by Ginger Scott
“Oh my God! You two know each other?” Dylan said, looking between me, and my mistake.
“Well…sort of. I…uh,” I scratched at my head and turned sideways to find Nolan’s eyes locked right on me while she danced with the cowboy. Damn it!
I smiled politely and turned back to Dylan again. “I’m sorry?” I said, my train of thought completely derailed.
“I said, you two know each other?” Dylan was clearly thrown by my reaction now.
“Oh, yeah. I walked her…” I paused realizing I didn’t even know her name. In my head, I called her Peaches, because of the scent of her hair. “…home the other day.”
Dylan must have been familiar with the story, because I caught a slight flinch in her face as she nodded and smiled a little. “Ohhhhh, I see,” she smirked before looking back at Peaches.
Not knowing what to do, I did the only thing I could think of doing to get us away from Dylan and her judgmental gaze. “Hey, wanna dance?” I said, holding out an arm. Peaches slid right up to me and took my arm as we walked out on the same floor that Nolan was on, now nestled into some boot-wearing idiot for a romantic slow dance. If I survive the night without punching someone, it would be a miracle.
I started dancing with Peaches, and she looked up at me, her face both hopeful and indignant. “So,” she said, biting her lip. A few weeks ago, I might have given in to a second chance with her, but armed with my new knowledge, that there was no Gavin—never was…? Well, Peaches didn’t have a chance.
“So,” I said, not really even looking at her.
“I’m Jenny, by the way. In case you were wondering,” she said, a complete attitude coming to the surface now. I spun her around once in a twirl, mostly to get her out of my grasp and gain some space between us. Unfortunately, though, she giggled when I did this, drawing Nolan’s attention. And the flash of hurt on her face was unmistakable.
“Nice to meet you…again, Jenny,” I said, pulling her back in so her head was out of my line of vision. I watched Nolan walk back over to the pool tables with her cowboy and a few of his friends. At least no one would touch her while she was playing pool.
“You know, I’m not usually easy like that,” Jenny said. I just nodded and smiled, still trying to keep an eye on Nolan, and my chest tightening as I watched her down three shots from a tray with her cowboy friends.
“I’m sorry…how do you know Dylan?” I said, fighting to put conversation out there that I didn’t have to work at.
“Oh, she’s my cousin,” she said quickly.
Shit! This just keeps getting worse. I just swallowed in response to this new information. My muscles tensed, and I became even more careful than I had been with this dangerous girl.
“Oh, I had no idea,” I shrugged tightly.
She must have sensed my distance and hesitation, because she sighed heavily and then rolled her eyes, spinning herself from my arms and back again. “It’s okay, Reed. I knew who you were. And I was totally just hitting on you that night, the entire time. My roommate and I had it all planned,” she said, just curling one side of her mouth into a guilty smile. “And you can relax. I didn’t tell my cousin about how I stripped for you, and you bailed on me after I threw myself you. It’s not really one of my finest moments.”
Relief washed over me, and my feet felt like they had shed a little of the concrete that had been weighing them down since I saw her walk from the bathroom. “She just knows that you walked me home, and we sort of kissed but that you rejected me,” she continued.
Okay, we did sort of kiss. I could live with this. And it wouldn’t make its way to Jason for him to twist and use against me at some later date. I leaned back a bit and smiled at Jenny genuinely now, the breath that I’d been holding finally exhaling. “Yeah, so…I’m so sorry about all of that,” I admitted. “I wasn’t myself. I’ve been…dealing with something.”
I was looking for Nolan again, and Jenny followed my gaze, and then looked back at me to see the pain in my eyes while Nolan laughed and brushed her hand along the shoulder of Mr. Cowboy. “Ah, yeah…I see that,” she smiled with tight lips, soft and understanding. It seems I’d underestimated both Dylan and Jenny.
“You wanna tell me about it?” Jenny said, her head tilted a bit, and her shoulders rose like she was truly interested in hearing my relationship problems. I considered it for a moment, but then I saw Sarah’s stare right behind her, and heard her cough loudly just to get our attention and force us to face her.
