Always Wanting (Consumed, Book One 1)

by Alex Grayson

  Colt keeps up the rhythm of his thrusts, pulling almost all the way out, and thundering back inside. He grunts and groans, the sound coming from deep within his chest. My nails dig into his biceps and I moan long and deep when I feel the warmth of his release. I’ve always loved feeling him come inside me. It always seems so much hotter than what it’s supposed to. Is it normal for a girl to feel a man come in her? I’ve always used a condom, except with Colt, so I have nothing to compare it to. But each time Colt comes inside me, I feel it, and it’s one of the best feelings in the world.

  I slip my fingers in his hair and drag his head down to me for a kiss. We devour each other’s mouths, but this time, it seems more desperate, like it’ll be our last one. I don’t want to think of it being our last one. It makes me so unbearably sad.

  When Colt pulls back, I try to bring him forward again. I don’t want the kiss to end yet. He lays his forehead against mine and uses his thumbs to wipe away the silent tears I didn’t realize were leaking from my eyes.

  “Let me back in, Abby…”

  I groggily blink open my eyes, not ready for the day to start yet. My alarm hasn’t gone off, but by the amount of light shining in the room, I know it will soon. I want nothing more than to stay in bed and sleep all day to avoid what I know is coming later. I barely stop the panic that’s at the surface, ready to break free. I need to get through the work day first, before I let it grip me. How in the hell am I going to function now that I won’t have the drugs to depend on? I’m no closer to finding the answers than I was last night.

  Images of my dream from last night seep in, both igniting my blood and sending a sharp pain in my chest. I’ve dreamed of him every night, and until last night, they’ve always been the same; with him making passionate love to me. Last night’s dream has me a bit freaked out.

  I reach out to grab my phone to turn off the alarm before it can blare loudly, when I feel a heavy weight on my waist.

  What the fuck?

  Hot breath tickles the back of my neck, and I look down and see black ink in the form of an unraveling rope. My body gives an almighty shiver at knowing the only man it wants is snuggled up to my back. My fucking pussy actually spasms at the thought.

  What in the hell is Colt doing in my bed? Moving faster than I normally do this early in the morning, I flip around and face him. He has his eyes open, watching me warily.

  He damn well better be wary. He’s not supposed to be here. He’s done enough damage as it is. How in the hell am I supposed to get past this thing between us if he makes it impossible by being here? No, I am nowhere near getting over him, but him being here will set back any and all progress I’ve made.

  Fucking hell! I want to scream, but at the same time, I want to crawl over his body, devour him whole, until my body is completely and utterly sated, which will probably be never. I want to snuggle back up to him and have him warm the sudden chill in the air. I especially want to reach over and kiss the living daylights out of him and beg him to never ever leave me. He looks so fucking good, and I try my hardest to not let my eyes eat up the sight of him.

  With my heart leaping in my throat, and my body ready to sing for him, I hiss, “What in the hell are you doing here?”

  He doesn’t answer right away. His eyes run all over my face, as his fingers on my waist rub circles over my hip bone. It’s not helping my resolve to be angry at him, and I have to concentrate really hard to not launch myself at him. I should probably scoot away from him… maybe to the very edge of the bed, but I can’t force myself to move. My mind and heart play war with each other. I’ve missed him so much, much more than I thought until right this very minute. Seeing him right now, I can’t understand how I’ve gone ten days without him. I feel like I should be scratching my skin and pulling my hair out, because I know without a doubt that I’m addicted to him, and not in just a sexual sense, but in every sense possible for a person to be attracted to someone. I may go through withdrawals from sex, but I’m also going through Colt withdrawals.

  Shit! Fuck my life. I am so royally screwed.

  “I’ve been here every night since the night you ended things.” He says this quietly, while still keeping his watchful eyes on me, gauging my reaction.

  At first, I think he’s fucking with me. There’s no way he’s been here every night. I would have known. But his expression says he’s dead serious.

  “What do you mean, you’ve been here every night? You couldn’t have. Nathan’s been here. He would have told…” My eyes grow wide when realization dawns. Nathan’s been acting weird lately. Way too calm. He’s tried getting me out of the house a few times, but he hasn’t pushed me. And I have to admit, I was surprised he hadn’t tried to talk himself into my bed when he knew what I was going through.

  The fucking traitor bastard! How could he let Colt in here and not tell me?

  “Did you really think I would let you go through this alone?” he asks, his grip on my hip tightening.

  I push back from him until several feet separate us.

  “I wasn’t alone. I had Nathan.”

  Something flashes in his eyes, anger maybe? Jealousy? He wipes the look away seconds later, not giving me enough time to analyze it.

  “And drugs.”

  I grimace as shame heats my face. I look down, my eyes landing on the deep lines of his chest, but for the first time, it doesn’t heat my body. Instead, all I can think about is how far down the hole I’ve gone.

  He reaches over and lifts my chin, his eyes now holding understanding.

  “I had no choice,” I tell him, trying to put strength in my voice that I don’t feel. Colt always breaks down my walls and makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. He doesn’t let me hide behind my tough exterior.

  “You could have come to me.”

