Fadeout

by Rolynn Anderson

  “I didn’t rat on Frank even when I had dirt on him. What she does with Frank is completely up to her.”

  “Another good thing you did?” Bella prodded.

  After a big swallow of his gin and tonic, he walked to the window and peered out into the night. “I went to the mayor. Told him I was on to him. Had evidence against him. Would expose it if he tried to use Barker to launch his career.”

  Bella squinted at him. “You told him the Barker kids’ secret?”

  “No. I did say I’d castrate him if he ever bothered Jan, her father or our family again. And I said I’d gladly tell the whole world about his scummy politics if he made Barker into a hero.”

  “You protected all of us, Roman.”

  He shook his head, refusing the compliment. “My zeal for a story got ‘us’ in trouble in the first place.”

  A look of uncertainty crossed Bella’s face. She gazed at the ceiling. “Help me, Sidney.”

  Roman smiled at his grandmother, thinking he didn’t deserve such loyal grandparents. With Sidney gone, he’d already lost one opportunity. Kissing Bella’s weathered cheek he said, “I promise I’ll be around more, Grandma. Since I was too stubborn and self-righteous to take Sid’s advice, I’ll listen to you.”

  Her broad smile told him he’d said the right thing for once.

  “Just to prove I’ve got potential, let me tell you something I’ve figured out, okay?”

  “Good,” she said, grinning.

  He felt his heart swell, enjoying the pleasure he gave her. “Maura. I told you I needed to understand why I failed with Maura before I got into another relationship, remember?”

  She rubbed her hands together, eyes round with anticipation.

  Roman smiled. “As you know, I deep-sea dive into people’s dark pasts for a living.”

  Bella nodded.

  “Near as I could tell, Maura was perfect. Beautiful, bright, and well brought up.”

  “True. She was a lovely woman.”

  “Flawless.”

  Bella raised an eyebrow. “No one is flawless.”

  He waved the notion away. “Yet I groove on flaws. Hell, I make money off unearthing people’s weaknesses. Maura delighted me at first because she was an angel compared to my subjects. I liked our tranquil home together, in the beginning. But it got old, Grandma. I need a woman like Jan, who’s still finding herself and so full of spirit and passion. Think of how she’s stretched these past days, how brave she’s been to fight for the Barker kids. Normally she’s a runner, Grandma. Yet these past days, she stayed put and accomplished amazing things.”

  Putting her hand to her forehead, seeming to be overwhelmed by emotion, Bella nodded. “Sidney’s memorial. So perfect. And look how she brought you and your grandfather together.”

  “Toughest project of all, I am. Pigheaded. Blind. So effing sure of myself.” He let out a breath. “I’ve made so many stupid mistakes.”

  Bella sidled up to him, slipping her arm around his waist. “We’re all works in progress. The key is to admit it.”

  He shook his head. “Jan is way ahead of me and deserves so much more. Than me. Than Frank, the sleaze.”

  “What, exactly, did Frank do?”

  Roman wagged his head. “Never mind. Point is, he’s going to come off better in Jan’s judgment than I do, given all my stupid mistakes.”

  Bella gave his waist a squeeze. “Take some time, Roman. Go home. Write. Think. Keep in touch. Remember, I’m working for Jan’s father.” She winked. “I’ll always know where Jan is and what she’s doing.”

  Roman looked into his grandmother’s bright green eyes, acutely aware that the tiny woman believed in him and desperate for Bella’s optimism to spill into his own heart. He kissed his grandmother, took up his gin and tonic and drank the last swallow. “Thanks for thinking I’m worth saving, Grandma.”

  He thought about Big Ears brandishing his tire iron, prepared to do God knew what harm to Jan. I set that up.

  In spite of Bella’s brilliant caftan and her hopeful expression, Roman despaired. When he looked into his heart and a life without Jan, he saw abject darkness.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Elwood chafed on the long car ride from Palm Springs to Arroyo Grande, needing more bathroom breaks and walk-abouts than Jan did. He was whining non-stop by the time she reached the Starbucks outside Santa Barbara. “Fine,” she said as she hauled the dog out of his cage. “We’ll stroll the streets of Coast Village until you get tired. With ninety miles to go until we get home, I’m hoping you’ll sleep the last leg.”

