Burdened Souls: Can Love Save a Burdened Soul? (The Burned Souls Series Book 1)

by Jessi McPherson

  “You are relentless. How do you get people to come back, because right now I can’t see that happening.”

  He laughed and helped me up. “I get results and there are some people that need someone to push them. I do that.”

  “Yes, you do. You know what I want you to do right now?” I said wiggling my eyebrows.

  “What’s that, love?”

  “I want you,” I leaned closer to him, “to take me home and massage my entire body because it is sore.”

  He couldn’t contain his laughter. “I think I can manage that.”

  He did just as I requested and more. I awoke in the afternoon and he was gone, but a note sat on my bedside table.

  Love, had to run to the club. You can come by if you want or I’ll be back this evening.

  Love always

  Dillon

  I showered and decided to take him lunch.

  “Where are you headed?” Caleb asked as I walked out to the living room.

  “I’m going to take Dillon lunch. How late do you work tonight? I trying to decide what to cook for supper.”

  “I’ll be home around seven. Can I invite Trevor?”

  “Of course. Have a good day,” I said as I kissed his cheek.

  I stopped at Café Degas to pick up our order and the drove to the club. The construction was underway so the parking lot was full. Dillon told me he had to check into the entire crew and clear out almost everything inside for privacy concerns. So I was sure he was busy overseeing their work.

  “Good afternoon Ms. Michaels. Is Mr. Shade expecting you?”

  “Um. He told me to come by if I wanted so I’d say yes. Is he in his office?”

  “Yes. I’ll let him know you’re on our way up.”

  “That won’t be necessary. Thank you, Jennifer,” Dillon said coming around the corner. “I hoped you’d come by. Café Degas, yum. I’m starved.”

  I walked up and kissed his cheek. “I figured you might be. I can’t stay long, I’m cooking dinner for us, Caleb, and Trevor tonight.”

  He grabbed the bag and we walked up to his office. “What time should I be home?” he asked, laying the food out on his desk. I pulled up a chair and sat down.

  “Caleb works until seven so I’ll have dinner done by eight.”

  “Why don’t we cook at our house? There’s plenty of room if they’d like to stay and you could finally use your kitchen.”

  “I love that you said ‘our house’. I’ll go shopping after I leave here. So how’s construction going?”

  “Slow. They have to basically tear everything out and make sure no other damage was done.”

  “How long do you think you’ll have to be closed?”

  “At least another week, maybe longer. I’ve paid extra to make sure the work is speedy but also up to code.”

  “Does that affect your business?”

  “No, our clients pay memberships. I did have to send out an email to inform them. I’m not worried.”

  “Well that’s good. So how does this business actually work?”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. We are going to be married. You’re not selling the club so I better figure out how this place runs.”

  “Fair enough. When a client comes in we create a dossier. It includes everything they want to do, try, or have done. We also do extensive background checks and medical histories. We match up clients with similar interest and they take it from there. Money is never exchanged between clients and our staff is strictly forbidden from fraternizing with clientele. That’s basically it. There are things we do not allow here but it’s mostly the extreme stuff.”

  “Wow. That’s a lot. So the cameras are to keep people safe?”

  “Correct. It also allows me to keep tabs on the staff and is an insurance policy should the need for proof ever arise.”

  “Interesting.” I loved seeing him in his element. I couldn’t blame the man for being passionate about sex. I was glad I would be the only woman to ever enjoy him again. I finished the last of my food and made my way over to sit on his lap. “Have I told you today that I love you?”

  “Several times, love, but I always enjoy hearing it.” He kissed me tenderly making no further advances. He caught me frowning. “What’s that for?”

  I smiled and leaned in closer. “Well I was hoping…” I paused to kiss his neck. “That I could steal your attention for a few moments before heading to the store.” I continued my assault, trailing kisses along his neck and to his shoulders.

