Burdened Souls: Can Love Save a Burdened Soul? (The Burned Souls Series Book 1)

by Jessi McPherson

  ***

  Work went quick, thank goodness. I was excited that we were so busy, because the tips helped. I wasn’t hurting for money, but didn’t like dipping into my savings. Cameron had texted me during my shift, so I called him on my way home.

  “Hey Josi how’s it going?”

  “Good just leaving work. How have you been?”

  “Great. Hey, I think I’m going to be in town Saturday, do you think we could hang out?”

  “Actually, I’m going to the masquerade party at Jake’s with Dillon and Caleb.”

  “Oh cool, maybe I’ll come and sneak a dance. It’ll make it funnier if I’m in costume.”

  “OK, well maybe I’ll see you then. I am home so I’ll talk to you later.”

  I quickly texted Dillon as I walked up to my door.

  Candles and flowers were placed everywhere and I immediately forgot about Cameron. Dillon was sitting on couch with a towel and a smile.

  “I can see you’re home, baby.” He walked over and gave me a hug. “I figured you deserved a little pampering, given the last few days you’ve had. I have run you a hot bath, and there is a glass of wine in there too.”

  I couldn’t help but start to cry.

  “What did I do? Tell me, I’ll fix it,” he said, panicking.

  “No, it’s, I’m fine. They’re happy tears.”

  “Well, no more of that. I don’t like seeing you cry, even the happy ones, baby.”

  I kissed his cheek and headed for the bathroom. The tears started as I saw everything he had done in there. The sweet aroma of candles and flowers filled the small room. I slid out of my clothes and lowered myself into the tub. I laid there soaking in the water for a little while before I noticed him standing in the doorway. Even after I motioned for him to come in, he was hesitant.

  “Thank you,” I said with a smile. “I really did need this.”

  “I’d like to try something if you’re OK with it.”

  I got a little nervous and knew the fear was written on my face.

  “Do you trust me?” he asked, lowering himself down beside the tub.

  “I do,” I confessed. “It’s me I don’t trust.”

  He grabbed the sponge and put some soap on it. “If at any time, you want me to stop, just say so. I promise I will.”

  I nodded as he slid the sponge up my arm. I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. He was so gentle. I felt his fingers linger a little but it didn’t upset me. His touch awakened my goddess and lit my soul on fire. I sighed, feeling so at ease. I laid there on edge but enjoying his sensual touch. He slowly slid across my stomach avoiding my breast. He went over the scar on my stomach and I flinched.

  “Stop please,” I pleaded.

  He stopped immediately.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, kissing his hand.

  He held the towel for me, and helped dry me off.

  “I don’t even know what to say,” I admitted.

  “Baby steps, love. Baby steps,” he said and kissed my forehead.

  Chapter 10

  I opened the door and heard his gasp as he saw my dress. Caleb and I shopped for hours trying to find the perfect outfit. As soon as I tried it on, I knew it was the one. It was a sleek, red silk gown. The back had small slit that plunged to my waist but covered my scar, a slit on the side climbed dangerously close to my lady parts, and a neckline that caressed my breast perfectly. Caleb picked out Dillon’s shirt so it complimented my dress. He left the top few buttons open, revealing just a glimpse of his perfectly sculpted chest.

  “You look amazing. Although I don’t think that dress will do.”

  I couldn’t help but frown.

  “You don’t think it is pretty?” I twirled and smiled as he grabbed my waist.

  “I think it’s almost as beautiful as you. I also think every guy will be ogling my woman, and I don’t like that idea.”

  “Well I guess you better make it perfectly clear who I’m there with. I’m yours, Dillon. They can look all they want, but I’m going home with you.”

  “Bet your sweet ass you are.” He kissed my forehead.

  We decided to drive to Jake’s separately in case we wanted to leave sooner than Caleb did.

  I couldn’t believe the line outside. It was already packed, but thankfully Dillon had reserved us a VIP spot and would only need to work if they needed help. He requested the night off but Jake had asked if he could help if needed. The energy was astounding. Lust permeated the air as I watched couples grinding on the dance floor.

