When the Storm Breaks (Lost Stars)

by Emery Rose

  “I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

  “I did it for myself, not you.”

  “How so?”

  “I wanted to take you out to dinner without having to punch anyone in the face or break someone’s phone.”

  I sighed and put my hand over my heart. “What a charmer. How could I ever resist your sweet talk?”

  He snorted.

  If only he knew what it was like when I wasn’t here, safe in this little bubble. Brody would hate it. He already told me he hated crowds and he hated cities and wasn’t a big fan of flying or being stuck in traffic. Which was my entire life away from here. Yesterday I talked to Bastian. When I spoke to him, he was in Barcelona, headlining for a rock festival.

  “So… did you find what you were looking for?” Bastian asked.

  “I did. And I got so much more than I bargained for.”

  “You fell in love.” I heard him take a drag of his cigarette.

  “I did.”

  He was quiet for a beat. “Who is he?”

  “Just… a guy. He owns the ranch I’m staying on.”

  “So you met a cowboy and you fell in love, but you have to leave him.”

  “That pretty much sums it up. When are you and Hayden finally going to admit your true love?”

  “Never.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I would destroy him, and I love him too much to do that to him. Far better to love him from afar.”

  “So you do love him?”

  “Was that ever a question? I love him as much as I’m capable of loving anyone. I’m a fickle, selfish, unholy mess of a lover. He would never be number one in my life. That spot is reserved for myself and my music. There’s not a lot of room left over for anyone else.”

  “That sounds so lonely.”

  “You’ll get used to it.”

  But I didn’t think I ever would. I already missed Brody and I was sitting right across from him.

  Why couldn’t we have the best of both worlds? Why couldn’t we have it all?

  I shook off my apprehensions and smiled at Brody. “What did you rustle up for dinner, Cowboy?”

  “What do you think?”

  I grinned. “I think I’m going to have to be the judge in a chili cook-off.”

  “There’s no contest. Mine is the best.” He served the chili in two bowls, crushed a handful of Fritos over the top, a sprinkle of cilantro and a squeeze of lime.

  “Fancy,” I joked.

  “It’s the only way to go. Tortilla chips don’t cut it.” He watched me take the first bite. “Tell me this isn’t better than Jude’s.”

  Brody’s chili was good. Delicious, even. But in all fairness, so was Jude’s. In fact, if memory served, they tasted very similar. Jude and Brody were more alike than they’d care to admit. But for me, there was no contest.

  Only one McCallister had captured my heart.

  He held his hand up to block his face. “Enough with the photos.”

  I set my phone back on the table next to my bowl. “I love your face. I want to take it with me everywhere I go.” The thought of leaving here, of leaving him, made my stomach sink.

  He tipped the neck of his beer bottle at the portable speaker. The Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” had just started playing. “You sang this the night I saw you in that bar in Lafayette.” This song reminded me of Brody. Everything was starting to remind me of him. “I like your version better.”

  How crazy to think our paths had crossed nine years ago. What if they’d crossed many times in the past and neither of us had been the wiser? Maybe our paths had always been destined to cross. I stood up from my chair and walked around the table. He wrapped his hand around my wrist and tugged me into his lap, his arm encircling my waist. “You’re biased.”

  “Just speaking the truth.”

  I kissed his jaw then buried my face in the crook of his neck and breathed him in. Leather and cedar with a hint of lime. I wanted to bottle his scent and carry it with me wherever I went. His arm around me was strong, heart beating under the palm of my hand, his muscles toned and taut, the cotton of his T-shirt so soft to the touch. His calloused hand on my thigh was warm, caressing my skin and sending delicious shivers up and down my spine. Being this close to Brody made me feel like I’d found a home after years of searching for a place—or a person—who could fill up the empty space inside me, heal my cracked heart and make it beat just for him.

  Now that I’ve found you, how will I ever let you go? What will I do without you?