  I let the sadness show on my face as I shake my head. “No, Colt, I couldn’t have. I’ve told you, we would never work out. A life with me would only make you miserable. There will always be doubt in your mind, and I’ll always struggle with wondering if one day I’ll be weak enough to give in.”

  It hurts to tell him that, when I want nothing more than to give into what my heart is begging me to do. I can’t imagine a life without him, but I also can’t imagine a life with him.

  He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. The kiss he lays there warms my body like nothing has before. It also makes my heart hurt to the point where I’m almost clutching my chest.

  “Why didn’t you go out with your friends to Blackie’s the last couple weeks?” he asks, after taking my hand from his lips and lacing our fingers together.

  He can’t be so naïve to not know the answer, but I still answer him truthfully. “Because the thought of someone else touching me makes me sick.”

  He smiles his gorgeous smile. “And why didn’t you ask Nathan to help you when he has so much in the past?”

  “Because even his touch is revolting to me.”

  His smile grows bigger.

  “Don’t you see, Abby? You’d rather suffer through your pain than let another man touch you. You say I would doubt you, but I have absolutely no doubt that you would never let another man touch you. I have complete faith in you, and you need to have more faith in yourself.”

  “But I had the drugs…”

  “As much as I hate knowing you had to take them, they were there for the reason you did take them. Your doctor prescribed them to help with the cravings and that’s what you did.” He scoots closer to me. “I am so sorry I wasn’t here on time. As much as I want to, I know I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I can promise that we’ll get through the next time together. I love you, Abby, and I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything else. Even just the thought of not having you in my life has my soul wanting to shrivel up and die.”

  The earnestness in his voice, and the look of pure devotion and love on his face has me feeling weightless, like the stone encasing my heart has broken and crumbled to dust, and then immediat
ely fills with so much love, I have no idea what to do with it all.

  Even still, I hold back from falling into his arms. I’ve went so long without feeling this deep kind of love that it’s hard to believe someone can give someone like me it unconditionally. The past eight years, I’ve lived with the knowledge that I’ll never have that, it just wasn’t in the cards for me, and for this man to tell me I can have it, makes the dam of tears welling behind my eyes want to break free.

  “Abby,” Colt whispers, pain filling his tone. He reaches for me, but I hold my hand up. There’s something I need to say first.

  “I love you.” The statement is simple, but there’s so much meaning behind it. “I’ve never said those words to another man before. I never thought I would be able to. I’ve always had the love of my family and friends, and I love them back, but I’ve always wanted the soul-deep love you only get from a man you were destined to be with from the time you were born. I want to deny your words, Colt.” I keep my hand up to forestall him from interrupting again. “But I want you more. I’m still scared shitless that I’ll let you down, but I’m so damn tired of fighting this. My fear of not ever seeing you again far outweighs my fear of failing.”

  The hand not held up between us clenches so tightly in my lap, I worry my fingers may pop off at the joints. He grabs it, gives it a tug, and growls, “Get over here.”

  I don’t know if it’s his tug, or if it’s my lunging myself at him, but seconds later, I’m in his lap with my legs wrapped tight around his waist. I bring my head down to slam my lips against his, needing to taste him, but he stops me right before they make contact. What I see in his eyes is fierce and unrestrained. Although his jaw is hard, and there’s a slight tick in his temple, neither is from anger. It’s from a ferocious need. The same need I’m feeling.

  “I’m never ever letting you push me away again, Abby. You’re mine, and will forever be mine. No matter what happens, I’m never letting you go.”

  He says no more, just closes the short distance between us and completely takes over my lips. There’s no need for him to force his tongue in my mouth because I’m already open to him, but even still, the tongue lashing he gives me is so intense, it steals my breath. My hands latch onto his hair and tug him impossibly closer. His arms lock around me, tugging me to him. There’s not a spare centimeter between our bodies. Our mouths fight for dominance as we give each other everything we have to give.

  When we pull back, we keep each other as close as we can, not willing to be separated any more than we have to.

  “I’ve missed you so fucking much, Abby.” His words come on a groan as he nibbles on my ear before making his way down my neck. “The only thing that’s kept me from going crazy is that I knew I would see you at night.”

  That reminds me, there’s something I need to ask him. His mouth on my neck is highly distracting. It’s always been easy for him to knock me off track. I grip his hair and give a light tug so he pulls back. The desire in his beautiful pools of blue almost has me shoving his face back in my neck, but I manage to hold onto reason.

  “When you say you came to me at night, did we have sex?”

  A zing of awareness zips through my body at the memory of my dreams. They always felt so real when I woke up, especially how my body felt. I felt sated in a way that you just don’t feel from a mere dream. I remember waking up and thinking that if I didn’t know better, I would have sworn I had been taken. Now, in light of Colt’s revelation, I wonder if I actually was.

  Colt’s hands on my back tighten, and the look he gives me tells me my suspicions are true. His features are filled with guilt. There’s no need for him to admit it, but he does so anyway. “Yes.”