“Excuse me,” she said, just cutting in and taking my hands.
I shrugged a little at Jenny, and just mouthed, “I’m sorry,” as I gestured toward Sarah. Jenny just shook her head and rolled her eyes, walking back to my brother and Dylan at the bar.
“Thanks,” I said to Sarah.
“Really? You’re thanking me?” she said, a little confused.
“Yes. Yes, I am,” I smiled. “That girl is a…well…she’s not a bad girl. Let’s just say, she was almost part of a reallllly big fuck-up though.
Not quite ready to trust me, Sarah just looked at me sideways, and continued our dance. “Ooooookay,” she said, full of skepticism. “You can fill me in on that another time. Tonight, though, well…we’ve got bigger problems.”
She turned me around quickly so I could get a better look at Nolan—who was now sitting on her knees in the middle of one of the pool tables, flirting with taking her shirt off, while those pig-headed assholes stood around her hollering, and waiving dollar bills.
“Shit!” I said, quickly stepping away from Sarah and sprinting over to the poolroom. I pushed through the seven or eight guys who had gathered to watch Nolan’s little strip tease, and put my knee up on the table to reach for Nolan’s hand. She recoiled at my touch right away, though, whipping her hair back from her face and making eye contact with me enough to show the hate in her eyes.
“Fuck you, Reed. Don’t touch me,” she slurred.
Great. I wonder how many shots she’d downed when I wasn’t looking.
“Okay, Princess. Time to go,” I said, climbing completely onto the table now and lifting her high over my shoulder. She squirmed for a bit, kicking at the light that dangled above. “You wanna stop that now? I’m not letting you go, and you’re only causing a scene. And you’re about to bust a light bulb.”
She huffed, and finally went limp over my shoulder, as I stepped down from the pool table and walked past Jason, Dylan and Jenny. I paused for a moment and looked Jason right in the face. “You breathe a word of this to anyone, and I swear to God, Jason…I will fucking kill you,” I said, no hint of hesitation in my voice at all. I turned at that, and continued out the door, which Sarah, Becky and Sienna were now holding for me.
“Thanks,” I said as they followed me to the Jeep. I dumped Nolan in the passenger seat and forced her to buckle up, slamming the door on her while she sat there and pouted. “I’m taking her to my house. Her parents don’t need to see this. Can everyone fit in your car, Sarah?”
She just nodded and waved me on my way. I got in the driver’s side and peeled out a little, the energy from what I’d just witnessed still coursing through me. Nolan was staring out the window, her chin balanced awkwardly on her hand. I just sighed heavily and kept on driving.
“Don’t sigh at me,” she said. She was picking a fight now. I recognized this; we’d done this before. But not since we were kids. I thought it was better not to engage, but something told me she wouldn’t let that slide.
“Oh, more silent treatment, huh? Like when you didn’t call me for six weeks, and I locked myself in a room, and cried,” she spit the words out angrily, and I winced a little at them. She was so angry with me, and I couldn’t say I blamed her, knowing what I know now. I kept my lips sealed, though, knowing any words exchanged between us tonight didn’t count. Nolan just huffed again, and we drove the rest of the way in silence.
When I pulled in the driveway to my dad’s house, Nolan had nodded off and was snoring softly in the passenger’s se
at. When I opened her door, I took her in for a moment. Her lips were crooked, half smirking, and I thought about kissing them for a second when she lurched forward and sprayed vomit down my leg.
“Damn it, Noles,” I said lunging back. She looked up at me and wiped her chin a little and started shaking. She was crying again. God, I felt like such an asshole.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, her hands making their way to her face so she could hide.
I shook my leg a little and reached over to unbuckle her. “It’s okay; I’ll shower,” I said softly, not wanting to wake anyone and not wanting to scare her. She was so fragile, and it was killing me to see her that way. “Come on, I got you.”
