Eve and Her Sisters

by Rita Bradshaw

  Your brother-in-law,

  Toby Grant

  Howard continued to stare at the last page of the letter after he had finished reading. His mind was amassing the facts contained in Eve’s brother-in-law’s letter but overall he was conscious of feeling a great sense of gratitude to Nell. This Travis fellow was in Washington and Eve still cared for him. If she had gone back, who knows what would have occurred? Aware he could say none of this, he raised his head and met the green gaze trained on his face. ‘I’m so very sorry,’ he said softly.

  ‘I can’t believe she wouldn’t tell me, that she would keep something like this from me. I thought her letters were odd since Christmas and she’s only written three times instead of every week, but I thought she was perhaps tired, what with Lucy and everything. I never dreamt . . .’

  As her voice trailed away, Howard reached out and took her hand. ‘I don’t know all the ins and outs of it, Eve, and it’s none of my business but I do agree with Toby that Nell would have been thinking only of your best interests.’

  ‘How can you say that?’ She laid her head against the back of the sofa and turned her face from him but did not remove her hand from his.‘She prevented me saying goodbye. That’s unforgivable.’

  ‘You might not have been in time if she had told you, it only being a couple of days.’

  ‘That’s not the point.’

  No, it wasn’t. Searching his mind, he said quietly, ‘I think Nell thought you had been through enough. She perhaps thought it would bring William’s passing to the fore again. You have shouldered such a lot during the last years, Eve. I think she was attempting to spare you more heartache.When you said goodbye to Mary before you came here she was as you’d always known her, pretty and well and regaining her strength after the birth of William. I’m sure Nell thought it best you remember her like that.You could have done nothing, and she was not alone. She had Nell and her family and . . . and Mr Travis.’ He had to force himself to say the name but when there was no response, he added, ‘Mary knew how much you loved her and that you would have been there if you could, you know that.’

  Now she did look at him. In a small voice, she said, ‘I don’t know if she did. We . . . we didn’t part on bad terms but it wasn’t the same as it had once been.’

  ‘How could it be?’ He pressed her fingers.‘Nothing stays the same, Eve. Relationships change and evolve. She had come back to Washington pregnant and then the baby died. I’m sorry to speak ill of the dead but she didn’t want the child, you know that, and you must be clear about this now in view of what’s happened. It would appear it was the same predicament and her handling of it that caused her to become ill.’

  Her fingers jerked but when she would have pulled her hand away, he did not let her. ‘You’re saying she brought this on herself. That she deserved to die because she killed her baby.’

  ‘Don’t put words in my mouth, Eve. No one deserves what happened to Mary but with every choice we make in life there are consequences. I’m sorry if that sounds judgemental but it is the truth. I’m also deeply sorry she chose the life she did because she was your sister and you loved her, but it was her choice.You told me that yourself. She had every chance to reform, she did not want to. I am not standing on high moral ground either, how could I? I have done things of which I am so ashamed it took me years to face up to them.’

  ‘The . . . Boer War?’

  ‘Just so.’

  They sat in silence for a full minute. Eve retrieved her hand and wiped her eyes with the white linen handkerchief Howard gave her. He wanted to draw her close to him and comfort her, to take away the look of desolation on her face and tell her everything would be all right, but he checked himself. Now was not the time. And then his control was put to the test when she said quietly,‘You must think we are a terrible family but she wasn’t a bad girl, Howard. I know it looks as though she was, but my father used to call her fey and he was right. She was so beautiful and fragile, like a lovely butterfly drawn to the bright light that will devour it. I didn’t protect her enough. In the beginning, with Josiah, I didn’t protect her enough. I should have known . . .’

  Her voice ended on a wail and as she fell against him, the tears flooding her face, his arm went out to hold her close. ‘Mary, oh, Mary. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’ Her cry was agonised and cut through him, causing his jaw to clench against the pain she was feeling and which he was powerless to do anything about. All he could do was hold her tight and let the grief pour out.

  It was a long time before she became quiet and even after that he continued to stroke her hair and murmur soothing words above her head. He thought she might have fallen asleep with the exhausting emotion which had racked her, but then a small voice whispered, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.’

  ‘I’m glad you did. I’m only sorry I was out all day and not here when you needed me.You should have put a call through to the works or, failing that, the club this evening.’

  ‘I wouldn’t do that.’ She sat up, smoothing the pleats of her skirt in embarrassment.

  He handed her his handkerchief once again, eyeing her tear-ravaged face tenderly.‘I want you to promise that if you ever need me again, that’s exactly what you will do.’

  His tone must have conveyed something of what he was feeling because she appeared startled and a little embarrassed. ‘I . . . I don’t suppose I shall need you again.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’ Telling himself he was every kind of fool and doing exactly what he had promised himself he wouldn’t do, he said softly, ‘I want you to need me, Eve. Because I need you. Just how much I didn’t realise until tonight when I held you.’ And then, at the look on her face, he added quickly, ‘I love you and I want you for my wife.’

