by Sarah Bailey
Cole let me go and I dug around in my bag for my house key. I unlocked the door and the two of us walked in, shutting it behind us.
“Um, wait here a sec. Just need to check where my mum and Grandma are.”
I didn’t wait for his response, walking down the hallway and checking the living room finding it unoccupied. Carrying along the hall, I went into the kitchen and discovered they’d rubbed the note I left on the fridge away, replacing it with something else.
Gone to Leonard’s. Your mum is out with the girls. Sort your own dinner out. Grandma.
My grandmother was visiting her ‘friend’ who I knew was actually her boyfriend. I rolled my eyes before backtracking back into the hall. Cole stood waiting, his eyes roaming across me in a distinctly predatory way. It made me shiver.
“We have the place to ourselves,” I shrugged.
I only had to reach out my hand for him to take it. Leading him towards the stairs, we went up together. I pushed open my bedroom door and noted the way he looked around, taking everything in. Closing the door, I slipped out of my shoes and took off my coat, hanging it over the back of my desk chair, placing my bag down with it. I put my hand out and he took off his coat, giving it to me. I turned away and placed it on top of mine.
Cole was at my back the next moment, leaning down as his hands curled around my waist. His breath fluttered against my neck, making my skin prickle.
“I think you owe me something, Meredith.”
“What’s that?”
“Did you forget what you promised if you let me kiss you?”
I shivered. I couldn’t forget. Saying those words felt dangerous. Admitting this was real out loud meant I really had broken my promise to my brother. Cole had no idea what I’d risked for him. How much trouble it would cause when Jonah found out. And there was no doubt in my mind he would.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Say it.”
He planted his lips on my neck, pulling a gasp from my lips.
“Cole…”
“Say. It.”
He went from gentle and sweet to demanding so quickly. I couldn’t help the way it made me ache for more of his commands.
“You want me to kiss you again. That’s why you asked me in. You tell me what I want to hear and I’ll give you what you want.”
I turned in his embrace, planting my hand on his chest as I stared up into his eyes brimming with repressed desire. It didn’t scare me knowing how much Cole wanted me.
“I… I’m yours,” I whispered.
I didn’t think his eyes could get any darker but they did.
“What does that make me?”
“My boyfriend.”
My heart tightened at the words escaping my lips.
“And what does it make you?”
“Your girlfriend.”
“That’s right, little queen… you are mine.”
I don’t know why those words made me swoon inside, but they did. Especially when he flattened a palm across my back and pulled me against him. I could feel every inch of his body and it was fucking glorious.
When he leant down and claimed my mouth, my hands travelled upwards and wrapped around his neck. Cole’s free one was in my hair, directing how this would go. This time he wasn’t gentle. He kissed me like he meant every swipe of his mouth against mine. Every touch of our lips drove me higher until I was clutching him, drowning in the intensity of his kiss.
“Cole,” I moaned against his mouth, unable to help myself.
He took that as an invitation to part my lips with his tongue and delve inside my mouth. At first, it was a little messy as we attempted to find some kind of natural rhythm. He tasted faintly of mint, tea and something else I couldn’t put my finger on.
He backed me away towards my bed whilst our tongues tangled and our hands grasped each other. I landed with my back on the mattress and him on top of me. Neither of us wanted to let go. Cole’s mouth left mine and trailed down my neck, making me tremble below him. My fingers dug into his shoulders, desperate for more of this feeling. More of him.
“Don’t stop,” I panted, my rationality leaving me completely.
“What do you want?” he murmured against my skin.
“You.”
“You already have me. Be specific.”
He’d barely touched me, only lightly pressing his body to mine with one hand planted by our heads and the other in my hair. I needed more but I wasn’t ready for it. For everything with him. Despite wanting Cole with such desperation, it drove me crazy, so much played on repeat in the back of my mind. My insecurities about myself and my appearance. My broken promise to my brother. Cole being only sixteen. None of this was easy or simple.
“I don’t know what I want.”
“I think you do, you’re just scared to ask for it.”
I hated him for being right. This thing with him terrified me. Trust didn’t come easy to me. I’d never let anyone in, but Cole chipped his way through my walls, shattering them one by one.
“I’m not ready,” I whispered.
“I wasn’t under any illusions you were ready for that.” He shifted back, staring down at me as he stroked my face with one finger. “Trust me, I’m not expecting anything here. It doesn’t matter how much I want you, it’s your decision if and when you want to go further.”
“Then what am I scared of asking you for?”
His lip curved up at one side.
“You want me to touch you.”
I licked my own lip since I didn’t have an answer to that. Lying to Cole would be stupid. He’d see right through it and I’d told him no more lies.
“I won’t unless you ask for it, Meredith.”
“What if I want you to take away those decisions for me?”
He eyed me for a long moment.
“You want to give me control?”
I nodded. If Cole took the decision out of my hands, I wouldn’t feel so conflicted about what we were doing. He knew very well I wanted him but my fears kept me from asking for everything.
“You have no idea how tempting that is, but I can’t. Not yet. Not until you’re fully in this with me. That means you have to make the decision.”