  “Want to dance?” Dillon whispered in my ear.

  “How about a drink, then we dance,” I suggested.

  He nodded and ordered our drinks.

  “You look amazing, stop worrying,” he said, kissing my hand.

  I couldn’t help but notice few gazes lingering on him. He pulled me close as someone came around taking pictures.

  “I’m not worrying. I’m trying to decide if I want to kiss you or just take you home,” I confessed.

  He smirked. “You can take me home any time you’re ready.”

  “I think I’m ready… to dance,” I said with a giggle.

  “Tease.”

  It was a bit crowded, but we found a spot and our rhythm. He was being gentle and cautious with his hands, but I was starting to get brave. I covered his hand with mine and slowly slid it up my leg. He stiffened behind me, literally. I almost felt bad because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go any further tonight. He didn’t seem to mind and followed my lead.

  “You look like a goddess tonight,” he whispered. “It’s taking everything to hold myself back.”

  I spun around and faced him. Sliding my arms around his neck, I pulled him close. I wanted his mouth on mine again. He hasn’t tried to kiss me since the first time, and I desperately wanted him to right now. He came a little close and paused waiting for my approval, so I met his lips with mine.

  It was tender at first. He was holding back, so I gave him a little nudge by running my hands through his hair. It was all he needed. The kiss exploded into a frenzied dance between our tongues. By the time he let me loose, my lungs burned for air, my skin tingled, and my goddess was on her knees begging.

  “I need to go to the restroom,” I said over the music.

  He nodded.

  The cool AC was just what I needed. What I didn’t need was the redheaded bimbo leaning against Dillon when I walked back to the table. I only caught a bit of the conversation as I neared.

  “I told you Carmen, I’m done. Stop texting me. I gave you other options.”

  “They aren’t near as good as you baby. I know you miss it. She can’t give you what you need.”

  He moved away from her as he saw me approach.

  “Goodbye Carmen,” he said. He took in my scowl and considered his next words carefully. “She’s an ex. I’m sorry. If you want to go, we will.”

  “Nope, I’m good. I trust you.” That didn’t stop me from glaring at her. He seemed to be tense for a while but relaxed as we sat there.

  “May I join you?” a very handsome Cameron asked, walking up the stairs.

  “Of course,” I said, ignoring Dillon’s glare.

  “You my dear, look ravishing,” he compliments, kissing my cheek.

  “Look who’s talking,” I joked. “You may need extra help to fend of the hyenas.”

  Cameron looked around before he sat.

  “Looking for someone?” I asked.

  “Just checking things out,” he replied. “Shade.” He nodded toward Dillon.

  “James,” Dillon hissed.

  “Hopefully he’s being a good date. If not I’ll gladly show you a good time.”

  Cameron was pushing his buttons.

  “Back off, Cameron,” Dillon growled, sliding closer to me.

  “If you two can’t get along, I’m leaving. Got it? Take your pissing contest elsewhere. CJ, be nice or so help me. Dillon he’s just a friend, and you know it.” They both looked at me and smiled.r />
  I motioned for our server and ordered a round just as Caleb walked up.

  “Well, looks like I’m missing the party.” He laughed. “What’s up CJ?”

  “Hey Caleb, how have you been?”

  “Great, and yourself?”

  “Working hard as usual.”

  I looked back at Dillon who was tracing circles on my back with his thumb.

  “Are you doing that for my comfort or yours?”

  He looked up at me. “Sorry, is it bothering you?”

  “No, it feels nice. Please cheer up. He is my friend and I want him in our lives.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “What happened that you two don’t get along?”

  “It’s nothing. It’s in the past.” He sat up and kissed my forehead. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered as he stood and headed out.

  “What’s the deal with you two?” I asked Cameron.

  “That is his story to tell not mine, Josi. How are things going?”

  “Great actually. He’s been so understanding of things and has helped me a lot.”

  “I’m happy to hear that.”

  “So Cameron, are you excited for your next movie premiere?” Caleb asked, diverting his attention.

  I watched Carmen stalk Dillon through the bar as he went to the restroom. I was waiting for her to approach him again, but she didn’t.