I lifted her in my arms, and her body went limp into me. I carried her up the stairs and into my bedroom. I’d sleep on the couch tonight. Nolan clearly needed to be near a bathroom. I knew I made the right decision when she rolled from my bed almost the instant I’d set her down and stumbled to my bathroom holding an arm across her mouth. She made it just in time for the entire evening’s booze to escape her body. I’d never seen anyone throw up so much in my life.
I was just rubbing her back, pulling her hair into a ponytail when she finally seemed to be done and slid her body to sit right next to the toilet, her arm and cheek resting on the lip of the bowl. I stood and leaned back into the wall, away from her, and waited as her sleepy eyes fought to stay open. I was exhausted from the entire evening, but I couldn’t take my eyes from her until I knew she was okay. And there was something in them, some sort of sadness that just wouldn’t go away. It both captivated and crushed me all at once.
She worked her gaze up my body, almost as if she lacked the strength, and then finally came to stop right on my eyes. We stared into each other for several seconds when her lip started to quiver a little and the tears, the same ones I’d seen in the kitchen, started to slide down her cheek again.
“I’m so sorry, Reed,” she said, and at her words I looked down, not able to look her in the eyes knowing that I’d been so cruel when she never actually slept with Gavin—and knowing that I almost made a worse mistake with Jenny, just to get back at her. She was sobbing now, sliding back to the floor, and reaching up for a towel to drape over her face and body, her hands clutching at it desperately. Her eyes still settled on me though—those sad, amazing and beautiful eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Reed,” she started again, and I tried to hush her, moving forward and making the softest smile I could, my head shaking no, and begging her to stop her worrying. I just needed her to sleep this off so we could wake up in the morning and start fixing things.
“I’m so sorry I lost your baby,” the words escaped her lips, playing out in slow motion while she slid the rest of the way to the floor and succumbed to the pull of sleep. All air left my lungs at the sound of her voice. My legs no longer able to hold me up, I slid slowly down the wall, fingers clawing at it to slow my descent, until I was finally sitting on the floor, too, just staring at her now closed eyes. Mine wide with shock, each nerve ending on my body firing with this new information, and my breath completely stopped. Had I heard her right? Did she say baby?
I fumbled through my pocket, and my phone fell to the floor next to me. I scurried more, trying to hold it in my shaking hands and, when I’d finally gotten it right, I scrolled until I found Sarah’s number. I hit dial, and waited, still not having blinked since the words lost and baby left Nolan’s lips.
“Reed? Are you home? Is she okay?” Sarah started, but I interrupted.
“When did she lose the baby?” I asked, no longer questioning what I heard, but just suddenly desperate to know. I heard Sarah sigh on the other end. “Sar, I need to know. Please…just tell me.” I swallowed hard, and found my face wet with tears, my voice urgent and needing.
“I didn’t think you knew,” she said quietly. “There was no way you could have. It just didn’t make sense.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, my heart rate picking up a little with panic now as I realized everything my girl had been through—alone.
“Nolan said she called you, said she left you a message or something, but I couldn’t imagine you not calling her after that,” Sarah said, my body flattening on itself in an instant at her explanation.
“Shit!” I said, my hand now covering my mouth to hold myself together. “The message…fuck!”
I stood to walk into my room and shut the door to my bathroom slightly to keep Nolan asleep. “Sar, she did. I completely forgot. I was so pissed. I never listened!” I was manic now, my body shaking, and my guts twisting.
“Well, you better go listen,” Sarah said, exasperated and clearly pissed at me.
I hung up without saying bye and dialed into my voicemail in seconds, only to hear Nolan’s voice telling me everything:
Hi. It’s me. I guess you know that, though. I…oh my God, Reed. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how this happened. I don’t want Gavin. I don’t even like him. He was just there, and we were both in the wrong place at the wrong time.
(Sniffle)
I was so drunk. I haven’t done that before. I was so upset—and he was flirting with me, and I let him make a pass, and I didn’t stop him, and then it all hit me at once—and I ran home. Oh God!
(She was crying harder now.)
Reed? There’s so much you don’t know. I…I was pregnant.
(The tears were non-stop and her breath stuttered.)
