All My Love, Detrick

by Roberta Kagan

  Chapter 113

  With no need to hide his destination, Detrick arrived at the Mueller home before nightfall. He wore his uniform, looking distinguished and behaving as if he were on the way to visit family friends. Greeted by Mrs. Mueller when he arrived, Detrick was escorted into the living room. She offered no explanation of why he’d been summoned, only that he must wait for Herr Mueller. Detrick’s hands trembled as he awaited Ebner’s arrival. It seemed Ebner had worked later than usual that night. As Detrick sat staring out the window with his mind in a whirlwind, it took all of the self-restraint he could muster not to run upstairs, fling the door open, and go to Leah. With her just a few feet from him, he thought he might go mad with the intensity of his yearning to be with her. He ran his fingers along the fabric of the sofa; it felt smooth and cool beneath his hand.

  Finally Herr Mueller walked through the door, carrying his metal lunch pail. He placed it on the counter.

  “Detrick Haswell is here.”

  “Where?”

  “I told him to wait for you in the living room.”

  Ebner Mueller entered the living room and Detrick’s heartbeat quickened.

  “Detrick, I’m glad you came. I don’t know what is going on with you and your friends, but Jacob asked me to go to you. He would like to speak with you.”

  “Is he all right? Is…Leah…all right?”

  “Yes, from what I can see everyone is fine. I don’t know how to tell you this, but even if you decide that you no longer wish to come to see your friends, I still expect to be paid for their keep… You do understand?”

  “Of course, you needn’t worry about that. Just take care of them and you will be paid.”

  “Now… I suggest you wait an hour or so until it is dark before going up to see Jacob. The staircase is hidden, but if someone should be spying, who knows what they can see? I don’t think anyone will be looking through the window, but still we cannot be sure…and why take the chance?”

  “Yes, I agree with you. I don’t want to take any chances at all.”

  “So, you’ll wait here?”

  “Yes… I’ll wait.”

  Ebner Mueller left Detrick sitting on the sofa. When Adelheid and Rebekka came out of their room, they greeted him. Rebecca went to the kitchen to help her mother prepare dinner, while Adelheid sat beside Detrick.

  “How have you been? You’ve been away for such a long while.”

  “Yes, I know. I’m fine, and you?”

  “Good. I’m doing well, going to school. The Hitler Youth, you know, the usual stuff.” She smiled, tossing her hair out of her face. “Lots of boys asking for dates.” She giggled. “But none as handsome as you are.”

  Detrick smiled. “Thank you, Adelheid, but I hardly believe that. You just see me that way because I am older.” He tried to keep his mind present, but his focus drifted to the time when he would go upstairs and speak with Jacob. What if Leah became angry that he had come, after she told him to stay away? It didn’t matter…in just a few moments he would be just steps from her room…just inches from her face…her eyes…her hair…her lips….

  “No…it’s true.” Adelheid laughed.

  “I’m sorry my mind was wandering, what’s true Adelhied?”

  “Oh, Detrick, it’s true that you are the most handsome man I know.”

  “Well, then all I can say is, 'Thank you.'” He smiled.

  “I gave Leah a kitten.” She craved his approval. He should be grateful, show her his appreciation. After all she’d shown a kindness to his friend. Instead she found he grasped on to any conversation or word about Leah.

  “How is she?”

  Adelheid frowned. “She’s all right, I guess.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “You mean with Leah or me?”

  “Adelheid, please stop playing games. Is Leah alright?”

  “Yes… SHE is fine.”

  Then without another word, Adelheid stood and went to her room, slamming the door and leaving Detrick to wonder what he had done.

  It seemed to Detrick that the sun taunted him, keeping him on edge and waiting. Slowly, so very slowly, it made its descent from the sky, leaving a crescent new moon to rule the night.

  Now that the time had come, Detrick hesitated. What would he find on the other side of the trap door?

  His knees buckled as he climbed the hidden stairs; then, he rapped softly and waited. When he heard movement, he announced himself.

  “Jacob, it’s me…Detrick”

  The door opened, and before a word could be spoken, Jacob took Detrick into his arms in a hug.

  “I’ve missed you! How I’ve missed you. How are you?” Without giving Detrick a moment to answer, Jacob looked him over and continued, “You look terrible. Dark circles under your eyes…you’ve lost weight… Do you feel well?”

  “I’ve missed you, Jacob. I’ve missed Leah. God, how I’ve missed Leah.”

  “She believes that you are seeing someone else.”

  “There is no one else for me… Tthere never has been, and there never will be. It’s a misunderstanding.”

  Jacob nodded. “Talk to her… Go to her and explain.”

  Detrick knocked on Leah’s door.

  “Papa?”

  “No, Leah… It’s me.”

  The familiar voice made her dizzy, both of their hearts pounded in unison, although a wooden door stood between them.

  “Detrick?” It was all she could bring herself to say.

  “Yes.” He hesitated. “Please, can I come in?”

  Somehow, whatever he’d done no longer mattered; she had to look into his eyes, had to see his golden hair falling softly over his forehead.

  “Come in.”

  Across the room, he found her sitting on the bed; a candle illuminated the room, and he thought her more beautiful than he remembered.

