Always Wanting (Consumed, Book One 1)

by Alex Grayson

  “Nothing. It was all a misunderstanding between me and him.” Her voice sounds small, like she still has a lot on her mind. I don’t like hearing the uncertainty in her voice. It’s so different than the self-assured girl that I know.

  Knowing I won’t get anything out of her, she’s one of the most stubborn people I know, I ask something else.

  “Where are you?”

  “With Lukas.”

  I grit my teeth and get up from the couch. It’s still dark outside, the horizon just now starting to show a light purple color, indicating the sun will start showing itself soon. I fucking hate that she’s with him right now, especially because I fucking know he’s the root of her problems.

  “Is that wise?”

  “Colt, please don’t start.”

  “I just don’t understand why you’re with him, Tera.”

  I walk over and grab my suit from the back of the chair and carry it to the bathroom. After hanging it on the back of the door, I lean back against the sink.

  “Because you don’t know him like I do.” I can hear the irritation in her voice, and I know I’m talking to a brick wall. My sister can be so damn naïve at times.

  “You’re right. But you don’t know him like I do, either. He’s done things, Tera. With women. Things that would make you cringe.”

  “I know,” she whispers, shocking the shit out of me.

  “What the hell do you mean, you know? There’s no fucking way you know what he’s done and still want to be with him.”

  I refuse to believe my sister would condone the things Lukas Black has done with women and be okay with it. He’s a twisted son of a bitch that likes to hurt them.

  “Colt, I’m not getting into this with you,” she says angrily. “I’m a big girl and can make decisions on my own. What Lukas and I do, what he’s done in the past, is between us. End of story.”

  At least the real Tera is starting to show her face again. Sometimes, I want to put her over my knee and swat her ass like our father used to do, but I’d rather have her attitude versus the defeated sounding girl she was a few minutes ago.

  Why in the fuck do I even try? She’s right. She is a big girl. But she’s my little sister, and it bites my ass that she’s with someone that I know will break her heart one day. Lukas isn’t the type of guy that sticks with one girl for long. He’ll get what he wants from Tera, then forget all about her. But what sends bile to my throat and nearly gags me is what he’ll do to her while he does have her.

  To say that Lukas is rough in bed is a major understatement. He not only damages the women he sleeps with, he likes to degrade them and make them do things that would make even the most experienced dominant cringe. His practices are downright gruesome at times.

  My knuckles turn white as I grip the countertop behind me. Aside from kidnapping my sister and hiding her from the likes of Lukas, there’s not a damn thing I can do to make her see reason. Especially if she knows his reputation and is still willing to stay.

  “I cannot fucking believe you want to be with him, knowing what he’s capable of,” I growl, unable to hold back the disgust in my voice.

  “Well, you’ve got no choice but to believe it. I’m hanging up now, because this conversation is pointless. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay. I’m going to be with Lukas for the next few days. Tell Mom I’ll call her later.”

  Before I can respond, she hangs up. I grip my phone until I hear the plastic creak under the pressure. I drop it on the counter before I decide to throw the damn thing through the mirror. I can’t deal with this shit right now. I’ve got my own problems I need to see to, and dealing with Tera and her refusal to see Lukas for the bastard he is, is something that will have to be dealt with later. However, I highly doubt she’ll ever see things my way.

  I’ve still got another hour and a half before the work day starts, but I get dressed anyway. I’m still tired, but there’s no way I’ll be getting anymore sleep now.

  I get dressed and brush my teeth. Flipping lights on as I go, I walk to the employee breakroom and start a pot of coffee. As I stand there and watch it brew, I think back to Abby and her own refusal to let me in. She reminds me a lot of Tera. They are both stubborn as hell, but still carry a soul-deep innocence. Tera’s stems from her young age, whereas Abby’s is from her deep-seated need to be wanted and accepted, flaws and all.

