Life Pushes You Along: A woman-loving-woman romance novella

by Emma Sterner-Radley

  They were sitting down at their usual spot in the reference room. A tall, gangly man, whom Zoe assumed was a librarian, was going through the reference books opposite them, taking certain books out and putting them on a trolley. Zoe wondered what he was seeing in those books that she wasn’t. They all looked like old, hardback reference books to her.

  She leaned close to Rebecca and whispered, “What do you think those books have done to be taken away from the others. Can he see from their spines that they are not popular or something?”

  She expected Rebecca to make a sensible suggestion, like maybe they looked worn, they were for a display of some kind, or that they needed new labels for their spines. Instead, she looked at the library employee and the books and quite audibly said, “No, those are the books chosen to be taken up into the mothership when he ascends.”

  Then she went back to unpacking her briefcase and setting up her laptop as if nothing had happened. Had anyone else made the librarian-is-an-alien joke, Zoe wouldn’t have batted an eye, but, like all jokes that Rebecca made, it was so unexpected that Zoe broke out in laughter.

  Rebecca looked up and gave the slightest hint of a smile. “You’ve got a lovely laugh.”

  Zoe tried to look confident, as if she got compliments like that often. “Thanks. And you’ve got a weird sense of humour.”

  Rebecca’s eyebrows rose and she hurried to explain.

  “I—I mean that in a good way. I like your sense of humour. It’s… funny.”

  Zoe had never wanted to bang her head against a table as much as she did just then. Inwardly she groaned to herself. Your sense of humour is funny? What kind of numpty phrases it like that?

  The corners of Rebecca’s mouth quirked but stopped just shy of a smile.

  “I’m glad to hear it. Not everyone gets my jokes, which I why I tend to shy away from making them. Anyway, let’s get on with the job search,” Rebecca said while taking her glasses out and putting them on.

  Zoe wasn’t about to let her slip back into work that easily.

  “Well, just so you know, I get your jokes, so please make more of them.”

  “Not sure that’s advisable. You laughing seems to have hugely annoyed the man over there,” Rebecca said. She gave a subtle nod to the right.

  Zoe pretended to be stretching her neck in all directions and when she came to the right she looked at a surly man standing between shelves, holding a thick red tome. He looked like they had insulted his mother.

  “Hey, that’s the guy with the bird book who got in a right mood when your phone went off last week. I think we’re making an enemy.”

  “Oh good. I haven’t had an arch nemesis since I bankrupted and disgraced the last one,” Rebecca said matter-of-fact.

  For a moment, Zoe hesitated. Rebecca knew how to sound so stern when she wanted to. Then she gathered her wits and laughed at the joke.

  Rebecca looked up and winked at her. She actually winked at her. “You really do understand my sense of humour. What a relief.”

  “Yeah, I’m not sure grumpy git over there will, though.”

  “Perhaps he’s got a secret crush on you and resents that I get to spend so much time with you,” Rebecca suggested.

  Zoe sniggered. “A bit like Darren and you and me, then, huh?”

  The words had slipped out before she had thought them through. Not the first time in her life, of course, but still frustrating.

  Rebecca cocked her head a little. “Darren has a crush on you? And resents me spending time with you?”

  “Um, well, no. The other way around, actually. He has a crush on you and hates that I talk to you when you come into the shop.”

  Zoe hoped that nothing in what had just been said revealed her own interest in Rebecca. It was bad enough spilling Darren’s secret crush; she couldn’t make the same mistake with her own.

  A hint of a wicked smile played at Rebecca’s mouth. “He’d hate the fact that we spend every weekend together, then.”

  Zoe nearly choked on her own tongue. “Uh, yeah. I’m, uh, still sorry that you have to give up your Saturdays to help me. Whenever you want your squash time back, just say the word. I’m sure I can take it from here.”

  Rebecca waved the notion away while looking at her laptop. “Don’t be absurd. I’ll help you right up until the point that you start your new position. It’s been years since I had the thrill of the job hunt and I’m enjoying experiencing it vicariously. I like my Saturdays just the way they are.”