  “Does it get lonely on the road?” he asked a few minutes later, once again surprising me with his keen sense of observation. In such a short amount of time, Brody could already read me better than anyone ever had.

  “So lonely,” I whispered, running my fingers through his thick, dirty blond hair. I kissed his face, the stubble on his jaw scraping my soft skin, and I kissed his lips. For a few seconds, we stayed like that, his lips soft yet firm against mine. Neither of us pushed for more. Yet somehow it felt more intimate than a kiss. When he exhaled, I inhaled, breathing the same air.

  I pulled back to look at his face, my fingertips tracing the little crinkles next to his eyes. I wanted to capture this moment forever. “One more picture?”

  His whiskey browns locked on mine and he squeezed my thigh. “Knock yourself out.”

  I reached across the table for my phone, but he got to it first and handed it to me. I angled the phone to capture us both in the photo. “Smile, Cowboy. Make it look like there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.”

  “I don’t have to pretend. It’s the damn truth.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Shiloh

  Two days after our romantic dinner in the woods, Brody asked me if I wanted to go with him to pick up Noah from camp. It finished at four and he was planning to take Noah for tacos before he drove him home.

  I said I’d love to. I was leaving in four days, and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. Ballcap and sunglasses firmly in place, we hit the road. The air was heavy, hot and humid, and it felt like a storm was on the way. We were three miles from his house when the music cut out and Lila’s name showed up on Brody’s phone screen. He pressed the button on his steering wheel to answer it, putting the call on speaker.

  “What’s up, L? I’m with Shy so watch your dirty mouth.”

  She laughed. “Hi Shiloh.”

  “Hi Lila.”

  “I’m glad you’re with him. We need to arrange a time to hang out before you leave.”

  “Definitely. I’m totally open so whatever works—”

  Brody grew impatient with our chit chat and cut me off mid-sentence. “Did you need something, L?”

  “I told Meredith I’d pick up Hayley today. She has a conference call she can’t get out of. You’re on the approved list for picking up Hayley. Are you okay with that?”

  He muttered a curse under his breath. “Do I have a choice?”

  “Nope.”

  Brody exhaled loudly like this was a huge inconvenience. I wiped my sweaty palms on my shorts and tried to regulate my breathing.

  “We were planning to take Noah for tacos.”

  “Perfect. Take Hayley too. She’ll love it. Meredith’s meeting ends at six and I was planning to feed Hayley before I took her home. I’ll message her and let her know there’s been a change of plans.”

  “Fine. See you later.”

  “Bye guys. Have fun. See you soon.”

  I tried to reply but my voice wouldn’t work.

  Brody cut the call and I had half a mind to ask him to drop me off at the diner we were passing. Or turn the truck around and take me home before he picked up Noah. But I couldn’t do that. I was trapped. I’d made my peace with the situation and had been all set to leave without seeing Hayley again. But now I’d have to spend two hours with her. And I didn’t know how to deal with any of this.

  I took a few deep breaths, trying to suck air into my lungs.

  �
��I never know what the hell to say to Hayley,” Brody said, running his hand through his hair.

  His words surprised me. But it was also the tone of his voice. He sounded worried which pulled me out of my own panic attack. “What do you mean? You’re great with Noah.”

  “Yeah, well, he’s a boy and he’s my kid. I’m always trying to be careful not to say the wrong thing around Hayley.”

  “Just be yourself.” How ironic that I was giving him advice when I didn’t have a clue what I would say to her or how to act around her. “I’m sure she thinks you’re great.”

  He shrugged one shoulder. “I try to tone it down around her. I don’t want to scare her.”

  “Is she sensitive?”

  “She reminds me of those artsy girls from high school.”

  Despite my own fears, I laughed. “She’s six, not a teenager.”

  He snorted. “Noah is six. Hayley is six going on sixteen. Girls are different from boys.”

  A laugh burst out of me. “How long did it take you to figure that one out?”