  Dear gussy, had she thought . . . But he hadn’t expressed himself very well. He should have had a ring ready and gone down on one knee. He had never imagined she might think he was propositioning her to be his mistress.

  Eve’s head was spinning. She looked down at her hands, not to play the coquette but because she couldn’t hold his gaze. She had wondered, yes, she had to admit she had wondered what she would do and say if this moment should occur. Tucked up in her solitary bed at night she had allowed her mind to wander and play out the fanciful idea that Howard might want her for more than his housekeeper. But at the bottom of her she had dismissed the notion. He was kind and generous and that was why he was so good to her, she’d told herself over and over again. She was getting well above herself to imagine anything more. And pride went before a fall. Every time. But now it had happened and she didn’t know what to say. Raising her head, she looked into his face. It was a nice face. Not handsome but possessed of a certain charm. A distinguished face. Hesitantly, she said, ‘We come from such different backgrounds. People would be horrified.’

  ‘Do you think I care one jot about anyone but you and me? And anyone who doesn’t see you as the wonderful woman you are will not be welcome in this house.’

  ‘I’m so much younger than you.’

  ‘Or perhaps we should say I’m so much older than you, but what does it matter? I know many couples where there is a significant age gap and they are very happy.’

  ‘People, your friends, everyone would say it’s too soon after Esther’s passing.’

  She was saying all the things except the one that really mattered. She was aware of this even as he answered, ‘It’s been over a year and all that matters is that Esther would understand.You do know that, don’t you? That she would be pleased for us?’

  Eve bowed her head. She had never told him what Esther had said to her as she had been dying. ‘Yes, I know that. But,’ she paused, ‘you know why I left Washington.’

  ‘Because of this man. Caleb Travis.’

  ‘Yes.’ She looked at him. Her face was burning, suffused with a deep red. ‘And nothing has changed in regard to my feelings for him. It wouldn’t be fair to you to say otherwise.’

  ‘Perhaps not, but that doesn�
�t mean you can’t learn to love me, Eve. There are all kinds of love, I’ve come to understand that. Even between a man and a woman. Esther was and always will be my childhood sweetheart and ours was a natural progression into marriage. She was a very different woman to you but I loved her and I love you. You do like me a little, don’t you?’

  ‘You know I do.’

  ‘And I don’t . . .’ He cleared his throat. ‘This,’ he touched his empty sleeve,‘it doesn’t repel you? Please be truthful.’

  Her colour would have deepened if it was possible. ‘Not for a minute, how could you think such a thing?’

  ‘I hoped not but I must be frank. I love you and I want you for my wife but not merely as a companion. I would like children in the future. Do you understand?’

  Eve nodded. She wasn’t so naive as to imagine he had been suggesting a marriage without physical closeness.

  ‘But let me make one thing clear. If children were denied us for whatever reason, I would be content with you and count myself blessed. It’s you I want. You I need. And I do need you, Eve. So very much.’

  She gazed at him, finding it amazing that this attractive and cultured man should be in love with her. And he was attractive, she thought. Nell had called him a fine figure of a man and she was right.

  ‘I should not have sprung this on you tonight of all nights.’ Howard took her hand. ‘It was wrong of me.’

  ‘No, no, it’s all right.’

  ‘Will you think about it? I don’t expect an answer right away. And if you cannot consent then we will go back to how it was before. There will be no embarrassment or awkwardness between us, I will insist on that.’

  Eve would have smiled if her heart hadn’t been so sore about Mary.This was so like Howard, insisting on something which would be impossible. It was then, as she looked into his kind brown eyes, she thought, I don’t want to have to leave him. He had enriched her life in so many ways and her daily lessons were just part of it. Life would be empty without his sense of humour, his gentleness, his kindness, even his stubbornness. But she didn’t care for him as she did for Caleb. She must be honest with herself. And would this feeling she had for Howard be enough? Enough for marriage? More importantly, enough for the marriage bed?

  Howard drew her to her feet. ‘You must be exhausted.’

  She was tired, and unbearably sad. Hearing about Mary had brought all the anguish about William to the fore. Howard had said he wanted children and so did she, she ached for bairns of her own. After she had left Washington she had imagined she would live life as a spinster but it wasn’t a path she would have chosen or wanted.

  ‘Go to bed and tomorrow we will decide what to do about the letter. You will think clearer when you’ve had some sleep. This has been a great shock and I haven’t helped, have I?’ He smiled ruefully.‘But we’ll sort it out together, you aren’t on your own. If you wish to write to Nell, I’ll see to it she receives the letter immediately, or we can go and visit her if you prefer it. Whichever you would like.’

  ‘Thank you.’ He knew as well as she did that Mary had become a prostitute before she had died. That alone would be enough to cause most men to run a mile. The scandal of associating with someone who’d had such a sister would be bad enough, but to suggest marrying them! And despite her new hairstyle and clothes, she was still as plain as a pikestaff. And yet when Howard looked at her, there was something in his eyes that made her blush. He cared for her. And she wanted to be cared for in that way. She might not love him as she loved Caleb but he knew all about that and he still wanted her. And she didn’t want to lose him. She wanted, just by one person in her life, to be adored.

