by Robin Roseau
Terélmarestra
I learned. My accent was terrible, and it would remain terrible. Vérundia complained when I was asked to demonstrate my competence.
"Too. Bad." I said in Altearan. "Horse. Girl. Live. It. With."
That shut her up.
I demanded proper exercise. There was a room used as a gymnasium, and we played games there. We played daily for an hour or two each day. Sometimes it was just Larien and me, but usually there were others, and we played a variety of games.
I grew healthier, and over time, the cough disappeared.
And I learned.
Larien and I were together from breakfast until bed. We read together, first her reading, and then, as I grew confident, me.
I became able to carry on conversations, at least on easier topics, and so we added the maids to the mix.
Winter came and left, and deep in our mountain, we barely noticed except that the available food became simpler. The mountain kept us warm and dry. I imagine others noticed the changing of the seasons. I imagine the news arrived less frequently, that letters arrived less frequently.
But I was allowed no letters, and I didn't ask after news.
By and large, I avoided all the priestesses older than I was. I wouldn't be able to keep it up, but as long as I continued to learn, Vérundia left me alone.
I gave Naddí and Féla permission to call me Yalla. The three of us became comfortable together, and I accepted their innocent affection. They didn't say so in words, but they also let me know that more affection was available if I wished to accept, but that felt wrong to me, and so I never did. We exchange hugs and innocent touches. There were days one or the other took a nap with her head on my lap while I read, and other days I'd find one sitting on the sofa beside me, dragging my feet into her lap, and massaging while I read.
I thought they had a kissing relationship, but I didn’t catch them at it, at least not that winter and spring.
Larien was also open to more than I was willing to offer. I didn't forgive her role in my abduction, but I moved past it at least to be pragmatic if nothing else. She was lovely, she had a beautiful voice, and I would rather listen to her teach me than anyone else. Plus I enjoyed speaking with her.
She eventually forbid any Framaran at all, unless I needed help understanding a word or concept. While I didn't care she felt she had this authority, I made no fuss.
And then summer arrived again, and I was summoned to Vérundia's office. I'd stopped fighting with her, and so I accepted the summons.
* * * *
"Lady Yallameenara," she said. "Please make yourself comfortable."
I sat. She wasn't alone. Larien was there, and Ulla, and several of the older priestesses.
"What can I do for you?" I asked after a moment.
"We wish only a conversation," said Vérundia.
"All right," I said carefully. "Is this a test to judge my ability to speak?"
"After a fashion," Vérundia replied. We talked quietly for a while. She asked which books I had read lately, and asked me to talk about them. She asked if I felt comfortable moving about the caverns. She asked if I were happy.
"Happy. Seriously?"
"We would like to know."
"I do not know if I can ever forgive the people in this room for your individual roles in my arrival. I definitely will never forgive you for the way you treated me, and the best we can do is move past it. But you wonder if I am happy?"
She had the grace to look down. When she spoke, it was in gentle but halting words. "I was desperate, Lady Yallameenara. I knew if you did not relent, the king and queen would deliver their ultimatum. I did not believe they would make the bargain they made. I was doing it to try to save you."
"I'm not sure I believe you," I said. "It was the king and queen that pulled me from that hole, not you. But there is nothing that can be done about that, is there?"
She didn't answer that. Instead, she said, "You have agreed to cooperate."
"I believe I have, as much as you could have hoped."
"You take lessons only from Larien."
"I told you that may not be permanent. I am learning Altearan as fast as I believe possible. Do you have complaints?" I folded my arms and stared at her.
"We wish you to begin to learn the language of the Goddess. And we wish you to learn your role in our rites."
I knew this was coming, but I was going to try buying something for it. She paused and then continued.
"We believe this falls under cooperation. We would like to know if you intend to fight us."
"Tell me," I said. "Do you believe that your goddess would present herself to me if I do not even believe she exists?"
There was a general shifting and a few mutters. There were even a few glares.
"Do you believe she will present herself to me if I do not pray to her the way you do? Do you believe she will present herself to me if I do not, deep in my heart, revere her?"
No one answered right away, and then finally Vérundia said, "We don't know."
"Has the Goddess spoken directly to any of you?"
"No," Vérundia said. "But your mother-"
"Is not here," I said. "She never, not once, mentioned gods or goddesses."
"Why would she have taught you the words she did if she did not believe?"
"She is not here to ask," I said. "Tell me. Now that you know she is on The Hippa, have you tried to find her?"
"Yes. The horse people are elusive, and we do not know how to travel there. Our Goddess is unable to guide us. Can you?"
"Not from here. I have never seen a map of The Hippa. I can find water, but I do not know how to teach you. I know the dangers, but I do not know how to teach that, either. I could find my mother if I had support, but it would take time. The clans are nomadic, and The Hippa is expansive."
"We would not send you."