  He snorted then side-eyed me before his eyes returned to the road. Two minutes later, he turned into a parking lot in front of a low brown building and put the truck in park but didn’t get out right away. We were five minutes early. “What I mean is that girls are more emotional. I made her cry once and afterwards I felt like shit.”

  I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sure she’s forgotten all about it.”

  “Maybe.”

  “What did you do to make her cry?”

  “She fell and skinned her knee. I told her to cowboy up.”

  Not what I’d expected. I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “What does that even mean?”

  His lip ticked up at the corner. “It means that when you fall down, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and act like a man about it.”

  “Kind of hard for a six-year-old girl to do.”

  “Yeah, well, let’s just say I’m pretty damn happy I didn’t have a girl.” He shoved open his car door. “Be right back.”

  I nodded and forced a smile. As soon as he was gone, I slumped in my seat and spun the sterling silver ring around my thumb. The ring was shaped like a feather, adjustable, and designed to fit on any finger. It had been on my mom’s hand when she died. Maw Maw had waited until my sixteenth birthday to give it to me. Maybe she knew she’d be gone before I reached my next birthday. Maw Maw told me the feather was the wing of an angel, a reminder that there would always be someone watching over me and I’d never really be alone. She’d told me that my mother had loved me and Landry more than life itself. Despite my mom’s unhappy marriage and a music career that had never taken off, we made her happy. I didn’t know if it was true, but it was what I’d chosen to believe. We were loved.

  How I wished my mom could be here now, in the flesh, so I could ask her how to handle this situation.

  This was exactly what I had thought I wanted, to spend time with my baby girl, but now that it was happening, I was tempted to run away and hide. Something I’d been doing all too often lately.

  We ate outside at a picnic table under a tree. My stomach was in knots and I couldn’t have eaten a taco if my life depended on it so when Brody asked what I wanted, I said water and made the excuse that I’d eaten a late lunch.

  Hayley was sitting directly across from me, and the kids had just finished telling us everything they’d done for the day. Volleyball, archery, a nature hike, play practice for the drama production they were putting on at the end of the summer, and an art project they said was top secret.

  “Can we have peach cobbler now?” Noah asked as soon as they’d finished their tacos.

  He had sauce all over his mouth and half the toppings from his taco had fallen into the basket when he’d taken his first bite. Whereas Hayley had taken smaller bites and kept refolding her taco so she wouldn’t lose any of it.

  “You both want cobbler?” Brody asked.

  Hayley looked at Noah who nodded as if to reassure her it was okay to ask for what she wanted. “Yes, please.”

  She’d been taught manners and was quick to say please and thank you.

  Brody gave my shoulder a little squeeze. “You okay to watch them?”

  I took a deep breath and let it out, my voice breezy so I wouldn’t let on that this was a big fucking deal. “Yeah. Sure. No problem.”

  “Be right back.” Brody went inside to get their dessert, leaving me alone with the kids.

  I tried not to stare at Hayley, but I couldn’t help myself. Today her brown hair was in a French braid, the fine baby hairs around her face curling from the humidity. Like Noah she was wearing shorts with a bright yellow T-shirt that said: Happy Trails Summer Camp.

  “I like the drawings on your arm and your fingers,” Hayley said.

  “Thank you.”

  “They’re tattoos.” Noah explained to her, repeating the words I’d told him when he asked if he could do that to his own arm with a Sharpie. “They never go away and never wash off.”

  Hayley’s mouth formed a comical O that matched her wide eyes. “Not even if you scrub your skin with soap and water a million times?”

  “Not even then,” I said.

  “Wow. I don’t think my daddy would let me do that.”

  I smiled. “I don’t think he would either. You’re a bit too young for tattoos.”

  Her fingernails were painted with purple glitter nail polish and she was just so cute and so small that I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and breathe her in. But that would be too weird. To her, I was a total stranger so I couldn’t hug her or kiss her or tell her that she’d been the sweetest, most precious little baby in the world.

