What If You & Me

by Roni Loren

  He smiled. “God bless dirty books.”

  “Amen. Hallelujah,” she said right before taking him into her mouth again and making his eyes roll back in his head.

  He couldn’t hold himself up anymore. He fell back onto his elbows and closed his eyes, the wet heat of Andi’s mouth putting him into some trancelike state. But when she cupped his balls and took him deep to the back of her throat, he nearly levitated off the bed. He reached out, cradling her face, and easing back. “On the bed, Andi.”

  She sat back on her calves, lips slick and eyes a little dazed. He liked that look, like she was blissed out, too. He reached for her, helping her to her feet. Goddamn she looked like a fantasy—hair mussed, beautifully naked, skin flushed. How the hell had he gotten so lucky? The sweet, funny woman who’d baked him brownies, the one he’d try to scare off with rudeness, had just given him the blow job of his life and now was going to be in his bed.

  He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this moment, but he wasn’t going to question the universe and his good fortune right now.

  He stood, pulling Andi against him and kissing her, their bodies pressed together skin to skin, and then he guided her down on the bed. She stretched out against his pillows, her hair fanning out, and her gaze tracked over him with hungry heat. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached down to remove his prosthesis. He didn’t want anything in the way with Andi.

  He made quick work of it, leaving the sock on that covered his residual limb, and set his prosthesis next to the bed. He pulled open the bedside table’s drawer, grabbed a condom, checked the expiration date, and set it on top of the comforter. When he turned his body back toward Andi, she was watching him, biting her lower lip. He reached out and brushed her hair away from her face. “Still with me?”

  She gave him a soft smile. “You better not leave me hanging this time.”

  He laughed. “Promise.”

  ***

  Andi’s skin was burning up. She was so turned on, she was afraid spontaneous human combustion might actually be a thing, but seeing the condom also made this feel very real. She was going to sleep with Hill, have sex with her neighbor.

  Yes, they were only friends. No, this was nothing serious. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a monumental thing for her. The last time she’d tried to have sex with someone, she’d panicked the minute the guy had rolled on the condom. Flashbacks had hit her hard and fast, yanking her into the past and killing every ounce of sexual interest she’d had.

  This felt different than that time. She felt safe with Hill. Present in a way she hadn’t before.

  Hill shifted closer. She could feel him watching her, gauging her mood. Honesty. She needed to be honest. She reached out and squeezed his bicep. “I’m getting in my head.”

  He nodded, expression serious. “Need to stop?”

  “No. I want this. I just…” She didn’t know how to articulate it.

  He scooted closer and put his hand on her hip. He traced a finger right above her pubic bone, making her inner muscles clench. “How about this? You let me make you feel good. If you want to stop after that, the lube you suspect I have will make an appearance, and I’ll take care of myself with my hand. There is no pressure to have sex tonight.”

  The thought of him stroking himself next to her wasn’t exactly a deterrent. That sounded hella hot, but she also ached for the full experience, feeling him inside her, getting past this hurdle. She didn’t want to back out. But she also knew that sometimes her anxiety won despite her best intentions. This would give her an out. The fact that Hill intuitively knew how to give her an option that wouldn’t make the night feel like a failure if she had to tap the brakes made her want to kiss him again.

  “That sounds perfect,” she said, putting her hand over his and guiding it lower, dragging his fingertips over the hot, wet part of her.

  Hill smiled that sinful smile of his and shifted into position. He braced his arms on each side of her and climbed between her legs. “Put your legs over my shoulders.”

  She did as she was told and watched as he lowered himself down and dragged his tongue over her aching flesh. Every feminine cell in her body clenched, and desire flooded her anew, a squeaking sound escaping her throat. He smiled up at her with smug confidence as he tucked two fingers inside of her. It was a smile that said I got this. A smile that said fuck you to her anxiety. A smile that said they were going to win the battle tonight.

  Hill went back to work, laving and sucking and teasing her clit, and rubbing that sensitive spot inside her, bringing her to the edge of orgasm again in minutes.

