by Ginger Scott
I smiled with relief as I turned to dance with Gavin now. “You okay there?” he asked, his hand on my shoulder. I just nodded and raised my eyebrows a bit. “Sorry, some guys are assholes,” he said a little loudly so that my groper would hear.
“Thanks,” I relaxed a little. Gavin still had his hand on my shoulder, and we were both swaying back and forth some. I was aware of his touch, but decided to pocket it as innocent, and kept enjoying myself. We danced like that for another two or three songs, until the band decided to slow things down. I was about to head to the seats when Gavin grabbed my hand to stop me.
“One dance?” he asked, giving me puppy-dog eyes. “I did wear lipstick for you.”
I laughed a little and gave in. “Okay, one dance. You were a good sport,” I said.
Gavin held my wrists and moved my hands behind his head to lay them along his neck. He slid his hands slowly down the undersides of my arms, and then they came to rest along my hips, pulling me close. The song was slow and erotic, and the couples left on the floor were all very into it. Not sure where to look, I laid my cheek flat on Gavin’s chest. My heart was kicking up some as my brain swirled from the buzz of the alcohol and the dangerously inviting smell of Gavin’s cologne. I felt his chin at the top of my head and tilted my face up to look at him. He was biting his bottom lip and looking at me with unmistakably hungry eyes. I felt his hands slowly work their way along my rib cage and slide barely under the edge of my bra as he moved them to my back again and then low along my hips once more, his fingers flexing and digging into my skin with a touch that was full of want.
This was definitely one of life’s defining moments. So I ran.
I pushed back from him and told him I had to go outside to get some air. I walked quickly to the table, grabbed my purse and headed out the back doors to the alleyway where I knew I could get a moment alone. But I hadn’t counted on Gavin following me.
“Nolan, I’m sorry. I got a little carried away,” he was right on my heels.
“No, don’t. It’s okay, we both were drinking, and it was just a weird night,” I said, turning to face him and stopping so my back was against the opposite wall.
Gavin stood across from me with his hands in his pockets, almost like he was locking them up to keep him from doing something stupid. I couldn’t seem to find any words to help the situation, so instead I just stood there staring at him, blinking. My heart was racing, and my palms were sweaty. And I was pretty sure I was going to be sick later from the alcohol. I shut my eyes for a few brief seconds, trying to reset my thoughts and get myself back to normal. I pushed my hands through my hair and opened my eyes again to see Gavin staring into me.
“Oh, hell,” Gavin said, lunging for me and grabbing my face between his hands, kissing me hard and stepping into my body so we were pressed against one another. Instead of stopping him, I kissed back. I grabbed his wrists at first, a false protest, almost so I could tell myself I’d tried to stop. But I didn’t. Not really. I reached behind his head and pulled him closer, fisting his hair and clawing my fingers up under his shirt. We kissed like this for several seconds before reality hit me, and I pushed into his chest. Hard.
“Gavin, I can’t,” I said, panting as I stumbled a few steps away from him. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”
I started crying, the tears fast. I was walking away backward. He stood there, just as shocked as I was. I wiped my mouth along my arm, trying to erase what had just happened. “I’m so sorry. That was wrong. I can’t…Oh my god.”
I just turned and ran. I had made it only a few blocks away from the scene of my horrible slip when I felt my stomach churn and I bent forward to vomit in the gutter. People were walking around me, avoiding me, somehow completely unfazed by my throwing up, which I did four more times before I made it back to my dorm.
I had pulled my shoes from my feet and was walking along the sidewalk barefoot. The front desk girl gave me a disapproving look as I buzzed into the door and walked by her. I must have smelled like a hooker. I felt like one. I caught my reflection in the elevator on the ride up, my make-up smeared and my hair tangled in all directions.