"I know, and when I once asked Queen Ralalta, she told me she had tried as well, but she had no success. I hoped to someday earn such a favor that she and Princess Juleena would allow me to return with the support I would require."
She nodded at that. "We have not given up. But we hold little hope. We do not even know if she lives."
I nodded. "I understand." I paused. "I believe you should give me more time before asking me to learn another language on top of the three I already know."
"How much more time?"
"The end of the summer."
"We hoped you would assist with the rites at the summer solstice."
"That must be close."
"Very close." They were good about denying me knowledge of specific dates, but if I helped for the solstice, that would give me a point in time.
"You could not expect me to learn much in a few weeks. I could repeat memorized phrases, but is that what you really need?"
"We believe it is the intent that matters. We would teach you enough you could repeat phrases once taught them. You would not need to memorize them, and you would need to be familiar with the rites, but not memorize them, either."
"And you are asking me to believe in your Goddess."
"We are asking you to open your heart to the possibility."
"I believe in the spirit of good intentions, you should give me something I want."
"That is also why we are here."
That surprised me, and I could tell it was supposed to. "What do you offer?"
"A horse."
"You couldn't possibly offer me a horse. You would have to triple whatever guards you have watching. If I get in front of you on a horse, you will not find me. Everyone here knows it."
"We believe you overstate your abilities."
I didn't say the obvious. I didn't. But Larien was watching carefully. There was a trap here. There had to be. She had seen me ride.
"What horse?" I asked carefully.
"Zana," Larien said.
Another surprise. "You have her?"
"We have made overtures to your queen. If she is convinced the r
equest is from you, she would send your horse."
"You would have them here as extra surety of my good behavior. You wouldn't have to abuse me. You could threaten to abuse Zana, believing I would do anything to prevent that. No. Zana remains where she is safe."
"We vow we will do no such thing," Vérundia said. "We would vow to the Goddess during the height of the summer solstice rite."
"There is a trap here somewhere. It is no secret. No. I will not walk into your trap."
"We will show you the trap," she said. "You will vow to make no attempt to leave. You will vow to our Goddess, the one you believe does not exist."
"I didn't say that. I asked if I had to believe she does. They are not the same."
"Fine. You will make the vow to make no attempt to leave."
"No. If I see a chance, I will take it."
"We can keep you in these caverns for the rest of your life, but daylight is important, and we would like you to be able to go above. Eventually we would like you to assume your greater duties for more of Alteara."
"No. It does not matter if I believe in the Goddess or not. I will not vow to remain. If I have an opportunity to leave, I intend to take it."
"It is not healthy to never go above."
"I am not the one making that decision. You are."
"I believe your queen ordered you to see to your health."
"How would you know something like that?"
"Because our envoy begged her to, and she agreed."
"Or because you read my mail."
"It was sealed, delivered direct to your hand from your previous maid."
"Whom you drugged during her journey. And I don't know if it is difficult to tamper with a seal."
She paused. "Tell me. You wrote to her in a code. Did she respond in the same code?"
"You might have someone who can read it," I said. "Both Queen Ralalta and, with some help, Princess Juleena could. If they could, there are others. But to write that letter, in that way, in my hand, well. You could have faked the letter, but it would have been difficult. I did the best I could."
"This does not matter," she said finally. "Believe me or not. But she ordered you to see to your health. Didn't she?"
I sighed. "Yes. But she didn't order me to betray my ideals, and vowing to remain would do just that. I have every intention of going home." I paused. "I will help you with your rites. If you believe I should learn the language of the Goddess this soon, I will try, but I believe it will confuse me. I will make no vows. If you bring Zana to me, I would be grateful, but I am going home someday."
"No."
"If you bring Zana and ever threaten her, ever, I will know you are an oath breaker. You told me here today you would not threaten her. Do not bring her here if you would break that oath. Is there anything else?"
"The matter of your instruction."
"Larien will instruct me."
"Larien is insufficient," Vérundia said. "You will accept instruction as I determine."
"I will learn better from Larien."
"I believe if you have a different voice in your head, it will help you separate the language of the Goddess from Altearan."
I sighed.
"I also believe if you study in a different setting, it will help."
"What setting?"
"Outside."
Well, well. "All right. But I'm making no vows."
"You will be bound to your instructor, wrist to wrist, and you will vow to do her no harm, even if you believe you see an opportunity to escape."
I thought about it. "The vow only covers the times I am bound to her for these lessons. It is not a blanket vow stretching into eternity."
"Agreed. You are careful."
"I haven't always been careful enough."
She inclined her head. I turned to go, although I didn't know my way from here, but she stopped me. "Lady Yallameenara."
I turned back.
"This is not a bad life. It is not the life you wished, but it is not a bad life. Your queen knows you did not betray her. I believe we could have lured you here willingly, but it was your queen that prevented this. I believe in time, Larien could have lured you here, and you would have been happy, perhaps far happier than you could ever imagine."
"What is your point?"