  “Oh, God.” Her heels dug into his back and her fingers gripped his comforter. “Hill, I’m gonna—”

  This time he didn’t back off, though. He doubled down. Her head tipped back, and her back curved as she rocked against his mouth, the pleasure seizing her and forcing her body to move without her permission. Then every ounce of tension that had been building exploded into a million bits of light behind her eyes and she cried out, loud enough that she startled herself with the sound of it.

  Holy shit. Holy shit.

  Hill didn’t stop, and the orgasm climbed higher, higher than she realized it could go, making her babble nonsense and squirm on the bed. She slapped her hand against the mattress not sure if she was asking for mercy or for more. She gasped Hill’s name.

  His hand gripped the back of her thigh as he lifted his head. “Tell me what you want, Andi,” he said, breathless and urgent. “I need to hear it.”

  She was out of breath, panting, her body still quaking with aftershocks, but she still wanted more. She wanted Hill. “Use the condom,” she managed to get out. “Please. Now.”

  The bed bounced as he moved. “Are you sure? You want this. I need to hear you say that.”

  She opened her eyes, her vision clearing in the low lamplight. She found him braced on one hand and knee, condom between his fingers, his cheeks flushed. She licked her lips. “I want you.”

  Relief crossed his face, and he tore open the condom. He rolled it on. “Get on your side, gorgeous,” he said, stretching out next to her. “It will be easier this way.”

  She did as she was told and soon he was behind her, spooning her. He guided her top leg to bend at the knee, opening her body to him, and the head of his cock nudged her. Hill slid his hand between her legs, stroking her clit, sending sparks through her again, and then he eased inside. The feel of him stretching her was both foreign and delicious. She wasn’t a virgin and knew her way around a sex toy, but this wasn’t silicon. Hill’s cock was thick and hard and hot, filling her in a way that made all her inner muscles clench and squeeze tight.

  “Fuck, Andi,” Hill groaned against her ear, his fingers still working her as he slowly pumped inside her. “You feel like a dream.”

  “Please don’t let this be a dream,” she murmured.

  He pressed his lips against the curve of her neck and fucked her slow and deep, ramping up her body again. “You’re going to come again for me.”

  She didn’t think that was possible after the blinding orgasm she’d had. When she was alone, she was a one-and-done girl. But the confidence in his voice had a shiver of pleasure shooting straight downward, and her inner muscles twitched again.

  Hill picked up the pace, his heart beating against her back, and he stroked her with expert fingers as he rocked his hips against her. Her breath quickened, tension building fast and low. The mattress squeaked beneath them.

  “Put your hand between your legs,” he whispered. “Feel what I’m feeling.”

  She listened without thinking and found his fingers, slick with her own arousal, moving over her clit. He took her hand and pressed her own fingers against herself. His cock slid against her fingertips as he fucked her, and the images that conjured in her brain sent her over. She cried out, her orgasm striking like lightning.

  He
groaned against her, a grinding, primal sound, and he pumped into her harder and faster, their bodies now sticky with sweat. She gasped, the feel of it all stealing her breath, and just as another wave of pleasure rolled through her, his body tensed against her and he cried out. His shout reverberated through the room, and she ate up the sound, his obvious pleasure filling her with pure feminine satisfaction.

  They’d done it. They’d won. At least for tonight. Their demons were stuck out on the porch without an invitation to the party. Andi wanted to throw a goddamn ticker-tape parade.

  Fuck you, Evan Longdale. Look what I found.

  A few minutes later, when she and Hill were both quietly panting, their hearts still racing, Hill pressed his face into her hair. “Tell me you’re okay, Andi.”

  She closed her eyes, a smile stretching her lips, and she snuggled back against him. “I’m very, very okay.”

  She could feel his body relax in relief. “Me too.”

  The simple admission that he’d been fighting something too made her heart squeeze, made something altogether not neighborly move through her. She shook the feeling away.

