Why Do Men Have Nipples?

by Mark Leyner

  IS THERE REALLY A MEDICATION THAT ACTS LIKE A TRUTH SERUM?

  Action heroes like Arnold Schwarzenegger often find themselves faced with an interrogator who uses a truth serum to get the hero to reveal his secrets. In the movies, our heroes are able to resist these potions and hide the truth. Hiding the truth seems to also prepare action heroes for a successful career in politics.

  They seem pure fiction, but truth serums do exist. Barbiturates such as sodium amytal and sodium pentothal were first used as truth serums in the early twentieth century. These drugs inhibit control of the central nervous system and were used by physicians to help patients recover forgotten memories or repressed feelings. They are also used for patients with suspected conversion disorder, a condition in which psychological problems produce physical symptoms.

  An “amytal interview”; is performed by administering a small amount of this drug intravenously. The drug produces a state of drowsiness, slurred speech, and relaxation. This condition makes patients more susceptible to suggestion, allowing the potential to uncover repressed feelings or memories.

  Today these interviews are seldom performed. The “truth serum”; will not necessarily make you tell the truth. Patients may lose inhibition but will not lose all self-control. Therefore, they are still able to control their behavior and lie. Studies have shown that during these “amytal interviews,”; patients often demonstrate a distorted sense of time, show memory disturbances, and have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy, so the line between fact and fiction becomes even more blurred.

  WHAT IS ON THE RAGS THAT VILLAINS USE TO MAKE THEIR VICTIMS PASS OUT?

  We’ve all seen it in the movies. The bad guy grabs someone from behind, places a rag over the victim’s nose and mouth, and instantly the person slumps to the floor.

  This isn’t exactly how anesthesia is administered in a hospital, but many people wonder if this rag trick is possible, and if so, what is the chemical on the rag?

  Chloroform and ether are the two possibilities. In the mid-1800s, both of these chemicals were being used as anesthetics. Chloroform is the more common substance discussed in these cinematic knockouts but actually doesn’t work as swiftly as portrayed. It usually takes several minutes to induce a state of unconsciousness with chloroform. Chloroform also causes a lot of side effects including nausea, vomiting, and skin irritation.

  Ether was discovered in the 1500s and later used as an anesthetic. It was also used to treat respiratory ailments such as asthma. Ether became popular and turned into an early party drug that people used to get high. Unfortunately, ether can’t deliver that dramatic takedown either.

  Another option for the quick movie knockout involves secretly dissolving a pill in a drink. This is often referred to as “slipping a mickey”; or a Mickey Finn. Spiked drinks in this sense contain Chloral hydrate dissolved in alcohol. Chloral hydrate is a sedative that is used in hospitals today, often to sedate children prior to procedures. Other modern movie knockout options are the so-called date rape drugs: GHB, Rohypnol, and ketamine.

  CAN YOU DIE FROM CHOKING ON YOUR OWN VOMIT, LIKE THE DRUMMER IN SPINAL TAP?

  In the movie Spinal Tap, Eric “Stumpy Joe”; Childs, the second drummer in the eponymous band, died in 1974 from choking on vomit. As the movie reveals, “The official cause of death is he died of choking on vomit. It wasn’t his own vomit. He choked on somebody else’s vomit.”;

  This event is said to have been inspired by the death of John Bonham, the drummer of Led Zeppelin. In 1980, Bonham was found dead after a drinking binge. He apparently had passed out and choked on his own vomit.

  This is a true and potentially dangerous possibility with excessive alcohol intake. Death from alcohol abuse most often occurs from aspiration. Aspiration is defined as breathing the vomit into the lungs, which causes the victim to essentially drown.

  DO PEOPLE REALLY HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES, LIKE IN SYBIL?

  The 1976 TV movie Sybil was based on a book of the same name written by Flora Rheta Schreiber. Both of these accounts were based on a real-life patient and psychiatrist but recently there has been controversy over whether the real Sybil actually had multiple personalities at all. Other movies like The Three Faces of Eve, Psycho, and Me, Myself & Irene have also dealt with multiple personality. Once this disorder was popularized in the movies, the number of diagnosed cases increased dramatically.

