Truly Madly Deeply: Volumes 1-4

by Brenda Pandos

  Dirk walks by and gives us a dirty look, meaning we’re fraternizing too much with each other and not with our kids. Syd rolls her eyes and jumps up. She joins in the game, but I’m too tired to move.

  The dismissal bell for the evening rings after the kids gorge themselves on cookies and hot chocolate. My girls find me, yank me off the couch, and we walk together arm and arm trailing behind Syd and her girls to our cabins, giggling. Once we hit the trail, the dread of another sleepless night grabs me by the throat.

  “Wait up,” Kat calls as she runs down the path.

  Syd turns and gives me a puzzled look.

  I shrug like I don’t know what she wants until I remember. She’s staying in my cabin with me.

  “Hey, Kat,” I say.

  “Hey.” She introduces herself to my girls and lets them know she’s staying in Camilla with us. Syd gives me a horrified look as we say goodnight and part ways.

  Once inside, I promptly lock the deadbolt.

  “Hey.” Kat points to my bed. “That’s crazy. I’ve got the same comforter.”

  I watch her open her locker, and pull out the identical one, just like Logan mentioned. “That’s crazy.”

  She claims a bottom bunk across from mine. The girls eww and ahh over her stuff when she promises a facial night.

  After much prompting, the teeth brushing, and showers are finished, everyone settles in. I double check the deadbolt is locked and click off the light, but I know tonight isn’t going to be any different than last.

  “How about a scary story?” Kat flips on her flashlight and illuminates her face.

  “No,” says Holly.

  “Don’t be a baby.” Bridge shakes her head.

  “I’m not a baby,” Holly defends. “It’s just scary enough with that guy out there.”

  “Oh, he’s long gone,” Kat says.

  I glare at her. Why is she lying to them?

  “We need to get to sleep,” I say. “We’re all tired and we have a big day tomorrow.”

  “Aweee,” Kat whines and clicks off the light. “Oh, wait. That’s right. It’s beach day tomorrow, isn’t it?”

  The girls’ excitement ramps back up as they hit us with questions.

  “Actually, I'm going to be your counselor tomorrow,” Kat announces. “Maddy has an appointment with a therapist.”

  My stomach plummets. “Kat.”

  “A therapist?” Holly asks. “Why?”

  “It’s because she was attacked,” Kat says somberly.

  I sit up. “Kat, please.”

  “Well? It’s the truth,” she says.

  The truth? Maybe they should know her truth, too. I glare at her in the dark. Is this why she’s here? To undermine me? Embarrass me? Get back at me?

  “It’s nothing to worry about, Holly. Nothing happened. It’s just camp protocol that I talk to someone about what happened, but I’m fine.”

  “What did he do to you?” Emma asked.

  I lean against my arm, heart hammering, and pinch my eyes. This adrenaline rush isn’t going to help me fall asleep any time soon. “He didn’t do anything. He just talked to me.”

  “And said what?” Bridge asked.

  “I’m not supposed to say, okay?” I say quickly. “It’s just… too horrible to repeat. Sorry.”

  The cabin gets quiet and with each growing second, it’s like I’ve put up a wall between me and them, but I don’t know what else to say.

  “We’ll have fun tomorrow,” Kat adds. “I brought a kite.”

  I clench my teeth. Of course, she saves the conversation—the one she started. All I know is if she’s going to say stuff like this, I won’t allow her to stay with me.

  After a long minute, a few of the girls titter and whisper, which I quiet down. Within thirty minutes, soft snores echo through the room. I drift off, but then Marsden comes into view and grabs me. I startle awake. My mind doesn’t stop racing. What if Logan wasn’t there? What if Marsden did get his hands on me? What if he’s out there right now waiting for me? It’s what I deserve, being the horrible person that I am. I try to think of something else. Eventually my heart slows and somehow sleep grabs me and drags me under.

  I startle awake several hours later, heart pounding, and take a minute to figure out my surroundings. In the dark I can see Kat’s comforter, but I don’t see her blonde head. I sit up and try to focus. Eventually, I walk over and touch her bedding. It’s empty. I check the bathroom stalls. They’re empty, too. With all the top bunks occupied, I can’t look outside the windows.