  I know I should be pissed at him. Essentially, he fucked me while I was asleep, even though I know a part of me had to have been aware of what was going on. There’s no way I could have stayed in a deep sleep. I should feel many things. Disgusted, used, angry, deceived, are just a few, but I don’t feel those things. It may be stupid of me, but what I feel is the total opposite. It makes me realize just how much he truly loves me. I know it couldn’t have been easy on him having sex with me, knowing I wasn’t conscious enough to stop him if I wanted to, but unable to stop himself because of the pain he knew I was in and wanting to take that pain away.

  It may be totally twisted of me, but it also sends a rush of wetness to my center. Yes, I was in a vulnerable position and pushed him out of my life, but I wouldn’t have been able to turn him down, even if I wasn’t in pain. I could never turn him down. Even in a semi-sleep state, my body reacted to his. If it didn’t, I have no doubt he would have stopped on his own. But it did, and he made my body sing, leaving me feeling more sated than I thought possible in the mornings.

  His face still holds uncertainty, like he’s unsure of how I feel about it all. I run my fingers through his hair until I reach the back of his head, then pull it back and crush his lips with mine again. He breathes a sigh of relief and groans deep, satisfied with my reaction.

  He lays me back on the bed, his body following so he’s on top of me with him settled between my legs. We’re both naked, so his cock nestles along my center perfectly. I need to get up and get ready for work, but I’m not ready for this to end. I’ll never be ready. I want to stay like this forever.

  He rocks his hips, sliding his dick along my opening, then curses in frustration.

  “What are you…”

  “You’ve got work,” he says, resting for forehead against mine.

  “Shower with me, and kill two birds with one stone,” I suggest, lifting my hips. “I’m not ready to let you go yet.”

  His answering smile has butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

  “Lock your legs and arms around me.”

  I do as he says, and with a push up, he lifts us both from the bed. I laugh and kiss along his shoulder as he turns the water on and waits for it to warm up.

  “This is going to be fast. Not only because you have work, but because it’s been ten days since I’ve had you.”

  “You had me just a few hours ago,” I remind him, lifting an eyebrow.

  “Those times don’t count because you were mostly out of it. I want to look in your eyes and have you watch me take you.”

  He steps in the shower, submerging us in the warm spray. With his hands gripping my ass, he lifts me, bringing me back down on his shaft in one fluid motion. My head drops back on a low moan, before I lift it again when I hear his deep growl of pleasure.

  This is where we’re meant to be. Our relationship may have been originally built on sex. Sex will always be a big element between us, but it’s not what makes us perfect for each other. We’re perfect together because we fit. He’s the one man that’s meant to give me what I’ve always truly craved.

  Love unconditionally, and without reserve.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Colt

  I’m sitting on the couch, beer in one hand and phone in the other. There’s a football game on the television but it’s halftime, and my team is kicking the other’s ass at the moment, so I decide to check a few work emails.

  It’s been a little over a week since I became one of the luckiest men on earth, when Abby let me back into her life. Since that night, we’ve pretty much been together the entire time, except while we’re at work. We both leave in the morning, and as soon as either of us get off work, we come straight back to Abby’s place. We’ve fucked like horny rabbits, sporadically throughout the day and night. Abby’s body hasn’t had the chance to inflict her painful cravings because she gets the relief she needs before she actually needs it.

  Although, most of time has been screwing each other’s brains out, we’ve also gotten to know quite a bit about each other. Abby seems to be different this time around. She’s more open with her inner feelings, whereas before, she seemed to close part of herself off. She smiles more, and the darkness I sensed around her before isn’t there. This makes me happy beyond belief. I want her as happy as
can be, and I want to be the person that makes her that way. I’m not fooled into thinking our life together will be perfect. I know we’ll have our ups and downs, and I’m sure there may be times when Abby may still try to push me away for self-preservation, and because she’s still insecure about her abilities, but I know we can make it through those tough times together. I’ll just have to remind her each time she gets too much in her head.

  I glance up from my phone, just as she struts by. My cock immediately stands at attention. She’s wearing nothing but one of my white button-up shirts. Her hair, which looks like she hasn’t even brushed it yet today, is loose around her shoulders. Every single time I see her, she takes my breath away, and I thank God for walking in that day to Blackie’s and her literally running into me. It’s one of the best days of my life.

  “Stop,” I command with a thick voice.

  She stops in her tracks and turns my way, her brow raised in question. My eyes devour the sinful site before me.

  “Come here.” This time, I manage to strengthen my voice so I don’t sound like some pussy fifteen-year-old boy waiting for his first fuck.

  Seeing the look on my face, a sexy smirk slides across her face as she purposely swings her hips seductively on her way over to me. My gaze stays glued to her until she stops several feet away from me.

  Throwing one hand on her hip, she purrs, “Can I help you?”

  I still have my beer and phone in my hands, and I grip them both tighter. I take a much-needed gulp of the beer, before setting it down on the end table. My phone lands on the couch beside me.

  My gaze travels from her bare feet, up her tanned shapely legs, over her full hips and waist. They linger on her nipples that I can see poking through the material of my shirt. The top few buttons are undone, tempting me with the curve of one breast. I notice her chest rising and falling faster than normal. When my eyes land on her face, she has a beautiful flush on her cheeks, and her mouth is open, panting.