  He pulled me back. “While I would love nothing more than to bend you over my desk right now, I can’t. I, my dear, am the only one who can see you naked. I have a meeting shortly, so rain check.”

  I pouted further and slid my hands up his chest. “Not even a little?”

  He growled and pulled me close. “It takes every bit of strength I have to say this but no, love.”

  “Alright. Well I better head to the store and then to our home for dinner,” I said, a tad frustrated. Being here with him was exciting me in ways I hadn’t felt in a while and I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

  I texted Caleb and told him the new dinner plans. He was excited to finally see the house. I went there first to see what all I would need. When I pulled up, I still couldn’t believe this was going to be my house. I walked slowly from room to room enjoying every single detail. When I finally reached the kitchen, I was a bit sad. I realized then that Dillon had built this house with the intention of having a family. One that I couldn’t give him.

  I quickly overcame those thoughts and made my list for the store. I needed a distraction before I broke down. Caleb said he and Trevor would be staying since it was a little bit of a drive, so I wanted to get a few things for the guest bedroom. Dillon had the main bathrooms stocked, but the others were still empty.

  I left Chandlers with a fridge full of food and a few household items.

  After putting everything away, I began my meal prep. Dillon had installed an independent smart sound system for the house. The music only played in the room you were in, so I quickly found a collection of jazz and went to work.

  It felt good to cook again and in my soon-to-be kitchen. I danced around, letting the music guide me around and the smell of the food fill me.

  Caleb left work early so he got to the house around six. “Girl this place is huge,” he said, walking through the front door.

  “I know. Where’s Trevor?”

  “He’ll be here closer to eight.” Caleb loved the master bed and bath as much as I did.

  “So why don’t we have the wedding right here?” he suggested.

  “I was actually thinking about bringing that up at dinner,” I replied, opening the doors to the backyard. “Since there will only be a few people invited, this would be perfect.”

  We sat on the outdoor couch and I poured us some wine.

  “So how did it go with Wade?”

  “As expected,” I said, taking a sip of wine. I had told Caleb when I first moved here the things me and Wade had done. “It brought up a lot of old memories.”

  “What did Wade say?”

  “Taunted me, mostly. I still don’t know why I was so terrified to get back into having sex again or why I freaked out.”

  “Maybe it was part of it. Maybe at some point he made you swear to never be with anyone else and part of your subconscious is complying.”

  “Maybe. When I talk to Dillon’s therapist I will ask.”

  “How did Dillon take you lying about why you went to Iowa in the first place?”

  “He was hurt but understood. It’s finally over though. There’s nothing left to keep us from getting married. I would like to start planning it. Within the next couple months would be nice. I know we are into fall and stuff but I’m sure we can work it out.”

  “Girl we can do whatever you want whenever you want. Between the both of you, money is of no object.”

  “That’s true. I wish I hadn’t spent the marriage fund my grandmoth
er started on mine and Wade’s wedding, but it’s no biggie. I’m going to go keep working on supper. This kitchen is big enough if you want to join me.”

  “Sure thing.”

  We talked more about the wedding as I prepared dinner. Caleb had grabbed a notebook from his car and was taking notes. “So, my next question,” Caleb started hesitantly, “is when are you going to start our own business?”

  “I haven’t even thought about it.”

  “Thought about what?” Dillon said, coming through the door. I shot Caleb a shut-up look but he just smiled.

  “About starting her own restaurant,” he said and stuck his tongue out at me.

  “Traitor,” I growled.

  “Is that what you want to do?” he asked as he walked over to me to kiss my cheek

  “I don’t know,” I said. I slid the Beef Wellingtons into the oven. “I have other things on my mind right now.”

  “Well I guess we can table that for later,” he said with a smile. “I’ll support anything you wish to do, love.”

  I giggled as he tickled my waist and went to grab the wine from the cooler. “It smells amazing in here by the way.”

  “Thank you. So Caleb and I have been talking about the wedding.”