  I take my phone with me and listen against the door. Slowly, I unlock the deadbolt and peek outside, before stepping onto the porch. Does she have a key?

  Syd’s cabin across the way is dark along with the others. A warm breeze cycles through my hair, and I hold my arms close to me, though I’m not cold.

  I contemplate texting Logan to say she’s missing, but if they’re off together making up, I don’t really want to know. But then again, if she’s with Dirk… my stomach twists for Logan just thinking about it. Maybe Dirk is the one I should text. I just wish for a way to get her caught, so she’ll leave, but one where Logan won’t find out. Would he quit?

  I’m stuck. With Marsden on the loose, I won’t dare go to Dirk’s cabin. It’s taking all my courage to stand out here as it is. I clench my fists and return inside.

  This girl is more than confusing, she’s maddening.

  “Damn, you,” I mumble under my breath.

  ~|~

  My alarm chimes under my pillow, startling me, and I quickly shut it off. The shushing of water registers through my dulled senses, and I pry my eyes open. Though falling back asleep after finding Kat absent proved difficult, I’d slept better than I had since the incident.

  I sit up and scan the top bunks. Five heads are accounted for. Grabbing my toiletry bag, I head to the sink. I have fifteen minutes to get ready before the morning staff meeting.

  I rinse off my face, then put toothpaste on my brush. The shower shuts off, making me want to rush and get out of there before Kat sees me. I’m just about finished when she saunters out with a towel wrapped around her torso.

  “Hey, you,” she says. “Sleep well?”

  I pull on my hat and secure a ponytail through the hole.

  “As good as can be expected. I’ll be back in thirty.”

  “Actually, can you wait up? I’m going, too.” She strips nude in front of me and puts on her underwear. The memory of seeing her straddling Dirk while sitting on the stool comes back to me, and I look away.

  “I really need coffee.”

  “Oh, me, too. There’s some in the lounge.” She yanks on her jeans and shirt, then twists her wet hair into a bun. “There.”

  I retreat to my bunk and slide on my shoes. She does the same and follows me outside. Everything inside me screams to ask where she was last night as I lock the deadbolt behind us, but I don’t know how she’ll react, and the frightened part of me wants her to continue to stay here with me.

  The crisp air tickles my nose as our shoes crunch against the gravel.

  We pass the security guard and he nods. “Ladies.”

  “Good thing he’s here,” Kat says.

  “Yeah.” I keep my eyes straight ahead.

  “Hey.” She touches my arm. “Sorry about last night.”

  I turn to her. My brain pauses for a moment.

  “I wasn’t thinking when I told them about your appointment.”

  “Oh.” I blink at her momentarily. I’d been so preoccupied with her disappearance, I’d forgotten the obvious.

  “I figured you’d already told them since it’s in the news and everything. I’m such a ditz sometimes.”

  I slowly nod, but I see right through her. We both know this isn’t about what was in the news. It’s about Logan. I so badly want to just rip off her smile with a few choice words, but I can’t. Her presence is helping me sleep, and until I can get my shit together I’m stuck with her. Hopefully therapy today will fix m
e.

  “Just don’t answer their questions about me, okay?”

  She smiles. “Sure. Of course not.”

  A few other counselors join us, and we walk up the steps toward the counselor lounge. Kat holds open the door, and I scan the inside. Dirk smiles at the two of us. Then everything suddenly makes sense. Kat isn’t staying with me because she’s scared. She’s babysitting me. Was that why she couldn’t give me a straight answer when I asked about her job?

  My stomach drops. And she was so sly about it, too, making it look like I was doing her a favor. Stupid me. I totally fell for it.

  ~|~

  After a busy morning of group activities and crafts, the afternoon finally gets here and the kids leave in the vans for the beach.

  I pick at my nails, looking over my shoulder every few seconds while I wait for Logan in the passenger seat of my car. Then he runs up, brown hair shining in the sun.

  I try to swallow down the lump in my throat that’s the size of Texas as Logan slides into the driver’s seat next to me.