  Drawing on every scrap of courage she possessed, Eve reached up and took his face in her hands. And then she pressed her mouth to his.

  Chapter 22

  Howard took Eve to see her sister three days after Eve had received the letter. Eve had needed the time to set her thoughts in order and decide how she felt about the decision Nell had taken. She and Howard had talked it through incessantly and this had helped her to see things more objectively. Something, she admitted to herself, she would have been unable to do without his guidance. She had been so angry with Nell, so disappointed and hurt.

  The interval also meant that by the time the taxi cab deposited them outside Nell’s front door, Eve was wearing an engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand.The morning after he had proposed, Howard had insisted on visiting the best jewellers in Newcastle. Eve had chosen a dainty ring consisting of three diamonds on a gold hoop. It had not been the most elaborate or expensive ring in the shop, but it was the one she had fallen in love with.

  Eve had not protested at Howard’s urgency but she had been a little surprised by it. He knew this, but when she had expressed a desire to return to Washington and see Nell face to face, he’d felt his engagement needed a solid base. Hence the ring. Something everyone - including Caleb Travis - could see.

  Now, as they stood together outside the small terraced house, he kept his arm tightly round her. ‘It will be fine.’ He smiled at her. ‘Stop trembling.’

  It was Toby who opened the door to their knock. Eve saw his eyes widen and then he stood back, saying, ‘Eve, lass, and Howard. Come in, come in. I’m off work at the moment, crushed me fingers an’ the quack won’t let me back yet, daft so-an’-so. Sure sign he ain’t paid by the hour.’ And then he stopped abruptly as though he had become aware he was talking too much.

  Eve looked across the room to where Nell had risen from the table, the vegetables she had been preparing in a bowl in front of her. Matthew and Robert were sitting on the clippy mat in front of the range, playing with two little cars fashioned from wood, and Lucy was in her high chair gnawing on a crust. It was a homely scene, cosy, but Eve could see that all was not well with her sister. As Toby had said, she’d lost weight. ‘Hello, lass,’ she said quietly.

  It was a moment before Nell whispered, ‘Hello,’ and then her voice was small and didn’t sound like hers.

  Eve looked into Nell’s eyes. They seemed altogether too big for her face. Any remaining hurt was swept away by the expression in them. Without a word Eve moved forward. As she opened her arms, Nell flew into them and the next few minutes were lost in unintelligible murmurings and sobs.

  Once they were all seated at the kitchen table with a cup of tea, Nell took Eve’s hands in her own. ‘I’m sorry, lass, I am. I thought I was doing the right thing but then the minute she died I knew I should have told you. It was too late then though and—’

  ‘I know, I know. It doesn’t matter. Will you come with me to the grave later before we have to go?’

  Nell nodded, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks.

  More to stop Nell breaking down again than anything else, Eve held out her left hand, waving it under her sister’s nose.‘You haven’t noticed, have you?’

  ‘Eve!’ Nell grabbed her fingers, her voice rising as she said, ‘You’re engaged! Toby, they’re engaged.’ And then, quickly, she looked at Howard.

  Laughing, he said, ‘It’s all right, you haven’t put your foot in it. I am the lucky man.’

  As Toby shook Howard’s hand, Nell kissed her sister. ‘I am so pleased, lass, I can’t tell you.When I saw you together in Newcastle I knew there was that spark.’

  Eve smiled. She wanted to confide in Nell that she was feeling, if not exactly frightened then bewildered by the speed with which everything had happened. But she couldn’t. And so the four of them chatted and she gave the children the little presents she had bought for them, and after lunch she and Nell put their hats and coats on to walk to the cemetery in the grounds of the church in the village centre. It had been agreed that Toby and Howard would stay with the children to enable them to have some minutes at the graveside alone.

  As they walked to the churchyard, Eve was trembling in the pit of her stomach. Mary’s grave was covered with snow but when Nell brushed the head-stone clear, she read, ‘Here lies Mary Baxter. Beloved sister of Eve a
nd Nell. Safe in the arms of God.’They said a prayer and cried a little and then stood for a while, lost in memories.

  It was as they left the churchyard that she saw him. Caleb had come out of the inn and was standing looking across the space separating them.

  She had known this was going to happen, she told herself. How had she known? She couldn’t have. But she had. As he came towards them, she felt Nell’s hand tighten on her arm and it was as much to herself as to Nell that she murmured, ‘Don’t worry, it’s all right. I need to thank him for taking Mary in that one last time anyway. He was good to do that, Nell.’

  He looked older than when she had left. Thinner. And his hair was longer. It suited him. Thoughts whirled in her mind and then he was standing in front of her, his rugged face unsmiling. ‘Eve, it is you. I thought my eyes were deceiving me.’ He took her gloved hands in his own. ‘You’ve been to the grave?’ he asked softly.