  My head was fuzzy and I was feeling no pain by midnight, and it felt great. Dillon didn’t give Carmen another glance but he was still on edge with Cameron.

  “I’m going to the bathroom and then we are tearing up that dance floor again,” I said, kissing Dillon’s cheek.

  “Your wish, my command, love.”

  Carmen was standing in the doorway as I exited the stall to wash my hands. I did my very best to ignore her.

  “So, you’re the little bitch who took Dillon out of the game?” she hissed. “You can’t possibly be giving it to him better than me. I mean, look at you. You’re an ugly duckling trying to be a swan and this is the big leagues. How can you possibly afford his lifestyle? There is no way you are into his lifestyle.” She stalked toward me like a lion stalking its prey, but she had no idea I was not prey and I had hit my limit.

  “Listen here. I don’t know who you are, but I know Dillon is done with you. Throwing yourself at him just makes you look cheap.”

  I watched as her expression changed from lion to prey in an instant, but it didn’t last long. You could tell she’s used to being the one in control. She smirked.

  “You really think he likes you, don’t you? Are you so naive as to think that if the money stops, he won’t just move on? Do you really believe you can keep him? I paid him top dollar and he still moves around. It’s his lifestyle. He doesn’t love you, dearie. He loves money and sex and he gets paid great to do it.”

  I couldn’t speak for a moment as I thought about what she said. She had knocked the wind out my sails with that.

  “So, your saying he’s a…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. I just started laughing.

  I think she saw it as weakness so she slowly approached me.

  “Oh honey, that man is the best money can buy. If you’re not paying him, who is?”

  “No one. He’s with me because he wants to be.”

  “Sure, keep telling yourself that.” She laughed as she started to walk away and I followed her into the hallway.

  “Listen, you nasty, pathetic bitch,” I growled. “You stay away from Dillon or else.”

  She spun around quickly. “Or else what?”

  She raised her hand to slap me, but Dillon caught it.

  “Enough,” he growled, “I am going to call the police if you do not leave now.”

  “I’ll be in touch,” she said, waving and walking away.

  I was trying to figure out what just happened. He couldn’t even look at me.

  My anger flared. “Who is paying you to be with me?”

  He shook his head.

  “Dillon, look at me,” I yelled. “Is someone paying you to date me?”

  “Josi, no, it wasn’t like that,” he said.

  Caleb and Cameron were walking up as I pushed past him.

  “Just tell me, is someone paying you?”

  He stood there looking ashamed.

  “Let me explain.”

  “Cameron, take me home,” I said as I walked away.

  “Josi, I think you should let him explain,” Cameron said, trying to slow me down.

  “You knew, didn’t you? You knew what he did for living? You know what, I’ll just walk home, thanks.”

  It was pouring rain as I stormed into the night. I didn’t care. The cool rain was welcomed against the heat of my rage. I couldn’t believe I had been so naive and weak. It made sense, because honestly how could a guy like him like a girl like me. My feet ached as I circled the block, not ready to go home. I wasn’t ready to face the truth. I cried until there was nothing left and that’s when my anger built stronger. I had never felt so betrayed. I screamed and cursed his name.

  “How could I be so stupid? He’s way out of my league. Of course someone would have to pay him.”

  I was on a mission to get answers, so I headed home where I knew he’d be. He was on the front porch as I approached, soaked to the bone just like me. I slammed my fist into his chest over and over as he stood.

  “You said you wouldn’t hurt me. I trusted you.”

  “Please let me explain.”

  I moved past him and headed inside. “I really can’t stand to look at you. You lied to me and tricked me.”

  “Fine I’ll go, if you hear what I have to say.”

  I left the door open and went inside.

  “I never took the money—”

  “So, someone was trying to pay you to hook up with me,” I interrupted.

  “Just listen. Caleb found out what I did. He just asked me to take you out. He didn’t think you would ever get the nerve, but I told him I didn’t want his money because I wanted to go out with you.”

  “How do you expect me to believe you?”