  “Have you now? And what have you come up with?”

  “I would like to have it here. Since there will only be a few people, the garden would be perfect.”

  “I think that would be a great idea but we are into fall. The weather can be tricky.”

  “Yep, we know. I thought we’d reserve a tent just in case the weather’s nasty.”

  “Have you decided on a date?”

  “Nope. I need to call my lawyer tomorrow and see if he can narrow down a date for the finalized paperwork but like I said earlier, within the next two months.”

  “How about Christmas or New Year’s Eve?” Dillon asked.

  “I like the idea of Christmas Eve. We can have an intimate ceremony and a nice dinner. Perfect Christmas ever.”

  “Alright it’s settled, you are getting married Friday, December 24th. OMG girl, I am so excited. I can’t wait to sit and nail down your plans. I am so happy for you.”

  I couldn’t remove the smile from my face as I danced around the kitchen. Things were finally coming together.

  Chapter 17

  I anxiously sat on the chair waiting for Dillon’s therapist to call us back.

  “Are you sure you want me in there?” Dillon asked, squeezing my hands tighter.

  “Yes. No more secrets good or bad.”

  “Mr. Shade, Doctor James will see you now.”

  We both nodded and walked through the door.

  “Good afternoon, you must be Josilyn. It’s nice to finally meet you. Dillon spoke very highly of you.”

  “Good afternoon Conner.” Dillon said, taking his seat.

  “Well, shall we begin?”

  “Sure.”

  “So Josilyn, tell me why you’re here.”

  I fidgeted nervously with my shirt for a moment. I don’t know why I was nervous.

  “Why don’t I wait outside for a moment and then you can get me when you’re ready,” Dillon suggested.

  “I think that will be good,” Dr. James agreed.

  I couldn’t speak as he kissed me and walked out the door.

  “This is a safe space, Josilyn. I have read through your file and have a general idea of your past sessions.”

  I nodded, “I’m truly worried that if Dillon knew about my past he wouldn’t see me the same way. I don’t understand why it took me so long to have sex again after the accident and I don’t understand why enjoy it.”

  “Those are a lot of concerns and I can help with that. I think you need to talk to Dillon about your concerns too, and he may enlighten you about his past as well.”

  “We have talked about that some,” I said looking out the window.

  “He mentioned that but I think there is more you need to discuss.”

  I nodded.

  “Why don’t we start with your nightmare.”

  I started to panic.

  “I think I may be able to answer some questions as to why you feel certain things.”

  “OK, it starts with us fighting because I found out he cheated and broke our trust. I was yelling and told him I was leaving,” I say, starting to breathe heavy.

  “It’s OK, Josilyn,” he said, trying to calm me. “I have an idea. I’d like to put you under hypnosis, but I’d like to bring Dillon in. Is that something you’d like to try?”

  I just nodded.

  “Is everything OK?” he asked, walking back in. “Yes Dillon, please have a seat. I want to hypnotize Josilyn and I need you here for that. I want to discuss the dream and she needs someone who can ground her.”

  “Is that wise? She usually has a full panic attack after her dreams,” Dillon asked with concern etched along his face.

  “Yes, I think it will answer some of her questions. If we do this slowly, and she sees the dream, it will help. Josilyn, please lay on the couch. You can lay your head-on Dillon’s lap. Dillon, comfort her and I’ll tell what you need to say.”

  I did as he asked.

  “OK Josilyn, breathe slowly, close your eyes, and concentrate on my voice,” he said speaking quietly. “That’s it. Slow, deep breaths. Think about your dream but remember you are safe here. Keep taking slow, deep breaths and let yourself drift.”

  Dillon stroked my hair, making it even more relaxing, and I found myself drifting.

  “Can you tell me about your dream?” I heard the doctor ask, and instantly I was there.

  “We are standing in the bedroom. I’m yelling at him because I found out he was sleeping with his secretary. He broke our rules.” I started to shiver.

