by Robin Roseau
"I don't care. You are evil to treat me this way."
"You could have ended it at any time."
"And so you justify your treatment of me. I see whatever love you faked is long gone."
She didn't respond to that.
“You’re just as guilty as anyone for what is happening to me,” I said. “I hope you’re proud.” I gestured to Vérundia. “You’re a filthy liar, but everyone who has helped her treat me like this is guilty of what she has done.”
Larien looked down at the floor, not responding.
Vérundia spoke. Larien turned to her and replied. The two talked for a minute. Finally Larien asked me, "Do you think you can walk?"
"I don't know. I doubt it."
"We'll help," she said. And by that, she meant the maids, because I had come back enough to hiss at anyone else who grew close.
And so they made me stand, and we walked, but it wasn't far. We entered a room, and the king and queen of Alteara waited for me.
* * * *
I didn't bow. When they saw how much help I needed, the king muttered something, and the queen turned a chair. The maids brought me to it and then they were gone.
Chairs were rearranged. I stared blankly. Finally the queen spoke "Lady Yallameenara."
Whatever fire had come back was fading fast. I looked at her blankly for a minute, then I said, "I will be dead before we know."
"That is not true," said the king. And then he leaned forward and fingered my hair. I looked down.
And I saw white.
"No," I whispered. "Or it's all white because I'm dying."
"No, Yallameenara. You see?" And he showed me more. And then the queen stood and retrieved the mirror, taking it from the wall. She moved in front of me until I could see my own reflection.
My hair still had a long way to go before it would be as long as Larien's, but it was black to below my ears, and then, just like hers, it turned pure white. But it was opposite hers, starting higher on the right and lower on the left. On the right, it nearly disappeared to the black. On the left, there were about two inches of white.
I stared for a long time.
"It doesn't matter," I said.
"It does."
"Not to me. Not after this." I looked down at myself, and I thought I was wearing the dress to hide my appearance.
I moved forward on the chair, and then I gathered the hem of the dress and began pulling it from my body. Vérundia hurried forward and grabbed my hands, stopping me, and I was far too weak to fight her.
"Afraid?" I asked. "Afraid to let them see?"
"See what?" the queen asked.
"What she has done to me."
The king spoke sharply, and sharply again. Vérundia hung her head and released me.
It took me a long time to pull the dress away, and the things under it, and then, slowly, I stood, and I let them look at what was left of my body.
No one said a word, but then the queen was there, dressing me herself. I didn't fight her. But then I sat.
"If I starve to death," I said, "or die of illness, you can pretend you didn't murder me. Is that your plan?"
"It wasn't," said the king. His voice was subdued. "We have things to tell you. And then we will tell you what is going to happen. Queen Ralalta has demanded explanations. She has closed the border and expelled all Altearans from Framara. She has recalled all Framarans from Alteara. Some remain, but no one from her government and only the few with personal ties. There is no embassy in either country. There is no trade. She has seized all Altearan assets. She has stated they will be returned only if you are returned."
"She knows?"
"No. She doesn't know one way or the other."
"Oh. I don't care."
"We need our high priestess, Yallameenara," he continued. "We would like it to be you. But it doesn't have to be."
"I know. Kill me, and if my mother is dead, it will jump to another line."
"That is one option. The other is to force babies upon you. Babies after babies. This is safer for us, because if your mother still lives, we do not have to wait."
"I see."
"We have an offer," he said. "You will accept it. If not, then we will select from the other two choices."
"In my condition, I'd die in childbirth if not long before."
"We can strengthen you," he said. "You would be nothing but a body to make babies until you are too old or you die. Maybe one will be a high priestess. Maybe not. If not, then the line will jump."
They paused, letting their threats settle in. “I see,” I said eventually. “So I am to cooperate or you will either have me repeatedly raped or simply murdered. Queen Ralalta has spoken well of both of you in the past, but I see for myself she couldn’t have been more wrong.”
“Perhaps you should here our other offer before you come to that conclusion,” said the queen, and it was said far more gently than my words had been.
"Fine,” I said. “What?”
"We will allow you to write to Queen Ralalta. You may say whatever you want except anything that offers hints as to your location within our borders. We will deliver your letter along with an explanation of our own. It will state we took you against your will, and you have done everything you could to be returned to her. We will also tell her you are choosing to die rather than doing something so little as to learn our language."
"You lie."
"And we will allow her to send any proof she desires that she has heard your words, and ours. If you are unconvinced, we will arrange more proof. This was your price of cooperation."
"It's too late. I'm dying."
"You will not die," said the queen. "But you will cooperate fully. You will learn whatever Vérundia chooses to teach you, and that begins immediately."
I thought about it. "It begins when I receive proof, proof I believe. I will be hard to convince."
They were all silent, and then the king said, "Proof you believe," he said. "Agreed."
Part Two
Recovery
It took two days to write a three-page letter. It started simply.
Queen Ralalta,
I did not defy you. I was taken.
