“Umm, good.” His answer came out hoarse before he cleared his throat. “Good. Really good. I’m back in Seattle at my apartment, but I’ll be heading over to Mom and Dad’s after I talk to you.” He blinked rapidly, then squinted.
“Are you okay?” It had always been difficult for me to control my face, so I knew I was looking at him like he was deranged. “You look like you have a tic or something.”
“Uh, I’m trying to figure out if you’re naked!” The expression on his face was comical. Brow wrinkled, eyes wide, mouth hanging ajar, he seemed slightly horrified.
It made me giggle. Panning the phone down to show I had my towel covering all pertinent parts, I grinned. “Sorry to disappoint, but nope. Not naked.”
“Jesus, Stella. That’s not helping.”
Confused, I lowered my gaze to ensure nothing was hanging out. “There’s no boobage showing, and this is my giant towel so I know there’s no hooha hanging out.”
“Oh for fuck sake! Stop! Stella, I cannot discuss your… parts… like that!” The horrified look had yet to resolve.
At that, I busted a gut. “My… parts!” Chortle. “Oh my God!” Chuckle. “What are we? Five?” Uncontrollable laughter rolled out of me as I fell to the bed, holding my abdomen with one arm. The other held the phone above me as I continued snorting.
“Fuck!” he whispered. “Jesus fucking Christ, Stella! There’s definite ‘boobage’ showing now! Oh my God, I can’t do this….” One of his hands slapped over his eyes, and I pursed my lips. Looking down, I realized I indeed was flashing part of a nipple.
Fuck is right.
“Oops!” I pulled the towel back up, my face burning in mortification. But what was done was done. It could’ve been worse.
“Oops?” he shouted. “Fucking hell, are you covered now? Maybe you should put a shirt on.”
Huffing, I sat up, holding the towel in place. “Hang on.” I set the phone down and dug an oversized T-shirt out of my drawer and pulled it over my head. To be safe, I pulled on a pair of panties too. After I was dressed and situated, I picked up my phone. “Better?”
Only then did he uncover his eyes. Relief was apparent in both his eyes and his tone. “Yeah. Thanks. Shit, you can’t do that to me. I’m only human, hon.” His eyes narrowed again. “Wait. Whose shirt is that?”
To be honest, I had no clue which shirt I’d even grabbed. Frowning, I studied it.
“Do you have to think that hard?” The frustrated tone that carried across the line surprised me. He actually seemed irritated at me.
“Umm, I think it was my brother’s.” Confusion bled through me at both his response to the shirt and whether the shirt was indeed my brother’s. Because I really wasn’t sure.
“You think. Umm, how many guys randomly leave their clothes at your house that you don’t know whose they are?” he deadpanned.
“Well… I mean, my brother visited over Labor Day, but it might be one of Kinsley’s ex’s shirts too. We kinda just use those as free-for-alls for sleep shirts.”
Something that looked like relief colored his face. “Oh. Well, that makes sense.”
“Wait. Are you jealous?” The thought that he might possibly be jealous was gratifying to the hussy inside that had the hots for him. I smirked. The side of me that was desperately trying to remember we were only friends was screaming at me to “stop it!”
“Of course not. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you. You’re my best friend, Stella.”
Disappointment weighed heavy in my chest.
What did you expect? That he’d suddenly realized he was madly in love with you?
The dispirited sigh slipped out before I could stop it. “Well, I appreciate your friendly concern. But I’m a big girl, so if I decided to have a guy sleep over and he left clothes behind, then so be it.”
Like that was gonna happen anytime soon. And I was really starting to hate the word “friend.”
“Anyway, that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.” Though he acted like he was moving on in the conversation, he still appeared disgruntled. “If I bought you a ticket, would fly here to spend Christmas with me?”
“No.” My answer was instantaneous. There was no need to consider or think about it. Seattle was the last place I wanted to be during the holidays.
“Stella… just think about it,” he pleaded.