  Careful there, Lockley.

  Chapter Twenty

  Hill stepped out of the bathroom after a quick shower and found Andi dressed again and sitting cross-legged on his bed as she scrolled through her phone. He would’ve invited her into the shower with him, but he didn’t feel comfortable having her see what he referred to in his head as his old man’s bathroom with the bench and handrails he’d had to install on the wall.

  She hadn’t noticed him yet, so he stood in the doorway for a moment, watching her as she scrolled. She’d gathered her hair into a messy bun atop her head, and her cheeks still wore the flush of a night well spent. Effortlessly sexy. He had no idea how a woman like her was sitting there on his bed in front of him right now. Part of him kept expecting to wake up from an erotic dream.

  She turned finally and caught him staring. An indulgent smile lit her face. “Hey there.”

  “Hey.” He stepped inside the bedroom. “You’re dressed. I can lend you a T-shirt to sleep in if you need it.”

  She set her phone on the side table and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging them. “I’m not going to sleep over. Since this is a just-friends thing, I thought we should maybe not blur lines.” She glanced at the bed with a little frown. “Plus, to be honest, I’m not sure I could fall asleep with a guy next to me.”

  He sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. “Because you’re a bed hog or something else?”

  She sighed and looked up. “The last time a guy slept next to me was that last night with Evan. He wrapped an arm over me, and I’ve never felt so scared or so trapped as I did those few hours. I’m afraid if I wake up in the middle of the night with your arm around me or something, I’ll freak out.”

  The admission made Hill’s heart twist. This sweet, lovable woman couldn’t even be held without being reminded of the terror she went through. He reached out and squeezed her foot. “I’m sorry.”

  She gave him a little nod, a humorless smile touching her lips. “Me too. You’d be fun to cuddle with. Maybe some other time, on the couch.”

  “Deal,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “I can walk you back over to your side, make sure you get in safe.”

  “I’d like that,” she said, taking his hand and letting him help her to her feet.

  He walked her out of the bedroom, and she snagged her shoes from where she’d left them, the spell that had woven around them tonight already receding. Reality was a pushy sonofabitch. She leaned into him with easy affection, softening some of the unease moving through him. He had the overwhelming urge to say Don’t go, but he knew that wouldn’t be fair. He needed to give her the space she was asking for. And she was right, it probably was best not to blur boundaries. Sleeping over, waking up next to someone, could be more intimate than sex.

  He unlocked the front door, the humid night air and the sound of crickets enveloping them, and walked Andi over to her side. She turned to him, shoes hanging from one hand, and smiled at him. She pushed up on her toes and kissed him—a soft, lingering kiss that had his blood heating again. When she pulled away, she gave his T-shirt a little tug. “I had a really great time tonight.”

  “Me too,” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

  “We should do this again sometime soon,” she said, her smudged mascara making her blue eyes even brighter.

  “We should.” He considered her, an earlier idea creeping back in. “You wouldn’t happen to be available Saturday night, would you?”

  She gave him a flirty look. “I could be. Why? What’d you have in mind?”

  He cringed. “A completely cheesy, embarrassing firehouse event that I somehow got roped into participating in. It’s going to be horrible.”

  She laughed. “Well, with a sales pitch like that…”

  “I know. Sorry.”

  She leaned back against her front door, gaze curious. “What kind of cheesy event?”

  “My best friend, Ramsey, is in charge of this year’s charity event for burn victims, and he got the brilliant idea to do a bachelor auction,” he said, dread in his voice. “And somehow he guilted me into agreeing to participate.”

  Andi’s expression lit with interest. “A bachelor auction? Like people bid on firefighters to take on dates?”

  “Well, to take to that night’s event, which apparently will involve food, booze, dancing, and karaoke.” Hill braced himself for a hell no. He would say hell no if he could.

  But Andi bit her lip, her eyes smiling. “Tipsy firefighters and karaoke? This sounds amazing.”

