Champagne Toast

by Melissa Brown

  “There’s not too much to tell,” I lied, knowing there was so much I could tell. “My parents are pretty conservative, kinda stuck in a time warp. My mom serves my dad his meals in front of the TV. He sits in his ridiculous recliner and eats off of a TV tray. I swear, she doesn’t even question it. It’s so sad.”

  “She doesn’t mind?” Evan asks, raising an eyebrow.

  “I think she’s used to it. In all honesty, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. For Angeline Armour, her entire existence revolves around being married to my father. Her entire life has been based on being his wife. His needs matter, hers just don’t. It breaks my heart.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Evan says softly, stroking strands of my hair. “Do you two get along?”

  “Well, we’re not really close. I love her, though. And I’d do anything for her. But, I never want to end up like that.”

  “So, I shouldn’t expect you to serve my meals to me, then?” Evan winks, attempting to lighten the mood. He is so friggin’ charming.

  “You’d better not, because it’s never going to happen. Consider yourself warned. Seriously.”

  “I’d never expect anything like that from you. You have to know that.” Concern spreads across Evan’s now serious face.

  “Of course I know that. It’s embarrassing, though. Don’t take it personally if I don’t introduce you to them for a while. They’re in their own world. I see them for holidays and such, but that’s about it.”

  “Don’t they live in the area?”

  “Yeah, they live about 30 minutes from here.” Evan’s eyes widen in surprise. “I know, I know. It’s bad. I’m a horrible daughter.”

  “I didn’t say that. I just wish you had a better relationship with them.”

  “Me too, Evan, me too. But, I think they’ve always seen me as a bit of a freak. I’m nothing like either of them and I know they resent me for it. My dad was always pressing me to get a degree in English or History or whatever. He wanted me to be a teacher like my mother. He hated that I was more interested in my art classes and barely paid attention when it came to the ‘real’ classes.”

  “What kind of art classes did you take?” Evan asks, and I can tell he’s interested. My heart flutters a bit. He doesn’t know about my passion, not yet anyway. I think I’m ready to tell him.

  “Well, I was always into painting and sculpting. But, in my senior year of high school, I discovered photography. My uncle, Mark, gave me an old film camera and I’ve had it ever since. It’s kind of a relic, and it’s starting to lose its ability to take good pictures, but I love it.”

  “Film, huh?” Evan chuckles. It stings. I don’t want him to think I’m silly, the way others have in the past.

  “Yeah, I know. Everyone’s moved on to digital. But, there really are so many things about film that are just so much better for the pictures. I’ll bore you with the details another time. But, honestly I don’t know that I’ll ever go digital; at least not with the photos I take for myself. If I ever have a business . . . ”

  My words trail off, and suddenly I’m feeling extremely self-conscious. My pulse begins to quicken as I stare at Evan for some sign of skepticism regarding having my own business. Every boyfriend before him has looked at me like I was crazy, like it was something I could never hope to achieve. But, this feels different. Evan stares back at me with a confused expression.

  “Where’d you go, Kate?” he asks inquisitively. “I was fascinated and you went somewhere else in your brain. Everything okay?”

  “Yes, it’s better than okay.” I smile broadly as I use every ounce of willpower to keep the tears in my eyes. I love that he’s fascinated, and I don’t want to freak him out with my baggage of boyfriends past.

  “So, do you take a lot of pictures, then?” Evan asks. I love that he wants to know more. It’s refreshing and exciting and I find myself drawn to him even more than before.

  “Yes, I’m constantly taking shots. I go downtown to take pictures of the architecture and the people. I love to see tourists, they make interesting subjects; especially when they have no idea they’re being photographed.”

  “And you think you’d like to have a business?” I nod.

  “I think that’s awesome. You have, what do they call it, entrepreneurial spirit? I love that.”

  “You don’t think it’s silly?” I ask with a small voice, afraid of his impending answer.

  “Why on earth would I think that’s silly?” Evan asks as he sits up in the bed, glaring down at me. He looks shocked and I feel exposed. I suddenly realize just how much of myself I’ve revealed in the last few minutes. I want to escape. I want to run.