I told her everything that had happened. I told her of Muranna's betrayal and Larien's lies. I told her whom I knew was involved. I told her what they had done, both to get me here, and how they had tried to force me to bend to their will.
I ended with this:
I was ready to die before I would reward their deceit. But they made an offer, that I could write you, and they would deliver my letter with a full acknowledgement of what they have done. I have agreed to cooperate only so that you may know I never defied you. I love you, and I love Juleena.
Your daughter forever.
Yallameenara
I refused to show it to anyone ahead of the king and queen. And so I was brought to them again, and I gave them the pages. They took them, reading together, but of course they couldn't.
"What is this?"
I smiled. "When I have proof the queen has received this letter, my cooperation begins. I did not tell her anything we agreed I would not say. I told her everything else."
"What is this?" the queen demanded. "What language is this?"
"Arrlottan," I said. "The queen will know I wrote it."
Neither of them said a word, not for a long time. They looked through the three pages, but they couldn't have read more than a few names, which wouldn't be surprising to find.
"I thought the horse people didn't read or write," the queen said.
"If they do, I don't know it. I used your letters. I am sure the queen will be able to read it, although it may take her time. She'll understand."
"Queen Ralalta speaks Arrlottan."
I smiled again and nodded.
They weren't happy, but then they agreed to deliver my letter.
* * * *
I was sick, and I was weak. But they fed me, and they made me walk around. I received daily baths, and all the
best care they could give. And the cough faded, although it would linger for a time. I grew stronger, although I would never completely recover, or so I thought.
Larien gave me the books she had. And she even read to me some of the Altearan books, reading and translating, reading and translating. I knew it was an attempt to get me started learning sooner, rather than later, but she had a lovely voice, and I was willing to accept her company.
One day when she came with a book, I said, "Will you sit here and read? I want to put my head in your lap." And so that became our new style, at least for an hour or so every day.
I grew stronger, but not strong.
Time passed. Not that much. A few weeks, I thought. I asked her, during a pause in the book, "Do you believe they really sent my letter?"
"Yes."
"Will they be able to convince me?"
"Yes."
"Do you know how?"
"I know your queen will do anything necessary to take care of you," she said. "She will find convincing proof."
"She'd have to send Juleena, and she'd be a fool to send her here now. The king and queen could hold her hostage to my good behavior."
"You have promised good behavior, so they wouldn't need to, would they?"
I thought about that. But I was sure the queen wouldn't risk Juleena, and I'd be upset if she did. I was sure the Altearans could forge any other proof, and I wouldn’t be able to believe it. I'd told Muranna so much, nearly everything, and she could have guessed more. There were no keywords the queen could offer as proof she’d received my words.
I hadn't told her Juleena had kissed me. I hadn't told anyone, but I didn't know that it wasn't public knowledge by now. I didn't know Juleena hadn't told anyone.
They could lie to me. I didn't now how I could believe their proof.
* * * *
Weeks passed. I refused to learn, or at least I refused to indicate I had learned. But I stopped fighting. I let Féla and Naddí see to my needs. I ate what I was offered. I read when I could, but I liked it more then Larien read to me. We made it through a few books. It was slow, because she read out loud and then translated, and that took time.
But then one afternoon, Vérundia came to me. I was dozing, and Larien was reading to herself. But I woke with the sound of the door, and I sat up and turned her way. My maids were with her, and she spoke to them. They came to me, pulled me from the bed, and then saw to my appearance. I said nothing, but I assumed the king and queen were back, if anyone cared how I looked.
Then Vérundia, speaking through Larien, told me, "Come with me."
The three of us moved through the corridors. We came to a door, and there were two of the guards standing there. Vérundia turned to me and Larien translated her words.
"She has seen nothing from leaving the capital to waking in this room. She may have guessed we are in mountains, or she may not. But she slept, and we carried her from the carriage to this room, and it was in here she woke. She knows nothing about where we are. If you tell her anything to give us away, she will never be allowed to leave."
I stared. The queen wouldn't have sent Juleena. She wouldn't have.
But I nodded. "I will tell her nothing of that."
Vérundia studied me, then nodded, and then she turned to the door. She sent me ahead, but then she and Larien followed me, and they would remain, listening, for a long time.
* * * *
It wasn't Juleena.
"Mellara!" I screamed at the same time she screamed, "Yalla!"
We flew to each other, both of us beginning to cry, and hugging tightly. We didn't talk. We only hugged, and cried, for a long time.
"Where are we?" she finally asked.
"I can't tell you," I said. "Or they won't let you leave."
"Oh. I could stay."
"No. The queen sent you."
"Yes. Oh, she was so mad, Yalla."
"Come sit with me," I said. I pulled her to the bed, the only furniture in the small room, and we sat, holding hands. "I sent a letter. It was long. Did she receive it?"
"Yes," she said.
"Start at the beginning."
"The queen gave me a letter." She dug inside her dress and finally pulled it out. It had seen wear, but the seal was intact. I opened it and read it.
It was written in Arrlottan.
