Truly Madly Deeply: Volumes 1-4

by Brenda Pandos

  “Is that the building that looks like it’s about to fall over?” He tips his head toward the shack on the other side of the pool.

  I smile. “That’s it.”

  “Here.” He takes the binder. “Lets go check it out. My guess is you’ll need something from the hardware store, too.”

  I try my best to control my desire to smile as I study him. Why is he being so nice to me? “Alright.”

  That gorgeous grin perks his lips as he talks about his love of nuts, chocolate and vanilla mixed together, while we walk down the hill. I note the familiar red building as we near it, the dingy windows and torn canopy that will be my home all summer. After cracking open the door, we both let out a groan. Flies clamber for escape past us. If they don’t want to stick around, this place is one step away from being condemned.

  “I… uh….” A thick layer of goo rims the edge of the deep freeze, and it is moving.

  “Looks like I was right,” he says, face contorted.

  ~|~

  After reporting our findings to Joe and researching our options, I don’t have a choice. We need a deep freeze delivered in time for our big ice cream delivery in two days, and that means I need to accompany Logan.

  Logan unlocks and opens the passenger door of the camp’s mini truck, and I slide onto the front seat. A fine layer of dust coats everything and my shoes stick to the floor. I try not to touch anything as I snap on my seatbelt.

  Logan slides in next to me and roars the engine to life. “One could get used to this luxury, huh?”

  I laugh. “You sure know how to dazzle a girl.”

  The corner of his lip lifts as he plays with the knobs on the radio. Static blows through the speakers and he shuts the thing off. “I guess we’ll have to get to know each other.”

  He rests his arm against the seat, and brushes his hand over my shoulder in order to back out of the spot. His touch sends tingles down my arm. I try to ignore our contact until he pulls away and rests his hands on the steering wheel, and heads toward the exit.

  Yes, please. “Guess so,” I choke out.

  “So what’s your story?”

  “You first.”

  “I insist.”

  After a little coaxing, a very brief explanation of my life tumbles from my lips, abruptly stopping right before a mention of college or the real reason I’d taken the job. No need to bore the nice guy.

  “I’m sure there’s better paying jobs in your town,” he says. “Why here?” He peeks at me from the side of his shades and my insides tumble over.

  “Just bailing out my mom’s best friend. How about you?”

  “Ahhh…” The sound softens into a long exhale. “Kind of the same thing. My girlfriend landed a job at a swanky resort in Monterey and I didn’t, so… I was available when Dirk called. Anything to distract me from a long and lonely summer, right?”

  The floor of my stomach gives way. Girlfriend? The disappointment overtakes me for a split second before I stop myself. Why is this bothering me? I barely know the guy, and I’m guarding my heart. This is good, actually. Like God stepping in with a giant stop sign before I fall hard again. I need time to heal.

  “Have you been dating long?” I ask.

  “Just about a year. And you?” He shoots me a coy smile. “I’m sure there’s someone at home who’s missing you.”

  I stare out the side window and watch the redwoods zoom past. I so don’t want to answer this question. “Yeah, it’s complicated.”

  My answer surprises me. Gage and I were over, and after what he did I’d never take him back. Somehow because Logan expects me to be with someone, I don’t want to look like a loser. Or maybe my subconscious knows he’d treat me like one of the guys if I were taken. Either way, this makes me safe.

  “Ah. The magical button on Facebook. I get that.”

  I study him for a curious second. Is his relationship complicated too?

  “We’re in it for the long haul, though,” he finishes, as if to answer my un-verbalized question. “We go to different schools, so we’re apart a lot during the year. We make it work.”

  I don’t know what to say. I couldn’t go a day without seeing Gage before, and I didn’t think it possible to survive a long distance relationship.

  “Then why the swanky job? Can’t you just spend the summer together?”

  “We need the money.” His bottom lip puckers out, and I stare at it for a moment. He catches me, and I look away. “So, what’s it like in Placerville?”