  I don’t know how I’m going to get through to Abby, but I won’t stop trying until I do. The pills she’s taking to help some of her cravings is running low. That means my time is running out. I don’t have a plan yet to prove to her I’m not going anywhere, but she’s going to learn real soon that she may be tenacious in her beliefs that we won’t work out, but she hasn’t seen anything yet.

  I’m getting my girl, and she’ll have to accept that cold hard fact. I can be just as stubborn as her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Abby

  “What am I going to do? What the fuck am I going to do, Nathan?”

  I furiously pace my living room. My hands clench and unclench by my sides. I reach the table and spin on my heel, making my way back to the other side of the room. As I pass by, I turn my head to Nathan, who’s sitting on the couch, both arms sitting casually on the back with his legs spread out in front of him. He looks so fucking comfortable there, while I’m freaking the hell out. I give him the stink eye, but he just smirks.

  “You think this shit is funny?” I fume. “Do you have any fucking clue what I’m going through right now? How fucking scared I am?”

  His smirk leaves his lips and he drops his arms from the couch. Patting the cushion beside him, he demands, “Sit.”

  I ignore him and continue my angry stride across the room. Every pass I make is by the pill bottle, sitting in the middle of the coffee table, like a bright fucking beacon that carries the last of my supply, a supply I’ll take tonight. I glare at it, silently willing it to miraculously produce more pills.

  “I can’t do this,” I mutter to myself. “I knew I should have called my doctor. Why in the hell didn’t I call and make an appointment to get a refill?”

  Pissed at my own stupidity, I kick the leg of the coffee table, knocking over the bottle, then wince in pain.

  “Ouch! Fuck!” I scream, gripping my hair and giving it a tug. I feel like any minute, I’m going to lose my mind.

  “Abby,” Nathan calls, raising his voice.

  I turn to look at him, but before he can say anything, I ask with a note of desperation in my voice, “Can you get something for me? Do you know someone that can hook me up? Or I can call Tegan or Ava…” I trail off.

  What in the hell am I doing? Am I so far gone that I’m asking my best friend to break the law and get me drugs? Shame weighs heavily on me. All because my dumbass won’t go out and find a guy willing to take care of my problem. Or hell, even ask Nathan to do it. I just can’t see myself sleeping with some strange guy yet. I know Nathan would help, but I’m not ready for that, either. It would be so much easier if I never met Colt. Sadness punches me square in the gut with the thought.

  It’s been ten days since I’ve seen or heard from him. Ten very long, very painful days. My heart has never hurt so much in my life. Even now, it pounds painfully against my ribs.

  “Abby,” Nathan barks, bringing me out my destitute state. “Sit the fuck down.” His eyes are hard slits as I walk over to the couch and flop down on the cushion beside him. I cross my arms over my chest and pout like a damn child not getting her way.

  “Look at me,” he growls, piquing my anger even more, but I’m so damn conflicted, I do what he says anyway. “Why don’t you just stop this shit and call him.”

  “You know why,” I grind out between clenched teeth. Why is he suggesting this shit? He knows I can’t do that. “I won’t put him through this. He deserves better than me.”

  “Bullshit.” He holds out a hand when I try to speak. “Fine, whatever. Then get your ass up and get dressed in one of your sexy outfits. We’re going to Bla
ckie’s tonight. It’s time you do something else besides sit in this house and mope around, stressing.”

  “Fuck you, Nathan. You know that’s not an option, either.” I lean my head back against the cushions and stare up at the ceiling. “I’m not ready for that.”

  The fucked-up part is I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for another man to touch me. Colt has totally fucking screwed me over for other men. I love him so fucking much, but I also hate him for doing this to me.

  As I sit there, staring at the small white flecks on my ceiling, I really start to freak out, the truth of what my life will be like from now on hits me hard, stealing all my breath. I start to pant, and my chest hurts something fierce. For once, the sweat popping out on my forehead is for something other than my addiction. I clutch at my chest when it gets too painful to draw in a breath. My vision is going cloudy, and my hearing goes muffled.