I headed straight for the bathroom when I got into my room, stripping my clothes into a pile and crawling on my hands and knees to the shower floor, where I hugged my legs in close to me and wept. I rocked back and forth, willing my nausea to subside. The hot water turned my skin bright pink, and my hands were turning into raisins by the time I shut the water off and pulled the towel from the bar to join me on the floor.
By the time I awoke, the sun was shining through the bottoms of my curtains. I had slept the entire night, naked on the dirty tiles of my bathroom floor. My world was spinning as I straightened myself, sitting on my knees, not quite ready to fully stand. I grabbed the bathroom door for support and got to my feet and made my way to my bed where I had thrown my purse last night.
Last night.
I wasn’t so drunk that I didn’t remember. I remembered everything. What had I done?
I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone to find a text from Reed. I swallowed hard, almost afraid to read it. As if somehow he already knew how I’d betrayed him.
Miss you baby. See you at 4. XXOO
I had four hours to get my shit together. And the secrets were just piling up.
Chapter 7
Reed
When my pops told me that Jason would be staying at the house through the holidays, I thought long and hard about cancelling Thanksgiving and Christmas—just kidnapping Nolan and taking off for Hawaii for the month.
He said that Jason was looking for his own place down in Tucson. He was moving back to Arizona permanently, taking on a bigger role with the dealerships and the company. But he wouldn’t be able to move into anything until January at the earliest. I hated that he was there. Coming home was my center, my time to let my mind stop spinning. Everything important was in that house and town…and when Jason was there, well, he just had a way of shitting on things.
The holidays were still more than a month away, though, so I’d face life with Jason when I had to. I was looking forward to my trip with Noles for my birthday. She said it was a surprise, but I was pretty sure she was taking me camping. She wasn’t very good at keeping secrets, and I’d seen our camping gear in her trunk the few times we’d taken her car out.
More than getting away, I was anxious to be alone with her. Things had been off lately. I was pretty sure the crap with Dylan and my brother was part of the problem, but we were just plain out of sync, too. If I didn’t know how much she loved me, I would have thought she was trying to gain the courage to dump my ass—the way she flinched when I touched her, and cut our kisses short, pulling her lips tight. I had talked to Trig and his girlfriend Amy about it a few times, and they told me it was probably just the long distance thing. Of course, Trig was always filling my head with shit about how long distance relationships never worked, so he wasn’t very convincing at lifting my spirits.
I was looking forward to our usual Thursday afternoon more than normal. The Sunday after the Colorado game had been especially weird. I drove up to ASU to take Nolan out for dinner and had planned to spend the night, but she said she was tired. She was off in space through most of our dinner conversation, said she was just super stressed about her big psychology project. When I pressed her on it, she got defensive, told me I wasn’t helping things with the draft pressure I’d thrown at her.
I was hoping I could ease a little of her stress today. After a few long calls with Dylan, we pretty much narrowed down my most likely options in the draft to San Diego or Seattle. And with Sean’s help, I was able to pull together some pretty good research on transferring from ASU’s special education program to San Diego State’s. I was pretty sure most of Nolan’s scholarships would transfer, too; not that it mattered. Whether she liked it or not, I was going to pay the rest of her tuition once I got signed.
Amy offered to help me with researching Washington and Oregon schools next. A
nything I could do to show Nolan how easy this next move was going to be had to take away some of her fears.
When I pulled into her parking lot, it was a little later than my usual visit. I knew she was probably already up in her room, so I sent her a text and told her I was running late and would just meet her upstairs.
I stole a candy from the dish at her front desk, mostly because it was funny how the freshman girls that worked the afternoon shifts acted when I did. Today, I winked at them when I passed by, which sent them into whispers and giggles. “Funny, if my life had gone the way of Jason’s, I’d have slept with every single one of them by now,” I thought.
I skipped the elevators and took the stairs to save time. With 15 floors in her building, it took forever for the elevators to make their way back to the lobby floor. I heard a couple arguing when I was coming closer to Nolan’s floor and thought about stepping out a level early to give them some privacy when I realized it was Nolan’s voice I was hearing. I slowed a bit then, trying to get a handle on what she was saying…and who the dude was on the other side of the conversation.
