“And you don’t.” Nikki said pointedly while wiping down the counter.
“I really don’t know what I want anymore.”
She snorted. “Do any of us?”
I laughed.
“Hey there.” Chris set down on the stool beside me.
“Hey, Chris.”
“What can I get y’all?”
I got vodka with cranberry juice and Chris got a beer. We talked about work and our next assignments. It was easy conversation. That’s what I always like about Chris. He had a way with putting people at ease.
The problem? I think of him on a strictly platonic level. Each time he leans a little closer to me (he does that a lot) I feel nothing, except annoyance.
This sucks because I think he is into me. Why can’t I be attracted to him? Damn. I have to be the bad guy in this.
I hate being the bad guy.
I know…my recent history indicates otherwise to some people.
Chris reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. It had escaped from the ponytail I pulled my hair back in this morning. His fingers lingered a little longer than they needed to. I pulled back from his touch. Chris looked confused, but didn’t say anything. We settled into an uncomfortable silence.
This just proves what I already knew. I suck at this!
After about three…maybe four drinks, we were beginning to loosen up and trading travel stories. Unfortunately, Chris was become bolder as the night progressed.
And louder.
Some people just can’t handle a lot of alcohol. It looks like Chris is one of them.
I tried to be subtle by pushing his hand away (I wanted to shove it) and changing the subject when it started turning sexual (like he was going to get any of this).
One thing I learned a long time ago, it’s that men tend to think with only one head. Especially, when they are drinking.
Why did I think Chris would be any different?
I know…stupid.
He was beginning to remind me of some of the guys I dated in college. They were all just as obnoxious.
Chris rubbed his hand down my arm. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. What the hell does he think he’s doing touching me?
He leaned his head forward until he was within an inch of my face.
“What do you say we get out of here?”
I forced a smile and tried to laugh it off. “It has been a long day, Chris. I think I’m just going to go home. Thank you for inviting me for drinks.”
I gathered my purse and jacket.
Chris grabbed my arm and chuckled.
“I meant for us to find some place a little more private.” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.
I wanted to laugh. Somehow, I was able to hold it all in. I looked at his hand holding my arm and then back his face.
This is not going to end well.
I pried his fingers off my arm. “I don’t think so, Chris.”
He actually looked shocked. “Why the hell not?”
I sighed. “I only came here to have a few drinks just like we did last time. Nothing else.”
Chris shook his head in disbelief.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” He grabbed my arm again. “You’re just a little nervous, but I promise I won’t bite unless you ask me too. I can be gentle.” He chuckled.
What the hell? Do I have to hit this guy with a brick or something?
“I’m serious, Chris. Let me go, because I’m leaving here alone.”
He released my arm and held his hands up.
“You should be honored I even considered it.” Chris sneered.
I know he didn’t just say that to me!
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
I know my voice was starting to draw attention from others at the bar. Nikki stopped what she was doing and started to walk over to us.
Chris looked me up and down and laughed. “Exactly what I said. You’re lucky I even asked you out, and that I am willing to fuck you. Because sweetheart, you’re not usually my type.”
Wow! The prick I should be grateful he wants to fuck me. Grateful! Something snapped inside at that moment.
“Becky, is everything okay over here?” Nikki’s voice got my attention.
“Yes. I’m getting ready to leave.”
She nodded, but still didn’t budge from her spot.
I walked closer to Chris. “When you’re sober tomorrow you will regret acting like this, but you need to know something before I leave. Drunk or not; I’d rather fuck myself, than your tiny dick, any day.”
Chris dropped his mouth open in outrage and I watched as his face turned red. I’m not sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. Ask me if I gave a shit. I didn’t give him a chance to respond.
“Damn girl!” I heard Nikki laugh.
I turned around and sashayed my fat ass out of the bar.
And THAT’S how I got my sass back!
I was so pissed by the time I got back to my apartment, I almost ran right into Shelby as she was walking away from her apartment.
“Shit! I’m sorry Shelby.”
She held her hand against her chest.
“You scared the shit out of me. Why the rush?”
I laughed sarcastically. “I went out for drinks with Chris again. This time he thought I owed him for the invite.”
“He what?” Shelby’s eyes got really wide
“That’s not the best part. He thought I should be grateful, because he wanted to fuck me, since I am not his type. His words.”
Shelby’s mouth dropped open. “That son of a bitch! What did you say to him?”
I started laughing just thinking about the expression on his face when I left.
“I explained to him I’d rather fuck myself than him. I don’t think he expected that.”
Shelby laughed so hard she had to lean against the wall to hold herself up.
“Damn! I wish I had been there to see that. Serves him right. Just because you turned him down, he didn’t need to be a dick.”
I shook my head. “Now you know why I don’t like dating. If that’s what happens when I go out for drinks, I don’t want to think about what’ll happen if I go out to dinner with someone.”
Shelby patted me on the shoulder. “They aren’t all like that, Becky.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it. I’m not doing that again for a while.”
“Understood.”