My dearest daughter Yalla,
I am overjoyed to know you are alive. We were deeply worried, as you can guess.
I was angry with you at first, and hurt, but Lieutenant Keelara uncovered hints that you may not have gone willingly, only hints. I am sorry for what has happened, but my heart knows joy that you did not disobey me.
As you can guess, we have used nearly every means at our disposal to see you are returned to us. Tradódid and Mesenorié have absolutely refused, in spite of the extreme cost to their nation. I will attempt to wait them out, but I do not believe they will bend. My only remaining option is war. Countless thousands would die.
I am sorry, but I am crying, because I cannot condemn thousands for you, Yalla. I know you would understand.
I know you will worry, so I will assure you. Zana and Hamper are safe at the palace. Juleena and I have taken to riding them. I am sorry, but we may need to teach them Framaran to give them proper exercise, but for now, we can walk, and Juleena stumbled upon how to ask Zana to trot, almost falling from the seat in the process. We are afraid to ask for a gallop. I am sorry for that. You could explain to Mellara, but I do not believe it will be enough.
I will continue to sue for your safe return, but I hold little hope. All Alteara will suffer until you are again tight in our arms.
I have one command for you. You will what you must to stay well, to live, and to attempt happiness. This is from your queen, and you must obey, even if I am never allowed to offer any other orders to you.
Juleena sends her love. She would write, but she stares at the page and cannot find words. She'll be fine, but she dreams of the day you return.
Know you are loved. In my heart, you are my second daughter, and I love you every bit as much as I do the first.
Your Mother,
Ralalta
I read it several times, blinking away the tears, then sat quietly for a while, staring at it.
"She told me to tell you several things," Mellara said quietly. "She said she knows you did nothing wrong. She said she and Juleena love you. Zana and Hamper are safe. You aren't to worry about anyone else, but to take care of yourself here. You must be strong. Promise anything, do anything, but stay strong. Stay healthy."
I clasped her hands, saying nothing.
"I have codes for you," she said. "So you will believe. The queen said this is important. She said there are things she has told you. And things Juleena has told you. She thinks you haven't told anyone else."
Then she pulled my ear to her mouth. "Queen Ralalta said she would formally adopt you, except..."
"I may have said that one," I told her.
She whispered some more. "Did you say the except?"
"No, but people might guess."
"Juleena has kissed you. Twice. Once chastely in the baths, and one quite passionately right after you met Larien."
"No, I've never told anyone either of those," I said.
She released me. "So. I received a summons to court."
"Did you."
"Xiella dressed me. The queen had me sit in your chair. And there was a man there. Ralalta introduced him. He was an envoy from Alteara. Oh, you don't know. She evicted absolutely everyone, but he came on a ship with a white flag of truce."
"All right."
"In front of me, he gave Queen Ralalta two letters, stating one was from you, and one was from the king and queen of Alteara. She read your letter first. It was in some code, but she knew you had written it. She had to help Princess Juleena read it. They barely got very far, and then she was holding Princess Juleena back, because she wanted to kill the envoy.
"They had to break court for a while. Th
ey brought me with them, and then Queen Ralalta started crying, but she told me what your letter said. Then they read the other letter, and they were both screaming long before it was over."
"She knows I was taken."
"Yes. There is a price on Muranna's head, and Juleena has told people dead is best." I didn't say anything to that. "There is a price on a lot of their heads," she said.
"If anyone finds Muranna, I don't want to know. She is already dead to me."
"Good," said Mellara. "I can't believe she would do this."
* * * *
We talked for a while longer. But then Larien said, "If you have messages to return to your queen, now is the time."
I looked over at her. "Fine," I said. I turned back to Mellara. "Thank you, Mellara. I'm sure this was very frightening."
"It was," she said. "But Queen Ralalta asked for volunteers, I told her I was the only one who could come."
"And I love you for it," I said. We hugged tightly. And I whispered to her, "Tell Ralalta thank you, and I understand. And tell Juleena, if she wants Zana to run..."
I talked for a minute longer. And I finished with. "And then give this to Juleena for me." And I turned her to me, and I kissed her, chastely, a simple kiss, really, but it was enough.
We hugged another minute, and I thanked her over and over.
And then Larien said, "It is time."
"You'll let her leave."
"We will," she said.
And so I let them pull me away. In the hallway, Vérundia said through Larien, "Do you accept this proof?"
"Yes," I said. But I turned to Larien. "For now, you will teach me. Later, we will see. How many words before you will teach me how to move between the dining room and my quarters?"
"Fifty," Vérundia declared.
"And how many between the study room and my quarters?" That was also fifty. "And the bathing chamber?" Fifty. "Start counting." And then I began giving them words, and meanings.
I didn't make one fifty, but I was over a hundred before I couldn't think of others.
And so Larien began prompting me, and one in five more words I knew, but still we didn't quite reach one fifty.
But Vérundia said through Larien, "She will teach you for now. Show her the three paths, and make sure she knows how to tell if she has gotten lost."