  “Hey, there you are.”

  “Sorry I’m late.” He clicks the seat belt, then stops and stares at me.

  My heart pounds in anticipation. “What?”

  This is the first quiet moment we’ve had together since Friday night, well, besides my freak out at the pool. I brace myself for what he’s about to say as the warm air infuses with his scent, making my knees weak.

  “You’re very brave, Maddy. Braver than you give yourself credit.”

  I freeze under his gaze. “What do you mean?”

  “Most girls would have quit after what happened.”

  My eye drift downward to the Slurpee stain on the floorboard—to the mess my emotions have caused. I stayed purely for selfish reasons, but I can’t tell him that. “I don’t think that makes me brave.”

  “Actually, what I mean is you’re not like most girls.”

  My heart warms at the compliment, but I don’t dare look at him. I want to know where this is coming from, but I’m afraid of what the answer will be.

  He puts the key in the ignition and starts the car. We pull out of the camp parking lot and head toward the highway.

  I roll down my window and stick my arm outside. The cool breeze presses into my palm. Then my phone chimes in rapid fire, signaling missed messages. I fish it out of my pocket.

  “Your fans?”

  I smirk and look at my phone. “Hardly.”

  “Yet, every time we’re in the car, this happens.”

  “It’s my lame cell service,” and the fact all three calls are from Mom, which I’m too embarrassed to admit. “I’m sure it’s nothing important.”

  “I hope you don’t say that about me.”

  “What, that you’re not important?” I laugh. “You’ve never left a message.”

  “Maybe I should.”

  “Yes, you should.” I lean back in the seat and close my eyes, deciding to listen to them later. “Let’s just drive.”

  “And ditch therapy?”

  I look at him from the side and smirk. Though I know I need to go to get over my stupid fears, if Logan gives me an out, I’d take it. “Is it bad I don’t want to go?”

  His right shoulder lifts. “No.”

  He merges onto the highway and heads in the direction of the office. My shoulders sink in disappointment, but I try not to show it. I focus on the twenty uninterrupted minutes I have with him. What are we going to talk about?

  Probing about his mysterious fighting skills comes to mind first, but then that’ll bring up what happened afterward—the kiss. Could we talk about our campers? The weather? Boring.

  My phone rings in my lap. Absentmindedly, I pick it up, expecting Mom. Gage’s number stares back at me. I quickly click it off and clutch my hand over the speaker, like it might blurt out his name. Why is he calling me?

  “More fans?” he asks.

  I shake my head and laugh. “No. My mom.”

  “She’s probably worried.”

  “Yeah, well…” I shrug and try to think fast. “I haven’t exactly talked to her since Friday happened.”

  “You haven’t?”

  I waffle with an excuse. It’s not like I can admit that I’m not close to my mother, or that the hangover took most of Saturday to get over. “There’s been a lot going on.”

  I clutch the phone, sick inside. Why is Gage calling me? The silence drones on, and I know it looks bad that I’m not calling her back.

  I click the message button.

  “First message: Maddy? It’s mom. Hey, I saw the news. Call me.”

  “Second message,” My mother’s shrill voice floods the receiver. “Why haven’t you called me? Marge says they’ve got things under control, but the news says that there’s a sex offender on the loose. Do you know this? Have you see him?”

  I turn down the volume.

  “Third message… Maddy? You call me, you hear me? I swear I’ll drive up there and yank you out of that place, and you know I will!”

  I press my hand to my forehead when she starts cussing.

  “What’s wrong?” Logan asks.

  I startle at his voice and set the phone in my lap. “Oh... nothing.”

  I have to call her. If I don’t, I look like the worst daughter alive. My finger hovers over the call button. I take a deep breath and press it, hoping for her voicemail. The line starts to ring, then picks up. “Madison?”

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Madison Elizabeth Miller! Are you trying to put me in the grave? You’re on my shit list! Do you hear me?”

  My finger quickly clicks the volume down further. Logan’s curious look catches my eye and he gives me a consolatory smile. I know he has to have heard her. Even still, I work to remain calm, but it’s not lost on me that Mom clearly isn’t at work today.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve been busy.”