  Multiple personality disorder is no longer the term used to refer to this disease. It is now referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). DID is defined as a disorder where two or more distinct personality states or identities alternately control or take over a person’s mind. This disorder is a result of many factors, most commonly severe emotional stress.

  CAN YOU GET SCARED TO DEATH?

  You can scare the pants off someone or be scared shitless, scared stiff, or scared out of your wits. But is it really possible to be scared to death?

  There is significant evidence that psychological and emotional stress can increase the likelihood of a heart attack. So it makes perfect sense that the stress of fear could lead to sudden death.

  In The Hound of the Baskervilles, a famous Sherlock Holmes story that has been adapted into film several times, Sir Charles Baskerville dies of a heart attack after being frightened by a ferocious dog. An article from the British Medical Journal in 2001 entitled “The Hound of the Baskervilles Effect: A Natural Experiment on the Influence of Psychological Stress on the Timing of Death”; examines whether this phenomenon is actually true. These researchers wanted to show that people are more likely to die of a heart attack when they suffer extreme emotional stress, so they focused on the death rate on the fourth day of the month. In Japanese and Chinese cultures, the number four is associated with death and is feared and avoided. This is not true in other cultures.

  When the death rates between Japanese and Chinese Americans and white Americans were compared on the fourth of the month, the researchers found that death rates on this day peaked in the Japanese and Chinese but not in other groups. So it seems as though you can be scared to death—by the number four at least.

  CAN YOU DRINK YOURSELF TO DEATH LIKE NICHOLAS CAGE IN LEAVING LAS VEGAS?

  Even if you don’t end up choking on your own vomit, alcohol is still pretty dangerous. The consumption of even small quantities of some types of alcohol, such as methanol or rubbing alcohol, can be fatal.

  With ethanol, the alcohol that is found in vodka and wine, for example, too much can certainly lead you to the pearly gates. People often wonder how much alcohol can be life threatening. In medicine, we use the term LD50 to describe the dosage or amount of alcohol that causes death in half of the population. The LD50 for alcohol is equal to a blood-alcohol concentration of 0.4 to 0.5 percent. That would be about four to five times the amount required to make you legally drunk.

  To give an example of how much drinking this means, a hundred-pound person would need to drink about ten drinks in an hour to threaten his or her life. Our bodies tend to protect us from alcohol-related death by vomiting or passing out. The danger occurs when you puke and faint at the same time. If you are brought to the hospital, we will protect your breathing and wait for the alcohol to move out of your system. Stomach pumping for alcohol abuse is a myth since you do that yourself when you puke. Oh, and occasionally when it is a slow night in the ER, the staff will bet on who can guess your blood-alcohol level, just to pass the time. . . .

  DOES HYSTERICAL BLINDNESS REALLY EXIST?

  On an episode of King of the Hill, Hank accidentally sees his mother in bed with her new boyfriend and suddenly loses his vision. In the movie Hollywood Ending, Woody Allen’s character has the same problem because he is so nervous about the film he has to direct. So, does this sudden blindness really happen outside of the movies and TV?

  The answer is definitely yes. And it is not unusual to see these patients in the ER. Hysterical blindness can occur as a result of a psychological stress (a conversion disorder) or so
meone can intentionally fake blindness for some secondary gain (malingering)—a prisoner who says he can’t see in order to try to avoid going directly to jail. It is not difficult to figure out when patients say they are blind but can actually see. We have a simple test that lets us determine whether the eyes are functioning. Using a rotating striped drum, we test for something called optokinetic nystagmus. As the drum spins, normal eyes will be seen moving back and forth.

  If a striped rotating drum is not available, you can always use a picture of J. Lo’s rear. Move it back and forth, and any normal eyes will follow.

  Leyner: So . . .

  Gberg: Just sent you the blindness question.