We bid each other good night, and I walked into my apartment. I locked the door and walked to my bedroom.
This night could not end fast enough.
Over the next few days, Chris completely avoided me. He finally approached me the day before he was supposed to leave on assignment.
Full of apologies and blaming it all on the alcohol.
While I’m sure alcohol had something to do with it, my gut tells me that’s the way he lashes out when things don’t go his way.
I don’t need all that drama! No thank you.
Chris said he hoped we could start over again. To make it up to me. Okayyy…um…NOPE!
I have enough to deal with as it is. I started receiving phones calls from my mama a few days ago demanding I come home for Christmas (it’s in a couple days). She doesn’t understand why I won’t be there.
I have never been away from my family during the holidays. If I’m being honest, it’s tough not seeing them.
I’m not trying to be cruel. I know it is incredibly selfish, but I know my mama. She will make sure ALL the members of the Matthews family know I am there. There is no way I’m subjecting myself to that. I can only hope that one day they will understand.
Lynn offered to travel down here, but I told her I will be fine. It will be different for me to be alone, but I think it is something I need to do to this year.
I can sit and watch old holiday movies, like White Christmas (my favorite) and Miracle on 34th Street while eating a turkey sandwich.
You know that’s what we all wai
t for anyway. After the big meal is over that’s all anyone wants to eat later. So, I can skip all the other food (dressing, baked beans, etc..) and enjoy what I like best.
Okay, so Trevor made me feel a little guilty for not coming home. He was a little surprised I made that decision. He said, he was and wasn’t surprised. Umm…okay. The thing that got to me was when he said it wouldn’t be the same without me there. I knew he truly meant it. There were certain things we did at Christmas time. Traditions. None of it changed when he got married and had kids. Except for this year.
I changed all that.
Driving through downtown Fairhope, I couldn’t help but be amazed at all the lights and other decorations. It was beautiful. I finally bought a small tree yesterday (four feet), and placed it on a corner table in my living room. It is the smallest tree I’ve ever had. My parents always have a 9ft tree and when I lived with…well, you know who, we had a 6ft tree we put up every year. My allergies didn’t allow us to get a real one, but the artificial one we put up was beautiful.
Okay. Enough of that!
I only have to go to work for a half day tomorrow, because we are closing early for Christmas eve. Most everyone will be traveling to spend time with their families. I never understood why so many people stretch themselves too thin by going to so many different peoples’ homes. You don’t have to go to everyone’s house on Christmas day.
That just sucks the enjoyment out of it!
How are you supposed to be excited to see Aunt Flo from Kalamazoo, if you’ve already been to five other places? As jacked up as my family is, we have always spaced everything out over two or three days.
My aunt Nan has a big get together on Christmas eve, and that’s when we always see the extended family. Trust me when I say, that’s just about all I can tolerate of some of them. Think the family in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
His cousin Eddie?
Yep, I have one of those.
On Christmas day, after church, we always have dinner at my parents’ house. Sometimes we’ll have other family stop by, but it is usually just my parents, Trevor and his family, and me. Chad was always my plus one.
I thought about knocking on Shelby and Taylor’s apartment, but then I remembered both are leaving early in the morning to travel. They want to beat all the traffic that will be on the interstate tomorrow evening.
I locked my door behind me and plopped down on the love seat. Too lazy to cook dinner, I walked into the kitchen and got out a bag of microwavable popcorn. After I placed it in the microwave, I flipped on the tv to find something “good” to watch. I turned it to the classic movie channel, and found the original version of Miracle on 34th Street. It’s only been on for about fifteen minutes. Such luck! I prefer the older, original versions of movies. It just gives me that comfy, cozy feeling.
I heard the timer beep on the microwave. I grabbed the bag of popcorn and a bottle of water. I laid down on the love seat and enjoyed the evening.
Who says you can’t have fun solo?
I went to bed after it went off, because I knew I would need my wits about tomorrow with everyone in a rush.
All too soon my alarm was beeping.
Yuck!
Then I remembered it’s Christmas eve. Great! The traffic will be crazy today. So thankful the office will be closing early.
I hurriedly got ready for work. Not that I have big plans for the holiday, but I can’t help the excitement just the same. Weird…I know.
I arrived at work a few minutes before 9:00. Everybody was there; busy trying to get finished as quickly as possible. We will be closed until after the first of January, so we needed to tie up any loose ends today. Some of my co-workers looked like they were already celebrating early. Our holiday travel issue had its highest sales this year, so we definitely had a lot to celebrate about.
On a table I saw cake, sandwiches, cheeseballs, and other tasty treats. A chubby girl’s dream! Yum! (So, this is what I have been missing out on every year)
“Get something to eat, Becky. If you don’t it’ll be gone.” Gwen said from behind me.
Well, I don’t have to be told twice. I normally would never eat this stuff in the morning, but it’s only a once a year office “party.” So, I’ll go with it.
I can honestly say I don’t know how much I accomplished where work was concerned. Like everyone else, I too busy stuffing my face and talking.
Sad but true.
