by Sarah Bailey
“I don’t know how I feel knowing that about your parents.”
“Trust me when I say I understand, but how do you feel about me… about us?”
She raised her hand and placed it on my heart. I swear she could feel how hard it was pounding from my fear she would ask me to leave and that this would never work between us.
“I don’t want to be without you,” she whispered. “Being with you has made me braver and stronger. You make me so happy, Cole. I need you… I… I just really need you.”
Leaning forward, I captured her mouth, needing to reassure myself she was still mine even after her words warmed my entire fucking soul.
“I need you too,” I murmured as I pushed her down on the bed, sliding over her body with mine.
Her hands tangled in my hair, tugging me fully against her. I groaned in her mouth when she rubbed herself against me. I took her hands, pinning them to the bed and shifted back, severing the contact between our bodies. Her green eyes were wide and she let out a breath.
“Are you mine, little queen? Completely mine?”
She nodded, biting her lip.
“Say it.”
“I’m yours, Cole. All yours.”
She’d never belong to anyone else but me. I’d claimed Meredith Veronica Pope as my own. Finally after all these years. I could see it in the way she looked at me. I had her completely.
“I’m yours too.”
I planted kisses down her jaw, making her squirm as my lips trailed down her neck and I buried my face in her soft breasts.
“Cole,” she panted. “Please.”
“Tell me what you want.”
“You inside me.”
I grinned against her t-shirt, unable to help myself. She’d become so much more open about sex ever since our first time, no longer afraid to tell me what she needed.
I let go of her hands and tugged at her clothes, pulling them off her beautiful body until she lay bare beneath me. Mine came next so we could be skin on skin. So I could feel every inch of her body against mine as I buried myself inside her. As we kissed, I stroked her clit which made her moan and her hands wrapped around my back, clutching me to her. She got wetter and wetter as I touched her until she begged me to give her my cock.
I pulled back, grabbing a condom from her drawer and sliding it on, having given her a box Xav had provided me with a couple of weeks ago so we wouldn’t have to worry. She tugged me over her, fitting me between her legs with desire shining in her green eyes. I never wanted to leave the warmth of her body as I entered her slowly, making sure she was comfortable.
“Don’t hold back,” she whispered. “Give me everything.”
I thrust forward, impaling her completely. A groan tore from my mouth as she let out a little mewl. Then there was nothing holding me back. I gripped her leg, pushing it up her chest and set a punishing pace, watching her come apart below me. She bucked and trembled, her hands gripping me as if her life depended on it.
“Cole, god, please,” she moaned. “Harder… please, harder.”
This felt fucking amazing. Being able to let go and her loving every moment. I wanted to stay with her like this forever. Just the two of us. Nothing could intrude on our little world when we were together.
“Fuck, Meredith,” I groaned, feeling so close already.
We both let go together, all our pent-up emotions spilling out. She cried out my name as I moaned and came inside her, feeling her pussy contract around me with each pulse. I knew then Meredith was my forever girl. I loved her. She owned my fucking heart. I think she had done since I’d laid eyes on her five years ago.
After we cleaned up, Meredith pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt whilst I got dressed again. We held each other on her bed for a while, neither of us talking. It surprised me how calm she’d been about my parents, but she’d never really been the judgemental type. Besides, I think she was still processing it and perhaps it wouldn’t hit her until later. It had taken a long time for me to come to terms with the whole thing.
“I have to speak to Jonah,” she whispered.
I stroked her hair, wishing we didn’t have this situation to deal with. It had never been my intention to come between Meredith and her brother.
“Okay… do you want me there?”
“I think I need to do this alone.”
I nodded. As much as I wanted to take away Meredith’s burdens, I respected her decisions. She could do this.
The two of us got up and I shoved my shoes back on. I took her hand, leading her back downstairs. I was leaning down to kiss her when her brother walked out of the kitchen. Jonah’s eyes flashed with annoyance. I had a feeling what came next wouldn’t be pleasant.
“Meredith.”
She turned and looked at Jonah. As she stiffened, I wrapped a hand around her waist so she knew I was still there for her.
“Cole’s just leaving.”
“Good.”
“Jonah…”
He shook his head.
“You know my feelings on it.”
Meredith stepped away from me, reaching out to her brother.
“And I told you it’s my decision. We talked about it. I need time to process, but I’m not in danger by being with Cole. Please, can’t you respect that?”
He stared at her for a long moment, conflicting emotions flying across his face until it settled into annoyance.
“No, Mer. I can’t.” Then he turned his gaze on me. “I don’t know you, but I don’t trust you with my sister. I don’t trust anyone in your family and you’re never going to convince me otherwise.”
“Jonah—” Meredith started but he raised his hand, cutting her off.
“I’m not done. Meredith is an adult so she can make her own choices, but you’re not. You’re sixteen years old. Can you really tell me you’ll protect my sister and keep her safe? Can you truly promise me your family isn’t involved in any more shit like they were in the past? Can you?”