  “Boring,” I say with a chuckle, then make up a story about my family being perfect, and how we water ski in the summer and snow ski every winter—same stuff I’d told kids at camp. It was so much better than the truth. Heck, he’d never know the difference.

  “So you didn’t go away to school?” he asks.

  School. Crap!

  “I commute to UC Davis.” I hold my breath. Too many lies to keep up with. What else am I going to hide behind?

  “Good thinking. I wish I could.” He winks. “Would alleviate a lot of expenses.”

  A small wish inside me blossoms. One that involves actually attending a university come fall and not lying about it, a life that I’m proud of and not embarrassed about. “What are you studying?”

  “Business.”

  He’s short and sweet, and I wait for more of an explanation. He offers nothing else, and I’m curious why, but too afraid to ask. Apparently he’s got secrets of his own.

  “Sounds… tiring.” I laugh.

  “I’ll work for my girlfriend’s dad once I graduate, so it’s all good.”

  “Oh.” My uncle did say he needed a bookkeeper once, but that is the extent of my opportunities sans family. I have to make my own luck. My mouth slips shut and I look out the window before I say anything else that’s royally stupid.

  The little tires fight to grip the road as Logan rounds the corner, and I clutch the handrail. He turns into a spot and kills the motor. The rattletrap doesn’t exactly quit once Logan pulls the key from the ignition.

  “Maybe a truck is what should be on the purchase list.” I chuckle and slam the door; only then does the engine die.

  “Yeah. Maybe.”

  Once inside, the smell of fresh lumber, metal, and paint hits me and reminds me of my uncle’s shop. Logan takes the lead and walks through the store like he’s been here a hundred times. He orders some plywood, picks out various shades of spray paint and then pours himself a bag of nails.

  “I’ve never bought appliances with a girl before,” he says softly as we walk to the refrigerator section.

  For some delightful reason, that makes me smile.

  “How can I help you?” a middle-aged man asks after appearing from nowhere. I cringe, dreading the salesman spiel that’ll come after we innocently ask him about freezers. Logan beats me to it.

  “Got any deep freezers?” he asks.

  I stare up at him.

  He winks at me and moves forward. “We need something pretty substantial. Like, what, Babe? Twenty-five cubic feet sound okay? We’re going to need to house a lot of ice cream this summer.”

  I nod, so happy he’s taking the reins.

  “The more room to keep all her tasty treats, the better,” he continues. The sales guy nods and shows us a few chest freezers. The sticker prices shown are more than Joe wants to pay. “I keep telling her she should do catering. Maybe this will inspire her.”

  My cheeks flush hot. I get showing your knowledge and enthusiasm, but this is going too far. What is he doing?

  “You’re a smart man.” The sales guy taps Logan on the shoulder. “I got just the thing.”

  “Oh, I know I am.” He smiles widely at me and I feel like I’ve stepped into the Twilight Zone. Logan opens the last freezer in the row and lifts out the rack inside. “How’s this one, Babe? This should do it.”

  I blink in amazement. Is he acting as if we’re together on purpose, or am I imagining things? I check out the price. It’s the cheapest one but still over t
he threshold.

  “It’s too much,” I mumble under my breath.

  “That’s actually been discontinued.”

  Logan looks over at the sales guy. “If you knock off 200 bucks for this ding here and throw in delivery, we’ll take the floor model off your hands.”

  “Hmmm…” He taps his lips. “Okay, you’ve got a deal.”

  “Sold!” Logan exclaims and slides his arm over my shoulder. I snuggle in, and oddly feel at home there, like I’ve always belonged. The sales guy shrugs and takes the tag before he walks us over to his desk.

  “Can you take care of the details, Babe?” Logan motions to the door. “I’m going to drive around back and pick up the wood. I’ll meet you out front.”

  He removes his arm, and I miss being underneath it. Staring at him in awe as he strolls out of view, I barely find the chair to sit down. Sales Guy has me fill out the paperwork. I slide over the credit card with Joe’s name on it and sheepishly explain, “It’s for Camp Redwood Springs. Can you deliver it there?”

