Burdened Souls: Can Love Save a Burdened Soul? (The Burned Souls Series Book 1)

by Jessi McPherson

  “Are they closed?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, already breathless.

  “When you get home, I plan to release that ache. I will kiss every inch of your body, worshiping you—basking in the glorious taste of your skin on my lips. I plan to make you come so hard, the bed shakes as your orgasm ravages your body. Or do you want it slowly?”

  “No, I want all of you. No holding back.”

  “That’s my girl. I think I may have created a monster.”

  I opened my eyes and laughed. “Oh, no babe, you just awakened her. She been in there all along.”

  “Glad to hear it. Maybe after a while, who knows, maybe we can try some things.”

  “We will see.”

  “Try to get some sleep. Call if you need me. I love you, Josilyn.”

  “I always need you, Dillon. I love you too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  I laid there smiling until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

  Wade stood over me wickedly smiling, his dark eyes trying to peer into my soul. Streaks of red ran down his face.

  “He can’t save you, Josi. You must know that. No one can save you. You’re damned.”

  I screamed as he moved closer to me.

  “I love it when you scream, but you know no one can hear you. I think you know I enjoy it. Deep down, you still want to please me.”

  “You are a monster!” I exclaimed, suddenly realizing I was restrained to a bed.

  “I may be, but what’s that say about you? You have hidden so much from him. There’s a beast inside you only I can tame. You have needs.” He was on top of me pinning me down by my throat.

  I suddenly felt myself smiling. I wanted this.

  “That’s my girl.”

  I woke up covered in sweat, trying to contain my sobs.

  Are you awake?

  I texted Dillon. I had no idea what the dream meant but it scared me and I wanted to hear his voice. I didn’t wait for a response.

  “Are you ok?” he asked quietly when he answered the phone.

  “I am now. I just needed to hear your voice.”

  “Bad dream?”

  “You could say that. I have a question. That doctor you wanted to go see, have you made the appointment?”

  “Not yet. Would you like me to?”

  “Yes. I think it will help.”

  “OK, I’ll make the appointment. I’m sorry I’m not there for you.”

  “It’s OK. I love you Dillon.”

  “I love you too, Josilyn. Good night.”

  “Night.”

  I laid there reliving the dream and everything it meant. I was hiding a monster and wasn’t sure Dillon would like it. Wade was the one person who knew what I was like and the things I had done. I closed my eyes and thought of happier times.

  Chapter 15

  My hands quivered as I waited in the room with Mr. Collier. The aging man beside me had been my grandmother’s lawyer for years and subsequently became mine when she died. He reminded me so much of my grandfather and secretly I think he took on that role after my grandmother died. His presence here helped calmed my frazzled nerves. I had given into Wade’s demands on granting my divorce. I had to meet with him and talk for one hour. He would sign the papers only after that, so both of our lawyers were present. I couldn’t help the anxiety I felt. He was literally my walking, talking nightmare. The buzzer sound made me jump.

  “Josilyn, we can leave,” Mr. Collier reminded me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  “Nope, it’s only an hour and then it’ll finally be over. I can handle this.” I was trying to convince myself and not Mr. Collier as I spoke.

  Wade sauntered in with a grin on his face and a chill ran up my spine. I felt the fear grip me and it pulled the air from my lungs. Prison had made him even more intimidating. His fierce, dark eyes peered at me as he walked close.

  “Glad to see I still give you the goosebumps,” he said, sitting in front of me.

  “Dry heaves are more like it,” I said, straightening my back and searching for my strength. I rubbed the spot where Dillon’s ring was meant to be. I had to remove it before coming in. Silently I whispered his name, as if just saying it gave me purpose. The guard locked Wade to the chair and stepped back just a little bit. He Silently appraised me for a few moments

  “Gentlemen, if you don’t mind.” Wade gestured for them to move to the next table.

  “I will be right there,” Mr. Collier said, patting my shoulder.

  I only nodded.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Josi,” he said with wicked grin plastered on his face.

  I didn’t respond right away. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to respond to him.

  “Why did you want this meeting, Wade? What’s your endgame?”

  “To be honest, I am surprised it came so soon. I thought for sure you’d wait it out until the judge agreed and signed your decree. What’s his name?”

  I sat silent. I wasn’t ready to give him the details of my life and he had no right to know them. I crossed my arms and stared. As I suspected he tensed, agonizing over the fact that I hadn’t answered him. He wanted my submission.

  “Well.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Give me some credit Josi, please. You’d never agree to see me again unless you met someone and it was serious. You’d never cave to my demands,” he said with a laugh. He leaned in closer. “That’s why you took so long to break.”

  I flinch thinking about it and a memory popped. He had been gentle in the beginning but slowly things progressed and he lured me in. He found something in me the craved darkness and he preyed on it

  “You had quite the little stubborn streak.”

  “You didn’t break me,” I corrected. “If you had I wouldn’t be here now. You manipulated my weakness.”

  “I can see a lot in your eyes, Josi,” he snickered. “I can hear it in the tremble in your voice. You may love him but he doesn’t know you like I do. He doesn’t know what you crave.”