  “Fuck!” I barely hear Nathan through the fog in my ears. “Head between your legs and breathe, Abby.” He grips the back of my neck and shoves me forward until my head is hanging over the couch between my legs. I take in a few deep breaths, trying to force the impending blackout I know is coming. I feel tears drip from my eyes and splash against my bare feet.

  After several minutes, the blackness starts to fade, and now I’m suddenly shivering from my clammy skin and the cool air in the room. I sit up enough to put my elbows on my knees with my head in my hands.

  “I don’t know what to do, Nathan.” My voice is weak, and for once, I don’t care if he hears it. I’m tired of pretending like I’m strong.

  He rubs my back. “Let’s just get through today, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings, okay?”

  With no other choice but to take his advice, I nod. Neither of us says anything for a while, and the quiet is starting to get to me. I sit up slowly and turn to face him, leaning my arm on the couch with my head resting against it. I’m so damn tired.

  “Distract me. Have you seen your neighbor lately?”

  Nathan has an obsession with his neighbor across the street from his apartment building. On several occasions, I’ve caught him watching her with a longing look in his eyes. The same look his eyes carry now as he stares off into space.

  “A few nights ago.” His voice comes out husky, and I know he’s remembering the last time he saw her.

  “It was the night you were late, wasn’t it?”

  He looks over at me, a look of guilt crossing his face. “Yes.”

  I’m not mad at him. It’s not his fault he’s caught up in my drama. It’s me that should feel guilty, and I do, for keeping him away from something he wants. He’s been too good to me. I need to start worrying about my problems myself, and stop depending on Nathan to be here with me. I’ll worry about that tomorrow, though.

  “Are you ever going to go over and introduce yourself?” I ask.

  Nathan may get his kicks from watching other people, but he also likes to partake at times too. He’s not like me. His addiction is more complex, whereas mine is more specific.

  “Eventually.”

  “How are Tegan and Ava?”

  Another bout of guilt worms it’s way in. I’ve been avoiding them both. I just haven’t been in the mood to answer the questions I know they’ll have. I know they both worry, and I’ve sent them text messages to try to alleviate that worry, but any time they call or try to make plans to meet up, I make up some kind of excuse to get out of it. I’ve been coming straight home from work, and don’t leave again until the next day when I have to go back. It terrifies me to go out, for fear of my needs tempting me into doing something I’m not ready for. I need to get over it.

  “They’re both good. Just worried about you.”

  I nod and drop my eyes from his, hoping he doesn’t see the pain I feel at his words.

  “Hey.” He reaches over and lifts my head with his finger. “It’s going to be okay.”

  The earnest way he says it makes me want to believe him so much, but I just don’t see how it can be. If anything, the pain at night is getting worse. And with me out of options, there’s not a damn thing I can do to make it better.

  Even still, I give him a small smile. I hate seeing the worry in his eyes.

  “You go get in the shower, and I’ll order us some Chinese food. We’ll veg on the couch and watch a movie.”

  Blowing out a breath, I nod and get up from the couch, taking the pill bottle with me. I don’t need them yet, but I know I will soon. It’s just past six in the evening. I’ve got a couple hours left before my life starts spiraling out of control again.

  Nathan sits on the chair in the corner as my body convulses with shivers, and I moan with pain, the ache between my legs making it hard to get comfortable. He’s tense as he sits there, and I know he wants to crawl into bed with me to relieve the pain. I’m actually surprised he hasn’t tried the last ten days. Except for that first night, he’s made no move toward helping me in that way. I’m grateful, because I’m not sure if I would be able to turn him away. The night Colt was late, in the bathroom when I reached for Nathan, I almost caved. I reached for him, even went so far as pulling his pants down and grabbing his hard cock, but I just couldn’t follow through. The pain in my heart from touching another man far outweighed the pain in my stomach. Instead, I fell to my knees and cried like a fucking baby. After gently putting me in the shower to cool my body down, Nathan carried me to the bed, went back to the bathroom and dug around my medicine cabinet until he found the Valium I had forgotten about. My cries became hiccupping sobs of relief. My hope that the pills would work was the only thing that kept me from completely losing it. And thankfully, they did work, but now I’m out.