  The sales guy eyes the card then glances at me suspiciously for a moment. “You work for the camp?”

  “Yeah.” I look away. “My boss says he does this here all the time. Just call him and he’ll authorize the purchase.”

  His eyes narrow before he picks up the phone and dials. “Yeah, Joe? I’ve got Madison here, and she’s buying a deep freeze with the camp’s credit card. Is that okay?”

  My cheeks heat again, and I don’t know why this embarrasses me. Logan was the one pretending we were a couple, but still, he took it so much further than I felt comfortable with. Sales Guy hangs up and smiles.

  “Your boyfriend is a smooth talker.” He laughs, and I squirm in my seat, not stopping to correct him. Tell me about it.

  ~|~

  “Why’d you do that?” I ask after climbing into the front seat of the truck. Logan’s found a radio station, and he’s trying to sing along to the Latino Pop music station.

  “Do what?”

  “Joke like that.”

  “How was I joking?”

  I huff, embarrassed I’d over-reacted. “Never mind.”

  “No. Tell me.”

  “You made it seem like we were… living together.”

  “What?” He laughs. “I’d make an honest woman out of you before I’d fake we were living together. I just wanted a good deal for the camp. If we came in looking like we had no clue, he’d up-sell us delivery charges and a warranty package. Confidence, my dear, is the trick.”

  At the words, “honest woman,” my stomach lurches with butterflies, and I struggle to stop them. He’d snagged us a spectacular deal. “For being a virgin at shopping for appliances, you seemed pretty adept.”

  “I didn’t say I was a virgin.” He eyes me up and down, and I smack him on the arm. He laughs, and then drives out of the parking lot. “I got you a present.” He motions to the bag on the floor.

  “You did?” I grab the bag. Inside are a variety of industrial cleaners. “Okay?”

  “I’ve seen what they have at camp and that’s not going to cut the mess we’ll be cleaning up.”

  I turn to him, touched he’d thought of me, and then catch the implication that he plans to help. “Thank you.”

  Who is this saint, anyway, and why is he befriending me?

  Logan waggles his eyebrows, slides his shades into place, and turns right, the direct opposite of camp.

  “Wait. Where are you going?”

  “I need to cruise the beach real quick and check out the swells before we head back.”

  I sit back into the seat, perplexed. It has been weeks since I’d laughed, a deep belly laugh that shakes your bones. That’s when I realize Logan is about to make my summer very interesting, and I am not sure if I should be excited or terrified.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Hey,” Syd says as she walks into Mulberry. “Holy crap, what happened to you?”

  I lie in the same spot I’d fallen after returning from the snack shack. Grime covers me from the neck down, and I feel like I can’t move. “You wouldn’t believe the mess we cleaned up in the snack shack, today.”

  “Really?” Syd’s expression changes from concern to surprise and her mouth forms into an O. “So that’s where Logan’s been today. He was supposed to be building the set.”

  “Oh?” I chuckle. “He will, later. We kind of had a deal.”

  “So you and Logan, huh?”

  “Oh, no. We’re just friends.”

  “With benefits?” She says it with a motherly tone.

  “Relax. I have a boyfriend,” I defend, then laugh nervously, shocked that I keep perpetuating this lie. “He just offered to help in exchange for painting tomorrow, so. We’re scratching each other’s backs.”

  “I’ll say.” She bites her lip to hide her smile.

  I throw my towel at her. “Stop it.”

  “I didn’t say anything.” She keeps watching me with a coy smile, then dumps her stuff on her bed. “You know he has a girlfriend.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Yet you’re glowing.” She laughs and starts to take off her shorts. “Be careful.”

  “Shush.” I roll off the bed and groan as I scoop up my towel before hitting the shower. All we’d ever be is friends, which is fine by me.

  Ducking under the hot stream of water, I close my eyes and let the heat sink into me. Normally a job this gross and tiring would have been enough for me to quit, but with Logan, I actually enjoyed myself. Not just with his help, but with his kindness. Even down to the rubber gloves he’d picked up which fit my hands just right. Not once did he correct me or tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about. He listened. He cared like a friend should.

