Trouble Loves Company

by Angie Daniels

  Peaches stepped into the room, then dropped her hands to the waist of her low-riding jeans as he spat, “That’s yo’ bottom lip ya smelling. Now shut up and go get dressed.”

  I gasped and snickered at the same time. That’s my girl.

  Reverend Brown looked at Peaches for the longest time, eyes blinking. I was hoping he wasn’t going to punch Peaches in the mouth because if he did, we would’ve jumped out and handled that mothafucka gangsta-style. Instead, he stared over at him with his hands cupped in front of him before he finally replied in a soft baby voice, “Yes, Mommy.”

  Yes, Mommy? Hold the fuck up.

  Danielle and I turned to each other and even in the dim closet I could see her stunned expression. What’s really going on?

  Like a good little boy, Leroy moved to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Peaches looked over at the closet and squinted her eyes like he was trying to see if we were inside. I quickly stuck out a couple of fingers so she would know the show was about to begin.

  Peaches was doing the damn thing. Micro braids were hanging loose around her shoulders. I could see she was wearing long Lola Falana eyelashes and had her lips painted red. His slender body was wearing the hell out of a pair of white Capri jeans and a halter top exposing a flat stomach and a pierced belly button. She looked like a pretty teenage girl.

  I watched as she moved over to the radio and tuned the station to KISS 106.1. They were playing oldies but goodies. The Black-Eyed Peas’ female singer was talking about her lady lumps, and Peaches was wiggling her little flat ass. By the end of the song, the bathroom door opened, and Leroy came out. My mouth dropped to the floor. There he stood in the middle of the room, wearing a big-ass diaper with a pacifier in his mouth.

  It was a good thing the music was on loud because Danny started laughing. I quickly clamped a hand over her mouth. “Be quiet or you’re gonna ruin everything,” I warned softly near her ear. Danny nodded and I slowly removed my hand. I pressed the red button on the camcorder and started filming. I ain’t never seen no crazy shit like that before. Leroy was walking around the room like he was an eighteen-month-old baby.

  “Good boy,” Peaches replied. He was getting a kick out of playing the mama. He handed Leroy a rattle— he dropped his pacifier and started shaking the toy up and down and laughing.

  “Goo goo, gaga.”

  I turned to Danielle and we started laughing and covering our own mouths at the same time. I almost dropped the camcorder. This shit was better than a movie. He reminded me of that cartoon character Baby Huey. My brain was already churning. I couldn’t wait to see his wife’s face when she got a copy of this tape. Leroy crawled around the floor, playing with his rattle, then tossed it across the room. Peaches retrieved it and as soon as he gave it back to Baby Louie, he tossed it again, laughing and hitting Peaches upside his head.

  “Bad baby. I’m going to spank you for that”

  I wanted to laugh so bad I was ready to pee on myself. Peaches took a seat on the bed and had Baby Louie lie across his lap with his head facing the closet. She spanked him across his butt and Leroy wailed like a baby although what I saw was smiles while he howled in pleasure. It seemed that the sick bastard liked being spanked.

  “Now, go play and be a good boy,” Peaches said with a pat to the head.

  Sniffling, Baby Louie climbed off her lap and moved over to the floor to play with a small ball. He rolled onto his back and played with his toy while gurgling and slobbering like he was teething. After a while he stopped playing and stared over at the door. He was lying so still I just knew he could see us in that closet My pulse raced. Oh boy, now what?

  “What are you doing?” Peaches asked in a sweet-potato-pie voice. He walked over to where the baby was lying on the floor and sniffed. “Did you boo-boo on yourself?” he asked, and Baby Louie started sucking his bottom lip and began crying. I wanted to say, nah, that’s Danny’s stinky ass you smell. Peaches moved closer, then leaned over and put his nose down near his rear. “Ugh! You did boo-boo on yourself.”

  Baby Louie started crying hard and sounded so pitiful, I almost felt sorry for him.