Slapping my palm over my face, I growled in frustration. “Logan, you don’t understand. I don’t ever want to go back to Seattle.”
“Not even for me?” The hangdog expression on his beautiful face was tugging at my heartstrings.
“That’s not fair.”
“No one said I was gonna play fair.” His evil little grin did crazy things to my insides.
“Well, even if I wanted to, I can’t. I work the days before and after Christmas. I only have the one day off.” Resignation weighted my exhale.
“Can you call in sick? I’ll pay you for the hours you miss. Or I could talk to your boss.”
Christ, it would be nice for money not to be an obstacle for anything you wanted in life. It was so freaking weird to me that I was friends with two people who had that going for them, him and Kinsley.
“No, Logan. I can’t do that. I’d lose my job and I can’t afford to do that. At least not until I hear something on the resumes I’ve submitted. My survival and ability to pay my bills depend on that job.” If only I could simply walk away. Not that I wanted to be in Seattle, but to spend Christmas with him would almost be worth it.
I watched as he ran his bottom lip through his teeth, clearly trying to come up with an argument that would work.
“Don’t. I see the wheels turning in your head. Why is it so important to you that I spend Christmas with you anyway?” Chuckling a little at the ridiculousness of this conversation, I watched as his eyes focused everywhere but on mine.
“I guess I don’t like the thought of you being alone on Christmas.” Sincerity rang out and his sweet smile sent my heart into overdrive.
“Who says I’ll be alone?” Teasing, I pulled my lips to the side and raised my eyebrows.
The frown that replaced his smile didn’t suit him and it really bothered me. Something in me needed to see him happy again. I saw enough of him being unhappy in the pics I stalked online.
“Who will you be with?” he asked. Once again he gave the impression he was jealous but trying not to show it.
If only….
Shrugging, I hated to admit I actually would be alone because my brother was going home for Christmas and Kinsley was going to New York City with her dad. My brother was ever the peacemaker and had tried to get me to go home too.
Belinda and Tony had both invited me to spend the holiday with them with their families, but I didn’t know their families and it would be weird. “I have things I’m doing.”
“What things?” He looked and sounded like a petulant little boy. Don’t ask me why I thought it was endearing as hell.
Slouched on a dark brown couch, he pouted. Instead of answering right away, I stared at his brilliant eyes. They weren’t nearly as beautiful as they were in person, yet they were still captivating. The brown hair I loved to imagine touching was spiked haphazardly, as if he’d run his hands through it repeatedly.
“Show me around your apartment.” Not only was I trying to get him to change the subject, I was curious about where he lived. He’d only FaceTimed with me once when he was home, and he’d already been in bed.
“You wanna see my place? There’s not much to see.” Making no move to get up from the couch, the hint of a tired smile appeared.
“So, there wasn’t much to my place either, but I gave you the grand tour,” I joked.
Sighing, he stood, then switched the camera so I could see where he was taking me. “Okay… living room….” He panned the giant room. Not much to see, my ass. “Kitchen….” Black granite with black appliances and cabinets screamed modern and sleek. “Quarter bath….” Elegant and magazine-worthy. “My
room….” At the messy bed, I laughed.
“Why does it not surprise me that you don’t make your bed?” A twisted, stupid part of me wondered how many women had been in that bed. Then I wondered if there had been one in there the night he slept in it last. Taking a deep breath, I told myself there was no point in even thinking about that shit. It wasn’t like we were dating.
Sheepish, he shrugged. “Well, my cleaning lady is on vacation and I’m just gonna get back into it, right?”
Rolling my eyes, I snorted. Cleaning lady. Of course he had a cleaning lady. “Typical man.”
“All man, baby.” The phone returned briefly to him and he cheesed.
“Oh sweet heavens… hang on, I need to put my feet up, it’s getting deep in here!” Turning to my stomach with a grin, I propped the phone against my pillow while I followed him around his apartment.
Chuckling, he returned the camera to show me his bathroom, which looked divine, and the smaller spare bedroom where he had several guitars on stands and a keyboard set up.