  Giving her an in-your-dreams look, he wiggled while she clipped on his leash. When she put him on the ground he took off at a run.

  She smiled at his exuberance. He acted like a dog suddenly freed from restraints. Did she feel the same way?

  Yes, she’d say. An enthusiastic yes, after giving Frank her final goodbye, delivered in person on a weekend trip to Seattle. She was pleased that their last conversation, about where Frank could send her things, was friendly. He’d brought up her missing thumb drive, swearing he’d never stolen it from her house, but willing to admit the mayor’s goons could have done it. Still, he admitted he’d fed information to the mayor and colluded with him to promote the Barker memorial. Frank was obviously distressed to learn of the mayor’s criminal acts, vowing he had nothing to do with the threats against Jan and her family. He was genuinely relieved when Jan said she believed him, and sincerely sorrowful when Jan explained her reasons for ending their relationship.

  With a jerk on Elwood’s leash, she stopped the dog and looked around her. When she realized she was looking for Roman, she laughed out loud. “Elly, I’m nuts. Roman would not be hanging out in this cute little shopping district.”

  The dog ignored her revelation and dragged her down the sidewalk.

  In the two months she’d lived in Palm Springs, she’d tried not to think of Roman Keller. She decided it was okay to think about him now, since Coast Village was across the highway from Santa Barbara, his home.

  My home. Where is it? Not Rancho Mirage and the tiny condo with a yard no bigger than an area rug. Perpetual sun. Golf two times a week with a series of strangers. Three or four daily walks with Elwood.

  Nothing broke the quietude except phone calls with Pete and the General and Bella. A couple a week. Pete focused on making her laugh; her dad and Bella trolled for advice on the event planning business. Jan made a point of not asking about Roman, but at the end of every call Bella would say: “We hear from Roman regularly. He’s working very hard and asks us to send you his love.”

  Jan would thank Bella politely then move on to business. In fact, Jan had become the long distance consultant for “This is Your Life, Inc.” She’d turned to writing down her ideas on how to run an event planning business that focused on life celebrations carried out before a loved one died as well as after death. Why not plan parties at the beginning of dementia or life-threatening disease, before the client was robbed of personality as well as good health? So as her father and Bella posed questions, she typed up her answers, creating a thick manuscript. Lately she’d been thinking about publishing her ideas. The concept screamed “franchise,” or at least some high-priced consultancies. Twenty-first century families wanted life celebrations which most event planners weren’t set up to provide.

  Three days ago, Bella had called her. “We need your help with this client, in person, honey. It’s too complicated to explain on the phone and tricky enough that we’ve invited Pete to join us. We’ve got gossip about the mayor dropping out of the race for state legislature, which we think might be connected to the Barker family being interviewed on TV by PBS next month. Can you believe it? One minor drama I hate to mention: your front lawn sprinkler’s on the fritz. Your dad tried to fix it, but couldn’t.”

  Jan homed in on fixing her water system, seeing her house, and letting Elwood loose in her big yard. In Palm Springs, she’d had the time to pick out furniture for the master bedroom and e
-mail the information to Bella, who was chomping at the bit to order it for her. She had to admit the mystery surrounding the new and difficult client had captured her attention.

  A glance at her watch told her she’d allowed ample time to get to her house and settle in before Pete, Bella, and the General would show up. She smiled at the idea, realizing that for once, just visiting with three of her favorite people was reason enough for the trip.

  She surveyed both sides of Coast Village’s main drag as they made their way to the car, intrigued by the idea Roman might be close by. Two months in Palm Springs had given her time to reflect on the end of her relationship with Frank. Was she ready to see Roman and examine her feelings for him?

  After she loaded Elwood into his cage and shut the car door, she took a last look around. “Stay well, Roman,” she whispered.

  ****

  Roman stood under the shower, hot water pounding on his aching neck. Too many days tensed up about Jan and too many hours of close editing had created havoc with his body and his brain, raising a monstrous irony. When it came to a documentary on his life with her, no matter how hard he tried to manipulate the edits, their story was a tragedy.