  Leyner: Okay . . . just got the e-mail . . . I’m reading it now . . . hold on (to something of your own choosing).

  Gberg: Just hold on to what you’ve got. You’ve got a lot girl, you’ve got a lot. Got a lo-ovely feelin’. Hang on, hang on to what you’ve got.I may have left out a “hang on” in that musical interlude. Singing doesn’t really work on IM.

  Leyner: I think we need to explain just what that test is, then maybe make some joke about something visual that would be almost impossible not to react to, like some starlet’s muff for instance, then . . . maybe a joke about what might cause hysterical deafness.

  Gberg: Very good. Will do. Let’s focus on the intros.

  Leyner: Okay . . . let me read through the intro again. . . .

  WHAT WOULD REALLY HAPPEN IF A JUNIOR MINT FELL INSIDE SOMEONE DURING SURGERY, AS IN THE INFAMOUS SEINFELD EPISODE?

  We’re not sure that we can answer this one with any scientific references, and there probably isn’t a hospital that would allow you to study the consequences of leaving movie candy inside a patient during surgery. This is not to say that surgeons don’t occasionally leave things behind. Surgical sponges and instruments are the most common items left behind, and believe us, it has happened.

  In the Seinfeld episode, the patient makes a miraculous recovery and it is implied that the mint may have prevented infection. Although there are some reports about using granulated sugar and honey on wounds, having a Junior Mint inside your body is more likely to cause an infection. So, remember to always ask your surgeon to step out of the operating room if he or she needs a snack.

  IS IT DANGEROUS TO EAT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

  One of Mark Leyner’s favorite recent news stories is that of Armin Meiwes, a German computer technician who was convicted of murdering someone for sexual pleasure and then eating him over the next several months. Mr. Meiwes had advertised on the Internet for “well-built young men aged eighteen to thirty to slaughter.”;

  Mr. Meiwes in interviews with court psychiatrists said that his fantasies of cannabilism began as a child from watching horror films. For those film buffs who are looking for a viewing list, these movies all involve cannibalism: Alive; Eating Raoul; The Silence of the Lambs; Hannibal; The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover; and Night of the Living Dead.

  So, is it dangerous to eat another human being? I am sad to report that it really isn’t that dangerous. Human flesh holds much nutritional value and will keep you alive if your plane goes down and all you have are your fellow, more unfortunate, passengers. Unless you are eating the brain.

  A rare disease called Kuru can occur from eating human brains, which killed about 10 percent of the Fore, a New Guinea tribe of cannibals. The Fore would honor their dead by eating them. The brain was reserved for the female relatives and children. Whole villages were wiped out by this rare neurodegenerative disease.

  Kuru manifests with muscle weakness and trouble walking. The Fore would then have trouble talking and could no longer stand, sit, or even hold their heads up. Death ultimately resulted from starvation or an infection that developed when they became so sick. Researchers were very interested in this disease because it is very similar to mad cow disease.

  12:40 P.M.

  Gberg: Time really flies when you are typing away at this IM thing.

  Leyner: Are you being sarcastic?

  Gberg: No.

  Gberg: How was the lamb your mother-in-law made last night?

  Leyner: The goat you mean.

  Leyner: It was great.

  Leyner: I love goat and all things goat.

  Gberg: I made a mean beef tenderloin last night.

  Leyner: Meat, cheese, milk, etc.

  Leyner: How’d you make it?

  Gberg: In a red wine sauce, tender and delicious.

  Gberg: Did I tell you that I added in your favorite story of that German cannibal?

  Leyner: That sounds great.

  12:45 P.M.

  Leyner: I saw that . . . that’s essential and indispensable for this book.

  Gberg: What an insane story.

  Leyner: It’s a lot more common than you think. Families tend to keep cannibalism hushed up . . . I had an uncle . . .

  Gberg: I will never come to your family’s for Thanksgiving.

  Leyner: Never mind.

  Leyner: I was looking up satyriasis.

  Leyner: Speaking of goats.

  Gberg: What is satyriasis?