I found out the night we made plans to talk about the draft. And then Dylan happened, and then you made plans to sign, and I was so afraid I would have to drop out of school, and raise a baby. I thought you wouldn’t want me—or want us. And Tatum had tricked you with pregnancy in high school, and I remembered how you acted, how depressed you got. How it ruined EVERYTHING.
(There was a long pause while she cried harder, her nose running, and her breath hitching.)
I lost it. It was terrible. And oh my God, the blood. Reed, it was so awful. And it was all my fault…because I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to trap you. And I felt relief, at first. And then I just wanted to go back, back to when I was pregnant, so I could tell you this time. What if I can’t get pregnant? What if that was your only chance to have a baby? And I was so selfish. I wished it away, Reed!
(She was crying hard again.)
Gavin found me at the gym when I passed out the day after my…my…miscarriage. I wasn’t dehydrated, at least not from running. And I had just come back from your house, from seeing Dylan in your shirt. And Gavin took care of me. And I think part of me thought about that day when he kissed me. And yes, I kissed him back. But I wasn’t thinking of him. I promise! Oh God, Reed. Please, please just call me. I can’t lose you, too!
Those were her last words before my message cut off. I just sat there stunned, looking at my broken girl lying on the floor, covered in her own vomit. Her scholarships in jeopardy, her heart broken, and her faith in me completely rocked…all because I forgot to listen to a fucking message! She’d thought she’d lost me, too. I played it again, and let the tears fall down my face, blotting them with my fists, trying to man up, but also letting it all fall out of me at once.
When her words finished, I slid the phone to the corner of the room and crawled on hands and knees to her body. She was snoring lightly and didn’t flinch when I brushed her long strands of hair behind her ear. I managed to peel her soaked sweater from her; she only wrinkled her nose a little at me, but her eyes remained closed. I picked her up and carried her to my bed where I pulled the boots from her feet and slid her pants from her legs. I went to my drawer to pull out my softest Coolidge football T-shirt, her favorite. I slid it over her head and carefully pulled her arms through the sleeves. She twisted sideways in my bed a little, pulling down on the shirt out of instinct. I pulled the blanket up her body, leaving her shoulders exposed so I could stroke them with my fingers for a while.
Finally satisfied that she was asleep, and staying that way, I kissed my angel’s head and whispered in her e
ar. “I’m going to fix this; I promise.” Then quietly, I made my way to the bathroom for a shower.
Chapter 11
Nolan
It took me a few minutes to figure out where I was. The smell was familiar, the shirt I was wearing…different, but familiar all the same. My head was throbbing, and my ears were being hit with a constant drumming. My stomach felt empty, but also like it had been through a boxing match. I was destroying myself!
I pushed myself to a sitting position and cracked my eyes open ever so slightly, confirming my suspicion. I was in Reed’s bed. I looked around for any sign of him, but he wasn’t there. I could tell he hadn’t been. I must have been a mess—made quite a scene, I thought. I remembered most of it, up until he threw me in the Jeep and hauled my ass home.
I could hear the clanking of dishes downstairs and the faint sounds of some voices, though I wasn’t sure who it was. I thought briefly about fashioning Reed’s sheets together so I could repel out his window, but I didn’t have my car here. I’d need to walk home. And I was in no condition to go for a stroll through the desert. Knowing I had to live up to my walk of shame, I worked to find my footing to stand.
It was late morning, maybe 11, so there was a chance most of the guests had left, and Reed and Trig were already on their way to campus. My feet were gripping at the carpet by the bed, and I was puzzling at my lack of pants when there was a light knock at the door.
“Hey…you awake?” Reed said as he stuck his head in slowly.
Embarrassed, I just pulled the covers over my lap and smiled softly.
“Yeah, uh…you sort of barfed all over your clothes,” he said, chuckling a little and looking down at his feet.
“Oh God!” I thought.
He slid completely in the room, holding a small bag and a juice, closing the door behind him. “I got you a muffin,” he said with a half smile, approaching me like I was an injured puppy. “Oh, and some juice. Thought you might be hungry? Or thirsty?”