“Wow, yeah, that’s a closet-sized apartment there. How do you handle it?” Sarcasm laced my teasing. His place was gorgeous.
The camera returned to him and the sight of his face made me warm and fuzzy inside.
“You should see Dominic’s condo and you’d understand why I say that. His is huge. This is really small compared to everyone else’s place. I don’t need much space, so it’s good enough.”
“Well, I personally think it’s beautiful. Hell, it’s probably twice the size of my place! Did you decorate it?” My eyes narrowed at him.
“Phbt! Yeah, right. Actually, my mom did it.” Relief flooded me at the knowledge that it wasn’t an ex-girlfriend who had set it up. Or a current one that he maybe hadn’t told me about. “Speaking of which, I need to head over there.”
Sad that I had to let him go, I rested my chin on my fisted hand. “Okay. Tell everyone I said Merry Christmas.”
Eyes dropping to the ground, he nodded. “Sure. Or you could take me up on my offer and tell them yourself?” Hope sprang to life in his gaze.
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes. “No, dear.”
“It was worth another try.” The boyish grin tugged at my emotions. God, I wished he wanted me there as something other than his friend. If that was the case, I was pretty sure I’d have been all over that. I’d have given up my left tit for him to want me as more than a friend.
“Bye, Logan.” Straight-faced, I held my repeat eye-roll in check.
“Bye, babe.” The call ended, and I experienced the ache of loss. Telling myself I shouldn’t feel that way didn’t change how I thought of him.
And it certainly didn’t change how I felt about him.
“Enemy Inside (Part 2)”—Egypt Central
The truth was, I hadn’t told anyone about Stella. I mean, the guys knew I was talking to someone and that I went to see her, but they didn’t know anything about her. As far as they were concerned, she was a piece of ass that I visited.
Don’t ask me why I was keeping her from everyone. Maybe I was selfish and I wanted to keep her to myself. Maybe I was afraid one of them might tell her what a piece of shit I was and change how she looked at me.
That would kill me, because she was the only one who didn’t look at me with judgement in her eyes. At least that’s how it seemed.
When my phone rang over my speakers, I hit the answer button. “Hey, Levi. I’m on my way.”
“Cool. Thought I’d check on you. You doing okay?” Translation: Was I drunk or high?
“I’m good.” I wasn’t drunk.
“Okay. See you soon then.”
“Yep. Later.”
Blowing the smoke out of my wide-open truck window, I finished the joint and flicked it out onto the dark, misty road. Then I rolled the other window down to air the cab out better and popped a mint in my mouth.
The familiar mellow sense of ease filled me from the medicinal quality weed. Between that and the xans I had in my pocket, I would survive dinner with my family without drinking or falling apart.
Guilt ate at me because I’d sworn I would quit it all when I left Stella’s place.
Fuck, it was hard. Trust me, I’d tried before. Several times. Thankfully, our PR chick Tracey had been able to keep it all under the radar, but if I wasn’t careful it was going to come back to bite the band in the ass.
Except the thought of having nothing to rely on had me on the verge of a panic attack even with all the shit I had onboard. If I was honest, I shouldn’t be driving. If I was a normal person, I’d probably be fucking comatose. There was something to be said for tolerance.
Taking a deep breath, I parked, climbed the stairs to my parents’ house, and walked into the living room. The minute I stepped foot in there, I was hit with the chaos that was my family.
Everything was loud. Though the house was filled with laughter and conversation, it was nearly too much, and I was thankful for the pot I’d smoked.
“Logan! Baby, it’s so good to see you! What took you so long? Your brother and everyone else have been here for ages.” Mom meant well, but little did she know if I could have stayed home and not gone at all, I would’ve been happy. Before I could answer, her arms wrapped around me and she squeezed.
Hugging her back, I caught Levi’s calculating gaze over her shoulder. “Sorry, Mom, I had some things to take care of.”
Leaning back, she looked at me questioningly. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I had to make a phone call.”