  His voice turned to liquid ice in my vein and his stare hardened. He sat silently, waiting for his words to affect me. I stared back at him trying my best to keep the strong façade. He tired of waiting for me to respond. “Now tell me, do you love him?”

  He tried to turn the tables and bend me to his will. I was not that girl anymore. “I did meet someone and he does love me. He doesn’t take pleasure in hurting me.”

  Wade leaned in closer but couldn’t get too close to whisper. “Oh, but you loved the pain. Do you remember? I do.” He licked his lips.

  I closed my eyes for a moment trying to rid the thought of it, to no avail. I smacked him and the guard moved to intervene, but Mr. Collier stopped him.

  “I like you feisty too, Josi. It’s different. If we were alone right now… Oh, the things I’d do.”

  I set my resolve and looked him square in the eyes. “You will never touch me again. You can never hurt us again.” My hand instinctively went to my stomach.

  His eyes flickered to my hands and his power waned. “He can’t satisfy you for long. You will crave it again. You will crave the love only I can give you.”

  “I will not. You know why? Because I have felt true love and that’s what I crave now. I have no desire to be with you. You are a monster and a murderer. I will never forgive what you took from me.”

  His anger flared. “You were naughty, Josi. What do I do to naughty girls?”

  I jumped back, pausing as the words lingered. “You are a sick, murdering bastard and you will rot in the jail.”

  “She is dead because of you,” he growled, “If you had just done what you were told, none of this would have happened.”

  “She lives on in the love I have for Dillon. Because of what you did, I found him.” I smiled moving away from him. “I hope you spend your days knowing that you killed the only thing that may have truly loved you, and she brought me true happiness.”

  He stewed for a few moments more before speaking again, �
�I’ve known you longer and no matter what you say I know you will falter.”

  I turned away from him. I didn’t have to speak the rest of the time. I sat and listened to him taunt me with little remarks about my past.

  “Hour’s up, Mr. Courtney. Guard, please release his right hand,” Mr. Collier said, moving the papers in front of him.

  I held my head high but I was trembling on the inside.

  “Josilyn, please sign here,” he said.

  I did, then looked Wade square in the eye.

  “Thank you for your time, Mr. Courtney,” Mr. Collier said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Josilyn, it’s time to go.”

  I stood to leave.

  “Josi,” Wade said as I started to walk out. “This has been worth it. Hope he is worth it.”

  I straightened my back and smiled. “He is worth this and more. He is more of a man than you’ll ever be. He’s perfect in every way.”

  “But does he satisfy you?” he called as I walked thru the gate.

  “In every way,” I thought to myself.

  “I’m sorry, Josilyn. I wish we could have waited,” Mr. Collier said, walking me to my car.

  “No, it’s ok. I wanted to get this over with. How is the trial coming by the way?”

  “Good. The trial is still set for next month. His lawyer is out of continuances. You are the last witness on my list so it’ll be some time before I need you to come back.”

  “That’s good to hear. I will see you then, and please continue to update me if anything comes up.”

  “I will, dear. I am headed to Judge Kline’s office now to have these signed. You should have a copy in a few weeks.”

  “Thank you for making this happen so quickly.”

  “You are welcome, dear.”

  I drove right to the hotel. I contemplated leaving right then but it was already four in the evening and I would just get tired and have to stop. I text Caleb as soon as I parked.

  “Everything done. Leaving early in the morning.”

  “Great, how was it?”

  “Pretty much as expected.”

  “Ok drive careful and don’t let him get under your skin.”

  “I will and I’ll try.”

  I called Dillon next.

  “Hey love,” he said. I could hear the grin on his face.

  “I miss you. I’m going to leave early in the morning. I can’t wait to be home and in your arms,” I said, suddenly sad.

  “What’s wrong? You sound upset.”

  “I’ll be better once I’m home with you. It’s just been a long, trying day. Hey, did you get a hold of that therapist?”

  “Yep, he can see you Saturday.”

  “Great. How was your day?”

  “Long. Are you ever going to tell me what’s really going on? I can hear it in your voice.”

  I sat quiet for a moment. If I tell him now, he may not be upset when I get home but if I waited I could be there to explain it better. He could see it on my face.

  “Yes, I will tell you… when I’m home and you can hold me.”

  “OK. I wish I was there with you now, holding you and kissing away your fears.”

  “Me too. More than you know. I’m going to get in the shower and head to bed so I can leave early.”

  “OK. I love you, Josilyn.”

  “I love you too, Dillon. And Dillon when I get home, we are going to start planning our wedding. I don’t want to wait.”

  “That sounds like a great idea. When were you thinking?”

  “Next month or the following. No longer.”

  “Alright. Well then, hurry home to me so we can get things going. Sleep tight, my love.”

  “You too.”

  ***

  I tossed and turned all night. My alarm finally went off at four thirty and I was up and out the door. I was ready to be home with my family. I was ready to start my life over. I texted both Dillon and Caleb to let them know I was headed their way. I kept going over everything that had happened the last couple of days.

  ***

  Dillon was on my couch when I walked through the door. He didn’t even wait for me to drop my bag. I was twirling through the air and his lips were crushing mine. “I’m whole again,” he whispered.