  In the months she’d been gone, he’d thought about her a hundred times a day, panning through scenes when they were together. He’d tried to control the montage, focusing on the silky bathrobe event when, by charming Elwood, Roman had earned a hug and words of trust from Jan. Or the time when she stood at the back of the Mission Garden, smiling at him while he played MC at Sidney’s memorial. Zoom to the snapshot of Jan laughing at his antics with the blow-up bed, when he stomped on the pump like a country singer.

  He always hit the slow-motion button in his mind when he recalled the night they’d spent together in the bedroom, newly furnished, as a surprise, just for her. He liked to replay the trusting look on her face when she told him about her faint dreams. She’d let him touch the tender, smooth skin on the inside of her thighs and laughed when he couldn’t get his jeans off fast enough. He’d freeze-framed the moment she’d opened up to him, and made love with such boundless passion.

  One extraordinary night. One.

  Too few were the times when Jan was genuinely happy to be in Roman’s company. Most play-backs showed her disappointed, angry, or irritated with his behavior. Even the two shots of them necking failed to give him the lift he craved. She’d called him on the real reasons for his kisses every time: Getting the story. The story. The story.

  Stepping out of the shower, he dried himself and secured the towel around his waist. When he opened the cabinet drawer in search of a comb, he noticed the big bottle of pain reliever was gone. Where is her pain? Dammit, why didn’t I ask her about something as important as that? And why didn’t I interview her about the Senator? Why…?

  Frustrated, he slammed the drawer shut and finger-combed his hair. He rested his forehead on the bathroom door with his hand on the doorknob, lacking the energy to turn it. “Jazz,” he whispered. “Please.” He conjured a picture of her grinning about their steamy “Roman holiday” and let out a breath. “That’s better,” he said, and opened the door.

  Jan stood there, still as stone, her eyebrows raised.

  “Roman,” she said, her voice in neutral.

  “Hey, Jazz. I didn’t hear you come in.” God, she looked good. Tanned, her hair a little blonder. Green camisole with thin straps, khaki shorts, and bare-footed. Guinness Book long legs.

  He put out a hand to grasp her arm, concerned about startling her, worrying she might faint. If only he could hug her and thank her for showing up when he needed her.

  She stepped away, but he held on.

  He asked, “Surprise visit?”

  “No. Bella and Dad asked me to come. They’ll meet me here, along with Pete,” she glanced at her watch, “in a of couple hours.”

  Roman shook his head, realizing they’d been set up. “Interesting. Bella told me she’d pick me up in ‘a couple hours,’ to take me to dinner.”

  “And you’re showering in my house because…?”

  Leaning against the bathroom doorjamb, Roman said, “I worked up a sweat moving furniture and doing some chores Bella suggested. Thought I’d change clothes for dinner.”

  “Moving furniture?”

  “Elwood?”

  “In the yard. Happy to be home.” She glanced at the spare bedroom, looking puzzled.

  “Are you?”

  “What?” She walked to the spare bedroom, opened the door and shut it quickly.

  “Happy to be home. To see me?”

  She made for her bedroom door. Before she turned the knob she squinted at him and asked, “New furniture here?”

  “Maybe.”

  She opened the door slowly, as if the contents of the room might scare her. Roman snaked his arm around her waist prepared to hold her upright in case she fainted. He rested his chin on her shoulder. What would she think about the room? How did she like the feel of his body nestled against hers, rock-hard with need?

  She froze and gasped but he couldn’t tell whether she was reacting to the newly decorated room or his naked presence.

  ****

  Jan couldn’t breathe. She’d inhaled, but she was so keen on savoring this moment, she didn’t want to exhale. She had a bedroom; her house was finished, and the sense of stability made her happy, not jittery, not fearful. Was she glad to be home? Yes. Was she pleased a newly showered Roman and a bedroom set were her homecoming gifts? Yes!

  How to show him she was happy was easy. Roman liked her best when she was motionless, so she gave her veins the go-ahead to keep pumping, and willed every other part of her body to cease moving.