  “There, there, don’t cry. Mama’s gonna change you then I’m going to give you a bottle and put you to sleep.” Peaches took his hand and led him over to the bed where he made him lie down. While Baby Louie lay there crying and slobbering all over the damn place, Peaches moved over to a small duffel bag and removed a clean diaper and a pack of baby wipes. I looked over at Danielle with my brow raised. I know he ain’t about to do what I think he’s about to do. I looked back in the camera as Peaches unpinned the diaper and, damn ... Baby Louie really had shit in his pants. Hell, nah! Peaches pulled off the funky diaper, then wiped his big, black ass with a baby wipe. I couldn’t contain my laughter, and neither could Danielle. We both tried to hold it in the best we could, but it was impossible, and by the look on his face, I could tell Leroy had heard us.

  “Oh shit,” Danielle mumbled.

  Shit was right. She was laughing and groaning at the same time until the smell radiated over to my side of the closet. I thought I was going to pass out. Danielle’s stanky ass had farted one of those quiet, hot farts that smells so bad you can’t breathe, or you’ll throw up if you do. I tried to quiet her and hold my breath at the same time and couldn’t. The smell from the closet and the room was just too much to bear.

  “I’ve got to get home so I can go to the toilet.”

  We burst out the closet at the same time. Leroy was lying there like a good little boy while Peaches pinned on a clean diaper. As soon as the doors flew open, Peaches fell backwards onto the floor with a thump.

  “What the ...” Sitting up, Leroy’s voice trailed off and his eyes grew large when he noticed me standing there. “What is going on?”

  Still on the floor, Peaches sucked her gold teeth and faked ignorance. “That’s what I wanna know, too.”

  Danielle pushed past me and dashed into the bathroom, leaving me to face Leroy alone. He looked like he was ready to beat my ass, so I swallowed and put on a tough front real fast. Maybe I’m crazy, but I ain’t that damn crazy to think that mothafucka wouldn’t hit me.

  “What’s goin’ on? I should be asking you that, lying here in a big-ass diaper.”

  His demeanor changed as he suddenly remembered he was role-playing. “Why are you in my house?”

  “I wanted to confront you in person about what you did to Kayla.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you do and if you ever touch her again, I’ll show this tape to everyone.”

  I could tell he hadn’t noticed I was holding a camcorder because his expression changed to rage. He jumped off the bed and tried to lunge at me, but Peaches had pinned one side of his diaper to the mattress, so when he tried to jump forward, he got yanked backwards and his head hit the headboard.

  “Ow!” he cried, then struggled to free himself. Peaches looked from me to him, confused about what she should do before going to lend Leroy a hand.

  By the look on his face, I knew it was time to get out of there. “Danny, let’s go!” I heard the toilet flush and I went back to the closet to retrieve the Polaroid camera. As I came around the bed, Leroy rolled off and came at me. I panicked and did the only thing I could do with my hands full. I kicked him hard in the nuts.

  He screamed and buckled over in pain. I pushed and he fell onto the bed, then I jumped around him quick just as Danielle came out of the bathroom.

  “Let’s go!” I grabbed Danielle’s hand, then dropped it. “I hope yo’ stanky ass washed after you flushed.”

  “Nae-Nae, shut up,” she spat, then signaled for Peaches to come with us. “Leroy, don’t try and follow us, otherwise we gon’ tell everybody you’re a freak.”

  Peaches fanned her hand. “Damn, Renee, what’s that smell?”

  “That’s Danielle’s stanky ass.”

  She shrugged. “I ate some bad beef. Let’s go.”

  We dashed o
ut the door and rushed into my rental car and pulled off. I couldn’t believe we had done it, but the evidence was right inside that camcorder.

  “Y’all bitches are crazy!” Peaches threw her hands in the air.

  I smirked. “Yes, we are!” We all started laughing and talking at the same time. It was too hilarious. “Peaches, I can’t believe you changed his diaper!”

  “Yeah, right,” Danielle chimed in. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  She sucked her teeth and leaned forward on the backseat. “I’ll do anything that fool wants as long as the price is right.” She waved a stack of twenty-dollar bills at us.

  I was driving and looking over my shoulder at the same time. “Hell, nah! He’s pays you to be his damn mama. Shit, that’s crazy!”

  “His mother died when he was a little boy. I guess he misses having a mother figure in his life,” Peaches replied around a snort.

  I shook my head as I turned at the next corner. “And I thought I had seen and read it all. You know this shit is gonna end up in one of my books, right?”