  “I know what you mean. My soul is home. I can finally breathe.”

  “I really hope we don’t have to do that often.” He picked up the bag I tossed and walked me back to my room. I sat down on the bed and steeled my breathing. I knew I needed to get this over with before we went any further and I lost my nerve.

  “We should talk.”

  He looked over at me. “Not sure I like the tone, but OK.”

  “OK, the reason I want to see the therapist. The other night when I called, I had a weird dream. It was about Wade. I thought it was the same dream where he attacks me but it wasn’t, we were having sex.”

  He cringed slightly. “I know you weren’t a saint before me, Josilyn.”

  “It was the context of the dream that I think we need to talk about.”

  “I’m listening,” he said, a tad more rigid.

  “Dillon, I went back to Iowa to get my divorce papers finalized.” I could see the worry in his eyes already. “I had to go see Wade.”

  He stiffened. “Why would you have to see him, Josilyn?”

  “It was one of his demands for him to sign the divorce papers. I had to go in person to sign them and visit for an hour. Otherwise I would have to wait and contest it, which I was planning on doing, but then I had decided I didn’t want to wait any longer to be yours fully. I figured doing that would be worth it in the long run. I didn’t want you to worry. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  “And what happened? Let me guess, it did not go as planned.”

  “He knew why I was there. That’s why he wanted the visit. He knew I’d only come if it was because I met someone.”

  “Well, did you get the papers signed?”

  “Yes, I will get the papers in the next few weeks. Are you angry?”

  “I’m hurt you felt you had to hide that from me. I am happy that you got your closure. What did he say that upset you?”

  “How did you know?”

  “Love, I can see it in your eyes that you’re upset. You’ve dealt with nightmares for some time now, so he must have said or done something to upset you. I can’t say I’m happy you gave into his request but I understand your reasons.”

  “It wasn’t only what he said. He just said something that I always knew to be true. Things I’m not sure you’ll understand.” I sat trying to find the words to described my depravity. Tears pricked at my eyes.

  “If you’re not ready then we will wait. I am no angel. When you’re ready, I know we will talk.”

  He held me tight as I sobbed. “You’ve had a long couple of days, let’s go to bed.”

  I nodded and stood to take off my clothes. His hands we instantly around my waist.

  “Allow me,” he whispered, caressing my neck with his lips.

  He slowly lifted my shirt over my head tracing his fingers along my sides. He made short work of my bra and continued to run his fingers over my body.

  “I have definitely missed this,” I said breathlessly.

  He moved in front of me and knelt to lower my jeans. His lips trailed kisses along the apex of my thighs. “You smell so sweet,” he growled. Slowly he slid a finger inside me and stroked my bud with his tongue.

  A moan escaped my lips and my legs began to quiver. Before I could fall, he picked me up and laid me on the bed. Too quick for me to notice, he was buried inside me and I gasp at the quick advance.

  “Are you ok?” he asked, not moving until I confirmed I was.

  I only nodded and ran my hands down his back. He moved hard and strong inside me, pushing me to the brink then stopping just before my release.

  “I need to come, Dillon. Please?” I begged.

  “I know, baby.” He grunted, slamming back into me.

  The rhythm was punishing
and pleasurable. He stopped and rolled me over. He leaned in close to my ear and moved my hands above my head.

  “Don’t move them, OK?” he whispered.

  I nodded as I felt him sliding back inside me slowly. One hand was pressed into my back while the other played with my bud. I couldn’t contain my moans as his speed and force increased. I was so close and he knew it.

  “Come for me, love.” He growled as he found release but did not let up until I announced my own.

  We laid there under the covers, my goddess satiated.

  “Dillon,” I whispered, interrupting our quiet moment.

  “Yes, love?”

  “I love you.”

  He looked down at me. “And I love you, Josilyn.”

  He kissed me tenderly. I shivered thinking of what I wasn’t telling him and then remembered his club. I sat up holding his hands in mine.

  “I let Wade tie me up and beat me,” I said ashamed.

  Shock slowly registered.

  “It’s complicated to explain. I want to talk to the therapist. I need to know a few things before I even want to try.”

  “I think we have a lot to talk about when you’re ready.” He seemed to want to say more as well.

  “We make quite a pair, don’t we?” “The perfect pair, love. The perfect pair.” He kissed my forehead. I laid back down and we went to sleep.

  Chapter 16

  I had taken the whole week off not knowing how long I’d be gone dealing with Wade. I figured it would be a nice chance to relax and get my head back on straight. Dillon had convinced me to take his morning CrossFit class, and by convinced I mean he bargained sex. I don’t know why I was nervous as we approached the people waiting for the class, but I was.

  “Morning team,” he announced, tossing down a gym bag. “This is my fiancé, Josilyn. She’s going to be joining us.”

  “Wow, that’s brave,” a woman in back said, laughing.

  “Josilyn go ahead and get in the circle, and we will start stretching.”

  I nodded and found a spot.

  I quickly realized why I was brave. Dillon didn’t cut me any slack and by the time class was over, I was beat.

  “How was that?” he asked, picking up the last piece of his equipment.