  Slowly, his legs buckling, he approached her. Then, falling to his knees, he laid his head on her lap.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to. The girl you heard about was an arranged date. I was forced to take her to the picnic. Leah, I am living a double life. I cannot always say no to Konrad… I am afraid he will suspect something, and somehow find you. That was the only reason I went. But never, not for a second, since the first day I saw you, have I stopped loving you. You are everything to me. The reason I get up in the morning. The reason I breathe. Leah, I love you. I always have, and I will forever. For the rest of my life, and even after I am dead.”

  After he’d finished speaking, she tenderly ran her fingers through his hair.

  “Do you still love me?” His voice hoarse and deep.

  “I love you.”

  Reaching up, he embraced her. Then, taking her in his arms, he kissed her lips tenderly. Both lovers were consumed with the taste of the other's skin, with the feel of the other's hair. With each kiss the passion grew more intense, until they were lost in each other. Neither remembered the two old men who sat just a few feet away. It had been such a long time since they lay together. Caught in the frenzy of desire, shot with the fear of how close they had come to losing this precious love, this blessing, they cherished each other’s bodies, nourished each others souls, and comforted each other's minds until the wee hours of the morning.

  As the sun began to rise, Leah turned to Detrick “You’d better go.”

  “I know. I will be back tonight.”

  “You’d better be.” She ran her fingers across his naked shoulder.

  “Leah?”

  “Yes, love.”

  “Marry me. Be my wife.”

  “We’re already married in our hearts.”

  “I know, but I want to really marry you. Will you marry me?”

  “Of course, but how?”

  “The rabbi…he will marry us.”

  “He won’t, you aren’t Jewish.”

  “I’ll become a Jew. I might as well. I’ve always been a Jew in my heart, at least since I met your father. Why not convert?”

&nb
sp; “Seriously, Detrick?”

  “Yes, love, seriously. We’ll talk to him tonight.”

  The remainder of that night, and all through the following day, the smell of peppermint lingered softly on Leah’s pillow. She held the pillow tightly to her, inhaling deeply.

  Chapter 114

  Had it been anyone other than Detrick making such a request to the rabbi, he would have been reluctant. But Detrick proved himself a worthy convert time and again, and the rabbi agreed to the plan. A short, intense course in Judaism required that Detrick spend an hour each day with the Rabbi when he arrived. Although over the years Detrick had learned a great deal from his relationship with Jacob, the study period introduced him to the depth of the religion.

  With little effort, Detrick proved to be a quick study, impressing the rabbi with his abilities to grasp concepts, ask questions and remember. Although the rabbi wished he had the Torah, he realized that, under the circumstances, he must make do with the available resources.

  Once Rabbi Stern declared Detrick a Jew, plans for the wedding began.

  They asked the Muellers to help Jacob by holding a table cloth as high as possible, in order to create a canopy. Mrs. Mueller agreed to bake a cake, which Detrick insisted upon paying extra for. Then, Detrick brought a bottle of wine, and although they would use the Mueller’s glasses for drinking, he acquired a special glass that he would stomp on and break into as many pieces as he could, each piece representing a year of marriage that the couple would share. The price of gold made wedding bands an unattainable luxury. Instead, Detrick purchased silver rings from the pawn shop. He presented the ring to Leah.

  “Later, when this is all over, I promise to buy you the finest ring you could ever imagine in your wildest dreams.”

  “Detrick, this ring is lovely. I don’t need another one. I need you.”

  “And you have me. Forever. But I want you to have everything that any woman could ever want, and someday, Leah, I promise on my life that I will give you all of this and more.”

  Chapter 115

  “Baruk…Attah…Adonai….Elohenu…..” Rabbi Stern’s melodic voice resonated through the room with the heart wrenching tenderness of a violin. “Blessed are thou, Lord Our God, King of the Universe.”

  Jacob’s eyes shone with tears as he stood watching his daughter and the boy he loved as a son take the sacred vows of marriage.

  A makeshift canopy had been constructed; Detrick bent to fit beneath it. Standing beside Leah in his white undershirt, his uniform jacket abandoned on the floor, Detrick experienced joy beyond any he’d ever imagined. He was finally to make this dream a reality. Leah looked like the first rose of summer, wearing a blush-colored dress she’d borrowed from Adelheid, who stood at the back of the group, sulking. It had been a difficult choice, but somehow Adelheid had found it in her heart to loan Leah the frock, because even though Adelheid had been hurt and rejected by Detrick, Leah had been a friend to her. Candles had been acquired at a high price, and now illuminated the entire room in a golden hue.

  Once the rabbi finished the seven blessings and spoke to the couple about love and devotion, the rings were exchanged. Detrick would leave his with Leah, lest Konrad ask why he’d begun wearing a wedding band.

  Then the two sipped wine from the special wineglass Detrick had provided. After handing the goblet back to Rabbi Stern, who wrapped it carefully in a cloth napkin, it was placed on the ground in front of the groom. With one hard stomp, Detrick smashed the glass into tiny pieces as the Rabbi and Jacob cried out, “L’chaim! To Life!”

