe. In her hand was a little potted plant boasting a few sma
ll red blossoms. She was wearing blue jeans, a blush-colored blouse, and a waist-length tan jacket. Her mahogany-brown hair hung casually but elegantly over her left shoulder.

  Cap swallowed involuntarily.

  “Nobody tried to stop me,” she said. “But I don’t want to get you in trouble. I can leave if you want.”

  Cap’s tangled tongue refused to speak, and his befuddled mind could offer it no guidance.

  Captain Sobieskov glanced at Cap and noted the young pilot’s embarrassment and confusion. He immediately turned toward Lena and said, “Nonsense! Of course the commander is able to receive visitors.” He winked at Cap and added, “Especially beautiful young women.”

  Lena raised an eyebrow at this last comment but let it go.

  Sobieskov looked at Cap and nodded his head slightly toward Lena, prompting the young pilot to finally speak. “Ah…y-yes,” he stammered. “Captain Sobieskov, this is Lena Castell. Lena, Captain Sobieskov.”

  Lena walked into the room and shook hands with the captain.

  “Are you the same Captain Sobieskov of Battle of Bornholm fame?”

  Sobieskov’s face beamed with pride. “I am honored that you have heard of my little exploit.”

  “The Baltic Sea is a Russian lake because of you,” said Lena. “You’ve served your country well.”

  “Not entirely,” said Sobieskov, in a rather more serious tone. “You see, I am not Russian. I am Polish, and I no longer serve the interests of the Russians. I am an officer in the EDF Fleet. Now I serve all of Earth.”

  Lena nodded appreciatively then looked at Cap. Noting the ribbon on his chest, she said, “I see they’ve given you a medal for finding that frigate.”

  Before Cap could respond, Sobieskov laughed and said, “That? That is a combat ribbon, my dear. Well-deserved but hardly sufficient recognition in light of Commander Caparelli’s valor and ingenuity. He has been nominated to receive of the EDF’s Distinguished Service Star, and I have no doubt the United Earth Council will make him the first officer to be honored with this medal. They would be fools to deny him!”

  Lena smiled at Cap. “Impressive.”

  “My dear, you have no idea,” said Sobieskov. “This young pilot was not only instrumental in removing the roving Sahiradin menace, he has prevented the enemy from establishing a gate to our solar system. Had Black Dagger been successful in its mission, Earth would certainly have been destroyed. Happily, the destruction of their outpost on Mars and the demise of Black Dagger have secured Earth’s safety, at least for a while.”

  Lena looked once more at Cap and let her eyes linger, causing Cap to shift nervously in his hospital bed.

  After a few moments of awkward silence, Sobieskov cleared his throat and said, “Well, Commander Caparelli, I wish you a speedy recovery. Colonel Berzinš may not appreciate you, but rest assured, Earth owes you a debt that can never be repaid.”

  He looked at Lena and smiled. “Ms. Castell,” he said with a slight bow. “It was an honor.”

  With a final wink to Cap, the EDF Navy captain turned on his heel and exited the hospital room.

  After a long pause, Lena said, “I guess you’ve finally got that fan club you always wanted.”

  “The captain exaggerated a little.”

  “I doubt that,” said Lena in a more serious tone. “You’re forgetting that I know what we’re up against. What you did was incredible, Cap. I’m very proud of you.”

  Holding out the plant, she said, “Here. I thought you could use a little color to brighten up this dull place.”

  Looking around the room, he said, “Well, the PRA may have fallen apart, but I guess the hospital is pretty good.”

  “Yeah, the Federated States will treat the EDF’s wounded but won’t risk any of their own.”

  Cap accepted the gift. “Thanks. I’ll try to make room for it in my Falcon’s cockpit.”

  “See that you do. It needs to be watered daily.”

  “Might be a little tricky to pull off in a high-G turn, but I’ll manage,” he quipped as he placed the plant on the windowsill next to his bed.

  “It needs plenty of light, too,” said Lena, continuing the line of banter. “Be sure to…”

  She stopped midsentence when Cap clasped her by the hand.

  “I love you, Lena,” he said calmly. “I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you. I think you already know that.”

  Lena began to reflexively pull her hand out of Cap’s, but she stopped herself. She nodded and smiled nervously. “I know.”