  There was no way Zoe could stop herself from smiling. “Yeah, me too.”

  Rebecca glanced up. The way her eyes twinkled when she looked up over the rims of her glasses hit Zoe like a punch to the stomach. Or maybe it was because there seemed to be real joy in those eyes. Or maybe even flirtation?

  You’re imagining things. Things that you want a little too much, Zoe’s inner voice chided.

  “So, um. What have you got there?” Zoe pointed to the MacBook’s screen.

  “The websites of some independent bookshops in South London. I thought you could email them. I found these sites after a quick Google search last night. I’m sure there are lots more who just don’t have an online presence. If you know of any, or happen to pass one, it might be good to carry a copy of your CV and pop in to see if they are hiring.”

  “Cool. That makes sense. So, do you want to send me those email addresses you found and I can contact them on my own later.”

  Rebecca looked almost deflated. It only lasted for a millisecond and then her composed front was back.

  “You could do that. I don’t mind making up an email template for you to use, though. Perhaps send off a few of the emails together today? Unless you would prefer to do it in private?”

  Zoe felt a wholly inappropriate thrill at hearing Rebecca say the words “do it in private” and felt ashamed of her gutter-mind.

  “No, no! I’d love for you to help me and to make sure I don’t make a tit of myself. I just don’t want to waste your free time. Like I said, I already feel bad enough to be taking your Saturdays away and now that I know you googled stuff for me last night too, I feel even worse.”

  She gave a self-deprecating smile, trying to let that explain her meaning. Rebecca looked like she was thinking something through, but what, Zoe couldn’t even begin to guess. She was no closer to being able to read Rebecca.

  As she watched Rebecca, she tried to pretend that her eyes weren’t seeking out the adorable freckles that were dotted over Rebecca’s nose and cheekbones and almost covered by makeup.

  “I’m not sure how to make this point without sounding rather pathetic,” Rebecca said.

  Zoe snorted. “Hey, I’m the one who got so stuck in a rut, that my best friend and brother felt the need to seek out a stranger to ask her to basically pull me out of it. Now that’s pathetic.”

  Rebecca shook her head. “Zoe, I think I told you how little I have in my life at present. There’s work, and then seeing my parents on Sundays, then more work, the gym two or three times a week, then more work, the occasional trip to Cornwall to see my sister, or a holiday in the sun and a meaningless twenty-four-hour romance with a stranger. And then more work. Perhaps, you are not the only one unhappy with the state of your life.”

  “Oh,” Zoe replied feebly.

  Rebecca looked intensely uncomfortable now, her perfect front was lost.

  “Perhaps it’s not just you who settled for the only things she felt she could have. Maybe I was bored to tears until your friends came to me and asked me to help you.”

  There were absolutely no words that Zoe could make herself say. Seeing behind Rebecca’s mask was such a rare gift.

  The process of getting to know Rebecca had just taken a giant leap. She wasn’t perfect and she didn’t have it all together. And she was willing to admit that, no matter how embarrassed she looked.

  She could feel her daydream crush crumbling. She had fallen for Rebecca’s persona and what she assumed her to be. She had put this confident,
charming businesswoman on a pedestal, like a perfect statue made of the most exquisite marble. It was only now that she realised how easy it would be to love the red-blooded human in front of her, the woman with flaws and insecurities.

  Oh, God. She wanted to kiss her so badly.

  “Oh, um, okay. Well, I’m glad I made things less boring. If you need more distraction, I have other parts of my life that need help. I’m rubbish at cleaning for example.”

  Rebecca laughed. It was a muted, warm laugh and it made Zoe feel strangely comfortable.

  “Shhhhh,” said grumpy-git man. He had somehow sneaked up on them and appeared at Rebecca’s elbow with a scowl and a surprising talent for shushing.

  “This is a library. It’s for readers. Chatting people have coffee shops,” he whispered in a growling tone.

  Rebecca looked at him with a wrinkle between her perfectly trimmed eyebrows. “Surely, they are for people who purchase and drink coffee. Hence the name ‘coffee shop’?”