He leant down and pressed his lips to mine briefly before he shifted off me. Cole lay on his side and stroked his fingers down the centre of my chest, making me swallow hard as I watched his progress to my stomach. He stopped just above my jeans and didn’t move any further.
“Tell me why you’re scared.”
“Of what?”
“All of this. What made you so scared of having a relationship?”
I stiffened then exhaled as he laid his hand across my stomach, stroking his fingers along the strip of skin exposed where my blouse had ridden up.
“Celia did.”
His eyebrow raised. I felt stupid. My supposed best friend had all but destroyed me the week before we went back to school. Her revelation had rocked me to my very core. I should’ve seen it coming, but I’d trusted her.
You were a fool to think she wasn’t a horrible person.
All the signs had been there, but I’d ignored them as her mean streak was never directed at me. Until it was.
“What did she do to you?”
“She… lied to me, made a boy humiliate me when we were sixteen, all the while pretending she had nothing to do with it and a multitude of other horrible things to make me feel nothing but small and insignificant.”
My heart fractured at the memories. They seemed so stupid now, but they’d given me a complex about myself. It was bad enough that ever since Dad died, Mum and Grandma had done nothing but make me feel shit about myself, but to have this on top of it. Well, it was the icing on the cake.
“We were at this party when we were sixteen, playing spin the bottle and because I was embarrassed about never having kissed anyone, I didn’t want to do it in front of people. So, we went in a cupboard, me and Owen Blackbu
rn, but instead of kissing me, he told me no boy could ever be attracted to me because I’m a ginger bitch who thinks she’s better than anyone else. And he’d rather kiss Amanda Phelps than touch me with a bargepole. Then he forced me to lie about it by saying he’d spread it around that I was a prude if I told anyone the truth.”
My eyes were focused on Cole’s hand so I didn’t have to look at his expression.
“It sounds so childish now and it was, but it really hurt me. I’ve already been bullied for being a redhead most of my life so I guess I took his words to heart. And it was made worse when I found out two years later Celia had told him to say those things to me as she knew exactly what would hurt me the most.”
I took a breath, trying to hold back the tears springing behind my eyelids as I closed them. Explaining the truth would never be easy, but Cole wouldn’t understand why I was so fucked up about myself unless I did.
“You see, the thing is ever since my dad died four years ago, my mum and grandma have done nothing but say nasty things to me about my appearance, calling me fat and unattractive. They even accuse me of wearing certain things to be deliberately provocative towards men since I can’t attract them any other way. Celia knows this and she used it against me out of jealousy.”
I opened my eyes and finally turned my head to look at Cole. His eyes were dark with anger but there was also compassion there.
“I ignore Mum and Grandma most of the time, but their barbs get to me. It’s why it’s been harder for me since Jonah left for university. He used to protect me from it, but he’s not here any longer. And after Celia revealed what a backstabbing bitch she is, I felt so alone. The only person who’s been there for me since it happened is your brother. Raphi and I have always been casual friends, but when I broke down and told him about Celia, we became closer. He helped me with it all.”
It would never be anything more than friendship between the two of us. Not least because Raphi had some history with my brother. One day, I’d get the full details of what happened out of Jonah. Until then, I was reserving judgement on the whole situation.
Cole raised his hand from my stomach, cupping my face and turning it fully towards him. Then he leant down and pressed his forehead to mine. My lips parted as I waited for him to speak. My heart hammered wildly in my chest. I’d admitted my darkest secrets to him. I had no idea how he felt about any of it, but I knew telling him was the right thing to do. The only thing I could do in this situation. If I was ever going to move past this shit, then I had to let someone in. And I wanted it to be Cole Carter. The boy who’d swept me off my feet with his cocky attitude and innate kindness. He was who I wanted to give everything to.
“I’m sorry you have to deal with that shit. No one should put you down like that. If they can’t see this intelligent girl who’s so full of life in front of me, then they aren’t worth your time or energy. They don’t deserve you.”
Chapter Fifteen
The knowledge of what Meredith had to go through cut me deeply. No one should ever make her feel small or give her a complex about her own worth. If I ever met her mother and grandmother, I’m not sure I could refrain from giving them hell for treating her the way they did. Not to mention fucking Celia. Now more than ever I wanted to give that girl a taste of her own medicine. Duke chucking her after he was done wasn’t enough. No, Celia needed to be punished for the way she’d treated my girl.
Meredith was fucking well mine. She’d admitted it. Confirmed we were a couple. I would stop at nothing to destroy the people who’d tried to tear her down.
Then again, I had made sure Celia wouldn’t say another word about Meredith. I doubted my girl wanted nor needed me to do anything else. She didn’t seem like she wanted revenge, just to move on with her life. And I would not be responsible for bringing more trouble to her door.
I stroked her cheek, keeping my forehead pressed to hers. Reassuring her I was here for her now. She never had to be afraid again. I’d be her protector.
“Thank you for telling me. You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m right here,” I told her. “I’ll always be here.”