  “I don’t know,” I snap, glaring right back at him. I can feel myself getting defensive. My cheeks are growing red with heat. I can’t look at him, and I’m worried this conversation is headed in a bad direction. God, I wish I could control my anger.

  “Please tell me your parents didn’t tell you it would be a bad idea.”

  I’m silent for a few seconds before attempting to put on a brave face. “Whatever, it’s fine. They weren’t the only ones. Other people felt the same way.”

  “What other people?”

  “Huh?” I ask, playing dumb. I’m trying so desperately to avoid this conversation. But, somehow I know Evan won’t let this go.

  “Kate, talk to me,” Evan insists, stroking my hair. “Don’t pull away, please.”

  “Boyfriends, okay? Every single guy I’ve ever dated has thought it was stupid, like it was lofty or something. They didn’t think I could do it.”

  “Why would they think that? I don’t understand. Did you show them your pictures?” I nod. Evan is silent and it scares me.

  “Yeah, well, maybe I’m not as talented as I like to think I am,” I mutter.

  “Show me something,” Evan says matter-of-factly.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Show me some of your work. I promise to give you my honest opinion.”

  “I don’t know, Ev.” I say, tilting my head in disbelief. This was new territory. I practically had to beg Shawn to look at my photos. He never once asked to see them himself.

  “C’mon, I really want to see them,” Evan urges, practically shooing me out of the bed. I act like I’m irritated with him, but deep down, I want to run to my converted second bathroom. Instead, I walk as casually as I can, trying not to show how anxious I really am in this moment. Evan notices the red glow from the room as I turn on the light.

  “Is that a darkroom?” he asks, jumping quickly out of bed and walking towards me in only his boxer shorts. I am temporarily distracted by his gorgeous body as his perfectly defined abs get closer and closer to me with every passing second. He raises his eyebrows seductively and takes me in his arms. “You seriously have a darkroom in your apartment? You just became even more awesome in my eyes,” he says, wide-eyed as he pushes me gently to the side and begins exploring the room.

  “Seriously?” I ask in amazement. Evan looks like a child exploring a toy store as he examines my chemical trays and tongs. I can’t help giggling as I watch.

  “This is so cool. I can’t believe you didn’t show me this sooner,” Evan exclaims. “Now, can I see some of your stuff?” His reaction is helping me to relax with each passing minute. I feel myself becoming less apprehensive. His enthusiasm is genuine. I can feel it in my bones.

  “Sure,” I say, crouching down to the lower shelves of the small bookcase in the corner. Retrieving one of the photo boxes, I gesture for Evan to follow me back to my bedroom. He sighs as he follows. He really doesn’t want to leave my darkroom.

  “Hey, will you teach me how to develop pictures in there? I think it’s fascinating.”

  “Sure, if that’s something you actually want to learn,” I respond, raising an eyebrow.

  “Of course I actually want to learn. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” Evan says, giving me a look of warning, like I should stop treating him like every other guy I�
�ve ever been with. He has no idea just how much his interest means to me. I am savoring every last bit of his exuberance as if I may never experience it again. Perhaps I won’t. I’d better enjoy it while I can.

  Evan turns on the overhead light and we sit cross-legged on my bed. I take the lid off the box, inhaling deeply as I smell the familiar scent of the chemicals. One of my favorite smells in the world. Evan looks down at the box, tapping his fingers quickly on his knees, showing just how eager he is to dig into the photos.

  “Can I?” he gestures to the box.

  “Sure,” I shrug, placing the box in front of Evan. He smiles widely as he pulls a stack of photos gently from within the cardboard box. He holds them in his hands and gazes down at them with such a sweet expression on his handsome face. He studies each shot before moving on to the next. My heart thuds in my chest as I watch him. All of my insecurities bubble to the surface, as I scrutinize Evan’s face while he examines my work.