  He scrunched up his nose at her. “Fine. Chat rooms on the internet, then. They are for chatting.”

  Rebecca nodded, unperturbed by his rudeness. “Granted. If I and my associate here need to speak online, we will find ourselves a chat room. Now we need to be face to face, so I’m afraid we’ll have to make do with this reference room. You’ll just have to get references from the books for all three of us, I’m afraid. Terribly sorry about that. We will, however, try to keep the volume of the conversation down.”

  He looked at her as if she had just spit on his shoes but clearly couldn’t come up with a counterargument. He muttered, “plebeians”, and walked off back to the shelves of books.

  Rebecca looked at Zoe with a quirk of the eyebrow that made her chuckle, she put her hand over her mouth to stifle it but was too late. She saw grumpy git turn and give her a withering look before continuing over to the dictionaries.

  “I bet he’s gonna go look up ‘coffee shops’ to see if it mentions chatting or not. If it does, he’ll be back here to stick the book under your nose,” Zoe whispered.

  Rebecca adjusted her rimless glasses. “Oh ignore him. He’s just frustrated because all his clothes seem to smell of cabbage. Can’t blame him really.”

  Zoe sniggered again, feeling like a naughty kid making fun of the teacher.

  Rebecca looked up at her, matching her smile. “Thank you for laughing at my jokes. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it.”

  “If it’s a job then I think I’m the perfect candidate for the position,” Zoe said, doing her best impression of what she thought you should sound like in a job interview.

  “You’ve got the position, Ms. Achidi. The pay and the benefits are terrible but the hours are very flexible.”

  “Sounds like my kinda thing. Do I need a uniform?” Zoe said, her mouth once more bypassing her brain again. She evaluated what she had just said and decided that it could sound platonic if her voice hadn’t sounded suggestive in any way.

  Rebecca gave a little hum, opened her mouth and then closed it again.

  In fascination, Zoe watched the composed front slowly but firmly settle in over Rebecca’s features once more.

  “No, this particular position doesn’t. I suppose the jobs we should be looking for might, at least if you do get a position in one of the bookstore chains. Have you been keeping an eye on their hiring pages?”

  And they were back to serious again. Zoe felt almost bereft. It felt like having had a bucket of cold water poured over her head too. She tried to ignore it.

  “Yep, in fact, I’ve been checking them almost every evening. Nothing new so far.”

  Rebecca gave a quick nod. “I’m glad you are keeping on top of it. You never know when an opening for a shop assistant might come up.”

  Zoe gave what she hoped was a grateful and agreeing nod. Yep, back to being serious.

  Chapter 12

  Zoe

  Zoe wondered why late Tuesday afternoons were always so busy in the bookshop. Was Tuesday somehow the day when everyone felt the tug of a new book? As she considered the ages of the older teenagers milling about, she realised that perhaps it was just a school which let out at about this time. She liked being busy, it made time go by more quickly, but this was a little too much for comfort.

  Darren wasn’t helping. He was in a manic mood today, the very opposite of his usual lazy self. He had just bought a new car and felt the need to tell every customer about it. That would have been fine if he had been willing to serve them while he did so, but no, that fell to Zoe as usual.

  One of the customers, a teenage boy with a wispy little beard, asked to see pictures and Zoe had never seen Darren run to the backroom to get his phone so quickly. As soon as he had run off and left the teenage boy to saunter over to the nearby travel section, the bell above the door chimed again and Zoe turned around, expecting another teenager.

  That was why she was even more ecstatic than normal to see Rebecca stride in. The heels of her long, black boots clicked on the floor and Zoe was sure she could hear the rustle of her long coat as she moved. Although, she knew that her mind was probably playing tricks on her. She wondered what was next – seeing Rebecca move in slow motion? Ridiculous.

  Rebecca smiled at her. “Hello there, Zoe. How are you?”

  “Not bad. It’s been busy in here today but that’s good news for the cash flow, I guess. You?”

  “Fine. My four thirty meeting was cancelled so I came out for some fresh air. I thought I’d pop in and see how you were doing. All alone, I see?”