"Few of us sleep alone. There is no requirement for you to do so."
I raised an eyebrow. Well, well.
"You should accept the chance to be happy, Lady Yallameenara. You should consider what is possible.
I glanced at Larien, and I thought she looked like she wanted to crawl under the table.
"I will remember your words." And perhaps toss them at Larien sometime to tease her.
This time when I turned to the door, she didn't stop me. But then I stood in the hall waiting, as I didn't know where I was going from here. Larien joined me a minute later. "Let me show you how to navigate from here," she said.
It was some hours later that she said, "Vérundia is right though."
"About what?"
"You should try to be happy, Yallameenara." We were seated on the sofa, and I'd been reading to her. She reached over and caressed my face. I let her. "This part wasn't lies. We could be happy together."
I pulled away. "Too soon," I said. "And by the time it's not too soon, you'll have grown tired."
She dropped her hand, but she wasn't ready to give up yet. "We were good together. We could be again. I do not like sleeping alone and would enjoy sharing your bed."
"That's only because my bed is bigger than yours."
She laughed briefly at that. "Why do you suppose it is so big?"
* * * *
It was the next afternoon that Terélmarestra came to me. Terélmarestra was perhaps thirty years old and tended to be quiet. But she smiled often and could frequently be heard humming to herself when engaged in her tasks, which I thought was sweet.
"Lady Yallameenara," she said to me. "I am to be your instructor in the language of the Goddess. We will meet daily from an hour past lunch until it is time to return before dinner. Do you consent to accept my instruction?"
I stood up and looked her over. The clothing the priestesses chose to wear varied widely. I would learn there were specific clothes to wear during the rites and celebrations, and there were other, traditional clothes to be worn when visiting the outside world and wishing to be clearly known as being a priestess of the Goddess. But within the Heart of the Goddess, our home here in the mountain, my choice of clothing did not set me apart. It appeared everyone wore whatever she found most comfortable, and Larien had taken to dressing in a fashion similar to mine.
Terélmarestra tended towards casual dresses, typically of bright colors, although in durable fabrics and practical style. She would not turn heads on the streets of Marport, but I thought she looked nice. And I enjoyed her humming.
And besides that, she had asked politely.
"I will," I said.
"On nice days, we will ascend and spend the time outdoors," she explained. "I will prepare you here. Do you vow to attempt no violence to me during this time together?"
"I don't want to hurt anyone, Terélmarestra. I will do nothing to hurt you."
We negotiated the terms of my vow, as we were both being careful. In the end we came to an agreement, one I would keep.
"We begin now," she said. "Please remain still." She stepped closer then produced a blindfold. She wrapped it in place, and then adjusted it carefully. "You will make a second vow. This is to prevent you learning the path to the surface. You will make no attempt to remove the blindfold or find a means of peeking around it."
"I agree, unless there is an emergency of some sort."
"You may only remove the blindfold if I am incapacitated," she said. "Promise."
"All right. I promise. I will not attempt to remove the blindfold without permission, unless you are incapacitated, and I will not seek to subvert its purpose."
"Thank you. We will also be bound, wrist to wrist.
You will make a similar vow." Then she tied our wrists together, my right to her left, and I vowed to make no effort to subvert the binding.
I don't know what Larien thought of all this, but I thought perhaps she was amused.
Of course, if a real opportunity presented itself, I'd happily break any vow I'd made. They had engaged in trickery and deceit to bring me here, and had abused me as well. I felt not an ounce of loyalty towards any of them.
After that, she declared us ready, and she carefully guided me from my quarters. I tried to pay attention to the turns, but they were being cautious. Periodically she stopped, turned me to face her, and then walked us around in a little circle several times. When we began to move again, I had no idea which direction we were traveling. She would do this every time during our passage, coming and going, and I never was able to determine the path we took after more than a minute or so from my quarters.
It took time, perhaps twenty minutes or so, to reach the surface, and all I could say was that it was generally uphill, but not always.
Then she brought us to a stop and stepped in front of me. "You have been here and remember this," she said. "We are at the entrance. It is a bright day, but I brought us to a stop in the shade so your eyes have time to become adjusted."
"That is kind."
"I will remove the blindfold in a moment. But I wish to tell you a few things first." I nodded, and she continued. "I was not consulted regarding how you came to us. Most of us did not understand why you came to us so angry, and we didn't learn until Vérundia told us, after you arrived. We only knew the daughter of the high priestess had been found, and you were coming to us. We were overjoyed with the news."
I said nothing, but I nodded a second time.
"I have made several vows of my own, Lady Yallameenara. I have vowed to teach you to the best of my abilities. I have vowed to do nothing that would help you to leave us. And I have vowed to actively resist your efforts to do so."
"I see."
"I believe it is wrong to force you to remain with us, but this is the last time I will suggest our leaders are wrong, and I hope you will never use my confession against me."
"I won't, Terélmarestra."