Her bottom lip trembled. Fuck, her lips. Kissing her had been the single greatest moment of my life. She tasted sweet with a hint of cinnamon from the chai latte she’d consumed earlier. And as much as I wanted to relieve the intolerable ache touching her brought on, it was her decision. She had to take the first step. Only when Meredith was ready would I strip her bare and sink into her.
“I never thought you’d be so… understanding.”
“Why wouldn’t I understand? It’s not your fault people have decided to be dickheads towards you. That’s on them.”
Her eyes searched mine. Whatever she saw there had her rolling over, her hands pressed to my chest as she shoved me on my back. I didn’t stop her when she leant over and kissed me. My hands went to her hair despite wanting to run them down her body. My fingers itched to touch every inch of her. Kissing had to be enough.
Her hand landed on my chest and stroked downwards as if exploring the contours of my body. I held back from groaning at her touch. Meredith had no idea how much self-restraint I had to exert right then. Every part of me screamed to take her hand and press it to me so she could feel how hard I was for her. The torment never ended when I was in her presence. It was already bad enough outside of it when I was alone with thoughts of her.
Her hand curled under my t-shirt, stroking across my bare stomach. I didn’t hold back a moan then. My hand dropped from her hair, skimming down her shoulder and stroking across her collarbone. It only made her press closer as if starved of my touch.
Fuck, stop tempting me, little queen.
She was mine to take if I wanted. And I wanted so fucking bad.
“Meredith, you have to stop,” I all but panted against her lips.
She drew back an inch, staring at me with fully dilated pupils. I’d messed up her hair a little with my hands in it and her face was flushed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. You’re merely testing my self-restraint to its limits.”
She remained still for a moment then a smile spread across her face. She looked down my body towards where the obvious state of my arousal strained against my zipper.
“So I see.”
“Is my discomfort funny to you?”
Her eyes snapped back to mine.
“No, Not funny. Did you want me to help you with that?”
My eyebrows shot up.
“Help me how?”
Her blush spread down her chest in the most adorable fucking way.
“I… well…”
I reached down and pried her hand off my stomach pulling it down and hovering it over my confined cock.
“I told you I’d show you it’s not small.”
“Cole…”
I lifted my hand off hers.
“I’m not going to make you do anything. I told you, this is your choice.”
Her eyes had turned a vibrant green with her obvious desire for me. I could see it in her expression even if she also felt scared.
“I don’t want to make it worse for you.”
“Trust me, nothing about you touching me will make it worse.”
She snatched her hand back and shook her head before burying it in my shoulder.
“I’m nervous about all of this,” she mumbled, her words muffled by my t-shirt.
I stroked her hair.
“I know. It’s okay, you can be scared. We’ll take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere, Meredith. I’d wait forever for you.”
“You mean that?”
“Yes, you mean so much to me. I never want to let you go.”
She turned her head, laying on my chest as she wrapped her arm around me, curling up against my side.
“Can we just stay like this?” she whispered. “I don’t want you to go anywhere.”
My lips curved upwards into a s
mile as I wrapped my arm around her.
“I’ll stay as long as you want me here.”
She let out a sigh, stroking her fingers down my side. I kissed the top of her head, reassuring her I was right here and would be until the end. Meredith had no idea of the sheer depth of my devotion to her. How I’d waited five fucking years to be old enough for her to even consider me an option. I’d do anything to keep her by my side now I had her.
“That’s the problem, Cole. I don’t think I ever want you to leave. You’re under my skin and it fucking terrifies me. We barely know each other and yet… I want everything with you.”
“Then what do you want to know? I’m an open book. All you have to do is ask.”
Her words made me nervous. She’d told me many of her secrets, but I didn’t think that was the end of it. Something else kept her from letting go. I didn’t want to push her into telling me after everything today.
“Why do you hang out with the troublemakers at school?”
I snorted.
“They’re not vapid idiots who only care about whether or not they look good in a selfie.”
She chuckled, shifting against me a little.
“No, but seriously, everyone thinks you’re trouble too.”
“I am. Quinn grounds me every time the school phones them about something I did. You’re lucky I was even allowed out today after what I did to Penelope Stokes in chemistry. I’m surprised the school didn’t suspend me.”
“Do I even want to know?”
“Probably not.”
Penelope hadn’t made any further snide remarks, so she’d got the message. Don’t give me shit about my parents and I won’t fuck you up. Pretty simple if you thought about it.
“Are you going to keep getting in trouble? You know, it’ll be hard for us to see each other if you’re grounded and is yet another reminder of the fact I’m an adult and you’re not.”
I wanted to tell her I didn’t need to be an adult to make this work, except Meredith had a point. She wasn’t beholden to her mother in the same way I was to my parents. No matter how much my mum indulged me, I didn’t think ‘just because’ would be an acceptable reason for why I should be allowed out when I was grounded. Although, I’m not sure telling them I wanted to see my girlfriend would help my cause either. Meredith had rendered it impossible for me to tell them the truth. I didn’t like it. Lying to my mum and dad wasn’t something I often did.