  “Ask Caleb. Look baby, I wasn’t lying when I said I liked you. From the first time I pulled you out of the way of that drunk couple, I thought about asking you out. But given my former line of work, I was nervous. That’s why I didn’t act right away.”

  “Dillon, I just… I can’t right now. Please just leave.”

  He stood and walked to the door. “I love you Josilyn.”

  My heart ached as he left his final words hanging in the air.

  I rushed to my room and collapsed on the bed.

  I tossed and turned all night but I just couldn’t convince my mind to shut off. I was angry and hurt. I tried very hard to ignore the pain and sleep but I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I was angry at him for lying or myself for being so trusting. I should have known someone like him couldn’t love, or even like, a girl like me but he did say he didn’t take the money.”

  I awoke feeling exhausted and numb. I didn’t want to get out of bed, so I just laid there and cuddled into the covers. I let it all wash over me as Caleb slowly opened the door.

  “You’re brave,” I growled.

  “Look Josi, I was trying to help. I wasn’t paying him to have sex with you. Just to take you out and have fun but he already liked you, so he wouldn’t accept my offer. Please forgive me.”

  “Caleb, I feel like a… I don’t know.”

  “I really am sorry, and I know you don’t want to hear this but you need to listen to him. He gave it all up for you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “That’s his story to tell,” he said, kissing my head. “You need to talk to him.”

  “I just need a little while to process.””

  Caleb didn’t argue. He just left me there a little longer before he brought me food.

  “You know I won’t eat,” I confessed.

  “I know you will try, but you need to eat.”

  “I’m sti
ll mad at you,’ I said, sitting up.

  “I know, but I also know you believe me because you know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

  “I do.” I sipped the soup he brought. “Thank you.”

  ***

  I didn’t speak to Dillon for a whole week, although I knew he’d been by a few times. Caleb would talk with him and I just hid in my room. I didn’t know what I wanted to say to him, no matter how much I was hurting. I couldn’t understand why. We said we both had demons and I believe he didn’t take the money. My anger now was irrational. Maybe I was afraid by pushing him away he was hurt and wouldn’t want me anymore. I was laying on the couch the following Sunday when he left himself in.

  “Josilyn?” he called out, looking frantic.

  I groaned. “What do you want, Dillon?”

  Relief washed over his face. “Oh thank God.” He dropped to his knee in front of me.

  “What is wrong with you.”

  “Caleb’s been trying to call you all morning. He called me when you still didn’t answer.”

  I looked around for my phone but couldn’t find it. “I must have left it somewhere,” I confessed.

  “Well I will let him know you’re OK,” he said and stood to leave.

  “What did you give up Dillon?”

  He sighed and looked back at me, “I gave up everything. I cancelled all my clients and gave them referrals. I changed my number, and I am sorry about Carmen. She tracked me down and hasn’t listened. I will go to the cops if I have to,”

  “Why?” I asked, pulling my knees to my chest.

  He knelt in front of me, “Because I knew if I wanted even a small chance with you, I couldn’t continue that lifestyle. I couldn’t risk hurting you like… like I did last week. You’re the first woman I’ve dated, and the only one I’ve truly wanted a relationship with. I do love you Josilyn, but I need you to hear the whole story before you decide.”

  “I’m listening,” I said. I decided it was only fair, as I hadn’t revealed all my secrets yet.

  “When I got out of juvie, I had nothing. Luigi brought me here. I worked odd jobs and kept to myself. Eventually I met a woman who needed some help around her house. It was easy work and she paid well. I’ll skip ahead.”

  “Thanks,” I said sarcastically.

  “She introduced me to a lifestyle I found I enjoyed, and that’s how I eventually met Carmen. She offered to pay me to have sex with her. She was attractive and it was a lot of money. It became a thing and the money was good, very good. I was good at what I did and made a lot of money doing it. Eventually I bought out a club and started investing my money so I didn’t have to do that anymore. I invested in Jake’s and bought a few stocks. I was already on my way to giving it up when I met you, and that basically finalized my decision. I should have told you sooner. I was afraid and that’s no excuse. I caused you pain and I said I’d never hurt you. I’ve let you down in more ways than one.”