  “We know.” Danielle advanced the film in the camera and I heard it rewind. “I’m taking this right to the one-hour photo tomorrow.”

  “How come you didn’t just use your phone?” Peaches asked.

  Danielle frowned. “Uh-uh, I don’t want that shit sitting in my cloud forever.”

  “I know that’s right.” I grinned. “Before I drop y’all off, I’m going to take this tape over to Tommy’s so he can get it copied and distributed. Wait ’til the first lady sees this shit.”

  “Ooh, I will definitely be at church on Sunday.”

  Peaches gave her usual throaty, goofy laugh and we joined right in. It was too hilarious for words. After a while, we grew quiet and listened to the English singer Ella Mai blaring from the radio.

  “You think Reverend Brown is gonna take it out on Kayla?” Danielle asked.

  I pondered that thought for a minute. He wasn’t supposed to know we were in the closet videoing him, but now that he knew, the first person he was going to contact was Kayla. There was no way I was getting her mixed up in this shit. “I’ll ask Tommy to go and pay him a visit.” I picked up my phone and while I drove, I told him everything that went down. He agreed to grab two of his boys and go by and see if he could catch Leroy before he left the house. Relieved, I still thought it would be a good idea if I went and hung out with Kayla just to make sure.

  I turned my car at the next corner and noticed a white Impala waiting for the light to change. “Danny, isn’t that your car?”

  “Where?” She broke her neck trying to look through the windshield.

  Peaches started laughing. “Yep, and that’s Nita’s sticky-finger ass behind the wheel.”

  “Hell, nah!” For the right price, Nita could steal anything out of the store, and I do mean anything.

  “Nae-Nae, turn this car around now!” Danny was hot and seconds away from blowing a fuse. I drove to the corner, then after looking both ways, made an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street and zoomed up to the corner. I watched the Impala make a left turn and I would have also made the fight if it wasn’t for some slow-ass Volvo driver in front of me who chose to stop instead of running the yellow light.

  “Dammit! Move!” Danielle screamed. She was pissed and I don’t blame her. Her man stole her car and now had his ghetto-fabulous-ass mama driving it.

  As soon as the light changed, I started blowing my horn so the Volvo would hurry and get out of the way. Luckily, they pulled over and I zoomed past the car and down the road.

  “Which way did she go?” I asked, looking in both directions. She was nowhere in sight.

  Peaches pointed straight ahead. “There she is, in front of that Expedition!”

  Following his directions, I spotted the car a couple feet ahead. I drove through a yellow light and followed the car as she made a right at the next corner.

  “His mama wasn’t allowed to drive my car while we were together so I don’t know what makes him think she can drive it now with her non-driving ass. He’s got life twisted!” Danielle kept mumbling on and on about the rent-to-own company calling her house asking her to let Nita know her furniture payment was past due. Drama, like I said, she can’t live without it.

  Nita pulled into the housing project and parked outside a beat-up-looking unit. Some girl with her butt on her back came out and climbed in.

  Peaches was starting to get excited in the backseat. “That’s Ron’s sister, Carmen. She ain’t nothing but a crackhead.”

  I pulled up alongside the Impala and Danny rolled down her window.

  “Uh, excuse me, Nita, but that’s my car you’re driving.”

  Nita’s do-rag-wearing ass looked surprised, then pissed. “Nah, it ain’t. Dis Ronny’s ride,” she said angrily.

  “How you gonna tell me whose car you’re driving? You and Carmen would want to get out of my car,” Danny demanded, her neck rolling.

  “I ain’t got time to be gettin’ in the middle of y’all mess,” Nita said with a look of disgust “You gonna have to take dat up wit’ my son later. I just got my food stamps and we fin to go grocery shopping.” She peeled off down the road and by the time I reached the end of the corner, Nita was lost in the dust. We were sitting there, engine idling. I was cracking up.

  “Girl, you’re always in the middle of some ghetto-ass shit!”

  Danielle was shaking her head. “I don’t know why I always get the rejects.” She reached for her phone. “He’s got life twisted if he thinks he’s not comin’ up off my car.” I guarantee you she’s calling Ron.