  “Busy?” She groans louder than necessary. “There’s a rapist loose in camp!”

  “I highly doubt that with all the cops and security he’s anywhere near here.”

  “But they think he’ll return.”

  “Maybe, but you have nothing to worry about, believe me.”

  “It’s my job to worry. You need to come home right now!”

  Oh, how convenient. How long will that last? I want to tell her she only worries until I’m too expensive, then she has no problem kicking me out on the street, but Logan is listening.

  “I’m fine. I’m actually counseling this week. Are you at work?”

  I hear the ice cubes clink in her glass and my stomach turns. I should hang up now since she won’t remember half this conversation after she hangs up. “Stop changing the subject. This guy has a rap sheet a mile long. Sexual battery, rape by force, sexual penetration with objects! He’s dangerous!”

  “Mom!” I swallow, but the new images are there, ready to give me nightmares tonight. “Please.”

  “It’s the truth. I saw it online.”

  I close my eyes. Why haven’t they caught this guy already? Even still, I have to calm her down before she does show up.

  “He didn’t do anything,” besides stab Logan. “Just tried to get into one cabin, but we called the cops and—”

  “And they released him on bail! He came back. He attacked someone. Stabbed them!”

  “Tried to stab them, but they’re okay.” My eyes drift to Logan’s arm. “The cops are on top of it. Parents are still sending their kids here, if that helps any.”

  “That’s just ridiculous.”

  “Well, if we didn’t have campers, I wouldn’t have a job.”

  Thinking back, would she have reacted the same way if this had happened when I was a kid? She was always so relieved to be rid of me for a week.

  “We’re all safe,” I add.

  “You’re only safe behind a ten foot wall with electrocuted barbed wire on top.”

  I chuckle “We don’t plan on relocating to prison any time soon, but there is a fence.”

 
“Don’t joke with me. My heart—”

  Her heart? Is that the latest sympathy ploy? “How’s Hannah?”

  Mom sighs again, and I hear her swallow. “Getting on my last nerve.”

  When she tells me how Hannah joy rode her car and smashed the fender, probably during one of Mom’s drunken binges, I can’t help but stifle a laugh. I know it’s evil, but it’s about time my perfect sister’s halo fell off.

  “That’s awful,” I say.

  “Well, she’s grounded for life.” I’ve heard that said more times than I can count. “I don’t have long. My break is almost over,” she continues.

  Break? I know she’s home, faking she’s sick. The TV is on in the background.

  “Okay, Mom.”

  She mumbles goodbye and hangs up. The message icon illuminates a big one on the screen. My hand shakes as I stare at it. Sometime today, while we’re still off grounds, I need to retrieve it.

  “That went well,” Logan says as he pulls off the freeway.

  Within a few minutes, we’ll be in the office. My palms start to sweat. “As well as expected.”

  He pulls into the parking lot and turns off the engine.

  “You ready?”

  No. “Yes.”

  He steps out of the car and shuts the door. I take out my phone super quick and retrieve the message.

  New message…Maddy, it’s Gage. My heart jumps into my throat. Before I can stop myself, I’m jettisoned there again, in that damn apartment, watching them hump each other. I know you don’t want to hear from me, but I saw the news. I hope you’re being safe. It kills me if—I press the delete button.

  Gage, damn you! Tears well in my eyes. Even after a month, he still has this effect on me.

  I stuff the phone in my pocket and push my feelings down, before I turn toward Logan. “Let’s do this.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  After a short wait, the door to Dr. Randolph’s office opens. Out steps a tall, thin woman with dark hair and glasses, possibly in her mid-thirties. She reaches out to shake our hands.

  “Hello Madison and Logan. Welcome. I’m Patricia.” She directs us inside her office. “Please, make yourselves comfortable.”

  I follow Logan’s lead and sit next to him on the leather couch before I glance about the room. The walls are a pale blue and a bookshelf filled with books covers most of the wall behind her desk. In front of us is a coffee table. There’s sand in a tray with rocks and a small rake.