Jonah’s words slammed into me, reminding me of the differences in our ages. Reminding me I wasn’t an adult yet. Just like Meredith had feared in the beginning would come between us. And yet, here it was, doing exactly that.
“No. I can’t promise you they aren’t,” I said. “I can’t promise that because I don’t know.”
“Then you can’t protect her. That’s not good enough. My sister means everything to me. I don’t want her wrapped up in that shit. And before she says anything, it has nothing to do with your brother, which no doubt she told you about. It has everything to do with me wanting Meredith to do well at school, get good grades and have a future. If she’s with you, that’s in jeopardy. She kept you a secret from me and she never does that. It’s not even about her breaking her promise, it’s the fact she knew I wouldn’t be happy about it and she did it anyway.” He clenched his fist at his side. “I’m her family. I’ve cared for her our whole lives. I love her more than anything else in this world and all I want is for her to be happy. If you care an ounce for Meredith, you’ll let her go.”
I wanted to tell him he was wrong. I wanted to fight against it, but if I did that, if I pushed… I might force Meredith into making a choice between me and her brother. That was something I could never do. And Jonah was right. My family’s past would always lurk in the shadows and as a sixteen-year-old boy, there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn’t old enough to be with her. Not really. Not when in six months, she’d go off to university and I’d still be in school.
“What the hell, J? My future is not in jeopardy. Don’t talk shit.”
“It is. Don’t you see? You’re distracted and keeping secrets from the people who care about you. You lied to me because of him.”
“You forced me into making that promise.”
“It was for your own good.”
I didn’t like seeing her fighting with him. The stark reality of our situation slammed into me. It broke me. The knowledge of what I’d have to
do to protect her.
For the first time since I’d started down this path, I saw things clearly. As much as I wanted Meredith, it was too soon. I needed to be an adult to put us on even ground with each other. She’d asked me to prove to her I was responsible. I had to put her needs first. I had to put her first. And that meant letting her go.
“He’s right,” I murmured. “I can’t give you what you need right now.”
Meredith’s head whipped around, eyes wide.
“What?”
“I care about you too much to come between you and him… I’m sorry, little queen, but I think he’s right. We can’t do this anymore.”
She stared at me, tears beginning to fill her eyes all over again. The sight split me in two. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from taking my words back.
“That’s not true. You make me happy, Cole. You make me so much better.”
I shook my head, knowing I had to do this no matter how broken I felt on the inside.
“I know you think that, but you need your family more than you need me.”
A tear slid down her cheek.
“No. I need you.”
I took a step back knowing if I stayed, I would crumble and my resolve would be shot to pieces.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t do this. You promised you’d be here for me.”
I shook my head, taking another step back towards the front door.
“I’m sorry, Meredith.”
She closed the distance between us as I continued to back away.
“Please, Cole… I… I love you. I’m in love with you. If you leave me now, you’ll break my heart. Do you understand? You’ll break me.”
Of all the things she could have said to me, that was the absolute worst. I wanted so much to wipe those tears away from her face, take her in my arms and kiss her senseless. Tell her I loved her too, but I’d only hurt her even more if I did that.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Then I turned, opened the door and walked out.
“Cole!”
I didn’t look back, walking down the street with my heart shattering into tiny pieces with every step. Never did I think someone else would come between me and Meredith, but I knew this wasn’t the end. I had to be patient and bide my time until I turned eighteen. Until I was an adult and could make all my own decisions. She might not see it now, but this was best for both of us.
I promise I’ll come back for you, Meredith. I promise I’ll make this right. This is only temporary. We only have to be apart for a while, then we’ll be together again. And next time, it’ll be forever.
Part II
revive
verb, re·vived, re·viv·ing.
to activate, set in motion, or take up again; renew.
Chapter Twenty Four
Two years later
I should really be downstairs right now. It was a party for me, after all. I didn’t feel much like celebrating, hence why I was hauled up on my bed with Rhys. He lay with one hand behind his head on the pillows with his fingers stroking down my bare arm as I curled up by his side. The base pumped through the floorboards, but neither of us cared much about the noise.
I let out a long sigh, knowing we couldn’t hide up here forever.
“Why did we agree to let them throw us a party again?” I asked.
“They use any excuse to throw one, you know that.”
Rhys and I had both turned twenty over the Christmas holidays, so this was technically our birthday celebration. We’d become fast friends when we met in the union bar of our university in first year. We’d moved into a student house with Jazz, Alfie and Martin at the beginning of second year. It was too bad they were all party animals whilst the two of us preferred to get drunk alone without crowds of people. Thankfully, Rhys and I had bedrooms on the top floor and could escape the madness of the rest of the household.
“We should’ve found better housemates.”
He snorted. I looked up at my best friend, watching him roll those dark eyes of his. His hair was a mess of curls and he had a smile on his face.
“You’re telling me.”
