Reid

by SJ McCoy

  “Sorry. I’ve been busy.”

  “So I heard.”

  He smiled. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve heard and then I only need to catch you up on what you don’t already know.”

  She laughed. “Her name’s Tara. She has a son named Owen—with whom you have a special bond. You’ve been spending every spare moment with her since you arrived in the city, and both your brothers are cautiously happy, while Grace and Dani are over the moon.”

  “That about sums it up.”

  “Are you staying there?”

  “No. I’m going home in the morning.”

  “Oh.”

  He laughed. “You sound disappointed.”

  “I am. If the little boy is like you, then it’s not going to be easy for him.”

  “I know. But I have to go home. I’m coming back next weekend.”

  She stayed quiet.

  “What are you thinking? You might as well tell me.”

  “There’s so much I want to say, but I shouldn’t say a thing. I’m just getting carried away because of what your brothers have said.”

  “Tell me what you’re thinking?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I’m thinking. I should let you go at your own pace and only offer my opinion when you ask for it.”

  He chuckled. “I am asking for it.”

  “My opinion doesn’t really matter until I know how you feel about her. Where do you see this going?”

  “I’d like to think …” He hesitated. Was he really about to tell his mom that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with a woman he’d known for less than a week? Yes. He was. “I’d like to think that she’s my person.”

  His mom chuckled. “You’d like to think that she is, or you do think she is and you’re afraid to admit it to me because you think it’s too soon?”

  “I do think she is.”

  “And for what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s too soon. When you meet your person, you know. I knew Grace was it for Oscar the first time I met her and knew that Dani was right for TJ, too.”

  “So, how would you feel about meeting Tara?”

  “You want me to?” She sounded surprised.

  “I do. Obviously, it’d be reassuring to hear what you think, but even aside from that, I’d like you to meet her because I think you can help her.”

  “How?”

  “Owen’s just like I was when I was little. I can see him thinking all the same things I used to think, reacting in the same ways I did. Screaming the place down when things get out of sync for him. The other night he let me do his puzzle with him. As soon as I put a piece in the wrong place, he started to get upset, just like I used to. I played the same game you played with me. It was a struggle for him at first. It was weird; it was like looking back through time and seeing myself as a kid. But I remember the relief. I needed everything to go in its proper place, but you taught me that it was okay if it didn’t.” He laughed. “I still like things to be as they should be—”

  His mom laughed. “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

  “Okay. I’m still pretty damned anal about things, but the way you taught me to play with that puzzle was the first big breakthrough I had. I’m hoping it can be the same for Owen, but there’s so much more. I’d love for you to meet Tara and talk to her, help her. She’s all on her own. She stays in almost all the time, works from home, never takes Owen anywhere he won’t be comfortable and very seldom goes anywhere without him. I think both their lives could be better—whether I’m part of it or not—but she doesn’t have anyone to turn to. You could help her. I know you could.”

  “You’re such a good boy. You care about them very much, don’t you?”

  “I do. But I’d want them to be happy even if she wasn’t my person.”

  “I know you would. I’d want to help her, too. But I think she is your person, isn’t she?”

  “Yes. She is.”

  ~ ~ ~

  “When’s Reid coming?”

  Tara gave Owen a stern look. He’d asked that question, and she’d told him the answer at least a dozen times in the last half hour.

  “Seven o’clock?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is that soon?”

  “Yes, it’s only fifteen minutes away now.” She couldn’t blame him. She was as impatient as he was for Reid to arrive. She wanted the minutes until seven o’clock to fly by, but then she wished that the minutes after seven could slow down somehow. They only had this evening left, and then he’d be gone for ten days. It was hard to believe that she’d grown so used to him coming around. This time last week she didn’t even know he existed. Now he felt like an integral part of her life—hers and Owen’s. She’d already explained to Owen that tonight would be the last time they’d see Reid until he came back to the city the following weekend. He hadn’t been too happy about that, and she knew he’d be even less happy when tomorrow evening rolled around, and she had to explain it to him again. Maybe this was a bad idea.

  She jumped at the sound of a knock on the door. He must be early. That made her smile. Until now, Reid had been spot on time—not a minute early and not a minute late. Maybe he was feeling the same way she was and wanted to make the most of all the time they had before he left. She opened the door with a smile. “Hey, you’re early—” The words froze in her throat. It wasn’t Reid; it was Mark. She knew her mouth was hanging open as she stood and stared at him. She couldn’t help it. She hadn’t seen Mark in over two years.

  “Hey, babes. How’ve you been?”

  Babes? He thought he could still call her by the pet name that he hadn’t even used in the last year of their marriage? “What … what do you want?”

  His smile faded. “I’m sorry. I should have called. I know this has to be a shock.”

  “Yeah. It’s a shock, all right. We haven’t heard a word from you in two years.” She looked back over her shoulder. Owen had gone back into his room, and she hoped he’d stay there.

  “I know. I was a complete asshole. I’m sorry. I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t deal with any of it. I … I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head. “There’s no need to be sorry. It worked out for the best—for all of us. But you can’t just show up like this. Owen …”

  “How is he?”