  Her skin touched his bare arms and torso. Umm. The feel of his wet hair against her ear, his smell of soapy clean, a newly scrubbed man. But most of all, the feel of his arousal, insistent against her butt. “I want you,” the hardness said. “I am yours.”

  Jan liked how he said nothing, letting his body speak for him, shouting how he wanted her and needed her.

  Exhale before you faint. This is not a good time to collapse.

  She decided he’d like her just fine if she let out a breath and shifted just a little bit, a teensy adjustment of her butt against his groin.

  His gulp of air brought a smile to her lips.

  “You like it?” he asked.

  She grasped his hands at her waist when she really wanted to reach back and remove the pesky towel from his loins. To feel more of him was what she liked. “I love it,” she answered, taking in the warm maple furniture, the king size bed covered in sheer white bedding and decorated with bright yellow and green pillows. “Thank you,” she said. “This is the way I saw it in my mind.” Would he know she’d included him in her compliment?

  At that moment, a picture formed in her brain of a lifelong relationship with Roman, her faint-dream come true. Tension raced out of her body, leaving her relaxed and calm. She hummed softly.

  He must have felt the vibration of her humming and noted the change in her body, because he spooned closer to her, kissed her on the neck and nudged her to look at a picture sitting on a side table.

  He walked with her to the bed where she picked up the picture and touched it reverently. “He’s where he belongs, finally,” she said, her voice a thread of sound. When she turned her face to his, her brilliant smile warming him, she asked, “Did you help get the Senator’s bust in front of the Institute?”

  “I might have had a modicum of influence.”

  She set the picture down. “Thank you for whatever you did. Harry deserves his place in the sun.”

  “He does, Jazz.” Roman looked at his watch. “We have a problem,” he said, tilting her chin.

  She put her arms around his waist and pushed her fingers under the towel. When she heard him groan, she smiled. “Where is the problem?”

  “It’s a package deal,” he said, looking earnestly into her eyes.

  She could tell he wasn’t sure of her answer.


  “Oh?”

  “I come with the bedroom set.”

  She grinned at his double entendre, charmed that he seemed worried she wouldn’t like his proposal. “I see,” she said, her fingers working their way to the front of his towel.

  “Jazz?” he croaked.

  “Is there a thirty-day trial period?” she asked, trying to keep her tone light even when she knew it was the most important question she’d ever ask.

  With a shake of his head, he kissed her hard. His hands framing her face, he drew away. “No returns, Jazz.”

  She pretended to be annoyed at his conditions. He looked worried again. Jan kissed his eyes and the crinkled lines around them. “Sold,” she said, firmly.

  “What?” His eyebrows went up, as if he’d heard her say “No.”

  Her hands stilled on the towel front. “Roman, why would you take a chance on a woman like me with a history of running?”

  The smile that suffused his face brought tears to her eyes. This man was so sure of her. Why?

  He kissed her nose. “I realized you’d know better than anyone else how important commitment is. If you said yes to me, we’d be a couple for eternity.”

  Jan drew in a breath, amazed at how well he’d pegged her. He was right. If only she’d seen the positive side of what she’d always considered her weakness. But this was her man, Roman Keller, a tireless searcher for truth, who’d dug deeply enough to find the best thing about her.

  “Sold,” she said. “Yes.” Then she kissed him soundly and fumbled with the pesky towel.

  He grabbed her hands and brought her fingers to his lips. “I love you, Janice Solvang. In the two months you’ve been gone, I’ve been working hard on me, trying to figure out why I’ve been such a blockhead.” Jan patted his hair, pretending she felt points and edges.

  Indulging her by holding his head still, he smiled. “I love you for who you are right this minute.” Replacing her hands on the towel, he cocked an eyebrow. “I’m the one who’s the work in progress. With your help, I’ll be a man that you, your dad, Sid, and Bella are proud of. Together we’ll listen to the stories of the dead and their survivors, and we’ll do them justice when we speak of them.” He gave her a sheepish look. “But I’ll need a ton of help and a slew of holidays.”