  “Yep,” Zoe replied.

  She didn’t feel like explaining where Darren was; she wasn’t going to ruin this wonderful surprise by talking about him. Rebecca was here. To see her. Who cared about Darren? Besides, he never managed to find his phone in his grubby old holdall so he’d be ages yet.

  “Good. Then I can tell you about the job I’ve spotted for you. It’s an independent bookshop and you fit their requirements. However, it’s a specialty bookshop. How do you feel about subjects like tantric sex, healing crystals, and centaur erotica?”

  Zoe tried for her best alarmed face and Rebecca nodded with half a smirk.

  “Out of your comfort zone. I understand. To be honest, the pay was quite shocking anyway. We’ll keep looking. The perfect position will be out there waiting for you. See you on Saturday for more job hunting?”

  “I’ve got the Saturday shift again but I’m sure I can switch with Darren if I bribe him with doing the inventory all by myself next time.”

  “Excellent. Let me know if you need to reschedule. Right, I should get back to work.”

  Zoe couldn’t stop a huge grin forming. “Okay, well don’t work too hard and I’ll probably see you on Saturday.”

  The door to the backroom shut with its usual creak and thud, and Zoe realised that Darren must be coming back.

  To warn Rebecca not to talk about jobs, she shouted over her shoulder, “Hey Darren. We’ve got one of our regulars in today. It’s Ms. Clare.”

  Normally, a statement like that would have made Darren ask why the hell she was telling him, but his crush on Rebecca was as fervent as ever and Zoe heard his steps pick up speed.

  “Ah, perfect. Just in time to join this young man in viewing some pictures of my stunning new Mitsubishi. Look at this beauty.” He pointed to a picture on his phone and then swiped it away to reveal another one, and another one, and another one.

  Rebecca gave a polite, fake smile. “Very nice indeed. Sadly, I’m afraid I need to get going. I just popped in to see if my ordered book had arrived but it seems it hasn’t. I will just have to wait until you contact me to let me know. Thank you, Zoe.”

  “You’re very welcome, Ms. Clare.”

  Zoe’s tone was polite but her smile was conspiratorial. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the secret of their friendship. Or mentoring, or whatever it was.

  Rebecca left the shop and Darren and Zoe watched the door close behind her. They both jumped when the teen
age boy sidled over to them, having forgotten all about him. In his hand was a travel guide to Thailand. His eyes looked… expectant?

  He beamed at Darren and said, “So, will you be looking for someone full-time or part-time?”

  Darren frowned. “You wha’?”

  The teen pointed at Zoe. “When she leaves?”

  Darren looked at Zoe and she felt her stomach turn. Her brain was shouting at her to change the topic and get this annoying kid out of the shop before he ruined everything. But there she stood, frozen to the spot, unsure of what to say.

  As Zoe wasn’t saying anything, Darren looked back to the barely-bearded teenager. Clearly oblivious to that anything was wrong, the teen kept speaking.

  “Yeah. I heard her talking to the redheaded MILF who was just here. Since she’s looking for jobs, I assume she’s leaving this one and I just started looking for work. I mean I have no idea how it works, you know, getting a job and all that. But my mum says that if I don’t bring in a little money to the house, she’s gonna stop doing my laundry.”

  Zoe wanted to get tweezers and pluck his ridiculous excuse of a beard one greasy hair at a time. Or strangle him. Yeah, that would be easier and it would make him shut up.

  The panic was finally letting go of its death grip on her throat and she managed to mumble, “I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick there.”

  “Nah, mate. I heard you were looking for work. Can’t guess why though, this looks like a pretty cushy job. Just stand there and take money. I could do that. Well, after school that is. When are you leaving?”

  He asked Zoe the question as if he had asked if she knew the time. She tried not to hate his guts, he was young and clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed. He had no idea how looking for jobs worked. It hadn’t occurred to the annoying kid that you don’t just get a job out of the blue and that while you spend ages looking, you don’t necessarily tell your employer. The employer who might be standing next to you right now. With his face going red and his grip on his phone showing white knuckles.