  “He’s doing well.”

  “Can I see him?”

  “Not now, no.” She felt terrible saying that. She’d sworn to herself that she’d never stop Owen from having a relationship with his father. But she needed to prepare him for it. And now was not the best time. Reid would be arriving at any moment. Owen would be happy to see him. It’d be too much to have his dad here at the same time. They never even talked about his dad anymore. She sometimes tried, because she didn’t want to be the one who kept a boy away from his father, but the boy had no interest.

  Mark frowned. “Why?”

  “Oh, come on! You can’t still be so totally selfish that you don’t understand? I’m shocked to see you, you’ve thrown me off. What do you think it’d do to him?”

  Mark nodded reluctantly. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But I want to see him.”

  “So, call me. Give me time to tell him and prepare him, get him used to the idea that he even has a father.” She couldn’t help getting that dig in.

  Mark pursed his lips but didn’t react. “Okay, but I want to see him, and I want to see you.”

  She shook her head. “I won’t ever stop you from seeing him, and when you do, I’ll be there. But you and me?” She shook her head again. “We’re done.”

  “We don’t have to be, babes. Don’t you think it’d be better for Owen if he had both of us again? If we were a family again like we should be?”

  Tara held his gaze for a long moment. There were so many things she wanted to say to that. But none of them mattered. They’d mattered three years ago, and he hadn’t wanted to hear them then. Now, she no longer cared. “No. I don’t. But l
ike I said, I won’t stop you from seeing Owen if you want to.”

  “I’ll call you later.”

  “Call me tomorrow.”

  “Okay. What about this weekend, can I see you then?”

  She looked back into the apartment, hoping Owen was still busy in his room. “We’ll see. I need to go in. Goodbye, Mark.” She closed the door in his face. She had to. She didn’t want Owen coming out and seeing him there. She didn’t think he’d even know who it was, but she didn’t want to explain it to him. And she didn’t want Reid to arrive in the middle of it. Owen would be thrilled to see him. Mark would be pissed to know she was dating, and no doubt even more pissed to see his son run to another man. She leaned back against the door and took a deep breath. Why did he have to show up now?

  Owen came out of his room with a big smile on his face. “Reid!” His smile turned into a frown when he saw her standing there by herself. “Where’s Reid?”

  “He’s not here yet.”

  “But …” He must have heard her and Mark talking.

  “That was someone else at the door. Reid will be here soon.”

  Owen scowled and went back into his room.

  Tara held out her hands, they were shaking. How she wished that Mark hadn’t shown up like that. She had no idea how she could integrate him into Owen’s life. She couldn’t imagine letting Owen go anywhere with him—and she didn’t want to have to spend any time with the man. Especially now. She’d wanted to make the most of this evening—their last evening with Reid for a while. Now she knew she’d be distracted, worrying about Mark and what his intentions were. She whirled around at the sound of a knock on the door and peered through the peephole. It was Reid. She opened the door and forced a smile on her face.

  He cocked his head to one side. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I … err … Oh, come on in.”

  He stepped inside and closed the door behind him before holding up a bunch of red roses. “I got these for you.”

  “Aww! Thank you so much!” She wouldn’t have imagined him to be the flower-giving type, and that made the gesture even more special. “I should put them in water.” She felt bad that she was using that as an excuse to take a few moments to gather her wits before she told him what was wrong.

  Owen came out of his room and trotted toward Reid with a big smile on his face. “Reid’s home.”

  Tara pulled a vase out from under the sink and tried not to let her mind go near Owen’s words. Reid wasn’t home. This wasn’t his home. He was just here visiting—before he left town. She knew that. She might wish like Owen did that his home was here with them, but it wasn’t. It was a thousand miles away.

  She put the flowers in water and then turned back around. Reid had taken a seat on the sofa, and Owen was sitting beside him. They both looked so earnest. Reid was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands grasped together. Owen was mirroring him, with his little feet sticking out in front of him. They were adorable together. She wished that Reid was Owen’s father. But he wasn’t. And Mark was.

  “Want to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked.

  She shook her head. She could hardly tell him while Owen was sitting there. “Later. I was thinking we could go for a last walk to the park.” She hadn’t been thinking that at all, but at least if they went out she’d be able to tell Reid about Mark without Owen hearing. She didn’t think she could stand sitting here and not being able to say anything.

  Reid looked puzzled but nodded. “Okay. Do you want to go to the park?”

  Owen shook his head.

  Tara’s heart sank. She didn’t want to get into an argument about it. To her relief, Reid stepped in.

  “Please? I want to see the stones again.”

  Owen’s brow furrowed while he looked Reid in the eye and thought about it. “Okay,” he said eventually.

  Chapter Eleven

  Owen clung to Reid’s hand as they walked to the park. He’d already grown to love the way he did that. If he was honest, he’d grown to love everything about the little guy. Perhaps it was because he could see so much of himself in him. He understood him and wanted to help him, to make life easier for him.