“I’m not angry. But please, you need to drop this,” I heard Nolan say in a half-whisper, her voice full of frustration.
“Nolan, I just don’t think you’re being fair to yourself, that’s all I’m saying…” I wasn’t sure on this one, so I stood still for another minute, just waiting him out.
“Gavin, you don’t know anything about me,” I heard her sigh now.
Gavin. Fucking asshole.
“I don’t drink often, and I think we can both see why now. The other night was just a HUGE mistake at the end of a really shitty week. That’s it.”
My blood was boiling now, and I was pretty sure I was going to punch Gavin in the face in about seven seconds. But I wasn’t fast enough and heard him speak one more time.
“Well, it wasn’t a mistake on my part. I made the decision to do everything I did that night. And I’d make the same choice again, right here, right now.”
His words trapped me—ground me to a fucking halt. I heard Nolan sigh once more, followed by the sound of the door opening and slamming shut. I watched Gavin’s feet climb the stairs above me to his floor, and I stood there frozen in fury. “What did that asshole do to my girl?”
I hung out in the stairwell for about 15 minutes, just trying to sort through the conversation I’d heard. I didn’t know what to do next. Part of me wanted to barrel into Gavin’s room and hold him up against the wall until he broke, but the other part of me knew I only had half the story. And that part was making me sick.
Finally able to get my legs to work, and tired of the strange looks from freshmen passing in and out of the stairwell, I climbed the rest of the way to Nolan’s floor. I took a deep breath when I swung the hall door open, unsure of what I was walking into. Her floor was clear, no one around. I drug my feet to her door at the end and stood in front of it for a few seconds, not sure what words would, or should, come out of my mouth when I saw her.
Leaning my forehead on the door, I rapped on it lightly a few times, almost like I was hoping she wouldn’t hear it and wouldn’t answer. I straightened up when I heard the bolt click for her to let me in. She flung the door open and turned back around to walk back to her closet, smiling at me briefly over her shoulder.
“Hey, was just changing. Thought maybe we could go out, grab a bite? Mind waiting just a few while I get ready?” She spoke calmly, as if the conversation I had heard minutes ago never happened. I had no idea how to play this, so I thought I’d just see what turned up.
“Sure, sounds good. Take your time,” I said, walking over to sit on the edge of her bed. My suspicion had me looking at everything differently. I lifted the corner of her comforter from her bed, touching it to see if I felt anything different. I lifted her jacket to my nose, smelling it for…for someone else. I touched her pillows and then stood to slip open her top drawer, curious and now full of paranoia. I saw her figure pass from the open closet door to the bathroom, and I started some, like I’d been caught.
“Just one more sec, I promise,” she giggled.
All I could think was, “What the hell was going on?” I felt like I’d landed in a Twilight Zone.
I was full on pacing now in the center of her room, my mind debating with itself over whether or not I should confront her about what I’d heard. I tossed my hat on her desk to dig my fingers into my hair, my stomach fluttering more now—not with butterflies, though. She was just stepping out of her closet door, dressed cute-as-hell in a black shirtdress and tall boots, almost making my worries dissolve, when we both turned to face her door. The light tapping was accompanied by a voice. His fucking voice.
“Nolan, it’s me. Open up, please? I feel bad…I…I didn’t want to make you upset,” Gavin said, clearly upset himself, though not as upset as he was about to be when I was the one to open the door for him.
I turned to Nolan and got the confirmation I needed when she just stared at the door, eyes wide, face ghost-white and mouth slightly open. She turned to look at me, and in that brief instant I just held up my hand. “Don’t,” I said, a little short, then put my hand over my mouth and rubbed my chin a little to force myself not to say anything I’d regret. “I’ll get this.”