Suspicion and worry crept into her eyes.
It was frustrating, but with my history, I knew they all worried. “No, Ma, it wasn’t to a dealer or anything. It was to a friend.” Swallowing with difficulty, I lowered my voice so only she could hear. “I was trying to convince her to come for Christmas.”
That changed her expression in a heartbeat. Happiness and hope lit her from the inside. “Someone special?”
I knew what she was getting at. “Yeah, Mom, she’s special, but not like that. She’s a friend. No, scratch that, she’s turned out to be my best friend.” The corner of my lips turned up at the thought of Stella.
“That look says more than friendship.” Teasing, my mom raised her eyebrows and tipped her head at me.
“No. Seriously, we’re only friends.” The thing was, someone knowing about her began to change things in my mind. It made me question my feelings for her. It was unsettling.
“So is she coming?”
“No.” I’d really hoped to convince her otherwise. Having her stand firm didn’t sit well with me.
“Well, you can’t blame her for wanting to be with her own family over the holidays.” Leave it to my mom to try to be pragmatic.
“That’s just it, she’ll be alone. But she only has Christmas Day off and has to work the day before and after. I even offered to pay her for her missed wages if she called in sick, and she refused.” Frustration at the thought of her being alone on Christmas had me ruffling a hand through my hair. More than her being alone, it bothered me that maybe she wouldn’t be alone.
The wheels my mother’s head were turning. I could see it in her interested and contemplative gaze.
“Why don’t you go to her?”
Those were the last words I ever thought I’d hear my mom say. Christmas was big for her. Having me, Levi, and his family here was everything to her. Since losing Lucas there hadn’t been a single Christmas we’d been apart.
“Huh?” Incredulous, I could only stare.
“Go to her. Don’t let her be alone. Be there for her. That’s what friends do, right?” Innocence was bright in her eyes.
Too bright.
Too innocent.
Narrowing my eyes, I tried to read her, but it was like trying to watch a movie through a wall.
“Mom. Are you feeling okay?”
“Of course, I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’re encouraging me to leave here—at Christmastime.”
A strong hand slapped my shoulder before grabbing it tight. “Hey, little brother. Why so serious over here?” Levi’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, and that hurt. Being a disappointment to my only remaining brother really sucked.
Another reason I needed to get my shit straight.
“No reason. Just talking to Mom about a friend who’ll be alone this Christmas.” Shrugging in an effort to make him think it was no big deal, I looked away from his scrutiny.
“What friend?” Though he tried to appear only mildly curious, I knew he was ready to grill me the minute Mom was distracted.
“No one you know. And no, not a dealer or bad influence.” I had no qualms about putting that shit out there. As far as I was concerned, there was no use in beating around the fucking bush.
“So invite them over.” Levi thought he was pulling my punk card, knowing I’d never bring one of my suppliers or someone I’d gotten high with to my parents’ house. It shouldn’t surprise me that my own brother had no faith in me after everything I’d put them through, but it was still a punch to the gut.
My last stint in a detox facility wasn’t that long ago, and I’d refused to go to rehab like they recommended. I’d been certain I could handle it on my own. Like every other addict, I thought I was more powerful than my addiction.
I was wrong. Within two weeks after being discharged, I was drinking. Three days after that, I was doing lines of coke off a toilet tank in an upscale club in New York City. Believe it or not, coke was not my drug of choice. It wound me up too much. I’d tried damn near everything, but oxy or xans were my problem because they mellowed me out to a deeper level than weed.
A week after the coke incident, I was buying a bottle of oxy from my usual guy. Knowing what I was didn’t mean I liked to admit it.
Disappointment in myself weighed heavily on me and made me question whether I was good enough to be Stella’s friend. Making a promise to myself to go into rehab after the holidays, I sighed.
“I can’t. They’re out of town.” The judgement I saw flicker in my brother’s icy eyes made up my mind. “I’m thinking about flying out to spend Christmas with them.”
No Treble Allowed: A Straight Wicked Novel Page 6