  “I love the texture in this one, sweets. It’s really beautiful,” he says, holding up a shot I had taken of textiles hanging in the sunlight. He shakes his head in disbelief. “I’m so impressed, seriously. You have a gift.”

  “You think so? Really?” I ask, shocked at his compliments. I feel like my soul is exposed, and rather than cowering, I am shining and Evan is basking in my glow. I never want to lose this feeling. Ever.

  “Thank you for sharing these with me. I can tell you were hesitant. I don’t want you to ever hold back with me. Show me your talents; show me your weaknesses. I want them all. We all have many sides to us. And I think that you’ve gotten so used to having your guard up, that you’ve suppressed all of the things that make you unique,” Evan says, taking my hands in his. Quickly, I feel the need to avoid where this conversation is headed, even though I am amazed by his words in the best possible way.

  “So, you’re saying you didn’t find me unique when you first met me at Molly’s? You were a total flirt. I caught you checking out my ass!”

  Evan shrugs as he scratches the back of his head. “Well, I’m not gonna lie. It is a mighty fine ass, Miss Armour. In fact, I think I’d like to take a better look at that ass right now, if you don’t mind,” he says as he tackles me onto the bed, flipping me over as I pretend to struggle against his touch.

  “God, you’re such a goddamn alpha,” I laugh.

  Evan chuckles slightly to himself as he rubs the cheeks of my ass softly. “Nah, a real alpha male would spank you right now.”

  “I dare you, Ev,” my voice is strong, confident. I am up for the challenge.

  Evan flips me over again and gazes into my eyes. “Not my style, sweets.”

  “I knew you were a tease,” I smirk.

  Evan licks his lips seductively before laying down beside me once again. He begins to gently stroke my abdomen, playing with the waistband of my boy shorts. He really loves to tease me. We already had sex twice this evening, but I have a feeling we’re working up to a third.

  “Thanks for sharing your photos with me, seriously. I like knowing more about you, and I really like when you let me in. You’re so tough on the outside, but I like when you show me the soft side of yourself.” He smiles warmly as his fingers graze my belly button. A delicious shiver runs up my spine.

  Suddenly, I feel the need to share something with Evan. Something that has the potential to make or break us. Something that I’ve tried to hide for months since we got together. Something that could threaten everything we’ve started to build. I’m terrified, but I know he wants to know more. He needs to know more. I need him to know me, the real me.

  “Hey, what’s the matter?” Evan asks, placing his hand softly on my stomach. “You look upset.”

  “No, I’m fine. But, did you mean what you just said? You want to know my weaknesses? You really want to know the bad stuff as well as the good?”

  “I meant every word. Every single word.”

  “Okay, then. I have something I need to tell you and I’m not sure how you’ll take it. But, I feel like I have to tell you and it’s killing me not to, so I’m just going to say it.”

  “What is it?” Evan asks, sitting up and looking deeply into my eyes.

  “Well, you know that I broke up with Shawn so that you and I could be together. After we slept together.”

  “Yeah?” Evan asks tentatively, cringing a little. Evan has always been uncomfortable with the fact that we slept together before I officially called things off with Shawn. Evan’s not a cheater like I am, and part of me hates myself for allowing him to cheat with me, like I’ve spoiled him or something.

  “Well, it’s sort of a pattern that I have.”

  “Cheating, you mean?” The words bite into my heart. But, he’s right. I’m a cheater. Always have been.

  “Yeah, you could say that.” I nod.

  “Can you elaborate?” Evan asks as I sit up to face him. I look down at the comforter, grasping it between my thumb and forefinger.

  Evan presses, “Kate, baby, look at me. What do you want to tell me?”

  “I cheat, Evan. On everyone.”

  “Everyone?” he asks in disbelief.

  “Yes, every boyfriend I’ve ever had. It started in high school. I’d been with my boyfriend, Landon, for six months, and all of a sudden, I became restless. I felt trapped, like I was drowning, like I couldn’t breathe or something. So, I started flirting with this guy, Tim. Before I knew it, I was making out with Tim in his car in the school parking lot. Landon found out, of course, and we broke up. And then, I started dating Tim.”