  “Hey,” Syd calls down the row of stalls. “Leave some hot water for me.”

  “Sorry.” Twisting the knob off, I snatch my towel. Just beyond the curtain, the clock reads I’d been seduced by the water for the last twenty-minutes, seduced by Logan’s kindness more like it. Crap. I suck in a steamy breath and exit the cramped stall. “All yours.”

  Syd turns on the water to the neighboring shower. “I put the rotation schedule on your bed.” She shoots me a coy smile before ducking behind the shower curtain.

  “What?”

  “You’ll see.”

  I walk past her stall and pad into the room filled with bunks, thinking about the kids that’ll be here in a few days, at the lives she’ll be responsible for. Maybe being the snack shack girl is a blessing. I could barely handle my own life, let alone a bunch of hormonal girls all summer. I pick up the rotation list and laugh to myself. Sure enough, Logan is scheduled for the first week. Instead of having campers, he’ll be under my tutelage filling in as kitchen help during the meals and living in the cabin next to mine. I try not to show how happy this makes me feel. I still need to keep a level head.

  My phone chirps, and I look over, expecting a text from mom. I couldn’t stop my gasp. A new number lights up the display. Terror engulfs me and my legs start to shake. Palming the phone, I sit down on the bed, too afraid to check the message. What if it’s Gage and he says he hates me, or worse, that he’s sorry? What if he says he’s coming to visit?

  We’d only spoken one other time and that was after I’d rage texted him, “I guess you really do like screwing whores.” Then Allie called a few seconds later wanting to know what I’d said. Secretly, I’d hoped she saw the text. She had no clue about the two-faced asshole she spread her legs for. He didn’t love her. He was incapable of loving anyone, not even himself.

  “What do you think of…” Syd stops when she sees me gripping the phone with white knuckles. “What’s wrong?”

  My eyes meet hers, and I push down my fear. “Nothing.”

  “Nothing? You don’t look like it’s nothing.”

  “Drama at home.” I put the phone into my pocket.

  “What kind of drama?” She stands before me like she’s ready to jump whoever it is that’s got me worked up.


  I close my eyes and shake my head. “My boyfriend is giving me grief about working here. He misses me.”

  Her body deflates. “That’s all? You had me worried he dumped you, or something. Ryder’s been missing me, too. He’s been waiting for the rotation schedule, so he can visit. You should have… what’s your boyfriend’s name again?”

  “Gage.” I try not to cringe when I say it.

  “I love that name.” She looks upward like she’s making mental notes to use that for her firstborn’s name before she starts to change into jeans and a T-shirt. “You should invite him when Ryder comes in three weeks.”

  “Oh?” My stomach twists, and I want so badly to have the life I’d lied about—to have a man in my life who loves me and doesn’t hurt me, to have parents who love each other, security and roots.

  As Syd changes, I can barely fight the curiosity clawing its way through me. Against my better judgment, I unlock the screen and look at the message.

  Unknown: It’s Gage. I miss you.

  The urge to heave overwhelms me as I’m slapped with a huge dose of regret. Syd tilts her head. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and when you finally see each other, it’ll all be worth it.” She fans herself.

  I breathe out a shaky breath, feeling sick inside. It’s like summer camp all over, living a lie that everything is fine. Why can’t I come clean and admit the truth?

  Even still, I can’t lie to myself. The pain is debilitating. Yet it only goes away when I’m with Logan. Then it hits me. Logan’s become my drug, and the time we spend together is my addiction.

  I’m so screwed.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “This is the thanks I get after everything?” Logan slams shut the deep freeze. “That’s it. We’re done.”

  I punch him in the arm and try not to smile. This fake banter, like we’re an old married couple, has become a norm over the past week in our twisted relationship. “Stop it. The Drumsticks were on backorder.”

  “Backorder? I can’t be responsible for my actions if they don’t come in soon.”