  “Keep going,” he prodded. “You are there remembering that night.”

  “You swore you wouldn’t,” I screamed at him.

  “What is he saying to you?”

  I felt Dillon squeeze my hand.

  “He is angry that I am angry. Wade, you promised. I’m leaving. I need time to think. You said you changed.”

  I felt the dream shift and his anger grow.

  “He’s telling me that I am not going anywhere. He smacked me hard and pushed my face into the ground. He flips me over to face him, and puts his hands around my neck. He’s smiling at me. I’ve never seen that look before and I’m scared. The phone is ringing. It’s distracting him enough that I get free. I’m running to the kitchen but I can hear him close behind me. This time is different than our usual fights. I know he’s really going to hurt me.”

  “What are you doing now, Josilyn?” the doctor asks.

  I feel myself trembling.

  “Looking for a knife. I don’t want to hurt him but I want to protect myself. He’s screaming at me. I fall to my knees.”

  “Why don’t you run?”

  “I know he will catch me and it will be worse. It’s the only thing I think will work. I submitted. He comes running into the room, but I don’t look up. If I do he’ll hit me. He yanks my hair and pulls me up to him. He doesn’t know I still have the knife. He tells me he’s been taking it easy on me because of the baby, but I need to be taught a lesson. He smacks me hard and I fall to the floor. The knife skids toward the door. Before he can get to it, I scramble after it, pick it up, and swipe it at him. I find the door knob and crack it open. He charges at me and I cut him with the knife. I make it out the door but he’s right on my tail and knocks me down. The knife is out of my hand. He swipes it across my back and the searing pain makes me scream. I don’t know how, but I make it out and I’m running again. He’s running after me and I turn. He didn’t expect me to stop and he falls on me. I black out.”

  “Josilyn, you are still alive, can you hear anything?”

  “Yes, as I lay there he says at least I’ll never have another. He tells me if I live through this and don’t take him back he will kill everyone I love. I hear the ambulance. They are coming but I don’t
want to be saved.”

  “Josilyn, you are safe. Dillon has you. I’m going to count to three and I want you to wake up remembering you are safe. One. Two. Three.”

  Dillon held me as I cried. “I’m sorry you had to go through that again,” he whispered and kissed my head.

  “Josilyn I think that your subconscious held on to Wade’s warning and that is what took you so long to let go. When you met Dillon, how did you feel?”

  I tried to speak but it was still so fresh.

  “Connor, why don’t we wait. I think she has had enough today.”

  “No, I’m OK,” I lied. “I felt safe. Instantly. When he touched me, and looked at me I thought he could protect me.”

  This time Dillon looked away.

  “We are going to explore that more, but I think Dillon is right. I will set you up a schedule and we can talk more.”

  Dillon helped me stand.

  “Thank you, Dr. James.”

  “You’re welcome, Josilyn. May I speak with Dillon a moment?”

  I nodded and waited in the waiting room.

  I stared out the window the whole ride home. Dillon made no move to spark a conversation. When we arrived, he helped me out and then quickly picked me up and took me in.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “To bed,” he said and kissed my head. “You need to relax, and when you’re ready, we can talk about it.”

  He laid me gently on the bed and crawled in beside me. He softly stroked my hair as we laid there quietly.

  “Are you going to ask why I knelt?”

  “No, if you want to tell me you will,” he said. His fingers traced circles on my back.

  “I liked things, Dillon. Things I am sure you’ve seen.”

  “When you’re ready to tell me everything, we will talk.”

  “I am afraid you won’t understand. That you won’t love me the same.”

  “I was a gigolo, love. I run a sex club. I will love you regardless of that. Trust me. “There are things we both need to talk about.”

  “I love you, Dillon,” I whispered. “More than I could ever express. I can’t wait to be your wife and continue on our journey together.”

  “I’m a lucky man. Now let’s go to sleep.” He stroked my hair until sleep found me.