Gwen was ushering us out the door at 2:00. She made all of us take home left overs. That works for me. I won’t have to cook tonight. All of us happily left work behind for the next week.
The streets in downtown Fairhope were full of people. Parents trying to find last minute gifts and kids smiling with the anticipation of Santa Claus tonight.
I got back to my apartment within a few minutes. The quiet was both relaxing and unnerving at the same time. I need the quiet to get myself centered again, but I know certain thoughts will creep in and try to make me doubt my choices. I can’t allow that to happen. Just knowing it is Christmas, and I made the decision to stay here by myself, can make it a little difficult to swallow. I know all I have to do is hop into my car, and I will be there in a few hours.
I also know if I do that, I accomplished nothing by leaving in the first place. I walked into my living room and plugged in my little 4ft Christmas tree. The lights brought a smile to face. (I’m a multi-color light kind of chick…none of that clear stuff for me) I dropped my purse and sandwiches on the counter and took out my phone to charge it up.
There haven’t been any calls from my family yet. I can’t say I expected them to.
Why am I telling myself that lie?
I expected them to bombard me with messages, but I guess they are a little unhappy with me right now. Oh, well! I am not going to back down. I walked into the kitchen to make some hot tea and place the left over sandwiches in the refrigerator. Just what I need after being out in that chilly wind. The highs were forecasted to be in the 50’s today, but with the wind, it feels more like the 30’s out there.
After my tea was ready, I carried my cup into the living room. I sat down on the love seat and took a deep breath. I sipped my tea slowly, letting it warm me up.
Much better!
I reached for the remote and flipped through the channels to see what was coming on. I happily noted a few of my favorite holiday movies would be playing until late tonight. Plenty of movies to occupy my time. Exactly what I need!
I finished watching one of the movies, when my stomach let me know it had not had any sustenance since about noon. I walked into the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator to grab a couple of the sandwiches I brought home. I guess we’ll call this Becky’s private holiday party. I reached into the cabinet to get a saucer when my phone rang. I leaned over to see who was calling.
My brother. I immediately answered his call.
“Hey, Trev.” I wanted to sound upbeat, and maybe pushed it a little too much.
“How’s my baby sister?”
I sighed. “Fine. Watching old Christmas movies.”
He laughed.
“We just finished watching Scrooge.”
“It will be playing all night.” I said quietly.
Trevor and I used to watch all the different versions of A Christmas Carol. We loved the earliest versions the best (we were undecided if we liked the one made in 1938 or 1951). It is one of our many traditions to stay up late into the night and watch them all. After he got married and started having kids, Trevor would call me when the one of those versions came on, and we would watch it together.
“What are your plans tonight?” Trevor asked.
“I am going to be snuggled up with a blanket and watch all kinds of holiday movies. Before you ask, I’m going to bake a turkey breast tomorrow, and stuff my face with turkey sandwiches.”
“Mmm…that’s the best part.”
“I bet the kids are getting excited about Santa coming tonight.” I smiled at the though
t of my niece and nephew driving my brother and his wife crazy tonight.
Trevor chuckled. “You have no idea, sis. Claire already had to put aside specific cookies that are only for Santa.”
I laughed. “Well, you know, Santa is special.”
Trevor groaned. “You sound like the kids. What am I talking about? You’re the one who gave them the idea Santa has to have special cookies.”
I giggled. “And they remembered to do it this year.”
Trevor was quiet for moment.
“I don’t like the idea of you being by yourself on Christmas. If we didn’t have to be with Claire’s family tomorrow, I would drive down there to be with you.”
He just had to go and say that.
“I know you would, Trev. I’m okay being here by myself. You need to concentrate on your little family, and don’t worry about me.”
“I’ll always worry about you. I would be a shitty big brother if I didn’t.” He paused. “I’m the only one who has called you, aren’t I?”
I sighed. “Yes, but that’s okay.”
I thought I heard Trevor swear under his breath. Claire’s voice was in the background and she was telling Trevor they needed to leave. He told her he was almost finished with his call.
“I know you have to go, Trevor. Just in case you are too busy with the kids to call tomorrow, I want to wish you guys a merry Christmas.”
“You know me better than that, Becky. I will be calling you first thing tomorrow morning. The kids will want to thank you for their gifts.”
I smiled to myself. “I’ll talk to you in the morning, then. I love you, Trevor.
“I love you, too.”
I put my phone on the coffee table. Why does it feel like all the good feelings I had got sucked away with that call?
My stomach growled and reminded me there were sandwiches on the table. I took a deep breath and relaxed. I polished off the sandwiches in a matter of minutes, and I felt much better. The remainder of the evening was spent watching my favorite movies.
My phone rang at 10:30. It was Trevor. I smiled, because I knew why he was calling.
“Hello.”
“The 1951 version is on right now.”
That’s all he had to say. I knew he meant one of our favorite versions of A Christmas Carol was coming on next. My heart felt so happy to hear his voice.
Untamed (The Becky Chronicles, Book 2) Page 5