  Detrick turned, and with the tenderness one can only express for the most precious and sought after of gifts, he touched Leah’s face. His fingers trembled as he caressed the delicate white skin. Then, for the first time as man and wife, his lips met those of the woman he loved more than anything, even more than his own life.

  “Leah Haswell,” he whispered in her ear, enjoying the sound of her new name. “I love you.”

  Chapter 116

  On January 20, 1942, in a small suburb called Wannsee, on the outskirts of Berlin, a conference was held. It was chaired by Reinhard Heydrich, with fifteen SS and government officials in attendance. A year earlier, Heydrich had been appointed to be in charge of planning a program for the “Final Solution” of the “Jewish problem."

  For a few hours, the men debated on how this situation might be handled. After all, the goal was to create a pure Aryan race, and something must be done in order to bring this about.

  Forced sterilization was considered, as was mass deportation. However, neither seemed plausible. So, on this very innocent-seeming day, in this lovely cottage tucked away in the quiet little town of Wannsee, a decision was made that would change the world.

  The “Final Solution,” - the extermination, the mass murder of an entire race of people. The end of all Jews: men, women and children.

  Chapter 117

  Warsaw

  Typhoid slithered through the Warsaw Ghetto, attacking and killing along its horrifying path. With overpopulation, lack of hygienic supplies, and almost no nutritious food, the illness ran rampant. Ada’s schoolchildren, young and weak, were vulnerable, and she watched, helpless, as the disease claimed them. First the child would complain of a terrific headache, usually accompanied by a high fever. Then, a red rash on the chest and abdomen followed. Few survived.

  Karl attempted to find medication on the black market, but was unsuccessful. Once he exhausted all avenues, he did the only thing he could; he held Ada, offering her a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear.

  The love that had grown between them had stifled their desire to fight in the resistance. Where once they’d both felt they had little to lose, they now embraced the joy and wonder of life. With love came fear of loss, and although they hated the Nazis, an uprising would bring quick loss of life. Now that the United States had joined Great Britain and the Soviet Union to form the Allies, they hoped it would be just a matter of time before Germany’s defeat. If they could just lay low until then, maybe they would survive.

  With the extra money Karl earned from his black market sales, the couple found a small room offering them some privacy, which few in the Ghetto enjoyed. As bleak as things had become, the two filled their days with hope, and their nights with endless lovemaking. Neither attended the meetings of the Zydowska Organizacja Bojowa (the - translated: The Jewish Fighting Organization) resistance group, much to Mordechi’s disappointment. Mordechi explained that he and his girlfriend, also young and in love, had a great deal to lose, but they understood the importance of not hiding under the covers. This situation would not just simply disappear, Mordechi explained, it must be addressed with an uprising. For Karl and Ada, the words fell upon deaf ears.

  Winter’s icy fingers clutched at the inhabitants of the Ghetto. Without heat, many froze to death as the months inched slowly toward spring. Snow fell, covering slippery roads, making the walk from Ada’s apartment to the orphanage a perilous one. Still, every morning, she insisted upon going, much to Karl’s dismay.

  “I can’t disappoint the children, Karl. This is all they have, and they look forward to it so much.”

  “Ada, I know you love them, I understand, and I love the compassion that makes you who you are, but many of them are sick. They have lice, and lice carry disease. Besides, it’s so cold outside that you could catch your death just walking. Every day you put yourself at risk. I forbid you to continue.”

  “You forbid me, Karl? Since when do you forbid me?”

  “Ada, please… You are a strong, hardheaded woman, but in this situation I must insist that you do as I say.”

  “I will not.”

  “Ada…be reasonable.”

  “I established this school. I mean to continue it until this horror ends and these children can live a normal life. If you love me, Karl, step aside and allow me to do what I must do.”

  “Ada… Ada...” The conviction that shone from her eyes told him it was no use. “Please, be car
eful.”

  “You know I will.” She kissed him and left.

  Two children had died the previous night. When Ada arrived, she received the news. It had been sudden; neither had shown any trace of illness the previous day. Anger and frustration came over her as she looked at the tiny bodies. A boy and a girl, filthy, covered in ragged, torn garments, barefoot against the winter chill, lay silent for eternity, awaiting burial. She refused to cry; would not allow depression to stop her. Instead, she fought the flood she felt threatening the back of her eyes, and forced a smile as she entered the classroom.

  As the winter edged on, the deaths continued, but came less often. Although the cold brought tremendous discomfort, it helped to kill the germs. So, for the time being, typhoid seemed to be held at bay.

  On an early spring evening, Ada returned home tired and flushed. Removing her clothing before lying down, she looked at her torso. There she saw the bright red spots indicative of the dreaded typhoid. Terror gripped her as she studied her body in disbelief. They had not seen an outbreak in weeks. She had thought herself immune. Now she knew better. Karl - she must inform Karl. If he stayed away, he might avoid the disease. Half an hour passed before the key turned in the lock and Karl appeared. When he saw Ada, he knew immediately something was wrong. He raced to her side, but she pushed him away.

  “Stay away from me. I’m sick. Very sick. I don’t want you to catch this.”

  “Do you think I care about that?” He forced her to allow him to take her in his arms.