  “Your nails look pretty,” I said, unable to come up with anything better. It was safe, at least, and not at all weird to compliment her nails.

  She smiled, the dimples in her cheeks yet another reminder that she was Dean’s daughter. “Thank you. My mommy took me for a manicure. Purple is my favorite color.”

  “It’s my favorite color too.”

  “Oh. That’s funny.”

  “Mine is green, like Daddy’s,” Noah said.

  “Girls are like their mommies and boys are like their daddies,” Hayley stated confidently. Noah nodded, accepting it as a fact. Little did Hayley know that she looked so much like her daddy. It seemed unfair she would have gotten so much from him and so little from me.

  “I already know that Noah’s a lot like his daddy. Are you...” I cleared my throat, preparing to venture into dangerous territory. “Are you like your mommy, Hayley?”

  I held my breath and waited for her answer. She nodded. “My mommy loves Disney and so do I. We both love pepperoni pizza and mint chip ice cream. Oh, and here’s a funny one. We both have crooked pinkies.” She held up her hands to show me her crooked pinkies.

  “Oh. I can see that. Wow.”

  “And you have brown hair like hers,” Noah added.

  She flipped the end of her braid over her shoulder and held it up to her eyes as if she needed to confirm that her hair was brown. “Yep. Same color. I looked just like her when I was a baby too.” She jostled Noah’s arm to get his attention. “I bet if you looked at our baby pictures you wouldn’t be able to tell if it was me or my mommy.”

  “Probably not.” He shrugged. “Babies all look the same.”

  Her eyes widened, offended by his words. “Do not. Levi is the cutest baby in the world.”

  “He’s the loudest baby in the world, that’s for sure.” He shrugged one thin shoulder. “But he’s cute sometimes, I guess.”

  “Do you look just like your mommy?” I asked Hayley. Why was I doing this to myself? Not to mention, it was wrong to pump a six-year-old for information.

  She nodded. “My mommy and daddy picked me out of all the other babies.”

  My breath hitched. “They picked you?”

  Shut up, Shiloh. Shut your fat mouth.

  “They wanted a baby more than anything in the world. A
nd one day they got a phone call that their baby was ready for them. And that was me.” She smiled and held out her arms, like it was the best story ever. And I suppose it was. What could be better than to be chosen? To be wanted more than anything in the world? Nothing.

  “That’s amazing,” I said when I found my voice. “They’re so lucky to have found you.”

  “They said they were waiting for me for so long that they cried when they finally met me.”

  My throat was so clogged with emotion I had no idea how I got the words out. “I don’t blame them,” I said softly. “It would have made me cry too.”

  “What would have made you cry?” Brody asked, setting the cobbler and two plastic forks in front of the kids then taking his seat next to me. I’d been so focused on Hayley I hadn’t even seen him coming.

  Thankfully, Hayley saved me from having to answer his question.

  “Thank you, Mr. McCallister.”

  “No problem. And it’s just Brody.”

  “Okay. Mr. McCallister.”

  Noah and Hayley giggled then kept saying Mr. McCallister while they ate their cobbler. I was hoping the distraction would make him forget his question.

  “Watch this,” Noah said, elbowing Hayley. He grabbed the straw from her cup and his own and stuck one in each nostril. “I’m a walrus.”

  Hayley giggled. “Hello Silly Walrus.”

  She took the same two straws that had been in his nose and put them on top of her head, wiggling them around. “I’m an alien.”

  “Hello Silly Alien.”

  By the time we left the roadside taco joint, the kids were laughing their heads off.

  “Can we go to the playground now?” Noah asked when we were all in the truck.

  It was only five o’clock and we still had an hour left before we had to take Hayley home. “Do you want me to take you home first?” Brody asked me, waiting until my seat belt was fastened before he pulled out of his parking spot.