  He shot a glance at Tara. He needed to know what was wrong with her. She obviously had something on her mind. She smiled at him, but it wasn’t her usual easy, relaxed smile. She was agitated. Upset about something. That bothered him. He didn’t have her down as the type to get upset easily.

  When they reached the playground, Owen led him toward the pebbled area, and they each collected a handful. He wanted to leave him to play by himself, but he wasn’t sure how that would go down. He got to his feet with a smile. “I’m going to make sure Mommy’s okay.” To his relief, Owen was so engrossed in sorting his pebbles that he nodded and didn’t even look up.

  “I’m guessing you didn’t want to tell me what’s wrong in front of Owen.”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to upset him.” She looked upset herself.

  He sat down on the bench beside her and leaned his weight against her, hoping that it felt reassuring. His heart started to race when a thought occurred to him. Maybe she’d decided that she didn’t want to see him anymore. He tried to concentrate on returning his heart rate to normal. He wanted to tell himself that it was an illogical conclusion to jump to, but it wasn’t. He could see that she might think it would be better for Owen if he weren’t in their lives anymore. He knew that when he left, it would be difficult for Owen—and therefore for her, too. “What is it?” He tried to keep his voice even.

  She didn’t look at him but watched Owen play instead.

  The suspense was killing him. He had to ask. “Have you decided that we’re over?”

  She swung her head to look at him. “God, no! No. Not at all.”

  He smiled as a wave of relief surged through him. “Sorry. You had me worried there.”

  “I’m sorry. It didn’t occur to me that you’d think that.”

  He shrugged, feeling foolish. “I couldn’t help it. You’ve been so distracted since I arrived. You wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong. I thought maybe you were building up to a goodbye.” He curled his arm around her shoulders and hugged her into his side.

  “No. I don’t want to say goodbye to you.”

  He dropped a kiss on her lips. “I hope you never do.”

  She shook her head. “You might change your mind about that when I tell you what’s bothering me.”

  He frowned. “What is it?”

  “Just before you arrived, Owen’s father showed up.”

  Reid cocked his head to one side. He didn’t know how to process that. “I thought you didn’t see him anymore.”

  “We don’t. We haven’t seen him; I haven’t spoken to him for two years. We’ve been divorced for three. The first year he made some efforts to keep in touch with Owen. Not much, but he’d come over on Saturday mornings sometimes …” She shrugged. “It was too much effort for him, and it slowly petered out. He hasn’t even called in over two years.”

  Reid shook his head. He didn’t know what to say to that. “And what does he want now?”

  She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath before slowly blowing it out again. “He said he wants to see Owen, and that he wants us to be a family again.”

  Reid had gotten used to feeling his emotions physically when he was around her, but up to this point, those feelings had all been good. Right now, he felt as though he’d been punched in the stomach. “I see.”

  She looked into his eyes. “No, you don’t see. That’s not what I want. We were a family at one time, and it just doesn’t work. He can’t handle Owen, and I can’t handle him. I lost all respect for him the way he walked out. I know it’s tough, it’s tough for me, too. But …” She shook her head. “You don’t just walk out on your own son because it’s hard to handle.”

  Reid nodded. He couldn’t agree more, but he didn’t feel like it was his place to say
so. A man who could walk out on his wife and child, especially under those circumstances, didn’t rate as much of a man as far as he was concerned.

  “I’m not in any turmoil over him for my own sake. I’m upset because of Owen. Mark doesn’t know how to handle him, so if he wants to see him, I’ll have to be there. Owen doesn’t know him anymore. He was too small to really even remember him. I don’t want to go through it, to put him through getting to know the man, having to deal with him. I’ll be honest with you, I doubt Owen will even like him—and that’s going to be tough for everyone to deal with.”

  “It is.” Reid knew it was going to be tough for him to deal with. Since he’d met Owen he’d seen him as a little kindred spirit, a child he could help and mentor. He had been seeing himself filling the father role in Owen’s life—and he’d liked that. He didn’t see himself being the interloper with another man’s son. But the other man wasn’t good for Owen … “So, what are you going to do?”

  She shrugged. “I told him to call me. I need time to figure it out.” She looked into his eyes. “What I wish I could do is tell him to go screw himself. He chose to walk away from us, and he can stay gone. Owen doesn’t need him; I sure as hell don’t need him. But … I can’t bring myself to do it. He’s Owen’s father. I would never want to be that mother who keeps her child away from his father.”

  Reid nodded. He knew she wouldn’t do that. Even though it would probably be better if she did. Doing the right thing wasn’t always the right thing. He could hardly tell her that though. He was biased anyway. He didn’t want the guy near her or near Owen.

  She was watching Owen again. “He has the worst timing, too. Why did he have to show up now?”

  “What’s worse about now?”

  She gave him a small smile. “I’m already bracing myself to cope with Owen when you leave. It’s going to be hard for him.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  He felt like it was.

  “It’s just going to be two big upheavals for him at the same time. You’re going to leave, and Mark’s going to come into his life. And knowing Mark, he won’t stick around for long anyway. He’ll want to see Owen a few times, and then when he gets the message that I’m not interested in taking him back, he’ll move on again.”