  Still hurting unbearably, my eyes start to drift closed, the pills running through my bloodstream, making it hard to stay focused. I welcome the darkness that’s closing in on me. Right before I close my eyes for the last time, I see Nathan pull out his phone.

  I feel hands drifting over my breasts, kneading the plump mounds and sending pleasurable shivers over my body. My nipples pucker into almost painfully hard points, but a warm mouth takes the pain away and replaces it with tingles of delight. I arch my back, wanting more of the intense feeling. I drill my hands into thick hair and push the head further against my breasts. Colt’s woodsy scent drifts around me. I open my eyes and see Colt’s amazing eyes staring up at me, his mouth full with one of my nipples. He gives it a tug with his teeth, before releasing it.

  “Have you missed my cock, Abby?” He whispers the same thing he always whispers in my dreams every night.

  “Yes,” I moan, lifting my hips and rubbing my wet mound against the muscles in his stomach. “So much.”

  “How much have you missed it, baby?”

  He crawls up my body, until he’s hovering right above me. Using one hand, he lifts my hips more and rubs the length of his cock and balls over my dripping pussy, making sure to hit my sensitive clit along the way, but not sliding inside like I want him to.

  “I feel like I’m dying without you, Colt.” I always tell him the truth in my dreams. I don’t have to worry about revealing too much. I still want him just as much, but I’m safe in this world. My pain doesn’t exist.

  “What about me? Do you miss me too? Or do you only want my cock?”

  My brows pucker with confusion. This is new. He’s never asked me this before. It’s usually always about sex. But as confusing as this different dream is, I only have one answer for him. And again, I give him the truth.

  “I miss you. I miss everything about you.”

  He lifts one of my legs and wraps it around his waist. Dipping down, he kisses me softly on the lips, then murmurs, “I miss you too, Abby. Come back to me.”

  I pull my head back and look up at him, my confusion mounting. “I’m right here,” I tell him.

  He slides just an inch inside, stretching my body deliciously around his. “No. You left me. You pushed me away.”

  He goes in another inch, bringing a moan from my
lips. What he’s saying isn’t making sense, but it’s hard to think when he’s slowly sliding in deeper. Why is my dream changing all of a sudden?

  “I don’t understand,” I murmur, trying to hold onto what he’s saying, but also chasing the pleasure. “You’re here with me. We’re together.”

  He smiles down at me, sadness marring his face. “No.” He touches my chest, right above my heart, at the same time he pushes his hips forward until he’s seated fully inside me. “Right here, Abby. I need to be right here. Let me back in.”

  Tears prick my eyes, but I still moan when he hits something deep inside. He pulls back and shoves his way back in. He grinds his hips against mine, putting pressure against my little bundle of nerves. I cry out, but I don’t know if it’s because of what he said, or if it’s the immense pleasure I’m feeling from the stimulation.

  He doesn’t say anything else, but keeps his eyes on mine as his movements become more frantic. His arms are by my head, caging us in, putting his face only inches from mine. His breathing becomes deep, just as deep as the emotions I can see in the depths of his eyes. He’s looking at me like he can see all the way to my soul. I look back at him, and I know he’s seeing the same thing I am. I can’t hold my emotions back from him, just as he can’t hide his. Not in this dream anyway. His eyes are filled with so much love that it’s nearly blinding me.

  My walls clamp down on him as he continues his relentless pounding. He’s fucking me now, but it’s also a tortured kind of love making. I want to look away, but I can’t. My body tingles with awareness, and my heart slams against my chest. Blinding light flashes above us and explodes into a million tiny sparks. Pinpricks start in my fingertips and travel down my arms, my chest, my stomach, and settles between my legs. Colt’s jaw clenches and his eyes flare with desire as my pussy starts convulsing with the beginning of my orgasm. Still, we keep our eyes locked on the other. I moan and pant as the sharp sensation takes over my body.