  Leyner: It comes from the word “satyr,” meaning part man, part goat (fond of Dionysian revelry).

  Leyner: Satyriasis: abnormal sexual craving in the male.

  12:50 P.M.

  Gberg: Says on the Internet that it is caused by extreme narcissism.

  Leyner: Really . . . I’m in the high-risk category then.

  Leyner: I can spend all day just staring at a single vein on my left bicep.

  Gberg: There are treatment options available, medication or . . . I assume that castration is not an option.

  Leyner: I’m not taking some horse suppository, son.

  Gberg: Maybe some very tight underwear?

  HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU BE SHOT AND STILL SURVIVE?

  At the end of Scarface, Tony Montana gets shot many times but doesn’t lose his ability to spew obscenities. In the hospital we believe that an innocent person will get killed by a single gunshot but the meanest, guiltiest thug can survive multiple gunshots and simply get up, curse at the doctors, and walk out.

  The truth is that it really depends on where the bullet hits you.

  IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A WEREWOLF?

  It happened in An American Werewolf in London, and who can forget Michael J. Fox as Teen Wolf? Lyncanthropy refers to the delusion that one is a wolf. This can definitely be seen in psychiatric illness, but it may be that in some cases this is not a delusion at all. The werewolf legend may have originated out of two medical conditions.

  Porphyria is a rare hereditary blood disease. There are two types of porphyria. In one type, cutaneous porphyria, the symptoms can resemble the characteristics of a werewolf. These patients become extremely sensitive to sunlight, grow excessive amounts of hair, and develop sores, scars, and discolored skin. Porphyria also leads to tightening of the skin around the lips and gums, and can make the incisors stand out (think fangs).

  Another disease that may have contributed to the werewolf myth is congenital hypertrichosis universalis, sometimes known as human werewolf syndrome. This is another rare genetic disorder that is characterized by excessive hair growth over the whole body, including the face. If you travel to Austria, you can see portraits of the first family discovered with this condition in Ambras Castle near Innsbruck.

  So, there isn’t really such a thing as a werewolf, but there is a possible medical explanation of how the stories began. Sorry, we don’t have a medical explanation for Dracula, Frankenstein, or the Abominable Snowman, but we’ll do some research and include it in our next book, Why Are Women Smarter?

  CAN YOU REALLY EXPLODE FROM EATING TOO MUCH?

  In Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, a man eats a massive feast, but one wafer-thin dinner mint puts him over the edge. He explodes all over the restaurant. With the obesity epidemic in our country, we have a great deal to worry about, but don’t expect to see people exploding at McDonald’s. People wo
n’t explode from overeating, but if you eat too many Big Macs, you can rupture your stomach.

  Stomach rupture, or gastrorrhexis, is a rare condition, although it has been reported to occur from eating too much. In a 2003 issue of Legal Medicine, Japanese scientists Ishikawa et alia, reported the case of a forty-nine-year-old man who was found dead in a public restroom after his stomach exploded from eating too much. There is no mention of what his last supper was, and therefore no reason to suspect Pop Rocks and Coke (see chapter 8, page 192).

  DO PEOPLE EVER HAVE WEBBED HANDS AND FEET LIKE THE MAN FROM ATLANTIS?

  Does anyone else remember the Man from Atlantis? Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing from Dallas) played the last man from the legendary underwater city of Atlantis. He had webbed feet and hands and gills instead of lungs. This fantastic show only lasted for one season, but it inspired a TV junkie to ask if people could really have webbed hands and feet.

  The answer is yes! People can have webbed hands and feet. Actually, it is more common than you may think, occurring anywhere from one in one thousand to one in two thousand births. There are two types of webbing: syndactyly is when two fingers or toes are fused or webbed; polydactyly involves the webbing of more than two fingers or toes. We all start life with hands and feet that resemble a duck, and between the sixth and eighth week of development, our fingers and toes separate. The failure of this separation is what leaves you looking like the Man from Atlantis.

  WHY DO YOU SEE STARS WHEN YOU ARE HIT IN THE HEAD?