When I opened the door, Gavin just stood there—he was still and stared right back at me. He pushed his lips together in a tight, knowing smile and then nodded a few times, looking down at his feet. “Reed…how’s it goin?” he said, reaching his hand out to shake mine. I stared at it for a few seconds and then just chuckled and walked into the room, turning my back on him.
“Well, I don’t know, Gavin. You tell me. How’s it going?” I said, the asshole version of myself coming out to play now. I leaned into Nolan’s desk and took Gavin in as he walked into Nolan’s room, his hands buried in his pockets. Nolan was sitting down now, at the edge of her bed, her arms folded tightly across her body, her eyes still wide…and glossy?
“Did you tell him?” Gavin said softly, nodding in Nolan’s direction.
“Tell me what, Gavin?” I interrupted. I didn’t like the way he was making Nolan feel, and more importantly, I didn’t like him.
He just sighed heavily and looked down at his feet, and he flexed them a bit and stepped side-to-side, thinking. He tilted his face back up to make eye contact with me, sucking in a long breath before he spoke. “I kissed her,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and smiling on one side of his mouth, as if it was all some fucking innocent game.
That’s all it took.
Within a half second, my fist was making contact with Gavin’s bony fucking face. I hadn’t punched anyone in a long time, and it stung like hell. But the rush it sent through my blood was enough to ignite a whole new wave of rage. While Gavin was busy stumbling backward and holding his nose, I flew at him and pushed him hard into Nolan’s wall. I grabbed fistfuls of his collar and jerked him violently into the wall a few times before getting in his face.
“You piece of shit, you keep your hands off my girl! You hear me?” I spoke through gritted teeth. I was getting ready to shove him once again, when I heard Nolan’s voice break through the noise in my head.
“Reed, stop! Stop! Don’t, you’re hurting him!” she said as she grabbed my sleeve and yanked one of my arms from Gavin’s. With her distraction, Gavin was able to shove me back and force me a little off balance. He didn’t swing at me; he just forced some distance.
I was breathing heavily, and Gavin was wiping his nose along his long sleeves, a small stream of blood coming from it now. He leaned back against the opposite wall and turned to look at Nolan, who was standing between us now, her back to me. He was shaking his head, and the face he was making was too damned familiar. I don’t know when the words formed in my head, or if they even did, but as soon as they left my mouth I knew they were going to ruin me.
“Did you…did you kiss him back?” I asked, my voice cracking a little now. Nolan just kept her back to me for a few seconds, and I
saw what was happening reflected in the shame on Gavin’s face. “Nolan?”
Her shoulders started shaking, and she brought her hands up to cover her mouth. She turned to face me so slowly it killed me. By the time we were eye-to-eye, her face was wet, and her eyes were red with guilt. I slid off balance a little, bracing myself on the edge of her desk, my fingers digging into the wood. I wouldn’t let her gaze go. I just kept it. Taking in a deep breath, I asked her one more time. “Nolan, did you kiss him back?” I asked.
Even though I already knew, when she nodded yes, and closed her eyes, it was like someone had stabbed me in the heart. My entire life just whirled by me at once. My dad, my future, my grandmother’s goddamn ring…everything was fucking ruined! Unable to take being in this room another second, I pushed from the desk and stormed out her door, throwing it closed behind me with such force that it bounded back open and the sound reverberated down the hall.
I got to the stairwell and flung that door open, too, and was sliding down the stairs several at a time; my feet couldn’t get me from this fucking building fast enough. Then I heard her voice—her pathetic-sounding pleas. And it all just broke me again.
“Reed! Please, don’t leave. You have to understand, you have to let me explain!” she was chasing me down the stairs, and I knew she was going to fall if she kept up that speed. I just stopped when I was one floor away from my freedom and turned to wait for her. When she saw me, she stopped at the top of the steps, again putting a hand over her mouth while she cried and shook.
“Nolan, when I said never…I fucking meant it,” I said, solemnly while I shook my head and looked down at the steps between us. “What…what the hell happened?”