  “But we’re not kids in school anymore,” continued Cap. “You and I have come within a hair’s breadth of dying a dozen times, but we continue to talk like the future is a wide open horizon full of possibilities. It’s not, Lena. We both know that.” He exhaled and shook his head. “I nearly died out there.”

  Lena’s eye glinted with the beginnings of tears. She looked down and squeezed his hand tightly.

  Using his free hand, Cap touched Lena’s chin, gently lifting it until their eyes met. “My last thoughts before passing out were of you, and I was filled with regret. Regret that I’d lacked the courage to tell you that I love you. There are a lot of people who want us dead, Lena. Harken’s still out there, and the Sahiradin want to wipe us out completely. We’re not sailing through fair winds and blue skies. We’re in the middle of a hurricane and we could die at any moment.”

  Cap let his free hand rest on the edge of the bed, palm upward for a moment, waiting for Lena to respond. She hesitated then placed her other hand in his palm.

  “You’re a brilliant, beautiful, complicated woman, Lena Castell. But you’re conflicted. You’re angry with Harken for turning your loving father into a hard-hearted Guardian. You also feel guilty for his death. I know you, Lena. I know how your mind works. You loved your father, and there isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t wonder how much you might have contributed to his fate.”

  Lena looked away for a moment, her eyes glistening. When she returned her gaze to Cap, they were filled with tears.

  “I stole information from him and shared it with Attika and the Septemberists. Then I fled the PRA with you, Logan, and the Apollo Stone. Of course he died because of me!”

  Cap leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him.

  “That’s a lot for one person to carry on her shoulders,” he whispered. “Even for someone as strong as you. I just want you to know that I love you. I’ll help you carry your burden for as long as you need, and I’ll be there when you’re ready put it down.”

  Lena pressed her eyes tightly shut as tears began to stream down her cheeks. She buried her face in Cap’s shoulder and was soon weeping freely.

  “I’m yours, Lena,” he whispered in her hear. “As long as there are stars in the sky, I am yours.”

  Chapter 17

  The mollag’s remarkable turvinium implants, developed by the Myr and used by many with the means to acquire them, are typically used to slow the tide of natural decay which all species must endure. It is a well known fact that the great majority of diseases that can cause death are treatable. Yet still we die. Inevitably, each of us will stand one day at the foot of the bridge connecting us to what lies beyond. Why? Why do we die when disease has been by and large conquered? It is because over time the body loses its ability to accurately replicate its many diverse cells when they break down. After hundreds, even thousands of cellular replications, each one less true to the original than the last, they can no longer perform their functions and we die.

  Not so for the mollag, whose turvinium implants synthetically reproduce dying cells with such great precision that the rate of decay is substantially reduced. In this way, the mollag extends his or her life well beyond the dictates of nature.

  - Rahaldu Bentúhr. The Mollags.

  Kurak took another drink from his cup of Veresch. He closed his eyes as the dark liquid burned a path of pleasure down his throat and into his stomach. He had not planned to have any of the tradi
tional drink that day, but it would help to prepare him for the procedure he was about to undergo. As he took another sip, he silently acknowledged that he had grown too fond of the intoxicant. But had he not earned the right to enjoy such pleasures after suffering so many insults and tribulations while trapped on Earth, that putrescent planet of the Humani? Oh, how he had wished for the sweet release of Veresch during those trying days, anything to obliterate the humiliation of having to assist the feeble Humani scientists until they had advanced to a technological level that would allow him to reach out to his Sahiradin leaders.

  He scoffed into his half-full cup as he took another drink. Soon he would avenge himself for the thousands of insults he had endured and the experiments performed on him, blood and tissue samples collected to examine in their primitive laboratories. He had loathed his captors, especially during the heady days before the Impact when they believed they were on the cusp of launching themselves to the stars where they would plant their seed and ensure their immortality.

  He grinned at the thought of the Impact. He recalled with pleasure the terror that had swept over the planet when their pathetic tracking systems finally detected the approach of asteroids he’d set in motion decades before. Of course, he could not witness it directly because they had locked him in an isolated compound high in the northern Rocky Mountains, but he knew when they first saw their impending doom. One of their senior scientists assigned to him came to his secure quarters, but instead of entering as he had done so many times before to have what he described as a “friendly chat”, he remained behind the thick glass barrier and communicated through an intercom system.