  He laughed at her enthusiasm. “It’s going to be a nightmare. But I was thinking if you wanted to go, maybe I could give you the money to bid on me? Save me from a night of awkward conversation with a stranger?”

  She snorted. “You introverts are so adorable. Stranger danger means a whole different thing to y’all. And of course I’ll go and bid on you.” She tilted her chin up haughtily. “As if I’d let some other chick or dude get their hands on you. No way. I’m an only child. I don’t share.”

  Relief moved through him, and he cupped her face to kiss her soundly. “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t seen me with a few drinks in my system and a karaoke machine within reach. It can get ugly real fast.” She gave him a knowing nod. “I’m talking show tunes and power ballads.”

  He chuckled. “I’ll take my chances.”

  “Then I will happily agree to join you on Saturday.” She patted his chest and yawned. “But right now, I’m going to collapse face-first on my bed. Someone wore me the hell out.”

  He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Get some rest, neighbor.”

  “Sweet dreams, Hill.”

  She went inside, and he waited until he heard the lock click and her alarm activated. For the first time in a while, he didn’t dread the night. His body was sated, his sheets smelled like Andi, and he had a date Saturday night. Things were looking up.

  ***

  Andi woke up early the next morning and edited the cooking video she’d made with Hill, grinning through the whole process. She knew they’d had fun together, but seeing it on-screen underlined how right she was. Hill would be great at teaching people to cook. He was so patient with her, gently guiding her through the process without making her feel inept when he had to step in and help. Plus, he looked fantastic on camera.

  She posted the video to her readers and podcast followers and then went back to working on her manuscript. Over the last two weeks, she’d hit a bit of a stride with it and felt like if she kept it up, she’d have something sellable to present to her agent. Today, she’d decided to put in a love scene between the heroine and the guy who was helping her evade the killer. She hadn’t planned for a romance between the t
wo, but somehow, there it was.

  She blamed her neighbor.

  An hour and a half into writing, she took a break to get a refill on coffee and opened up the video again. Comments had poured in.

  shura_blaese: Whoa, who’s the hot chef?

  HorrorBelle4Life: Omg, y’all are so cute together!

  Dariaduzdetecting: What dis? More murder pls.

  marvinasakitas00: Never trust a man who knows how to handle a knife that well.

  Andi smirked at that one. Her followers were her people—always looking for the murderous potential in others.

  Lizzy_Boredom: Get it, girl. I hope dragon noodles were followed by canoodling. Ha. See what I did there?

  Andi snorted, recognizing the screen name Eliza used on her nonprofessional accounts.

  TruCrymDiva: Where can I find his channel? And his number? :-p

  Andi texted Hill the link.

  Andi: You’re a star, dahling. Everyone wants a taste of what you’re cooking.

  He didn’t immediately respond so she continued to scroll the comments, knowing she needed to get back to work but the pull of the internet was too strong to resist. It was too much fun reading what people thought of Hill.

  Andi skimmed along a few more comments, smiling to herself, but then her gaze snagged on one.

  KingXLeer: Ooh, Man-Hater let a guy near her. Don’t get 2 close, dude. She’ll cut ur dick off & serve it 4 breakfast.

  Andi’s jaw clenched. “What the hell?”

  A few of her followers had commented back to the guy with a few STFU’s and orders for him to run back to his troll cave. But supporters had also chimed in for him.

  ShanetheReaper67: Inorite? All she does is whine about how horrible men are. A dude probably can’t hold dis bitch’s hand without being called a rapist. Prediction: this guy will be charged with something b4 she’s done with him. Run, man!

  KingXLeer: I’d like 2 give Man-Hater something to cry rape about.

  A sick feeling rolled through Andi. She was used to people being assholes on the internet. Being a woman online meant creepers and haters thought they had a right to come at you, especially when you were traipsing around in the male-dominated land of horror fiction. But the anger and threat behind these comments stirred a different kind of unease. This felt more personal than the garden-variety trolls who sometimes popped up.