I was lucky to have met Rhys King. We were such opposites, but that’s why we worked so well. I pushed him out of his comfort zone and he kept me from doing anything too stupid. I felt a kinship with him I’d never had with anyone else, except perhaps my brother.
“You sure you don’t want to go cruising for guys with me downstairs?”
Not that I’d dated since school. The less I thought about what happened back then, the better.
“Definitely not. I’d rather poke my eyes out with a soldering iron.”
I grinned and batted his chest.
“Yeah, okay, whatever. You’re such a spoilsport. Never there when I need you to be my wingman.”
“I don’t think you’d be attracting the right sort of guys with me as a wingman, just saying.”
“Okay, true, I’m not looking for a guy to be my beard.”
He rolled his eyes again.
“I thought that’s what you used me for.”
“Ha-fucking-ha.”
I may have used him once to get rid of this guy who wouldn’t leave me alone, but it was Rhys who’d started it by putting his arm around me. And I loved him for it. He knew what I needed and vice versa. The two of us looked out for each other.
“Come on, Mer, you’re always keeping men at arm’s length.”
I had a good reason for it.
“All right, beard, let’s go get a drink, hey?”
“You really are a pain in my arse.”
I grinned and hopped off my bed, giving him a wink.
“You love me.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes I wonder why.”
He got up, straightening his shirt and running a hand through his hair before strolling towards the door.
“I’ll be down in a sec, just going to put some more lippy on.”
“Fine, but don’t leave me alone for too long.”
I waved a hand at him, grabbing my lipstick from my dresser and leaning down to my mirror.
“Just down a few shots and you’ll loosen up enough to talk to people.”
“Mer…”
“Don’t be a baby, Rhys.”
The boy might be demisexual and find it hard to be around people he didn’t know well, but I pushed him to get out of his own head and socialise. He needed to live a little.
“You’re so annoying.”
“And you’ll thank me for it later, now go drink.”
He left the room, but not without flipping me the finger on his way out. I smiled before applying my lipstick, followed by lip gloss. Once I was happy, I tousled my hair again and checked out my short green dress in the mirror. Rhys told me I looked pretty, but I didn’t always believe people when they said that. He wouldn’t lie to me though.
I walked out of my room and downstairs to the first floor. The corridor was crowded with people in line for the toilet and a few people chatting with drinks in their hands. I had no idea how many people the other three had invited, but I had to weave through several people to get to the second set of stairs. Just as I reached it, I glanced down and froze in place. My entire world fell out from underneath me. My skin prickled and I swear my heart just about stopped.
Standing on the bottom step with a bottle of beer hanging from his fingers was someone I hadn’t seen since I’d graduated from secondary school. And even then, I’d barely spoken to him for the final term.
I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes. It’d been a year and a half, and in that time, he’d grown into himself. A scruff of a beard framed his face, those hazel eyes unmistakable as they drew me in all over again, and his dirty blonde hair was messy. The white t-shirt he wore hugged his muscular body. Dark jeans, trainers and a chequered shirt clutched in his other hand completed his look.
Cole Carter stood on my bottom step.
Cole Carter, who’d broken my heart two years ago when he’d ended our relationship after my brother had interfered.
Cole Carter, who I’d never gotten over no matter how hard I tried. And I’d really tried hard to dispel the memory of him and me together.
I had no idea what to do, say or even think.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I might have forgiven Jonah for what happened because he’d only been protecting me, but I’d never forgiven Cole. And even though I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t. On some level, I understood why he’d walked away.
It didn’t stop my heart aching and pumping wildly in my chest at the sight of him now. I gripped the stair bannister as my knees threatened to give way.
What the hell was he doing here? Why? How did he know where I lived? What the fuck was happening right now?
Wait, he’s drinking. Shit. I forgot. He’s just turned eighteen.
I had too many thoughts and questions running through my mind, overwhelming me with the way they blared in my head. No way I could do this. Being near him. Seeing him. Talking to him.
I turned and fought my way back through the people in the hallway, needing to be as far away from the boy who broke my heart as possible. I couldn’t breathe properly as I rubbed my chest, the pain almost crippling me.
Why? Why are you here, Cole?
This could not be happening. Not now. I wasn’t ready to see him.
When I reached the stairs to the second floor, I felt his presence, but I couldn’t look back. I practically clawed my way up the flight of stairs, reaching my room and flinging the door open. As I turned to shut it, a hand slammed against it, keeping it open. I raised my head slowly and met those hazel eyes which had captivated me when I’d been eighteen. And they still did so now. The heat and intensity in them set my blood on fire.
I opened my mouth and shut it again, the words bubbling up in my throat sticking there.
He dropped his hand from the door, stepping forward into my personal space. I walked backwards, finding him following me. He kicked my door shut and chucked his shirt on the dresser. The back of my legs hit my bed. I had nowhere else to go. Nowhere else to run. And a part of me didn’t want to.