  “And you cheated on Tim, too?” Evan asks. I nod sheepishly. He takes a deep breath in before speaking, “So, every single guy you’ve ever dated, you’ve cheated on. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little freaked out because I’m so into you, Kate. I could really see this going somewhere, but not if you’re going to repeat your pattern.”

  “I won’t, Evan. I promise.”

  “Have you promised before?” he asks gently. He’s not trying to hurt me, just understand. I feel safe in this conversation.

  “No, I haven’t. No one has ever asked. I’ve never even had this conversation before, to be honest,” I reveal.

  “But, you’re having it with me.”

  “But, I’m having it with you,” I repeat, finally looking into his eyes. I feel as if I’m lying naked in front of him. Never before have I felt so vulnerable, so exposed, so terrified.

  “Thank you for telling me,” Evan says softly, stroking my cheek with the backs of his fingers.

  “I’ll understand if you want to leave. Honestly, I get it. It’s fine,” I say, my voice cracking as I shrug my shoulders, trying to put my tough exterior back on. But, it’s heavy and it’s difficult to put back on once it’s been taken off. Evan laughs quietly before shaking his head.

  “You have no idea, do you? You have no idea how into you I really am. I’m in way too deep . . . there’s no way I’m walking out that door. I’m not going anywhere, Kate. But, I hope to God you don’t do that to us. You with another guy? That would kill me,” he says, his brow furrowed and frustrated. Now he is the one who’s exposed. He’s the one who’s laying his heart on the line. It’s comforting and daunting all at the same time.

  “I think it would kill me, too,” I admit. “Ev, I . . . ” My words fail and tears begin to well in my eyes. I’m so pissed at myself, I can hardly stand it. I hate crying in front of anyone, let alone the man I’m quickly falling for. I don’t want him to see my tears.

  “We all have our demons. I have mine, too. And one night, it’ll be my turn to tell you all about them.”

  “Promise?” I ask, a tinge of hope in my voice.

  “I promise. Let’s get some rest. I know that was really hard for you. I get it. But, that’s enough skeletons for tonight. Just know I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

  “Okay,” I reply as I lie down next to Evan. He wraps his arms around me and sighs into my neck. A lone tear rolls down my cheek as I clutch his hands with all my
might.

  He’s not leaving me. Thank God.

  Chapter 7

  Evan

  February 23, 2008

  “Hey man, what’s up?” I ask, wiping down the bar as Patrick takes a seat on a stool.

  “I need a beer, maybe something stronger.” Patrick’s voice is gruff and he looks distracted.

  “Shit, this sounds serious. What’s going on, Patrick?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I’m anxious as hell.”

  “A girl?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yeah, I think so,” Patrick replies, running his frustrated fingers through his hair.

  “All right, what’s going on? Who is she?”

  “My lab partner for Bio. She’s driving me crazy. She smells like coconut and the beach. How does she do that? It’s the middle of winter, and she smells like she just got off a surfboard.”

  “You like her,” I observe, smiling. I’ve known Patrick for two years and although he meets girls all the time, especially at the parties he throws at our apartment, I haven’t seen him like this before. He’s frustrated and has an intensity about him. This must be serious.

  “Whatever, she’s . . . ugh! Okay, yeah. I like her. But, she’s driving me insane,” he says, gulping down his beer.

  “Ask her out,” I suggest, wondering why he hasn’t done it already.

  “Not that simple,” Patrick says, shaking his head. I wonder if this girl has a boyfriend like Kate did a few months ago. I still don’t feel right about how it all went down, but I’ve told myself I can’t have any regrets; not when it comes to Kate. I furrow my brow and Patrick knows what I’m thinking. “No, she doesn’t have a boyfriend or anything, dude.”

  “Then what exactly is the problem?” I ask, totally confused.

  “She’s nothing like me, and I mean nothing. It’s freaking the shit out of me. She’s super smart—”

  “You’re a fucking genius, Patrick,” I point out, “don’t even say she’s too smart for you.”