  Peaches clicked her tongue. “Nita and Carmen shop at Moser’s.”

  I glanced over at Danielle. “You want me to drive over and see if she’s there? While they’re inside shopping you can hop in your car and take off.”

  “Nah, as triflin’ as his mother is, I can’t do that and leave her stranded.”

  “Why not? She can catch an uber.”

  Danielle shook her head. “Nah, don’t worry ’bout it I’ll get it later.”

  “Whatever you say.” I pulled off and listened as she and Ron argued on the phone. Danny didn’t want her car back because as long as Ron had it, she still had a connection to him.

  Chapter 17

  Renee

  After I dropped Danielle and Peaches off, I went over and hung out with Kayla until Tommy called and said he had “put fear in that nigga’s heart.” Knowing Tommy, he made Leroy shit his pants again. I was cracking up and tried to give Kayla the details, but she put her hands over her ears and refused to hear anything else after I mentioned that big-ass diaper. I don’t know how she can sit back and feel sorry for him after everything he has done to her, but Kayla has a forgiving soul just like Big Mama. Nevertheless, Kayla did agree to view part of the tape when the copies are made. I was relieved to hear that she’d had the locks changed. We played a couple of hands of Uno, then I headed over to drop the tape off. After shooting the bull with Tommy and his boy Pooky, I headed to the hotel. The day had worn me out.

  When I got back to my room, I glanced down at my cell phone and realized I had one missed call. I turned up my nose when I read the name displayed: Paul Perry.

  I dropped my keys and phone on the dresser, then removed my shoes and lay back on the bed. I wasn’t sleepy. Not yet My mind was racing with too many thoughts. As much as I tried to clear my head, Paul was still on my mind. His call reminded me that staying with John wasn’t the only thing Lisa had asked me to do.

  I remember staring out the window of her room, hoping to hold it together while pleading with my sister not to ask that one thing of me.

  “Renee, you’ve got to make peace with him so you can move on with your life.”

  Her words still echo in my mind. I remember telling her she was wrong. Paul no longer had a hold on me. But she didn’t believe me. In a weak voice, Lisa told me only hours before surgery I had to find a way to forgive our stepfather.

  To me,
forgiving him was like saying it was okay for the way he had treated me, as if it was no big deal. But that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t as simple as someone stepping on my feet or forgetting to send me a Christmas card and then saying I’m sorry. It just wasn’t going to be that easy to forgive. What I had experienced, what I had felt—it took years to get there.

  As a child, I was blamed for everything. That was pretty much the way it was, growing up with him. Lisa was his favorite and my brother, his only biological child, could do no wrong. I never knew my real father. He was murdered when I was very young. My mother was rarely home and when she was, she was always on the phone or too busy to care. She was mentally ill even then, but I was too young to understand. Besides, Mama was so pretty no one wanted to admit something was wrong with her, including Big Mama. Then she started drinking and picked up the crack habit and there was nothing we could do for her then. I haven’t seen her in years. I love her and think about her often, but I just don’t have room for any more heartaches in my life.

  It was bad enough I grew up with a mother with a habit and a mental thing going on. Bernice had an excuse. She was sick and there was nothing she could do for me but go get help, which she had tried countless times and failed. But Paul, my stepfather— that’s a different story. He didn’t have an excuse for turning his back on me. It was as if the day he divorced my mother, I was no longer his problem.

  It’s funny how I’ve suppressed so many things about my past and still can’t remember, but there are certain things you never forget. It’s sad. It really is, and when I sit back, thinking about it, even now I want to cry. Those should have been the best years of my life. Instead, they’re too painful to even think about. Growing up with not one but two dysfunctional parents is something no child should have to endure.

  I remember when my parents were still married. Mom was working at the hospital—I can’t remember doing what. So, after Paul got home from his accounting job, he was stuck watching the three of us. Bedtime was at eight o’clock. Even if the sun was still out, we had to bathe and get in the bed. Lisa and I shared a room, so we’d slide into our matching twin-size beds and talk until we both drifted off to a better world in our dreams. On one particular night, I remember Paul was working late—it was tax season, and everybody was trying to make that paper. Mama had to leave for work early, so she had put us to bed and left around seven.